Society and Heels

[texasbumpkin]

HF wrote:

Wrong again, HF. The problem with Susan and the board was that members refused to read her comments fully and, most of the time, took them totally out of context. Then, in their eagerness to "skewer" her, headed off in all kinds of wild directions with replys that were totally inappropriate. (The same way by trying to say that I was equating what Jeff said with pedophilia.) The more she tried to put her words back in their original context, the more offense was taken by the people that were trying to tell her what she meant. Which, in my opinion, was totally wrong. I

Now, HF, If you and the others here can't read, I suggest you/they signup for some badly needed adult education to bring their comprehension skills up to speed. In the meantime, I really don't care of you don't like my attitude or what you think. And, no matter how well meaning, I don't need any hints and/or advice from you. (Is this politically correct enough for you?).

Besides, (once again) what I said was my opinion.......and if you don't like my opinion --------------- I hope this is the end of this discussion.

Bubba, I have to disagree with you on this about Susan. I, being a women in a similiar situation as she was (a former abusive relationship), I tried to empathize with her, and she turned it on me that I was siding with the men. Please tell me how that is possible?

As for acceptance, that is most likely something that will not happen in a public forum. The human race is one that is set on destroying itself. We do not want to accept something that is different - religion (Ireland, middle east), sexual orientation (just about anywhere in the US and the world) - I am sure that everyone has something in their life that they do not accept about one person or another - a personality trait, clothing choice, friends. When we as a race are able to do this - accept everything about everyone, we will have evolved into a species that will have lost it's edge in the chain of evolution. I know that I will get ridiculed for that, but it is true - that is how evolution works, if you are not the highman on the totum pole, you are lost and overrun.

What I can suggest is that when you have attained personal acceptance, this is what matters. If you have confidence in yourself, it will exude from you and people will not want to say anything. People, ones that you do not associate with, do not matter. You can take what they say to heart, but you have to remember, they do not know who you are or what you are about, and are prejuding you based on an inanimate object. Ignorance is there problem, and it can be quite amusing to laugh out (especially when you have a fast quip for them when they say something and their mouth drop. I say this as I live with a high heeled man.)

[tuckedintoboots]

tha's my view as well- I've gotten those "looks" before & I could really care less!! I figure that life on this planet (or ANY other in this universe for that matter) is WAY too short to spend one millisecond wondering WHY!!?? I dont know them (strangers) they dont know ME, therefore I do NOT have to answer to them, now DO I!??

[JeffB]

tha's my view as well- I've gotten those "looks" before & I could really care less!! I figure that life on this planet (or ANY other in this universe for that matter) is WAY too short to spend one millisecond wondering WHY!!?? I dont know them (strangers) they dont know ME, therefore I do NOT have to answer to them, now DO I!??

A sound philosophy, tucked. Why should I shrink into the woodwork and accomodate strangers and their narrow mindsets regarding what I choose to wear? That makes absolutely no sense to me. I'm just going to enjoy what I like to do, whether or not society accepts me is of absolutely no concern.

[Bubba136]

texasbumpkin wrote:

What I can suggest is that when you have attained personal acceptance, this is what matters. If you have confidence in yourself, it will exude from you and people will not want to say anything.

That is so true.

[shakala]

Hi all, This is my first post. Firstly I'd like to thank everyone thats posted. I've found all the stories very helpful and inspirational. One observation though, I think we all agree that we should be able to wear high heel boots (my passion). There a lot of positive feedback here that helps us all through the initial stage. What I don't see, is what are we going to do about this? I don't accept that its currently not the 'norm'. And I truely beleive that this 'fashion' will change and be accepted, ie I'm from Sydney Australia and I've never seen any guy in heels here! Not that thats going to stop me. What can WE do to facilitate that change? We've got a lot of guys here, in no doubt a variety of careers. No doubt educated, intelligent and resourceful. Let me start with some brain storming; 1 - PR, thats what we need. Positive media attention. 2 - Marketing, again just getting the idea and picture that men wearing high heel boots is cool, looks good etc Probably what will help this along is the economic incentive. Apart from us here, for the moment men are in a small miniorty for buying heels. But for shoe/boot manufactures this is a hugh untapped market. Basically big money. People, I've waited 30 years before buying my boots, I just wore them outside the other day (I'll post another story on that later). But I'm damed not about to wait another 30 years before its widely accepted. Not that its going to make a difference, I'll be wearing my boots from now on.

[Thighboots2]

A little while back Kneehighs wrote:

But when a man (part of the group in power) seeks to assimilate with a woman (the group not in power) by wearing heels, society views that as scary.

So what was it all about in the early 70s. I, and almost every male were strutting our stuff in heels daily. Indeed 3" heels were considered LOW

All that is needed is for a designer in the upcoming London Fashion Week to put stylish heeled shoes with regular guy clothes, a celebrity or two doing the same, and bingo, we would have nothing to talk about.

It has been tried having male models strutting the catwalk in stiletto heels, but that is never going work. Shock tactics like that are to draw attention to the designer who is trying to get noticed.

People generally hate change, however, it is our nature to change, but usually change is steady and progressive. The re-introduction of heeled shoes for mens has to be a steady process, like the total acceptance of men wearing earings. It takes time.

I just hope, not too much time.

Someone else said earlier that some teenagers laughed at his quite appropriate heeled "work" boots (very nice BTW). I would have said to them that as a teenager, that was normal footwear for girls and boys and it's what I grew up with, and anyway, wearing a jacket or coat off the shoulders so far its half way down the back, wearing jeans so baggy that an entire football team could wear them at once, trousers/jeans so long that the hem is all frayed and scruffy, holes punched through various bits of their anatomy, all looks completely ridiculous to me and I would never be seen dead in such a state.

What on earth to the teenagers of today think they look like!

In the meanwhile, be yourself, be comfortable with what you wear safe in the knowledge that either you are a fashion leader, or like me, been it, seen it, got the T-shirt.

Happy heeling.

[Shafted]

Welcome, shakala! Glad to here your out and about in your boots. At this point in time, I think we are our best PR. I've come to realise that so what if it never becomes accepted in my lifetime. Does anybody think that's actually going to stop me?

[crotchboots-m]

i look at wearing my black leather thigh high and taller boots and leather in public much like bomber crews did about bombing heavily defended targets in ww2. if the target was worth bombing,you just had to fly through the flak. i enjoy most of the reactions i get wearing out so i take the hits. it is surprising how many many people dont really care though. i also find that being outgoing,such as smiling and greeting,etc,goes a long way at putting people at ease. just think of a politician running for office...lol

[Bubba136]

One thing I've realized through my association with this forum and the Internet is that there are a lot more men out there in the general public that enjoy wearing high heels than I ever realized. This fact works in our favor. The more male members of this forum that openly wear their heels in the course of their normal daily routines, the sooner people in the "socially normal" realm will "get over" their shock and the more timid amongst us will join in and the numbers will grow to a point where, although still looked upon by some (they'll never accept heels on men), acceptance will be forthcoming. Just look at earrings in men, for example) It will take a few years but will eventually occur. And, that is, in my opinion, the best PR campaign we can have at this time.

[sscotty727]

I am with you on that one Bubba. To be honest, the thought of wearing heels in public never really occurred to me before joining here. I pretty much kept my heel wearing to inside the house/apartment and an occasional time with driving. Finding this website has opened up a whole new world of wearing heels in my daily life. And even though I still won't wear stilletos outside (except maybe in the car when driving), I do wear some type of heel every day and no longer have any 'male' shoes in my wardrobe. Scotty

[sscotty727]

PS: Oddly enough, I do wear toe rings (fitted, not adjustable, 24/7) and an anklet (also 24/7) and have worn them for YEARS in public without any fear. I used to get some odd looks but no one even looks or comments anymore. The closest I had was going to the Dr office last year in them and having him say "nice toe rings and anklet". Another sign that alot of times the "fear" is in our heads. Scotty

[shakala]

I probably agree to an extent, while this forum is fantastic. But I don’t see it as a PR experience. We’re talking about people who were searching for this in the first instance. I see this as more a support group. Don’t get me wrong, I’m eternally grateful for having found this place. As another member noted, without reading comments from this forum I may still have not gone out in public with my boots. My second outing was last night, admittedly its was a walk out to the local shops and there was no one around. But it was great to get out and go for a walk in my boots, ie slowly expanding my comfort zone. Also this needs to be portrayed in a normal life style sense, ie just normal guys wearing normal foot wear. The perception of what a guy is has change dramatically over the past few years. I’m from Sydney Aus, and the original expectation for guys was the Paul Hogan stereo type, ie stubbies, singlet and a man was a man (what ever that was). But now guys have ear rings, get there hair done, wear decent/stylish clothing, not long ago this style would have also been labeled as gay etc. The same thing with high heels, I have never seen any guys in Sydney wearing heals. Its nearly like the chicken and the egg, which comes first? We all want acceptance to move forward in wearing heels, yet if no one starts wearing heels, then there’ll be no acceptance! I think that a key factor though is the commercial reality of guys wearing heels. How about if every guy here writes off to stores, wether it be online or bricks and mortar. To querie about availability of heals for men. Make sure emails go to there Marketing department, marketing love the idea of increasing there market share. Hopefully if enough emails are received then they too will realize that there are a lot of guys out there with this interest and may start to market their products for men. On a positive note, I’m enjoying my new found freedom in by boots, thanks to all.

[Bubba136]

I'm sure if you check out the membership list you will find there are quite a few male heel wearers from the Sydney area on this forum. While I don't know if they all wear their heels outside of their houses, I am sure more than one would be glad to exchange emails or comments with you.

If you check out Jenny's website, you will find a wonderfully beautiful woman that goes by the name of Jane, who has posted pictures of her in heels in a gallery there. Jane is from Sydney. If I lived in Sydney, I surely would keep my eyes open in hopes of spotting her one day.

[Dawn HH]

Shakala:-) Welcome to the Forum. There is a lot to be said about the posts in this Forum and what was said rings true. Maybe the reason that I have gotten very few comments personally would be due to the fact that I'm exluding a great deal of confidence and self satisfaction with my street-heeling, and it shows. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[JeffB]

Welcome aboard, Shakala!

I hope the board will be both unformative and entertaining. I'm also another guy who wears not just heels, but pumps in public, both at the office where I work, and now out of the office since I recently bought a car and can travel wherever I want in whatever shoes I want. The sense of freedom is quite delightful. I agree that confidence is a vital cog when it comes to wearing heels in public, as long as you're comfortable in your own skin and can handle anything that comes your way (i.e.: odd looks, double takes, giggles, etc.), then you can pull it off. When I'm out and about, I don't worry what people may think or say, I just go about my business of enjoying the shoes I choose to wear. And I'm proud to say this board gave me the courage to do just that!

[Dr. Shoe]

I was followed by four teenage girls the other day who were laughing and giggling. Everywhere I went they followed me, I couldn't shake them of until I sought refuge in the toilets (I needed a pee otherwise I wouldn't have bothered). It wasn't that it was unerving or anything just annoying. It could have been worse, I could have been wearing heels or something! The point is, I was just wearing ordinary clothes and men's f-f-f-flats.

[Magickman]

Whatever the style of footwear that an individual chooses, whether heeled or flat, drab or flamboyant, it seems a matter of small consequence. And, of course, so it is, unless the person wearing the shoes violates the rules of footwear gender segregation. "Those are women's shoes!" or "You're wearing high heels!" are accusations that I have heard from time to time, from people whose world view cannot accomodate diversity of male shoe selection. The same folks would never say anything to a woman, who was wearing clothes or shoes of male styling. That would be politically incorrect. If a man is wearing womens' clothing or footwear, this is perceived as gender treachery, switching teams, if you will. Men are expected to act and dress like men, conforming to customary standards of normality. Get out of line, and be singled out. Violate the rules, and expect censure. By donning high heels, a man is attacking the foundational basis of family life, the idea that men must be sartorially differentiated from women. What's next, will men wear dresses? What's next, always what's next. The critics and complainers frequently transfer their ire from the small and present subject, to a matter of much greater concern and danger. This is a sort of domino theory of shoes. That is, if some men are allowed to get away with wearing high heels, then it will unavoidably lead to larger and more serious transgressions of the gender code. Personally, I don't much care about the critics, or what they say. In my heel boots, I am a taller and more imposing presence, and a few inches closer to heaven, as well. I regard that as a good response to queries about why I wear heels, that it brings me a few inches closer to heaven. By asserting a religious basis for my choice of shoe styles, this confers Constitutional immunity for my actions, and renders me safe from prosecution and persecution both. If I say it with a smile, the grin is often returned. And yes, I do wear my high heels religiously and with pride, even the stilettos.

[shakala]

We’ll I do understand everyone’s point. Definitely confidence. I went out last night again, taking a longer walk around the local shops etc. I nearly turned back at one stage since there were bus’s, cars etc. But I stopped and thought to myself, “No, I enjoy wearing my boots and they look great. I’m not doing anything wrong so I have nothing to be embarrassed about” Then walked down the street, feeling totally like its were I belong and good about myself. Disappointingly, I received no comments, bus’s didn’t stop, I wasn’t tackled in the street and publicly ridiculed. The World didn’t come to an end. Oddly enough I was so prepared for comments, etc and nothing happened. What did happen though is that I feel great, I really enjoyed going for a walk in my boots (these are the Electra 2025, patent black leather, chunky 5.5inch heels lace up knee highs) Tommorrow I pickup my new Victoria boots, ie 5 inch stilettos knee high black leather boots. One thing that was not really mentioned by some of you when street heeling the first time, man my calf muscles and my feet kill, ie walking a couple hundred metres etc. But it feels great and I feel alive. Really at this stage the only negative feedback I’ve had is from my wife, but I’m dealing with her, ie I’m not backing away from what I want to wear. But that’s another story.

[shakala]

We’ll I do understand everyone’s point. Definitely confidence. I went out last night again, taking a longer walk around the local shops etc. I nearly turned back at one stage since there were bus’s, cars etc. But I stopped and thought to myself, “No, I enjoy wearing my boots and they look great. I’m not doing anything wrong so I have nothing to be embarrassed about” Then walked down the street, feeling totally like its were I belong and good about myself. Disappointingly, I received no comments, bus’s didn’t stop, I wasn’t tackled in the street and publicly ridiculed. The World didn’t come to an end. Oddly enough I was so prepared for comments, etc and nothing happened. What did happen though is that I feel great, I really enjoyed going for a walk in my boots (these are the Electra 2025, patent black leather, chunky 5.5inch heels lace up knee highs) Tommorrow I pickup my new Victoria boots, ie 5 inch stilettos knee high black leather boots. One thing that was not really mentioned by some of you when street heeling the first time, man my calf muscles and my feet kill, ie walking a couple hundred metres etc. But it feels great and I feel alive. Really at this stage the only negative feedback I’ve had is from my wife, but I’m dealing with her, ie I’m not backing away from what I want to wear. But that’s another story.

[Dawn HH]

Shakala:-) Good for you...you are enjoying wearing the footwear of your choice...with high heels. You will find that if you street-heel often, your calves will stop barking and join in with the rest of your legs and hips and begin enjoying your sojourns so much more. It's like anything else...practice makes perfect. So...keep practicing! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[micha]

We’ll I do understand everyone’s point. Definitely confidence. I went out last night again, taking a longer walk around the local shops etc. I nearly turned back at one stage since there were bus’s, cars etc. But I stopped and thought to myself, “No, I enjoy wearing my boots and they look great. I’m not doing anything wrong so I have nothing to be embarrassed about” Then walked down the street, feeling totally like its were I belong and good about myself.

Disappointingly, I received no comments, bus’s didn’t stop, I wasn’t tackled in the street and publicly ridiculed. The World didn’t come to an end. Oddly enough I was so prepared for comments, etc and nothing happened. What did happen though is that I feel great, I really enjoyed going for a walk in my boots (these are the Electra 2025, patent black leather, chunky 5.5inch heels lace up knee highs) Tommorrow I pickup my new Victoria boots, ie 5 inch stilettos knee high black leather boots.

One thing that was not really mentioned by some of you when street heeling the first time, man my calf muscles and my feet kill, ie walking a couple hundred metres etc. But it feels great and I feel alive.

Really at this stage the only negative feedback I’ve had is from my wife, but I’m dealing with her, ie I’m not backing away from what I want to wear. But that’s another story.

Be happy that nothing happened! Times have obviously changed a little bit. 4 years ago I still earned a lot of curious glimpses and a lot of bad comments - meanwhile nobody cares anymore about my footwear

[Fog]

Two short stories both vaguely relevant: I was going into my local station one morning and a young man in working clothes looked down at my feet and back up again with obvious contempt on his face. No - I haven't got heels on, no - my nylons aren't showing - oh I've got socks on - that was it, I'd left my cycle clips on! There's so many things that ignorant people cant accept. I was just finishing a successful lunchtime shopping trip - received compliments etc. when whilst walking along Fulham Broadway underground platform I heard " oh my god" behind me. Here we go I thought and looked beind me to see three small boys with a camera phone. What they were photographing was a pigeon that had no feet and was walking around on his stumps - poor thing.

[Bubba136]

Lets hear it for cycle clips. Because, there's nothing more irritating that getting your trousers leg caught in your bicycle chain. I'd of told the guy to "stuff it!"

[Dawn HH]

Let's hear it for the poor pidgeon. If he can carry on his daily routine without feet, then we should all be able to put our heels on and walk about in society doing our daily routine without worry of picture taking, odd looks, or snide remarks. Go out and enjoy all! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[dr1819]

If a man is wearing womens' clothing or footwear, this is perceived as gender treachery, switching teams, if you will. Men are expected to act and dress like men, conforming to customary standards of normality. Get out of line, and be singled out. Violate the rules, and expect censure.

One of the better pieces I've seen on this topic mention that when women wear more masculine designs, it gives them a step up. Indeed, that's one of the reasons women in the board room wear heels - to be more on eye-level with their male counterparts. However, it also mentioned that when men wear more feminine designs, it lowers them a notch.

Again, this is in the eye of the average beholder, which is society at large - not how you, your SO, or your friends view yourselves!

It appears this psycho-social phenomenon has been with us since the dawn of time. It even plays out in the animal kingdom, as noted through the behaviors of both primates and non-primates, and variations from behaviors which fall within the normal curve for either gender.

The question is - how can we capitalize on this knowledge with our own street-heeling?

Simple.

Ensure that our visual presence, which includes our heels, clothing, and mannerisms, reflect typically masculine qualities - confidence and being in control.

There's the obvious problem with this, however, for those who're uncomfortable being this way, who prefer to be more feminine in either/both appearance or mannerisms, and to those, I simply say that I understand and wish you the best in your own pursuits! No harm, no foul.

By the way - good dodge on the Constitutionally-protected religious preference! It doesn't always work, though, if it can be proved that such an action on contrary to the good of the public at large...

[JeffB]

It sounds like you had a most interesting outing, kneehighs. Clearly, you're quite comfortable in your own skin and have no problem going where you want, dressed how you want. I said this on other posts before: we can't afford to worry how the world will react to us when out and about in heels. While it's nice to get positive reinforcement from those around us, we shouldn't expect it. I'm content to just go about my business and if someone want to compliment me, I'll take it gladly.

By the by, something about the pic of that model wearing those jeans from that link you provided ($132.00 a pair? OUCH!! Too rich for my blood! HA!) caught my eye. This is going to sound stupid, but the midsection looks suspiciously like a man's, even with the heels. The Bandolino croco print pumps look really sharp, I take it they don't come in 13 wide, otherwise I'd be interested in a pair. As for coming out, I'm sure that will be a courageous thing for you to do. Good luck to you with that.

[Shafted]

What a great evening kneehighs. I find it incredibly easy going almost anywhere in heels. People also have no problems striking up a converstion with me. The funny thing is I get the impression that people seem to want to know what's up with a guy wearing heels, but will never mention them.

[Bubba136]

There's nothing wrong with your outfit, kneehighs. I'm not surprised that you didn't stir up more attraction than you did. However, "coming out" to your family might be a little more difficult because they are the people that know you the best. It is a little more stressful to both you and them because the confession you admit with your appearance might just be a little more than they can immediately accept and absorb at one sitting. Given time, I'm positive, though, they will see that you are the same person they've known all of your life and that heels and female jeans are just outer garmets covering the living soul of the person they love.

[HeelD]

An interesting outing there kneehighs. I had a similar experience in Brighton a week ago, where the only "obvious" looks I got were from 2 women sitting in street cafes as I walked past. They were probably surprised I could walk in heels or maybe just intreged. Nothing negative.

And here is a picture of me in front of the Salvatore Ferragamo shop on Fifth Avenue in the ensemble described above. I am inches from coming out to my family and once I do that, I'll reveal the entire me.

I think this outfit looks great! It looks like something both a man and a woman can easily carry off, and you carry it off brilliantly. The t-shirt works brilliantly with jeans and pumps. This is a similar look I pulled off in Brighton (pale blue FCUK t-shirt, light blue bootcut jeans and black mary-jane style pumps - looked at my reflection in a window and thought "I look good!":D).

Hope all goes well when you come out. It'll be a shock but they'll get over that and love you for who you are, NOT what you wear! (Which looks great on you anyway!). I've only come out about ladies' shoes to my girlfriend, and she was very understanding (if a little shocked!)

[Dawn HH]

Kneehighs:-) It sounds like you had a great time out and about in your black patent heels. The black on both ends and the blue jeans in the middle makes for a dandy street-heeling outfit. It looks great on you. I have a very similar outfit that I have used several times in my street-heeling. A black short-sleeved t-shirt over blue indigo boot-cut jeans and a pair of black heeled knee boots to finish off the look. Very comfortable, very sexy, and very much fun. Good luck with your coming out to your family and I hope all goes well for you when you do this. Keep us all posted on what happens there. BTW...What size of ladies shoes do you wear and what heel height do you use in your street-heeling? Cheers--- Dawn HH