How does your wife/SO view your shoe wearing?

[Guest]

well Venessa, looks like your S/O is clinging to old ideas (somewhat old-fashioned I'd say) about the "image" that as a "man" you would somehow project to rest of the world if anyone else saw you out in heels -that would somehow make you all of sudden "less than a man" (whatever in the hell THAT reasoning means, I'll NEVER understand) its all about role-playing & that thing called "IMAGE"

[johnieheel]

My wife loves me in heels. We even have a few matching pair we wear out together.

[Tech]

My wife loves me in heels. We even have a few matching pair we wear out together.

Johnie

Your image isnt working again, just use the "Manage attachments" button now when making osts to upload your image directly to this website.

[johnieheel]

Johnie

Your image isnt working again, just use the "Manage attachments" button now when making osts to upload your image directly to this website.

[chris100575]

My ex-wife hated me wearing heels, so much so that the best compromise we could reach was that I'd wear them around the house while she was out. My GF however is supportive of me wearing heels. She's been out with me when I've been wearing them, and is perfectly happy for me to click round the house in my stiletto boots. She has said a couple of times that she'd be ok with me wearing the stilettos out with her, but I prefer to keep those for indoor wear. The fact that she realises that I'm exactly the same guy no matter what I have on my feet is one of the things I love about her. Chris

[L.K.]

My wife found out by accident about my heels one day while digging through boxes in the basement. It was the frist relationship I have had where I wasn't up-front about it, fortunately it worked out okay. She allows me to indulge myself, but doesn't want to see me wear them and going out is not in the realm of possibilities...for now.

[Bubba136]

Chris wrote:

The fact that she realises that I'm exactly the same guy no matter what I have on my feet is one of the things I love about her.

That's a lesson that is hard for wives to learn. And, some of them never do.

[chris100575]

She is an open minded girl anyway, but I think it helped a lot that I told her very early on. I'm still getting used to the fact that I can wear heels around her, she on the other hand was totally un-fazed from the start. Chris

[Nick86]

My gf (Sian) isn't bothered by it. Infact, when i told her about me having a thing for boots, It was her who took me out one day to try boots on. Sian even persuaded me (with a slight push and boost of confidence) to go out into town and try boots on in the middle of the day, and buy some. Sian doesn't mind it at all, on the same day that i bought my first boots, I went out wearing them in town. Sian found it amusing, as when we were walking we were holding hands, only i was squeezing her hand pretty tightly, lol. I've got a few girl friends that know that i wanted to wear boots out and about, there pretty cool about it. All they said was that if thats what i want to do then thats cool with them. Unfortunately not everyone is free spirited and open minded

[Celso999]

My wife knows where I keep them and knows that I use them when she's not home - she hates it. She thinks that I have a mental disorder or something like that. I once tried to put some high heeled mules in front of her in order to demonstrate that this does not makes me a different person. She pretended she was not disturbed but I know that she hated it. Once she saw me arriving at our building garage in my 3.1/2" block heeled ankle boots before I had time to change to normal shoes to take the elevator and she was shocked. She asked me to show her the boots upliftong my jeans and she said: "But these are women boots!". After a lot of discussion she begged me to use high heels only at home as she woudn't like anyone to see me in them. She says I look ridiculous, that this is not a normal thing for a man to do, etc, etc. All the bullshit a lot of us know... I even remembered her that I use to have a high heeled boot from the seventies era which she found ugly but didn't care about me using it. All I got was the clever answer: "But those were MEN boots!". So, it seems that the "problem" is not the high heels but the breaking of the "limits" imposed by our culture.

[johnieheel]

My wife knows where I keep them and knows that I use them when she's not home - she hates it. She thinks that I have a mental disorder or something like that. I once tried to put some high heeled mules in front of her in order to demonstrate that this does not makes me a different person. She pretended she was not disturbed but I know that she hated it.

Once she saw me arriving at our building garage in my 3.1/2" block heeled ankle boots before I had time to change to normal shoes to take the elevator and she was shocked. She asked me to show her the boots uplifting my jeans and she said: "But these are women boots!". After a lot of discussion she begged me to use high heels only at home as she wouldn't like anyone to see me in them. She says I look ridiculous, that this is not a normal thing for a man to do, etc, etc. All the bullshit a lot of us know...

I even remembered her that I use to have a high heeled boot from the seventies era which she found ugly but didn't care about me using it. All I got was the clever answer: "But those were MEN boots!".

So, it seems that the "problem" is not the high heels but the breaking of the "limits" imposed by our culture.

Seems to me the problem is that your wife, like a small number of people in the world, is not open minded and understanding on other peoples feelings about fashion and just letting them be who they are without ridicule.

I wear heels everywhere I go, around family etc and for the most part, people really do not care and are more excepting to seeing a person in heels, earrings, skirts, nail polish, etc rather it be man or woman, than I can ever remember.

If you can't be your self, than who can you be. You need to be complete and if wearing heels is what makes you that, so be it.

[Celso999]

Seems to me the problem is that your wife, like a small number of people in the world, is not open minded and understanding on other peoples feelings about fashion and just letting them be who they are without ridicule.

I wear heels everywhere I go, around family etc and for the most part, people really do not care and are more excepting to seeing a person in heels, earrings, skirts, nail polish, etc rather it be man or woman, than I can ever remember.

If you can't be your self, than who can you be. You need to be complete and if wearing heels is what makes you that, so be it.

Hi Johnie,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, my wife is very conservative. Maybe in Ohio people are more open minded than here in Rio de Janeiro (Brazil). The only men we see in high heels around here are transvestites (at night) and drag queens (during the Carnival). Gays do not use them. On the other side, long hairs and earrings are quite common, not only on young people, also on people of our age (I'm 53).

Anyway, I don't care anymore since after reading many threads here I started to use my block heels in plain day and, as you said, nobody seems to care - but I think it's because just a few people interested in shoes look down to other people's feet.

I also learned that if you see yourself in a mirror and think it's OK, people will perceive that confidence. It's all in our minds, basically.

Best Regards,

Celso.

[DeSalto]

Hi Celso Welcome! Another guy from Brazil! I believe now there are 4 of us here. I´m from RJ. What about you? DeSalto

[Celso999]

Hi Celso

Welcome!

Another guy from Brazil!

I believe now there are 4 of us here.

I´m from RJ. What about you?

DeSalto

Hi,

I'm from Rio too. According to Flavio (SP), there's also Gony (MG) and Kennard (?). Also, I found another brazilian guy with a nickname WOZ in the Hellos, Goodbyes & Introductions section.

Best Regards,

[MMM]

It was funny how I started to wear high heels. One night I was getting into shower and she told me that someday she would ask me to wear some of her bikinis. She thought would look good on me. It was about a year ago. Now she buys me panties, thong bikinis and heels. Seems she gets very excited and this fantasies suits me well. I have over 7 pairs of high heels including platforms, stilettos and sandals - all over 4" heels... small but pretty sexy collection. I never thought about this kind of fetish before she asked to wear feminine clothes before. Changed my mind about it. It can be very fun.

[blackslide]

My wearing women's shoes (All my shoes are women's, even the ice skates) is a big problem for my wife. Her objection is how she feels when I wear them. She says she is embarassed. If someone makes a derogatory comment about my shoes, she says she feels like throwing up. In the past 6 months there were 3 comments by our "friends". "You look like twinkle toes, how big are your feet anyway?" (I was wearing black and white canvas shoes, and I do have small size 10 womens feet for a tall 6'-1" guy) Another comment was "I see you wore your dancing shoes." (I was wearing some womens oxford work shoes like a waitress would wear, navy blue, 1/4" heel.) Another comment "Your husband is wearing pink socks" (I was wearing same navy blue oxfords, the socks were more red than pink). After each derogatory comment we got into the big shoe fight, and life was miserable for days. I showed her my closet before we got married. She was OK with my women's shoes, but after 9 years of marriage she says I am getting worse (whatever that means). She is worried that I am turning gay or going to have a sex change which is not the case. She wishes that I would be "normal". We have had a several compromises. It used to be no higher than 2" in public, anything goes at home. The next one was she selected 3 or 4 pairs of heels that she felt comfortable with for me to wear in public. Now after the 3 remarks, it is "Don't wear anything that would embarass me in public. I dont' want to see you in high heels at home, and hide your shoes in the closet so anyone who tours the house will not see your shoes". It has become pretty restrictive for me, at a time when people seem to be more accepting of differences in people. My courage in wearing high heels is quite high since I have been wearing women's shoes since 1966. Since joining this forum, I have had much more courage wearing heels in public. Now I can wear stelletto boots to the bar, and no one has said anything....yet. I obviously cannot wear what I want when I am with my wife. I dug out a pair of men's shoes from 1992 and wore them at Thanksgiving. I could not wait to get out of them, but it pleased my wife immensely. Maybe there is such a thing as having high heel credits in her mind. I wear men's shoes, and that is good for one wearing of heels. Who knows? The thing about IQ and acceptance. I have been married twice. One wife was extremely intelligent, but it did not make a difference. She did not like me wearing high women's shoes. I think emotion kicks in and over rules intelligence. Maybe I really look like shit in women's shoes and no one likes it. My advice and what I have to work on myself, is to be considerate of your wife. She is what she is and I am what I am. Sometimes you have to put your wants and desires aside, to please the S/O and keep things together. My marriage is important to me. But so is being who I am. It is a delicate balancing act.

[johnieheel]

blackslide; In turn, do get to tell your wife she cannot wear pants, cut her hair short, has to wear heels and dresses all the time and absolutely NO men's t-shirts, levis or any other poetical of the men's wardrobe. Dress fully fem 100% of the time, or maby she does. Personally I and I know many others here, feel this way. I'm not trying to start a battle on who is allowed to wear what between you and your wife but this is just my opinion. Whats good for the goose, is good for the gander. What about her compromises or is it a one way street?

[JNR]

blackslide wrote toward the end of his last post:

My marriage is important to me. But so is being who I am. It is a delicate balancing act.

An "age old" dilemma we’ve all faced at various points in our lives because, for everyone on earth, life is a series of compromises. Some days you forego your desire to eat Chinese takeout for lunch in favor of eating at McDonalds in the company of a good friend. Other days, you tell that same friend that you would rather go somewhere else because you really don't like fast food.

While that analogy might really be simplistic in the extreme, I would wager that at least 85% of the heel wearing male members of this forum will tell you that they have tried, at several points in the past, to repress their desire to wear heels and how miserable they became in the process. The desire, while briefly out of mind, will never go away. They'll never stop wanting to wear heels.....the psychological attraction is that strong.

blackslide's dilemma is to conclusively settle, once and for all, which aspect of his life is more important -- his love for woman's shoes or his wife? And, if he chooses his wife, to try to repress his desire for heels as best he can or, at least, to live up to her expectations. If he chooses heels, then he must tell his wife that if she can't accept him in woman's shoes, and is unable to find a suitable compromise, to file for separation because he can never be completely himself.

His wife has the right to ask him to stop. He has the right not to quit. She has the right to walk away from the relationship if she can't reconcile her feelings with his desire. Likewise, he has the right to walk away from the relationship should she not be able to accept him in heels.

What neither one has, however, is the right to "demand" that one or the other change their views "or else".......

If, after blackslide and his wife have very carefully weighed all aspects of their lives together, are still unable to arrive at an arrangement they can both live with, then it's in their best interests to dissolve their relationship. Because neither party will ever be "happy" with the status quo.

It's that simple....and that complicated.

[Celso999]

My advice and what I have to work on myself, is to be considerate of your wife. She is what she is and I am what I am. Sometimes you have to put your wants and desires aside, to please the S/O and keep things together. My marriage is important to me. But so is being who I am. It is a delicate balancing act.

I totally agree with you. It's not a big deal repressing a desire about something so simple as shoes in order to keep the marriage in peace!

My wife hates to see me in high heels so I don't use them in front of her. If I intend to use them outside our home (block heels only), I change shoes inside the garage before leaving for work in my motorcycle. For more feminine style heels as open sandals and pumps, I wait until she goes to sleep or when she leaves home for some errands.

[radiodave]

Well said, JNR. Any relationship involves compromises, but success of one is how many compromises each are willing to make. Fingers crossed that Blackslide will find a medium that he and his wife will be happy with. I've been married for 6 months, and my wife is fine with wearing heels around the house. She's more concerned about wearing them outside, but more my sake than hers. She's said that if I want to wear them out, she'll go along with it, if I'm confident that I won't let other folks' negative reactions bring me down. She thinks it's cool that I'm showing my own style, and has even commented that they look good on me. She doesn't wear heels often herself, and admits I actually walk better in them than she does. If she has one gripe, it's probably that I have too many! She sometimes rolls her eyes and laughs when I go looking at shoes. We did discuss the notion that deep down I might not be happy with who I am (perhaps echoing Blackslide's wife's concerns about a sex change), but assured her I have no desire to be anything but a guy who happens to like women's shoes. I don't even like the idea of crossdressing to look like a woman, either. Worst case is I might be like Manolo Blahnik, who supposedly wears the shoes he designs. Somehow I don't think he secretly wants to be Manuela Blahnik, but I'll bet he's a guy who thinks that a guy can (and should) wear whatever he wants to wear. I'd bet that folks see him as a guy wearing some shoes that women would kill for, and not as a guy trying to be a woman.

[BoyLegs]

I am on my second marriage now. My wife knows about my shoes and has seen some of them, but she has difficulty with the idea of my wearing them. One thing to remember is that none of this is rational — neither our desire to wear high heels or others' desire for us not to. As such, it is not something that can be solved by making logical arguments. I won't get any farther by saying, "Why is it that women can wear men's stuff but men can't wear women's?" than she will by saying, "You don't see other men wearing high heels." And don't bother asking about going to heel meets or other places where you will see men wearing high heels. Like I said, it's not rational. When I was in college, a woman my age told me that most women were fantasizing about their weddings back when we still thought girls had cooties. I think that they're walking around with images of what their lives will have been like since they were ten. And in most of those images, the man is emphatically not wearing "women's shoes." I would welcome hearing from the women on this board about this. I have been exercising patience, going out of my way not to force anything. We reached an agreement that I could wear my shoes when I am home and she's at work. And, just this month, she voluntarily offered me the chance to wear my shoes in front of her for the first time, as long as they were black.

[blackslide]

Thanks to all of you for your moral support and comments. Johnieheel, I have pointed out to her all the things she (and most other women) do that has been borrowed from men, such as wearing pants, ties, clunky boots, etc. As Boylegs so aptly pointed out, you cannot apply logic when dealing with women. For example, I have a beautiful original gold metalic Volvo P1800ES like the one Roger Moore drove in "The Saint" TV series. She says it is an ugly brown station wagon and I should get rid of it. It is ugly to look at and it may offend the neighbors. The common theme with her seems to be how she is percieved by others, by my actions, or possesions. We have to accept that anything goes with women. We have to live up to their dream of prince charming that they had when they were 10, and we have to be just like her dad. Her dad never wore womens' shoes (How many times have I heard that one?). JNR - You have summed up the situation. I do love this woman and we have a lot of fun together. In our last fight about shoes where she was throwing around the "D" word, she finally came to her senses and recognized all the good things we had going for us. I have many positive attributes, which I will not mention, but only to point out that I am a pretty good "catch" for most women except for one minor flaw, that being I wear the wrong kind of shoes. It is like the idiot who at a car show is looking at a beautiful show quality 1965 Corvette convertible. Inevitably he ignores everything that is right about the car and zeros in on the tiny little paint scratch next to the gas cap. In response to her demands about what I wear and not wear, I have pointed out that if what I wear makes her feel bad about herself, this is her problem and not mine. She cant' be running my life, to make her happy. It does not work that way. Will Rogers said it best: There are two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.

[bluesman]

Blackside, I'm in a similar situation. My wife just recently found out about my preference for womens shoes, and although we haven't had any huge fights about it, there have been several long talks. And she just doesn't understand why I want to do this. As boylegs says, rational arguments haven't been cutting it. Her reply to those was to ask how I'd feel if she cut her hair short, wore flannel shirts, and started carrying a wallet. And yes, we went thru the "are you gay" or "do you want to be a woman" phase, but I managed to convince her that footwear choice does not indicate sexual preference. After finding this board and all its positive support, a year or two ago I finally accepted there wasn't anything "wrong" with me. Since then I have no issues with wearing my various shoes & boots out and about. This is also why I can't just give it up - its part of who I am, and I've finally come to terms with that. My wife readily admits that I, too, am a good "catch". Since I've come to terms with this, I'm hopeful she can as well. It truly is all about compromises. While she's not trying to control me, it does make her uncomfortable and I have to respect that. She, in turn, should try to respect that this is a part of me, and all things considered, a pretty harmless little quirk. With time, talking, and some introspection, hopefully you wife (and mine!) will come to that conclusion.

[johnieheel]

This is good stuff. I once had a GF who was into health and fitness and above all , spirituality met her at the gym and became her personal trainer, then boy friend. We talked about our likes and dislikes right up front and I told her about my passion for womens footwear. She flipped and could not deal with it at all. In most ways we were so right for each other but in that way and 1or2 other little insignificant ways we, we were not. I threw away my whole collection of heels and boots for her in front of her. Right into the dumpster. Thats how much I cared for this lady. We had a lot of fun for 5 months but I just couldn't seem to do anything right and just couldn't take it any more so we parted as friends and still are to this day. She even came to my wedding. Point I am trying to make is that I am what I am and with or with out the heels, there was no pleasing her but I tried. Still there was something missing in my life that made me whole. You can guess what that was. Do what your heart tells you to do and except it. Sometimes there is a price to pay but in the long run, you'll be a better and happier person.

[lorriette]

The wife and I are in our 24th year together. When we started, I wore 5" strappy stilettos to pubs and restaurants, and full drag (matching outfits too) at night and on holiday. Once married, her tolerance diminished, she laid down rules, and cross-dressing or heel wearing was somehow made to seem seedy. The second child extended the dark period, during which time I had been trying to find out just who or what I am. With improved access to the net, and the children grown up, I have been able to dress more freely, and gently push my wifes boundaries. As with anything, one occasionally goes too far. At first, it was sulks, but we love each other, and eventually did the sensible thing and TALKED to each other. I have conceded that, in public at least, there will still be some restrictions, but she is now o.k. with my skirt & heels in the home or out providing i am not seen by people she knows. These things are not set in stone, so as fashions change, so will our agreement. Dialogue is the only way a couple can sort what is really a behaviour problem, not ultimatums.

[Bubba136]

Any crossdresser or heel wearer must be up front and inform their prospective made before any thoughts of marriage. Trust evaporates when learning after marriage because you are not the person she thought you to be.

[legbarer]

I usually wear black strappy sandals with a 3 inch stilletto heel. My wife is OK with me wearing these, but she insists that I keep my legs and feet shaved and that I wear clear or skin colored nail polish.

[thedesigner]

soulmate loves it and even points out new styles in fashion mags that will suit me.... she gets a bit jealous that i wear thinner heels than her (but she does 4" minimum anyway) great laugh !! got some of her bertie 4" lace ups on right now...

[thighboots]

I am a straight guy in a long term relationship. Anyway, I wear womans boots in private, I currently have a pair of Italianheels 'Amanda' black leather thigh boots (as in my Avatar). But I have not have the courage to share this with my partner as I feared her responce. Anyway, I wanted to buy my partner a pair of Christian Louboutin knee high boots for x-mas, however she said they were to high and not practical for normal use. She joking suggested that I try wearing heels all day to see how it feels.................... I said I could not imagine it was that bad and if she brought me some heels I would try. Cue x-mas morning. To my disbelief she had brought me a pair of high heeled stilettos - OMG! I could not belive it, at first I felt a bit embarressed wearing them in front of her, but I did and I love it. For the first time I do not have to hide my heel wearing. The heels are the only x-mas present that has not been put away! At the moment I have not told her I already have a pair of thigh boots, Im not sure she is ready for that - one day at a time.

[crotchboots-m]

yes,take it slowly...you will only know the limits once you cross the boundary and then they turn on you.