So Busted

[JL]

Last week I was traveling out of the country for business (6 hours ahead of my normal timezone). On Friday morning at about 4:30AM, I received a text message from my wife -- telling me to call her to explain the high heeled boots in the accompanying photo. 

 

I just sat there... my stomach instantly churning to near projectile vomiting - or worse. She somehow found a hiding place I'd been using for about 10 years, give or take.

 

Well, what choice did I have?? I called her. Now the sweating ensued.

 

It ended up that she wanted to surprise me by cleaning out a room that's been the bane of our existence for a couple of years. When she moved a box, a wire was caught on it and when pulled, it caused one of the boots to fall out. 

 

I explained to her that I had purchased them about 8 years ago, only to "see what it was like out of curiosity". She hysterically went into the fact that I lied to her by not telling her about this. She asked if I was gay. If there were other people/person(s), if I had been unfaithful. I told her the God's honest truth -- no to each and every question.

 

This went on for about an hour. I told her that I needed to shower so I could leave for the airport. By the time I got home, I'd been awake for close to 24 hours. She was expectedly cold towards me. My 5 year old daughter was happy to see me - hugs and kisses... while my wife was still cold. We went to bed and she said nothing -- I almost immediately fell asleep.

 

In the morning, we talked. She asked the same questions as the morning before. I answered the same - with tears in my eyes. 

 

She asked me why I didn't say anything to her. I responded that I was embarrassed and didn't expect her to understand. Both truths.

 

Her response floored me: she said that she's up for this. She wouldn't mind 'dress up games' and 'fantasy' type things. She laid down some ground rules which I instantly agreed to -- no video, no other people, etc...

 

I told her that I would throw the boots out. That was the end of the conversation. She was no longer cold.

 

Bring us to today.... 

 

We were sitting in the living room. She said she had one more question -- and asked the same ones from before. I again answered the same truthful way. She then said something that floored me again -- "you don't have to throw them out".

 

I'm not sure where this is going, but it might actually work out for me.

 

Now here's the craziest thing -- about 6 weeks ago or so, I had a dream that she found my other 'stash' and confronted me about it. The outcome was the same though -- she wanted to play. 

 

If only playing the lottery was this predictable.

 

If anything new happens, I'll post an update.

[w6ish]

i read with a lot of interest and got a good laugh too.

you have to be honest.

 

don't lie to anyone: especially you're old lady.

fun stuff.  let me know how it goes!

[robbiehhw]

I'm glad things seem to have warmed. Honesty, even in the face of loss and embarrassment is always preferable. It can be very hard. 

 

The questions about sexual preference, she should be called on though. There is no relationship between that and what we choose to wear. Her mind may have been going to "what else hasn't he told me? is he living some ultra-kinky life? " but still, we all need to understand the difference. It's footwear for crying out loud. If you found a men's t-shirt or a pair of Air-Jordans  in her things,  you momentarily think is she fooling around on me? but you wouldn't assume she is seeing another woman.

 

Still, It's already getting better and she is showing her love by supporting your keeping of the boots. That is very positive.

[HappyinHeels]

JL- robbiehhw makes great points about the flawed logic (and the resulting inquisition that followed) she used at equating footwear with sexual orientation. Something else stood out and that is that you said bought the boots 8 years ago but your daughter is 5 years old. Do the boots predate the marriage or just your daughter?? I don't know how far one is supposed to take this honesty thing since you broke no law or marriage vows by storing a pair of heeled boots in your closet. Could it be that, for all the impressions many women want to convey that they are more open-minded then men, they are in fact the biggest enablers of the double-standard. They wear what they want from either the men's or women's side of the aisle but would gasp if a man bought something from the women's side of the store. Equality works best when it is enjoyed, and supported, by all. You have as much natural right to wear heels instead of flats as she has to pants instead of a dress. HappyinHeels

[JL]

She's still coming at me with a few questions, but everything still gets back to the support of fantasy play with her....  As for pre-dating my daughter -- we've been married for 18 years.

[Histiletto]

JL,

 

You dreamed she found your other stash? Sounds like you have some more splainin' to clear up about your high heel situation.

[Guest]

If you have more you better come clean.

Woman's shoes/cclothing and sexual preferences not related? Find that one to be a hard argument. Me with hi Heels and even a beard I would not be surprised or expect anything less than for someone to ask if I was gay.

[vector]

Dare I say, congratulations?  It sounds like you are on the way to some sort of common ground.  One thing that had been repeated on this board over and over again is to come clean to your significant other.  Let them know what you are all about.  If you don't, you run the risk of them thinking, "...if he hid this, what else i he hiding..."

[Rockpup]

Heels2u: while most people expect a connection I can say with fair certainty that there is not one. Most of my friends are gay, and most of them are pretty deep into the fetish community, and there are only a couple that even wear heels just as a kink. I am one of the only ones in the group who will wear them in public as shoes

That said, gender expression is typically more accepted among gays, but not always. Many guys want manly men, same as many women want manly men.

[Guest]

If someone asks me if I am gay I 100% support or expect the question. I just hope it's not brought up in front of my wife or kids. I won't argue the numbers as far as what % are gay but none of us should be offended if ever asked. Being taunted or made fun of is a different story. If I saw another man in heels, I would probably assume he was gay in general. I have a pretty good gaydar so if I talked to him I could narrow it down. Would I ever ask, no. Not my concern. If the conversation went that way sure but mostly I might be curious of his experiences in public.

I am sure many here will not like my attitude about this or my pperception of me or other men in heels. Part of my view of all this comes with accepting wearing heels everyday and what can happen.

[Chorlini]

While I understand the question I would think that logically it makes no sense. Gays are attracted to their own sex. Why therefore would they want to dress up as members of the opposite sex? The odd drag queen aside who's probably the exception to the rule. Oddly enough the reverse seems to be more true for lesbians. I know quite a few of them from dance classes and the dresscode for the greater majority of them seems to be as masculine as possible.

 

I can also understand the connection between thinking wearing heels leads to transsexuality, but methinks this is not something that comes easy to them, just like gays don't discover their own sexuality on the flip of a dime either. I also think a person struggling with their own sexuality generally don't start by wearing heels. Dresses, make-up, those seem far more likely.

[SF]

Busted?  But maybe in a good way….  My wife knew that I liked to wear gals shoes (flats) before we were married, and she was fine with that, we even had matching sandals to wear together.  A few years later I was shoe shopping and saw a pair of heels that just attracted my attention.  On a whim I tried them on, liked what I saw, and was hooked.  I bought the shoes, wore them a few days and liked them even more and was determined to eventually wear them in public.  After all, why buy a pair of nice shoes and wear them only in private?

 

My dilemma was what to tell my wife.   We have always been honest with each other and this was no exception.  I decided to just tell her outright, so one day when she was outside reading in the yard, I put on my heels and walked out to join her.  Despite the sound the heels made she did not seem to notice.  After a few moments I asked her if she liked my new shoes.  She looked at the heels, and did at first seem bit shocked.  I told her the story about finding them in the store, etc., etc…  

 

Short story long, she eventually accepted me in heels (only took a few days and some talking) and now I am a regular heel wearer with my wife's blessing and acceptance.  And we still wear matching shoes - even heels - sometimes!!  She is a great gal, I am lucky !!!!

 

So I guess you can say that I was "busted" but it was my own doing.  

 

JL, I hope that you have a somewhat similar experience with your wife.  Just be honest and reassuring and hopefully all will work its way out.  It does sound like you both are well on your way.  Good luck to you both!!!    sf

[Lime15]

Your wife reacted the way anyone who found something their partner had been hiding from them for a number of years would.  Bravo to you in being honest once she asked and allowing her to control the pace until she becomes more comfortable.  I think that's forgotten a lot when stuff like this happens, I'm sure she felt just as sick when she came upon what you were hiding.  That's the thing here in most instances, not that it's heels but that something was being kept from someone you're close to.

[docs41]

Wow, bet you went through some stressful time, like trying to de-fuse a bomb. It seems to be turning outwell. Good luck!