Negative Experiences?

[JeffB]

Ya, I hear you, however, I tend to believe that someone who has it in them to flip a u-turn just so that they can yell more insults has it in them to throw the car in park, get out, and become violent if provoked. My old boss would have done just that. Shoot, he claimed to have ripped an ear ring out of a guy's ear in high school (80s).

Making that u-turn makes this guy a person to ignore and avoid.

I would agree. Too many unbalanced minds on the roads these days. You never know if you might encounter someone who, for whatever reason, might decide to take the time out of his day to accost you. I've never had that happen to me, but I don't discount the possibility that might happen.

[rocketmann]

Keep in mind that if you look like a victim you have more of a chance to be that victim. What has already been said is that if you exhibit some attitude and appear confident then its not worth a person with negative feelings to tell you those. My first experience in heels was in front of 3 women. They looked, but not long. Giggled as I expected. One of them said , "I wear a pair of those at my job". I assume she was a stripper because I was wearing 8" heels with platform. Remember this was my first time out. What made a difference was I walked past the girls. I made eye contact. I glided with confidence right past them. I turned it into a positive encounter instead of a negative one.

[Curt]

I only get negative experiences in heels when I'm not walking good in them. Pumps have to fit properly for me. I have narrow heels and they seem to pop out of pumps easily. I get no negativity when I wear boots or booties. If you walk in them gracefully, there shouldn't be any problems.

[hhboots]

I've had a few minor unpleasant experiences over the years, one of them I did let it get me down way more than I should have. I eventually got over myself and got back out there... But as some others have said or implied, its all about your confidence and the way you present yourself. If you look really uncomfortable or awkward in how you're walking in them, or you keep looking around nervously, then chances are you will probably have some negative experiences. Its really hard to get those demon's out of your mind, and just like another recent thread says, get "them" out of your head and you will be much better off, because almost no one you pass by randomly really cares what you wear to be honest. I know it is very hard to get to the point to be completely at ease doing something considered so different from the norm. I am about 2/3 of the way there, but there is still a ways for me to go, even after more than 5 years going out in heels and usually some other feminine clothing/accessories, I still have not reached the point many others here are at.

[FreshinHeels]

have to knock of wood here. 2 years heeling now and no bad experiences.

[Aly]

The most interesting experience I've had was with a pair of boots with a 3" block heel. They were a bit noisy walking through a store one day and when I got up to the cash register there was a guy working the register. As he's scanning my purchases he asks "How high on your leg do those boots go?" Nothing at all about the heel height - he wanted to know how tall the shaft was! He said he heard me coming and just had to know about the boots!

[saudade]

Outside of a few touch feely guys at a bar once, I've not had any negative verbal contact. Maybe I'm weird, but i'm not wearing heels to get groped, just for my own edification. But thats me. Oh except once this one girl near immediately honed onto me wearing heels once. Normally i'd never been around her in heels but it was funny, she immediately looked at me and then looked down and asked flat out "are you wearing heels", said yep and showed her. That was basically it, she said oh, then back to normal apparently. Boring story is boring, she hasn't brought it up again or said anything since. So think either she doesn't care or is indifferent to it or is just being polite by not mentioning it. Whatever, reactions like hers seem to be the overall norm versus the negatives.

[Guest]

I just ignore any of these immature or jerks that never grew up, teens you expect it though, but I just feel sorry for anyone thats an adult that reponds that way, I've got much more PROFOUND things to think about in this universe than any & all responces to what the hell I choose to wear on my feet.

[P08C]

Thank you all for your wonderful responses! Although I haven't responded I have been reading...I just have nothing really to say. Anyway, thanks again!

[Guest]

Kids are your biggest fear. They are short and close to the ground so the have a better angle and kids don't usually miss much.

[Stilletto2004]

I haven't been publicly heeling long enough to really get any responses. Other than from the sales people selling me the shoes, which are always positive. Go figure!

[Curt]

Sales people always love me! Probably for profit. I bought a pair of boots at sirens and asked to try them on. The salesgirl almost had a nervous breakdown! Maybe she never saw a guy in heels before. All the other girls didn't care. It shouldn't matter, I was wearing pumps and flare jeans and a womens coat when I came in there. Other than that, never had a problem in a store. I went to sears last night, bought pantyhose. I told the lady they weren't for me. I was a little embarassed, very rarely I am. She said we have to sell to everybody. Its none of our business which gender buys what. I went to jean machine to buy womens' jeans. I told the girl they were really long. She said, you have to wear them with your heels. Cool! I said, I coming here next time in my pumps. She said more guys should dress like that, its refreshing. Getting back to the topic, the only negative comments a get are from my mother. She wants me to dress like some nerd that shops in the mens section at marks work warehouse. A don't think so! High heels, tight pants and funky coats is where its at for me.

[freestyle75]

Oh well... sometimes I want to quit freestyle fashion altogether

I went grocery shopping yesterday, wearing the following items:

Yes, it's all women's clothing, but nothing over the top.

I just had received the jacket from an online store this week, it was the first time I was wearing it. I had originally bought it for my navy-colored kilt, as the blue colors match nicely and the jacket is shorter than all other jackets I own so the kilt doesn't get hidden by a (too) long jacket. It doesn't have any typical "women's" seams at the front, so I considered it to be ok.

The turtle neck is not recognizable as a women's one, the jeans have a wide leg throughout, which I have never found so far in the men's department (I love them!). Heels are from Acne boots, bought during a shopping spree in London. All in all, an outfit that I liked and thought that it would match well together.

First, when I walk into the market, a couple in their 30s starts laughing at me, while following me through the market. I am not sure, but I think the guy took a photo with his iPhone. After he got his picture, they went a different way. Yes, I could have confronted them, but at that time I just thought to let it go.

While kneeing down to get some Joghurt, four young men and a girl in the early 20s point at me and start laughing, shouting some things in Russian language (although I am living in Germany), so other people turn around as well. I felt like running a gauntlet from that time on.

At that point, I just wanted to get out. I quickly finished my grocery shopping. I forgot to buy a couple of things I needed, because I felt scatterbrained as I was so upset. After these two events, it also felt like everyone was watching me, which probably wasn't the case. Not a very positive experience.

I had some negative experiences before, but not condensed in such a short time frame. I have worn the pants before with the heels, no problem. So I wonder whether the jacket is too feminine, although I like it very much. I am currently trying to figure out whether it put me "over the top" so to say, and made me a laughing stock...

I don't have anyone to talk about this, so I just wanted to put it here where people are more understanding.

[Curt]

I think you have to dress the way you want to. You have to try not to worry about what others think. What you were wearing looked great! I would love to have a sweater like that. Its the only item of womens I don't have. I have boots, coats, pants that are womens. I think women will be laughed at when they wear high fashion runway stuff. The clothes so far out there that will never see the light of day in any retail store. Pm me if want someone to talk to about fashion choices. Don't change the way you dress just because people don't approve. Yesterday I was treated bad in the mens section of a store. When I went into the womens store it was fine. I wrote about it in my blog. Clar.

[JeffB]

freestyle75: Don't let what happened discourage you from dressing how you want. The world is chock full of fools who show no class or decorum while in public. Now if that had happened to me, I probably would've challenged them, most idiots like them scurry like roaches when the lights come on when confronted, still, turning the other cheek and ignoring them was a good move as well. Just file that incident in the mental trash can and move on. When you let other dictate how you live your life by their callous actions, they win and you lose. NEVER let that happen!

[Jimnj3]

freestyle75, I have to say I really like what you were wearing. Love to see a complete photo of the outfit. I see no reason for any pointing and laughing as most folks don't look that well dressed. Keep it up. As JeffB says!

[Shafted]

Point and laugh back at them, dude. They are probably wearing something worthy of a good laugh if they dress like most guys. To be honest, I have to wonder what you really looked like. That's just seems like too much negativity all at once.

[freestyle75]

To be honest, I have to wonder what you really looked like. That's just seems like too much negativity all at once.

No hard feelings, but next time I will take a photo of myself before making a posting here. Just imagine all the things I already posted I was wearing + an average looking male human head on top of it with a 2 week old 6mm haircut. No, I wasn't dressing up as an alien or something

[Shafted]

It's not so much as what you were wearing as much as how well it worked on your body type (you in general). Don't worry many guys haven't quite figured out what works for their body type. Fashion is art, if you can't appeal to the masses, you will starve.

[freestyle75]

Okay... here you go (just made this photo for you, Shafted!):

So... what do you think?

[Jimnj3]

Gotta say I don't see anything to laugh about!!! Thanks for the photo! I think you look great! Keep it up. Jim

[Shafted]

I like most of that outfit, but the turtleneck with that jacket may be a bit too much for some. You may need to ditch the turtleneck for a more open neck. Then top your neck with a knit winter scarf. I'm bound to hear something for my opinion on this. It may be your appearance of confidence. You have to look like you belong in that outfit. That is really what you have to do to wear any alternative fashion.

[freestyle75]

Hi shafted,

thanks for you opinion, very much appreciated. First of all: I am glad that you didn't tell me that it's totally wrong, something like "with your body type this really doesn't fit"

About the turtleneck: Oh well... I do have a box with about 10 or 12 scarves, but I seldomly wear them. I might give them a try if it's a tad warmer here. I really like turtlenecks, I've got the same type of sweater in 4 other colors (off-white, petrol, black and brown).

It may be your appearance of confidence. You have to look like you belong in that outfit. That is really what you have to do to wear any alternative fashion.

That might be it. I am normally quite confident, but the first couple with that guy taking a picture might have been a little too much for me. After that (and yes, you are right there), my confidence basically was non-existent.

Well.. at least I am better prepared for such a situation next time.

[Shafted]

I think that for most guys, your body type is envious, for those that want to dress out of the norm. You really have to be able to play up to the attention that you get from other people and a smile goes a long way.

[JeffB]

freestyle75: As a fan of turtlenecks (especially during winter), I like the top you wore and how you paired it with your jacket which is quite stylish. In fact, your entire outfit was very tasteful, why those fools would make fun of you I have no idea. Perhaps Shafted's suggestion about your not displaying the proper confidence might have attracted the attention of those idiots. As someone who regularly wears skirts in public, I make damn sure to display plenty of confidence, like what I happen to be wearing is no big deal, and no one has ever laughed at me. Be bold, act bold and you'll do just fine.

[Curt]

I would love to have a top like that. It looks really great! Btw, the way you dress is very close to how I do it. I like the flare jeans with the skinny heels and the mid-length leather coats. If someone doesn't like how you dress, screw them! I khow its depressing when you take a lot of time putting something nice together.

[HappyinHeels]

freestyle75, The reaction at the store does surprise me for Germany but, like others have said, the world is full of fools. If I had seen people following me I would have surprised them with a photo of my own-putting my 5" heel up their backside with the promise their face would soon be visible around the world. Technology can work both ways! I do think the issue is confidence my friend. Consider one of our members, Thighbootguy, wears thigh-high boots nearly every day and he lives in Kentucky which is not exactly Europe but he thrives. JeffB wears skirts and heels regularly in PHILADELPHIA which has its share of smartasses and he thrives. No matter what you wear it must be "clothed in confidence" so that the world MUST accept you on your terms. As you go about your business in the days and weeks ahead I'd like you to remember this about fear and danger. Danger is very real and taking the right precautions can usually keep us out of it way. Fear is only something that exists in our minds as the result of some decision we have made. If you believe in something with all your heart, and have the determination to see it through, then fear will not stand in your way. Remember why people giggle or make remarks in the presence of others; because they lack the strength to do these things alone. Look the would-be bully in the eye and he runs away EVERY SINGLE TIME. Ignorance is no match for confidence, keep stepping out and showing your confidence. HappyinHeels

[Histiletto]

I have never known a day that I didn't want to wear my preference of styled court shoes, even during the times it seemed I had to accept the social dictations or risk loosing the flimsy thread of social stature that was programmed in me as important. In the realms of negative experiences, I often wonder how much better life would have offered had I been truer to what I felt, than trying to exist in two realities. In one, I outwardly satisfied the status quo and in the other I secretively satisfied my desire by procuring and wearing heels, be they flats, extreme stilettos, or any preferred height and style in between. The ideas of fashion weren't considered much as I began my quest to heel, because they supported the social attitude that was against anyone's agency to choose their own appearance from how and what they felt. Being in style has been the thing to do if you were to be anybody important and the idea of males in any female attire has been consider perverting, mimicking, and disgusting displays worthy of social ridicule and/or exclusion. Then the world started to change when free thinking became more mainstreamed. The institutions of society weren't able to present the right explanations to satisfy the contrasting feelings and thoughts of the younger generations when they noted the inaccuracies of the social standards. Movements, like the beatniks, teenage rebels, hippies, civil rights, feminism, gay rights, and etc. grew very popular in some areas due to the misunderstandings society has created and promoted. Simple things like why were there tomboys and sissies couldn't be explained, because the standards didn't recognize these personalities as normal behaviors. Then the worst fears much of society tried to keep hidden is homosexuality. Even today, there are many misconceptions on all sides of this issue believed to be true, because the real truth has not been acknowledged. Therefore, many people have only their animal instincts to guide their thoughts and then their actions. Now my insight into the gay community is also limited for I am a hetero being, but I think if society could clearly understand that men and women can have the same desires and that the gender idea is an inaccurate theory, much of the incorrectness could be rectified. This I have come to know from dealing with my desire to wear heels.

[Steve63130]

Freestyle75, I like that outfit, even with the turtleneck. I can't understand how anyone would laugh at it. I think it looks really good. Steve

[bluejay]

Freestyle75, That's a great combination! It certainly IS NOT TOO FEMININE looking for a man to wear. I am really surprised that some laughed at your style. Shame on them. I have had people take second looks at me, but no one ever laughed at me for what I was wearing. And yes I am a real fashion forward male that wears heels openly for all to see. I don't try to hide them and I always walk with confidence when wearing heels, with men's clothing and other times wearing women's attire, when I am out. Maybe because I have been public heeling for over 20 years now, I have acquired the confidence needed. Incidentally, my wife is OK with my heeling. We even have matching pairs of shoes that we wear out together. We sometimes get compliments on our looks, like most recently on Valentines Day. Don't get discouraged by that recent incident. Keep on heeling and keep us posted too. Happy Heeling' bluejay