bladerunner Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Want everyones any anyones advice..think we've been here before. Scenario: wife and two great kids My wife knows of my issues if you call it that! but my two children! 17 and 20 don't! now to be honest they may have a tiny inkling that their dad may not worrry too much on dress code i.e womens jumpers ,sleepwear etc Is it to late to talk to them and let them know about my heeling/freestyling/cross dressing! have any of you dealt with this before? your advice would be much appreciated... i have reached a point in my life where the frustration of being secretive is driving me mad..i have deliberately left out two pairs of heels in my room just too see if i get a query on where they have come from! but as yet nothing!! Feel like tossing a coin!!! just ohh i dont know...ARRRRRGGHHHH!!!!! WILL I WONT I WILL IWONT I!!!!! I just love those suede heels!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnieheel Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Are the children male, female, or one of each? I think kids these days are into individuality and a lot more open minded than back when. I would break it to them gently. Ask them questions like how they feel about guys and gals who like to dress goth, wear piercings, tattoos, spiked hair, etc. Feel them out and if they answer with something like "to each his or her own or what ever floats your boat or they might even have gay friends or friends who dress like this, then your in the green. Go from there. real men wear heels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadianheels Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Bladerunner... Lemme say first I agree with Johnieheel. I am no expert in kids....but having been involved in youth organizations for the last 20 years I can tell you kids...are usually the most understanding of these sort of life choices. If anything they are the first to come around if they don't accept it at first...Only because teens these days are always doing crazy and wacky things to be different. We had a kid in our youth group that decided he liked flower dresses better then boy cloths. He was a str8 kid with good grades. He just like the outfit better. All the kids supported him. The School basically kicked him out for being a "Distraction to the other youth" so the school had a sit in, with all the participants wearing flower dresses... So I think if you are already planting items about your house hoping to get caught...sounds to me you are ready to tell them...so maybe you should have a family meeting. Be honest and show them what you like and explane why....but make sure to be confident or they will not take you seriously. They can sense that....Trust me I know. They may challenge you too....so just make sure to defend yourself with facts and in a loving way and you should be just fine. Best of luck to you. Acadianheels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShockQueen Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 My own $.02 is that it was time to tell them quite a while ago. They might wonder why you waited so long to tell them, but if they are into different things, then it might be okay anyway. I'd say honesty is definitely the best policy here. Good luck! SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tech Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Scenario: wife and too great kids lol, "too kids" ? ok, just kidding.. Here's what I would do if I had kids, and this is purely based on the whole "telling people anything" basis. If you were to sit them down and try to "tell them about it", it then shows that YOU think its a "problem" and something that should be worried about. Just like telling anybody in that "Sit down, there is something I need to tell you" scenario... If you turn it into an issue, then it will be perceived as an issue, and possibly not something to be very positive about, or something that you might be ashamed of, so there would be even less understanding of why your doing it in the first place. If on the other hand, you just did it like you brush your teeth every day, and it is something that you "just-do" and are happy with it, then your also sending out vibes that its just something you wear, and "whats the big deal" I dont see it as being any different to telling anybody, about anything out of the ordinary. If you come across as being nervous or maybe even embarrassed about it, then thats how it will be taken, but if you just get on your horse and ride, or should I say "just put your heels on and go about your business" then its easier to hit questions like "what or why are you wearing heels" with a simple "because I like them" than to make a song and dance about it... The more "nonchalant" you are about it, the easier it just seems to fit in, and in some situations, doesnt even get noticed. Hope that makes some degree of sense... What Acadianheels said is also right, kids are far more accepting and less of a problem with things out of the ordinary because their young minds are less "set in their ways" and children today dont have many of the olde fashioned values that some parents/grandparents have. But, when you do break out the heels, I'd say, try to do it with style, and choose wisely for a while, with co-ordination so your kids dont just think your an idiot, or thats its some kinda fetish.. If you just break out in 6" stilettoes that you can hardly walk in, and un-co-ordinated outfit, then you might look like your off to the circus, and again, it will be taken badly. Heels for Men // Legwear Fashion // HHPlace Guidelines If something doesn't look right, please report the content ASAP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 have you talked it over with your wife? It could be that she'd already told them years ago! If that is not the case, what I would do is to just wander in with a pair of heels on and see if they notice. If they do they will probably laugh at their silly Dad, then they'll probably say it's cool, make certain "conditions of acceptance" (ie not in front of our friends) and then the job's done. Treat it in a joky way and they will be cool, in fact they might be a little bit proud of the fact that they have a Dad that's different, I know my daughter is! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
airwolf Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I didn't know that you have a daughter. I guess that you have the best of all worlds. Airwolf have you talked it over with your wife? It could be that she'd already told them years ago! If that is not the case, what I would do is to just wander in with a pair of heels on and see if they notice. If they do they will probably laugh at their silly Dad, then they'll probably say it's cool, make certain "conditions of acceptance" (ie not in front of our friends) and then the job's done. Treat it in a joky way and they will be cool, in fact they might be a little bit proud of the fact that they have a Dad that's different, I know my daughter is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morpho Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I dont have an advice becasue i am not qualified for that since i dont have kids, but i can have an opinion and and analisis if it helps: First In your case the most important thing is to see inside you what you want based on cause -effect, so if you want to let them know, then ask yourself why? or is it important in anyway? Many wont agree but let me put some points that are making this issue a nonsense option for telling your kids. 1. your personal fetishes and sexual life is yours and only yours shared with your wife only, that secret only starts and finnishes in the bedroom. (most cases apply) 2. even if you love so much your kids there are things that has to remain personal "not necesarily secret" and is ackward to give details. 3. your image definatelly will change in their head (of your kids), but not their love toward you, with or without heels is ok anyways, they are noone to examine you, and if they hava a negative or a disagreement what are you gonna do? try to convince? nonsense right? 4. Most probably they wont be very happy for you, mostly or maybe disapointed, but not condemninng, nothing is absolute in this life, so is better also in this point no to do so. 5. To be honest will make you happy or sad? if the putcome will be most likely confusion and understanding but not and definatelly they wont congratulate you. If it happens that they are not also heel fans then they wont feel the same way. remember they are not heel fans. 6. It is very important to ask your wife what she thinks, honestly, is the image of her husband also and that is not belonging only to you, so dont be that selfish, her opinion is another 60% maybe. If you care about her steam and future life and also image. 7. would your life be better? are you gonna be a TG openly? or wear heels always in your normal life? if the answer is yes to this Q's then go ahead. otherwise please consider the other points i wrote to you. The only positive part of telling them is that as you said you will feel free from sercrets, and mybe peace of mind, "selfishly" because you wont know what the rest of the family will really be thinking and maybe they wont like to tell you a negative in order no to hurt you, the worst thing for the man of the house is that the family would be feeling pitty for him for x reason, This is not an issue and is not something to be ashame of is only a hobbie and is personal only can be shared to the people of the same species, shown in this forum for example. You havebeen a model for them all the life , somebody will say "please dont come now and change the rules" in theory they may feel betrayed or scammed, or maybe not, Im just thinking the worst scenario. If this can help you it would be great, remember evrything is in you head, be strong know your options, and respect what you can keep only for you and what you would like to share, this is a non-reversible action, So if you feel confortable and your family must know, and it will ease your life, then I wish you all the best. This is a very good thread my friend an please tell us your process with respects to this matter. I repeat again we are all learning and solving our issues together with mutual help. Cheers Morpho V. Morpho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bladerunner Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 Thanks for all your replies so far... To answer some questions my wife has never accepted my 'hobby' but due to other circumstances in the last few years has started to come round to the idea,as after all it wont kill any one! My daughter is 20 and son 17,both are quite down to earth and open especially my daughter ,who is really into piercings and has tattoo's of her own designs. My plan will be to discuss again with my wife if she feels ready for me to tell them,the reason i never have is because the first time i mentioned it to her she was horrified! I did want to tell them when they were very young but respected my wifes wishes. It is also true that what i want to do is for selfish reasons ie i would love after working all day to get my heels on stroll round the house without causing any upset,i am not wanting any more than that. One other point that really irritates my wife is how much i have spent over the years on my hobby,and yes my collection is rather large! On the plus side i dont smoke,drink little and we are realatively debt free,holiday every year so personally (again selfishishly) i dont regard it as a issue but can see her point of view. Point comes to actually telling them,did consider the lets have a family chat scenario, but as has been mentioned it has over tones of a problem.... if i tell them individually i was thinking along the lines of bringing in some heels ie fairly plain wedge boots and saying 'i've got something to show you of mine and as you know i wear womens jeans jumpers etc i also wear these would it bother you if i wear them while i'm home but not when your pals are around' sort of thing.... sounds pretty rubbish reading it back to myself! again thanks for the input so far.. oh and tech i can spell...had not long returned from a few beers last night hence the TECHnical blip!..... lol I just love those suede heels!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amanda Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I would advise you to channel all that energy and passion into something else. Want everyones any anyones advice..think we've been here before. Scenario: wife and two great kids My wife knows of my issues if you call it that! but my two children! 17 and 20 don't! now to be honest they may have a tiny inkling that their dad may not worrry too much on dress code i.e womens jumpers ,sleepwear etc Is it to late to talk to them and let them know about my heeling/freestyling/cross dressing! have any of you dealt with this before? your advice would be much appreciated... i have reached a point in my life where the frustration of being secretive is driving me mad..i have deliberately left out two pairs of heels in my room just too see if i get a query on where they have come from! but as yet nothing!! Feel like tossing a coin!!! just ohh i dont know...ARRRRRGGHHHH!!!!! WILL I WONT I WILL IWONT I!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Why reveal your tendencies after all of these years? Besides being none of their business, they both will probably be moving into their own places after just a couple of more years. In fact, if they are as perceptive as most children, they probably have known for many years. So, why stir the pot? Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crotchboots-m Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 whatever you decide,make sure you are absolutely certain if you are going the reveal all,since there is no going back once you have done it. the genie will have left the bottle,if you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duck Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 Well speaking as a kid (seems strange saying that being 21 now but it seems a similar age). You could basically get away with wearing anything you like, they don't have to go around with you, their friends are old enough to not take the piss constantly. As for the best way to do it, never easy but so long as you feel comfortable to say what you gotta say but don't do it with family meeting, that would just be offputting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euchrid Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I pretty much agree with all of Tech's advice. My guess is that it will be received fairly well and without any strong negative reactions. So my advice is "go for it" --- I hope to be doing the same with my own 2 kids in a few years time. What you will need to prepare yourself for though are those times when it will be thrown back at you! If you have a sound relationship with your kids, these occasions will be few and far between. However, when you do have an argument with one of them (for whatever reason - e.g. they stayed out too late, they keep leaving dirty clothes on their bedroom floor, they've spilled something on your new sofa, etc.) be ready for them to - in the heat of the moment - "mention" your interest in heels. They are likely to apologise for insulting you once the argument has ended, but at those times you may find yourself being intensely hurt by the sort of comments that will be made. Always High-Heel Responsibly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vector Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 One other point that really irritates my wife is how much i have spent over the years on my hobby,and yes my collection is rather large! On the plus side i don't smoke,drink little and we are relatively debt free,holiday every year so personally (again selfishly) i don't regard it as a issue but can see her point of view. You don't smoke and drink little! You might want to mention to your wife that those "socially acceptable' hobbies are not cheap either and are probably more expensive than your "hobby". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I am in agreement with Bubba. Just because the kids have said nothing to this point doesn't mean that they don't already know. They might just chalk it up to just what Dad does and that is the way he is and that might be normal to them. I think that it is a non-issue and would leave things the way they are after all of this time. You know the old adage about sleeping dogs? Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Our youngest (14) has seen me in heels twice- once was just a tease-"smirk and giggle" She told her sister (19) and boyfriend(22),- odd comment Second I had to pick her up from her friend, no phone to call her out to the car, - "you're taller" and she caught sight of the heel getting out of the car, no comments afterwards. My own kids (14, 17, 22, 24)now know I wore 5" at the Apocalyptica concert,- they are cool with it but I don't if my youngest noticed though? It may or may not be cool. It maybe "we have known , what do you wear" Hard decision Al Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I didn't know that you have a daughter. I guess that you have the best of all worlds. Airwolf Yes she's almost 22 and is forever nicking my mascara!!! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FXHH Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 this could be a tricky one would treat it the same way as you would if you were telling your wife agree that sitting down might give the impression that there is an issue/problem would do it slowly, test the waters slowly might be in a similar situation in a few years, not sure how to handle it either, weather to keep it quiet and let it be or come out with it??? good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docs41 Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Considering their ages they probably have figured it out already. Kids are more aware about things than we think sometimes. My daughter has grown up seeing me in various styles of women's shoes and said nothing. The only comment she ever made was last summer (at 26 years old) when we were visiting her in Washington DC. I was wearing a nice pair of Born clogs and upon seeing them she said a bit snidely, "Will you be able to walk in those?" To which I replied, "Of course!!" She was taking us sightseeing and didn't want me screwing up her agenda. That was the only comment she ever made about my footwear and I never explained my choices to her nor has it ever appeared to cause her any problems. Everything has worked out fine. If the shoe fits-buy it!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tightsnheels Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Yes she's almost 22 and is forever nicking my mascara!!! Well Doc I have a similar problem as Eggnog is always "Borrowing" my tops. As to the question of the thread i would go one of two ways at this point either let the sleeping dog lie and do nothing or just add them to your daily routine as if nothing is out of the ordinary. News flash one minute the site is the normal green I hit the reply button and it is suddenly red carbon. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly. T&H "Look for the woman in the dress, if there is no dress there is no woman."-Coco Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShockQueen Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I saw that tonight too. Guess the voting is over! Enjoy the new colours! Tech did an outstanding job! Now back to our regularly scheduled topic............ SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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