Where to find the confidence?

[Bubba136]

There is such a thing as over thinking something's -- just KISS.

[HappyinHeels]

Mike Hinch, Since you have only been a forum member since January of 2012 you can be forgiven for not knowing about the plethora of information offered by our members about this very topic. Check out the threads by Thighbootguy, roniheels, JeffB, and others about their many experiences out and about in all manner of venues. The starting point is probably similiar but one size fits all probably is off the mark since one size never fits all. Nearly all here just want to wear what they want, maybe just heels, maybe with other clothing to their liking, but they want to be accepted AS IS. Take another look and you'll see a world of shared experiences from our members about just what you are talking about. Thanks for joining us. HappyinHeels

[stilettopete]

Hi I have been lurking around this forum for some time now and thought it's time to jump in, so here goes!

I have worn high heels at verious times since I was about 10 years old (40+ years). During this time I have always worn them in the house but have always wanted to wear them when going out, but I always seem to find a reason not to, usualy "I don't have any where specific to go, or any reason to go out " but in reality it's always down to "I don't have the confidence to do it!" Where can you buy a large box of confidence, if only it was that easy.

I am sure that the first response will be JUST DO IT! that's easy to say, but I can assure you I have tried many times, and I'm still finding excuses. Do I admit defeat and just wear them in the house or find some way of overcoming my lack of confidence? HELP!!!!

Hi mithril768

There is no easy answer. I was in the same boat as you until Jan 29th this year. And then on the spur of the moment I walked out of my house in a pair of 5" KG's. Got into my car and drove 7 miles to work calling in a petrol station to use the ATM. Nerve racking. Scary. Exciting. Crazy. Worth the risks for the doors of possibility that are now open.

Your desire to want to wear heels in public is your biggest ally. That's a very familiar feeling. A low or very low heel and jeans. An evening. Or an early morning , Sunday is good. A walk out to your car. A drive out. Maybe to a petrol station with an ATM. Park as close as possible. Get cash. Drive home.

Confidence and competence come from experience. You don't have to do anything. But it sounds like you really want this. Only you'll know.

For what it's worth and in my limited experience nothing tends to happen. I'm waiting for it. A new challenge and opportunity for growth.

I can't wait to read your first public outing post.

Good luck.

[HappyinHeels]

The confidence you seek is already there inside you. It needs only be unleashed by the support you gather from positive reinforcement from us and those around you. You MUST learn to love yourself and demand your dignity and then the full power of this confidence will come out. Confidence fuels creativity which powers free societies. Live your life as if it's a one-way ride because IT IS. Best wished to you and here's hoping you take that first leap! HappyinHeels

[mithril768]

Well it’s great to see people are looking back over the old posts. As an up date I can announce that I have ventured out wearing heels on several occasions and locations since the original post back in 2005, and have not had any bad reactions, but I seem to have to go through the whole confidence building thing every time. But as I stated before I am not giving up “It’s a part of ME !” Thanks to all for the continued support !!!

[kikepa]

The confidence you seek is already there inside you. It needs only be unleashed by the support you gather from positive reinforcement from us and those around you. You MUST learn to love yourself and demand your dignity and then the full power of this confidence will come out. Confidence fuels creativity which powers free societies. Live your life as if it's a one-way ride because IT IS.

Confidence begins when you stop giving a rat's ass as to what others think.

[roniheels]

Confidence begins when you stop giving a rat's ass as to what others think.

Yes, yes, yes! And I might add, enjoy any comments you receive, positive or negative. It just means you are being noticed that you are wearing high heels in public and on display for all to see.

[smarty]

Yesterday I got the courage to walk around a little in public in my high heels. Luckily I didn't have to walk past anyone for them to notice I was wearing heels. (not that confident yet) However, I know this is a high heels site, but I did walk in several public stores with a pair of black womens flats on and no one even took notice to my shoes. It felt nice to be able to walk in public with the flats, maybe I will build confidence to do that in heels.

[Guest]

Smarty, the sound is the first give away the way you walk is the second. Relax to sound and confidence rises. Busy locations help hide the sound and makes it harder to follow. Well done Al

[Mike Hinch]

As for maybe I will build confidence to do that in heels. That does depend on the place. here in Orange county I can go out in just about any sort of boots that I can find. It is a little different at the shop where I hang out. The owner is concerned about the image that I present to the customers. So at the shop most days it is side zip square toe two inch heel boots that just happen to have rubber sole and heel. Another factor is haw the footwear matches the rest of the ensemble. After working hours I dump the pants and go for my kilt and the same boots go well but I mostly reserve the four inch stilettos for the leather mini skirt and heavy duty pantyhose. Another detail is all my shoes come from the women's department.

[SleekHeels]

"Where to find the confidence?" It's in the heels ! Even wearing your heels in private you have to feel good about yourself and not ashamed or guilty. There are stores full of high heels because people love wearing them, there's nothing bad about that. Wear your heels with sense of positive self-image.

That leads to your overall outfit. I'd suggest you wear clothes that (1) you feel good in and (2) look good with heels. I personally find I'm most comfortable when I try to dress like a woman who's dressing like a man (e.g. a nice pair of bootcut jeans and shirt from the womens department) with my heeled boots, and although I've pushed the boat out a few times with a skirt, I always try to keep in mind that I'm not trying to pretend to be something I'm not, I'm just expressing who I am and that feeling brings confidence too. You need to find what works for you and just be yourself.

I agree with JeffB about destinations. My own general rule is to wear my heels where a woman would feel comfortable wearing her heels. That means, like keels said, not creeping around dark streets at night. You'll find lots of posts about people's favourite heeling places (supermarkets, department stores, book/music stores, museums/galleries, concerts, etc). Don't force yourself into places you wouldn't normally feel comfortable in, but look for overlap with your interests (and just add the heels).

I also agree with Shafted that it can be useful to have some canned responses, but by far the most useful one I've found is a simple "Thank you" for when someone surprises you with a "Nice shoes" remark, or even just a smile when someone notices your heels and glances at you. Chances are if you get the above correct (self-respect, outfit, destination) you'll be wandering around asking yourself why nobody's even noticing your heels, and it'll still surprise you when it occasionally does happen.

Do keeps us posted as you build your confidence, we'd love to know and it'd help any beginners who are following in your footsteps. We were all there once.

Edited August 5, 2012 by SleekHeels

[Dr. Shoe]

Come to the Heelmeet at the end of Nov...

[bluejay]

Confidence comes with the more heeling you do. You have to look confident in what you wear and the more you wear heels the more confident you will become. I wear heels as much as I can and I get lots of compliments especially from women on the heels I wear. If men would be more open with their heeling more women will come to accept that men can wear heels and look good too!!!!!!!! Happy Heeling, bluejay

[Mike Hinch]

There is also some truth in that. In another subject titled what do women think I answered that a few women told me that they liked my style of heels and skirt but a small few did not like it and when I inquired as to why it was because they were afraid that I looked better than they did. But on another occasion one girl said I wish that I could walk in heels like that. So it is also important to get the walk down pat. Possibly I have taken that a bit too far because I can go shopping in the most extreme stilettos with total confidence and possibly not have the right skirt or pantyhose to mach.

[JeffB]

"Where to find the confidence?" It's in the heels ! Even wearing your heels in private you have to feel good about yourself and not ashamed or guilty. There are stores full of high heels because people love wearing them, there's nothing bad about that. Wear your heels with sense of positive self-image.

Bravo! Well said, my friend! I couldn't agree more that's important to feel good about the shoes you wear, there is no need to feel ashamed or guilty or embarrassed, after all, we're just talking about footwear which EVERYONE sports.

I agree with JeffB about destinations. My own general rule is to wear my heels where a woman would feel comfortable wearing her heels. That means, like keels said, not creeping around dark streets at night. You'll find lots of posts about people's favourite heeling places (supermarkets, department stores, book/music stores, museums/galleries, concerts, etc). Don't force yourself into places you wouldn't normally feel comfortable in, but look for overlap with your interests (and just add the heels).

Wow! That comment I posted was almost seven years ago, but I'm glad what I said holds as much weight today as it had then. To build confidence, you have to venture forth in daylight, going out in the middle of the night does no good as it tends to fill one with a false sense of security, not to mention that it can be damn dangerous to boot! Find a place that you feel most comfortable at, venture there often so you can build up confidence, then push the envelope by going to other locations. Do it in increments instead of all at once until you feel comfortable in a wide variety of locales. This is a process that shouldn't be rushed, take your time, go slowly and you'll see positive results.

I also agree with Shafted that it can be useful to have some canned responses, but by far the most useful one I've found is a simple "Thank you" for when someone surprises you with a "Nice shoes" remark, or even just a smile when someone notices your heels and glances at you.

Once again, spot on! Do your best to be friendly and approachable and be sure to thank others when they compliment you on your shoes. When people take enough of an interest in what you're wearing to give you positive reinforcement, it's vital to respond in kind. It makes them feel good, and, more importantly, it makes YOU feel good!

[Mike Hinch]

This is probably about the best place to put this that I can think of. Today I made a little trip to the hardware store to get a key to the box behind the cab of my pickup. Now for the past two months I been not going out in my six inch stiletto pumps because they are so extreme and also not the best fit. The ensemble included an eighteen inch black leather skirt. For some time I have been reeling like some kind of a pervert to not go out with the same shoes that I been wearing most of the day so now I gave it a try. The pumps were not too extreme to work the clutch and excelerator so they stayed on the whole trip. While I was out I had thought about a trip to the grocery store but as I have been without a key for this box I was in a bit of a hurry to get back to the shop and start filing on the key blank. Also that tendency to tip over forward was not any problem so I must have had enough practice.

[hhl4vr]

Smarty, not sure where you are from. But for myself being new to wearing heels in public I went to a casino the first few times. As it's loud so the sound of heels is drowned out and being at a casino no one is looking at your footware.

[smarty]

yorktoncso- That is a really good idea. Thanks

[Meels85]

I need one of those walk a mile in her shoes event to go to. I think that will bill my confidence.

[Steve63130]

Meels85, Click on http://walkamileinhershoes.org/ and check out the calendar to find where and when the events are being held. I hope there is one near you. I attended the one in Columbus, Ohio, in June of 2011, and it was a lot of fun to meet Weird1 and his lovely wife and get together with SpikesMike again, too. I will say that it did boost my confidence, and these days I wear heels in public much more often. That is why I thought the event is a silly way to spend an afternoon, so I didn't have any desire to repeat it this past June. Steve

[Mike Hinch]

Even though I have no problem going out in any heels that I want to and I do not always want to go out in six inch heels but two inch a lot of days. Sitll I think that I would like to do one of those walk a mile. Like I said I was out in six inch heels and had to get back to work on that key but the first day when I got those heels just from the store to the parking lot my toes were killing me. Still I may wish to modify those heels to make them just a bit more comfortable.

[eoneleg]

Take a walk with me! I will be in my usual four-inch stiletto, you can choose the style from a pointed-toe pump to a very nude mule. I will use my crutches and possibly divert their attention as you stroll aside me unnoticed in your heels, but in total enjoyment.

E