Wish People That Are Close To U Were More Acceptable

[newguy]

Well yesterday was great. I got a pedicure with lime green nail polish. I went to home depot and Wal-Mart for a few things. Had some stares and had alo tree of smiles from women. I felt great. I sat my wife down and told I her about my fetish for high heels. I told her I love to look and hold them and how I am jealous that they have an entire section of beautiful shoes.I explained that I would like to wear them with her and share the same experience. She freak out and said it was not normal for men to wear heels useless they were having gay feelings. She also said that it is a behavior problem and a cry for help. I need help guys I want to wear heels but how to get the wife to understand. I opened up to her and told her how I felt. Now I dont trust her cause I think she gonna tell our closest friends and family. I thought a wife was supposed to be supportive and keep ur secret not share it everyone. Please help.

[Shafted]

Big mistake. By referring to your heel love as a fetish, you have already stacked the deck against yourself.

[DProud2700]

My observation is this.  I have known ladies in the kink/fetish community and when I use to tell them of my love of the heels nothing else, they would get a look on their face that showed that somehow I had crossed an invisible line to where just wearing the heels and nothing else I was invading a sort of personal space that had been always theirs.  The one bright spot in this is my family.  My wife and daughters and even my niece have always been supportive and I am grateful for that.

[newguy]

I feels so stupid about opening up to my wife bout this. I should of known better. We been having marriage problems for over a yr now. I should have never brought this up to her. Lesson learned. I am gonna keep this on the down low and be supportive to her feelings and hope one day she will be acceptable to it. I gotta start slow and take small steps. I got over confident and jump in to it hoping she would accept it. I got to give her time to take it in.

[AZShoeNut]

There are a lot of web sites out there for guys who cross dress that go into the details of the emotional toll on wives when they learn about their husbands cross dressing. And though for many of us here we only dig wearing shoes I think that the impact could be similar. Google River City Gems. I suspect that their resources page could offer information that could fairly easily be paralled in our world.

[Pumps]

Big mistake. By referring to your heel love as a fetish, you have already stacked the deck against yourself.

 

I agree. I never refer to it as a fetish as it suggest something sexual.

 

Newguy, to bad you didn't seek advice inhere before telling your wife, because there are other ways to go about it, but it's too late now.

[SF]

Sorry that you are having problems, hopefully you can get it sorted out in a reasonable fashion.  I am fortunate that my wife of 20+ years is comfortable with my desire to wear women's shoes - heels and flats.  

Tell your wife that wearing heels is not a staring / gay thing.  I am hopelessly heterosexual, but just love to wear women's shoes.  

Take care and good luck…  sf

[ilikekicks]

. She also said that it is a behavior problem and a cry for help. I need help guys I want to wear heels but how to get the wife to understand. I opened up to her and told her how I felt. Now I dont trust her cause I think she gonna tell our closest friends and family. I thought a wife was supposed to be supportive and keep ur secret not share it everyone. Please help.

This is something that has come up a few times. I was lucky enough ( maybe had insight before hand or I really couldnt care anyway.. ) that My wife knew all about my ' differing ' clothing.

 

A problem that happens is often created by ourselves. In a marriage, were supposed to be trusting, open and HONEST with our spouses. My like of heels came about right before I was dating her. She stated her mother had a huge ' thing ' for high heeled shoes. When I met her folks, I spoke of these things with my ( now ) mother in law and it actually broke the ice between us quite nicely. I now do repairs on her house and receive payment in some of the finest stock of vintage 80's heels that are in mint condition! 

 

If you began to ' like ' heels AFTER you were married, just one day you started admiring/wearing/appreciating them, I can see her having some thoughts. It you liked heels BEFORE hand and didnt tell her, thats a totally different thing.

 

MANY people have started threads in similar to the one you have and in a lot of instances, the guys all knew they liked heels and didnt say anything to anyone about their desire to wear them. If we are not honest with those around us, I dont think we can really blame them for having some kind of reservation.

 

If you think shes going to tell your friends and family, take the wind out of her sails and just start openly wearing them. Be yourself. Be HONEST with those around you and if they cant accept you for the person you are, maybe they arent your friends. 

 

I dated 2 other women before my wife that both knew that I liked to try different things in cloths. Im still friends with both of them and one is even my wifes close ' support ' babe ( They worked together for a decade. She actually introduced me to my wife, imagine that! ). The 2 women I did date had reservations of being involved with someone whom didnt care what others thought to the point where we realized that in a long-term relationship, things would fall apart.

 

The fear of ' rejection ' isnt wanted by anyone so we ALL tend to ' hide ' or mask certain things. This only leads to unhealthy future events.

 

Maybe sit down and show your wife this site. Maybe even this thread and the replies to it.

 

Just for ' statistics ', of those on this site that I have conversed with, I believe maybe all of 3 of them are gay. 2 or 3 are ' transgendered ' and the rest are all ( pardon the pun ) ' Straight heterosexual males ' whom enjoy wearing heels, getting pedicures, wearing skirts ( in some instances ). Because we wear some items most men dont, it doesnt make us ' less a man ' or ' instantly gay '.

 

Sure, some gay males wear heels. Some gay males doll-up and go out as women. Heterosexual guys do it even more then gays! ( the numbers alone would more then likely support such a statement ).

 

This next comment may seem a ' bit much ', but I believe it needs to be said as its kind of ' rude ' but also to the point.

 

What I wonder is how ones wife would believe their husband was gay or something when they have been screwing. Sure, there are ( more then likely ) some gay men out there married to women or were even married to women.. But the point being, if your having a healthy relationship with a woman and the desire is there, how can they really question your sexuality over a pair of footware or a skirt?

 

It would be one thing if you told your wife ' hey honey, I like your breasts so much I would like to have a pair too! '. Much different then a pair of shoes, also something that could cause questioning of ones sexuality ( just my opinion, nothing scientific ).

 

Our spouses may ' love ' us to death and do anything they can to help us in our desires/needs. Its another thing to be ' in love ' and having them accept ALL parts of us for whom we are ( including what we might wish to wear ).

 

 

A suggestion I told another member on here :

 

Tell your wife you will show her by an example how you feel so she can understand it. Ask her to wear the same pair of shoes for EVERYTHING for a month. No derivatives, no exchanges. It doesnt matter what pair of shoes it is that she owns, but just pick one pair and thats all for a month. She might laugh but explain to her thats how ' mens ' fashion really is. Bland, uncomfortable and honestly, unflattering by all means.

 

When she cannot go out with the girls or to her parents or to a friends or grocery shopping without having the same pair of shoes on for a whole month.. Maybe she will understand that *we* as *MEN* may share some of the same human desires as she does.

 

-ILK

[BCBG]

good luck!!!

[Bubba136]

Too bad you didn't ask here for advice before you told your wife, new guy. We might have been able to provide some direction that, perhaps, might have made it easier for you. There are literally tons of entries on the subject on telling wives and others of your fondness for heels. Had you done an "archive search" on the subject you might have saved yourself some angst. However, the damage is done and your relationship with your wife will never be the same. If you doubt me, just go back and read some of the posts in our archives. Good luck!

[newguy]

Thanks for all ur advice guys. Yes y'all are right bout a different direction. My marriage has been failing for over a yr now. My wife and I have been going in different directions. I am trying to be true to myself for yrs now and I am finally stepping out of my shell now. I have been moving up at work and have a great relationship with my daughter's and she rather do other things. Thank guys for support. I will continue to wear heels as I been doing more openly now.

[ilikekicks]

Thanks for all ur advice guys. Yes y'all are right bout a different direction. My marriage has been failing for over a yr now. My wife and I have been going in different directions. I am trying to be true to myself for yrs now and I am finally stepping out of my shell now. I have been moving up at work and have a great relationship with my daughter's and she rather do other things. Thank guys for support. I will continue to wear heels as I been doing more openly now.

 

 

I consider myself either ' lucky ' or fortunate enough to be the person I am in that Im just a rather ' open ' person ' in person '. 

 

Many people have stated that its rather hard to open up about something after they have been married for a while or for family/friends. I can see such causing a dilema but in the same instance, I think its best to just be honest to begin with.

 

What I wonder is if your wife ever asked you about ' heels ' at all. Not even if you liked wearing them, but even if she asked you what your opinion was when SHE was wearing them? 

 

I guess I really dont see the ' big deal ' anymore in many things ( I never did, being honest ). I can put on ( basically ) anything I want and I always have. Those around me never really said anything truly negative and putting on a pair of shoes never changed the person that I am. Those I deal with know this and also know I would view the situation the same if they were to put on some article of clothing that wasnt ( supposedly ) for their gender.

 

THAT is the part I dont understand with a lot of what has been said on the subject.

 

We have known and been known by people for many years. Our parents have known us since we were born. They know who and what we are. I cant see how their view of us can change all of a sudden because we just put on a pair of shoes.. or a skirt.. or a pair of leggings..

 

Im starting to believe that the reason some might say ' coming out ' ( about the clothing we like ) is so ' hard ' because we dont wish to believe those whom we have as family, friends or spouses could actually be ( to steal a term ) ' narrow minded '. We all wish our liberty to wear as we choose and dont wish to label someone so close to us as being anything negative.

[Dr. Shoe]

For the sake of other people thinking of doing the same thing here are some pointers:

 

1. Never "sit her down and tell her," this implies that you think it's a big deal and that it's something serious she needs to know about you. Keep it light, bring it up in conversation that you might like to see what it's like to wear heels. If she flips at this then you know that it will be difficult to get her support and as you've only said that you'd like to experience it you can deny that you have already done it, marriage saved. You could say something like: "I wish men's shoes weren't so boring!"

 

2. Do not refer to it as a fetish, instead promote it as a style choice or alternative fashion.

 

3. Do not suddenly appear to her in heels, wait to be asked to put them on. Don't start wearing them as soon as the subject has been aired, remember that too much too soon can be a deal breaker.

 

4. If embarking on a new relationship, many of the above rules do not apply, you could turn up on a date in heels that are not too extreme and this may open a conversation. If you can't do that then bring it up in conversation before you've made too much of an emotional investment in the relationship.

 

 

What Newguy Could Do Next:

 

1. Ask her to elaborate on her assertion that men in heels have "gay feelings'. Also ask her to explain why she considers it a cry for help.

 

2. Explain to her that most gay men do not, and never will, wear heels and the idea that this is so is just a myth. Why would men who want to attract other gay men want to look like a woman?

 

3. Do not blame her for having these views.

 

4. Ask her to explain why she considers women in trousers to be normal but a man in a skirt "must" be gay. She will say that it's just because one is normal and the other is not. Remind her that in some cultures women are stoned to death for "impersonating a man" and in other cultures such as in Indonesia, more men wear skirts than trousers.

 

You may not change her views but at least she may come to allow you to wear heels on odd occasions. BTW, she will not be able to "suffer the shame"of telling your friends.

 

If your marriage really is struggling then my advice would be to look at what you did to court her in the first place and start doing the same things. How about asking her out on a date?

[Shafted]

Now that's a worthy contribution.

[Guest]

Good advice. Not so much on #1. It is a big deal and sitting her down to TALK about it is the right step. Very much agree with dont go showing off you shoes to her. This is BIG news to her. Let it settle in and give her time. Let her bring it back up if she has questions, and she will. The last thing you want to do is shove it down her throat. Next thing is figure out what is more important, her or your shoes. marriage takes work. I know, I ahave been thru all this. Find something to do with your wife. For us it was church. We both got very invovled with church, specifically celebrate recovery. But you both have to want it to work. Wear your heels in private I but give her time

[AZShoeNut]

Now that's a worthy contribution.

Ditto

[heelsagain]

This topic definitely applies to me.  I'm a newbie here and really appreciate the feedback in this area.

 

I have been "interested" in high heels for as long as I can remember, but it hasn't been until recently, with the help of this website, sort of "come out" somewhat.  After my step-daughter came to stay with us for a couple of weeks back in March and her high heels were laying around the house, I couldn't resist and tried a pair on.  This re-ignited this interest and I was off again after many years of not heeling.

 

In 2006 I met my wife and the heeling was not a part of my life at the time.  Now it is and I have been hiding it from her, which I hate doing.  Recently she has been out of the country for an extended time and it's really been "on".  So when she returns, I will have to hide the heels in the house.  Based on some of the great advice here I am going to take it very slow. 

 

I have actually asked my wife about her opinion of high heels.  When her daughter was staying with us I picked up her gorgeous Nine West booties (which I had tried on) and asked her what she thought.  She replied that when she was young, she wore heels but now she wants to wear shoes that are comfortable. So I have actually started to talk a little about the subject.

 

As for Newguy, I hope that everything turns out for the best.  Rest assured that you have helped me by sharing your experience.  THANKS!

[Dr. Shoe]

Good advice. Not so much on #1. It is a big deal and sitting her down to TALK about it is the right step.  

Talk after you have done number 1...

[ilikekicks]

 This is BIG news to her. 

 

I need to ask, and Im not trying to be a dick or anything, but how is a pair of shoes big news?

 

*I* HONESTLY might be just that simple of a person for finding something like a pair of shoes causing a commotion to be.. dumb?

 

I started another thread that went off-topic/hijacked about things worthy of note in comparison to ' I wear heels '.

 

 

 

Next thing is figure out what is more important, her or your shoes. marriage takes work. I know, I ahave been thru all this. Find something to do with your wife. For us it was church. We both got very invovled with church, specifically celebrate recovery. But you both have to want it to work. Wear your heels in private I but give her time

 

 

 

Again, ' her or your shoes '. 

 

As bad as it might sound, and not to be insulting, if such a choice was to be forced, I'd hold the door open for her. I would even help her pack!

 

I could see ' big news ' being one or the other sleeping around. I could see one or the other having a ' fetish ' for minors in school uniforms. How about coming home with someone else and asking for a 3 way?

 

' Big news '.. how about having a verbal spat with the inlaws or being so vile towards them that they tell your spouse not to bring you around anymore?

 

How about the Bills? Rent paid? Car fixed? Hows the health these days? Family member terminally sick or anything?

 

I seriously dont understand why a pair of shoes should cause such an issue.

[AZShoeNut]

I need to ask, and Im not trying to be a dick or anything, but how is a pair of shoes big news? *I* HONESTLY might be just that simple of a person for finding something like a pair of shoes causing a commotion to be.. dumb? I started another thread that went off-topic/hijacked about things worthy of note in comparison to ' I wear heels '. Again, ' her or your shoes '. As bad as it might sound, and not to be insulting, if such a choice was to be forced, I'd hold the door open for her. I would even help her pack! I could see ' big news ' being one or the other sleeping around. I could see one or the other having a ' fetish ' for minors in school uniforms. How about coming home with someone else and asking for a 3 way? ' Big news '.. how about having a verbal spat with the inlaws or being so vile towards them that they tell your spouse not to bring you around anymore? How about the Bills? Rent paid? Car fixed? Hows the health these days? Family member terminally sick or anything? I seriously dont understand why a pair of shoes should cause such an issue.

I agree with your logical perspective, ILK. The only problem is that it seems that many people's perspective on "gender crossing" topics seem to defy logic. Hell, it seems that logic is sorely missing from many people's perspective on most subjects. Best, Larry

[ilikekicks]

I agree with your logical perspective, ILK. The only problem is that it seems that many people's perspective on "gender crossing" topics seem to defy logic. Hell, it seems that logic is sorely missing from many people's perspective on most subjects. Best, Larry

 

This might seem like a ' slight ' against others, but how can we get involved in relationships with people like this? Its one thing if we come across clothing likes AFTER we become involved, but to not be honest with others and enter into a relationship without being honest?

 

Even still, Afterwards, if we are honest and say to them " Ya know.. Ive just found those shoes to be of interest to me for some reason as of late.. ", they should have a form of rejection? No crime committed, yet we are to be tried?

 

Thus why I would help the other half pack or get the door for them. Do we really wish to be with someone thats not supportive of something so minor? What does it say about them and us? We are good enough for a charade but not to be ourselves?

 

Time and time again we do this, not just with shoes, but many differing things. 

 

I must agree with you whole heartedly that it does defy all forms of logic and thus : Im puzzled or just absolutely baffled.

 

-ILK

[newguy]

Uh I must of hit a sore spot. I am with you all on the subject. I am 30 yrs old I have married 3 time and working on my third divorce. I really dont want to get personal but I want to live life. I am tired of lying to myself. I never got to know me. There is is just something bout high heels that make me feel good. I love they way they feel they way u can dress them or down. I love the click of heels. I am not gay, I am not mentally ill, I am not transgender. I am outdoorsman and a father that love high heels. Nothing has change other then found a comfort zone. I agree (ilk) they r shoes. There are alot of problems going on. Oh no a man in heels call 911 start a riot but hey ur kid is bleeding to death but lets focus on the man in heels. People what wrong with them. They r completely bored and have hope for anything that they put energy into pionting and laughing at different. Dont judge ride the journey of what others enjoy before you open ur mouth.

[ilikekicks]

Uh I must of hit a sore spot. 

 

 

Not at all! . You just brought up a topic of conversation that is mentioned QUITE often. For as often as it comes up, the usual conclusion to it is : give up the shoes OR do whatever it takes to keep your partner around ( which is the same as getting rid of the shoes ).

 

 

I am with you all on the subject. I am 30 yrs old I have married 3 time and working on my third divorce. I really dont want to get personal but I want to live life. I am tired of lying to myself. I never got to know me. 

 

 

This might be why marriage hasnt worked for you. Its one thing to have a relationship with ourselves and know our desires. Until we do, theres no way we can relate to others and be in some form of commitment with them. If we dont know what or who we are, how can we share ourselves?

 

As you stated ' I never got to know me '.. Man.. Ive been there. I didnt know what I wanted in life. I will be 45 next month and I *think* I have figured out what I want out of life. I dont have all the details nor do I know if Im making the best decisions, theres always questions milling about. I do know though, Im where ( location wise ) I want to be ( non-city, country type setting ) and the kinds of people I wish to be around ( laid back and not always ' in a rush ' types ). I figure things out with everyday that passes.. as do we all!

 

"There is is just something bout high heels that make me feel good. I love they way they feel they way u can dress them or down. I love the click of heels."

 

As do I and ( more then likely.. ) everyone reading what you wrote.

 

"I am not gay, I am not mentally ill, I am not transgender."

 

Being gay, mentally ill or transgender wouldnt matter one bit in regards to your choice of footware.

 

"I am outdoorsman and a father that love high heels. Nothing has change other then found a comfort zone. I agree (ilk) they r shoes. There are alot of problems going on. Oh no a man in heels call 911 start a riot but hey ur kid is bleeding to death but lets focus on the man in heels. People what wrong with them. They r completely bored and have hope for anything that they put energy into pionting and laughing at different. Dont judge ride the journey of what others enjoy before you open ur mouth."

 

I say let them have their journeys and you can enjoy yours. Theres absolutely no reason at all you shouldnt be allowed to do so as long as your not harming anyone else.

 

-ILK

 

 

[Dr. Shoe]

I need to ask, and Im not trying to be a dick or anything, but how is a pair of shoes big news?

 

*I* HONESTLY might be just that simple of a person for finding something like a pair of shoes causing a commotion to be.. dumb?

 

I started another thread that went off-topic/hijacked about things worthy of note in comparison to ' I wear heels '.

 

 

 

 

 

Again, ' her or your shoes '. 

 

As bad as it might sound, and not to be insulting, if such a choice was to be forced, I'd hold the door open for her. I would even help her pack!

 

I could see ' big news ' being one or the other sleeping around. I could see one or the other having a ' fetish ' for minors in school uniforms. How about coming home with someone else and asking for a 3 way?

 

' Big news '.. how about having a verbal spat with the inlaws or being so vile towards them that they tell your spouse not to bring you around anymore?

 

How about the Bills? Rent paid? Car fixed? Hows the health these days? Family member terminally sick or anything?

 

I seriously dont understand why a pair of shoes should cause such an issue.

I agree most wholeheartedly hence my rule number one. Do not sit her down and tell her that you have a big secret. It is only a pair of shoes!

[mlroseplant]

I think one thing missing from this discussion is the fact that, like most things in life, unusual fashion choices vs. keeping mama happy is not an all-or-nothing proposition. As with most successful ventures, there has to be some compromise. "She has to accept me exactly the way I am" sounds uncomfortably close to "I'm going to do whatever I want, and if she doesn't like it, that's her problem." NOT a good way to build a healthy relationship.

 

In my own marriage, my wife lets me wear whatever shoes I want, within limits. Those limits are that I can't wear heels to visit Vietnam, where she's from, and where gender roles are still much more "traditional." Also, I can't wear heels at any function involving her co-workers, most of whom are from some part of SE Asia. I've gotten so I don't even ask anymore, I just put on "normal" men's shoes. Does this mean that my wife is illogically assigning some sort of fundamental masculinity value to a mere pair of shoes? Maybe. Am I going to leave her because of it, especially given her otherwise wonderful qualities as a wife and mother? Definitely not.

[StarCrossed]

She freak out and said it was not normal for men to wear heels useless they were having gay feelings. She also said that it is a behavior problem and a cry for help.

She is very upset about your clothing/shoe choices. Her declaration of men wearing heels as a behavior problem is incorrect, but her anger at you may be the problem.  

I feels so stupid about opening up to my wife bout this. I should of known better. We been having marriage problems for over a yr now.

Women generally disapprove of men wearing what they consider to be their clothing. All women who I've confided in about my like of shoes or skirts have reacted as if I offended them and that I'm the one who had a problem. Men who have accepting, supportive or merely tolerant, women in their lives are very fortunate. It's important to remember that you're not the one at fault here. No matter what you may have to do to deal with your relationship, you're not wrong for wanting to wear high heels and have some of same freedoms your wife has. This really shouldn't be a big issue for people, but it is, unfortunately.

[AZShoeNut]

 

I must agree with you whole heartedly that it does defy all forms of logic and thus : Im puzzled or just absolutely baffled.

 

 

Furthering my contemplation about how illogical some reactions to "gender crossing" issues are I recalled a story that I heard in youth group when I was in my teens.  The intent of the story was to illustrate how it was important to be who we are even if it goes against the grain.  The story was about some type of primates such as chimps or apes or the like.

 

Basically a study was done over a lengthy period of time where several primates shared a common space.  Within that common space there was a ladder and a treat or food was placed at the top of the ladder.  Whenever one of the primates would climb the ladder the rest of the primates would get sprayed with water.  This continued and the primates then started to dissuade any primate who attempted to climb the ladder for the treat.  This continued for a period of time until no primates attempted to climb the ladder.  Whenever new primates were introduced the other primates would keep them from climbing the ladder.  After a period of time the experimenters stopped spraying the primates and the group still continued to keep new primates from climbing the ladder.  Eventually there were no primates who were part of the initial group and thus the entire group had not ever experienced getting sprayed when a primate climbed the ladder.  The behavior, however, of keeping each other off of the ladder was well established even though not one primate knew why they were keeping each other off of the ladder.

 

I suspect that the absolutely illogical reaction that many of us experience from our spouses or other important people in our life may just be steeped in similar past, and no longer useful, mindsets having been passed down from generation to generation.  As Warren Farrell suggests in his book, "The Myth of Male Power," many of the elements that establish generally accepted gender roles are based upon such long past requirements.

 

Examples from Warren Farrell, who I heard in a day long presentation, include the poor attitude toward homosexuality and how women tend to be saved at the risk of men in some situations.  It is postulated by Farrell that the (gratefully now reducing) poor attitude toward homosexual people and the saving of women at the risk to men are both steeped in cultures where survival of the population required people to procreate and that women were available to give birth.  It is suggested that the need for the culture to survive and for people to procreate was so great and so in peril that anything that countered it was strictly forbidden and viewed to be extremely heinous.  The question was posed to the 120 men that I was with that if a woman was drowning would you jump in to rescue her even if your own drowning seemed likely and most of the 120 men indicated that they would.  Under-population certainly is not a problem today, at least in my neck of the woods however both of these attitudes remain in place.  I highly support gay people so I have overcome that illogical past mindset.  I would, even though completely illogical, probably still jump in the water to help save the drowning woman.

 

I just fail to see where anybody today is jeopardized by a guy wearing high heels.  The fact is that nobody is jeopardized however logic and reasonable thought are little match to a group that has been conditioned by ancient, and now useless, needs.

 

Just something that I have been chewing on.

 

Best,

Larry

[Shyheels]

I look at it from an arm's length social and anthropological point of view. Just think of it dispassionately. If we were to hear about a tribe of South Pacific islanders who had such strong, violently held taboos about which colours and types of footwear or ankle decoration were permitted to be worn by men or women, the vast majority of our own society would probably be intrigued, curious, probably slightly condescending (albeit in a PC way) and marvelling that any society could have such odd and indeed quixotic taboos. We would be fascinated - but immediately see it for the arbitrary construct that it is.

[Steve63130]

Guys, never look for logic where emotional relationships are involved. You won't find success with that approach.

 

Women, like men, can be very insecure, especially if the relationship is new or on a rocky road. You need to do EVERYTHING you can to keep her in her secure comfort zone. If high heels or nylon hosiery or skirts take her out of that zone, you better not do it. Figure out ways to take baby steps to reach your goal. It may take years (it took me 20) but it's worth it in the end. I pushed the envelope very slightly each time, giving my wife plenty of time to adjust. Now she doesn't care if I want to wear heels, although of course there are still limits. I respect her opinions, and I never fight or argue. Both are losing scenarios. "Yes, dear" keeps the peace. But I still push the envelope slowly and watch her reactions. I back off if I feel negative vibes and push forward if I don't.

 

Case in point: A couple of weeks ago we were invited to lunch at a colleague of hers, which we'll call E. Another colleague, K was there also. I put on off-white jeans and my off-white Naturalizer Daquiri sandals with 4" stacked heels. I was waiting for her to say, "You're not wearing those shoes" but she never did. Had she, my answer would have been, "Oh, no, of course not" and I would have changed to something not objectionable. Since she said nothing, I went ahead and pushed the envelope. She was ok with it. Neither of her colleagues, who have seen me in heels before, said a word or even pretended to notice my shoes. Result: A very happy outing that would never have happened without her being in her comfort zone, which I've constantly worked to expand.

 

So the best approach, I feel, is baby steps over a long period of time, constantly pushing the envelope, and giving your spouse plenty of time to adjust and regain her confidence. If you go too fast, you lose her. If you never go forward at all, you lose the opportunity to wear heels. Try to strike a balance and there is a good chance you'll enjoy both marriage and high heels.

 

Steve

[newguy]

I have been away from this awhile. I have thinking like crazy. I might have to put the heels for awhile. I really dont have support from anyone and plus I have lived in this city for a year now. It would be really hard to explain to someone u know why all the sudden ur wearing heels. My wife has put alot of stuff in my head. U guys look amazing in heels and can pull it off effortlessly. I am having trouble finding that image to look good in heels. Its really hard to shop without bumping into someone u know. I really want to wear heels but having a hard time with it cause oil have a stay at home wife and she always with me. I try to wear them offen but always on my guard which causes me to loss confidence and I walk like a klutz. Open to opinion or suggestions.