Open door Policy

[Amanda]

Here I am with a thread for you guys. I want to know, is it becoming old fashioned to open or hold a door open for women these days???! It's bothered me on several occasions recently, including one incident yesterday at what's supposed to be the most upmarket restaurant in town. Ok I can understand not having a door opened or held open for me at maybe a high street shop or a Cafe but now it seems to be creeping in all over the place. I admit I have some old fashioned values, (I even consider the tone of an evening out to be lowered if I had to open the car door by myself ) But really, having to teeter and heave on a heavy glass door at an upmarket restaurant!!!!!!!!!!!!? Guys is this the future or are you going to get your act together?.

[jmc]

Well, I gotta say some of this comes from the days when feminism was at its peak. A lot of we guys remember getting yelled at by a woman for whom we had opened a door. We would get something like "I can open a door myself -- what do you think I am, a weakling!" -- and in a gruff and mocking tone. After encounters like that, most of us decided "Ok, lady from now on you're going to have to." Be careful what you wish for. . . That said, I still open doors or hold them open whenever possible -- even at the shop where I work. Sometimes it's a little bit awkward, in those situations I may not but generally I will. I think it's just common decency.

[Elegant]

I always open doors [unless I'm too weak to do it myself, and other guy must do it] - and that has nothing to do with my feminist outlook.

[HeelD]

I hold doors open for anyone when I'm out and about. It's just common courtesy.

[secondtake20]

I still do it when ever possible. My parents raised me to do it for everyone, and told me that is what a Gentleman does. Plus being raised in the Southern US it is a part of life for me. I have always done it when I am on a date and opened the car door too.

[Jimnj3]

Here I am with a thread for you guys.

I want to know, is it becoming old fashioned to open or hold a door open for women these days???!

It's bothered me on several occasions recently, including one incident yesterday at what's supposed to be the most upmarket restaurant in town.

Ok I can understand not having a door opened or held open for me at maybe a high street shop or a Cafe but now it seems to be creeping in all over the place.

I admit I have some old fashioned values, (I even consider the tone of an evening out to be lowered if I had to open the car door by myself )

But really, having to teeter and heave on a heavy glass door at an upmarket restaurant!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Guys is this the future or are you going to get your act together?.

I too open or hold open doors for women. This is not old fashioned just plain courtesy. This is how I was also brought up. If I am entering or leaving a building and someone is following me I hold the door no matter male or female.

I appreciate it when it is done for me.

Jim

[gottchoo]

I always hold the door open, especially if it's for someone heading to where I am and they are a decent distance away. When leaving, I always look behind to see if I need to hold it again. Nothing worse than holding a door and not getting a thank you. I promptly follow with a loud, unpleased YOUR WELCOME. It's not old fashion as other's have stated, it's just courtesy.

[HappyFeat]

Well, because some guys don't hold doors doesn't mean that all guys don'y have their act together. That' thought is akin to me saying that sine I got cu off in traffic yesterday by a woman talking on her cell phone while driving when are you women going to learn to drive. Logic tells me that bother are plenty of guys who do the same thing and maybe, just maybe people do make mistakes from time to time. However, opening a door for a woman is simply civil behavior. It has nothing to do with feminism. Feminism is about women having the same opportunities, choices and rewards as men- or better put people having the same opportunities, rewards, and choices regardless of gender. People who interpret it as a licenses to be rude are simply misguided. I am a door holder myself. I tend to do it for women as a rule, but I also hold doors for men as well. What has struck me as interesting in the last year or so is the number of women who hold doors for me. My observations is nothing is ruder than having a door shut in your face, so holding a door for somebody following relatively close behind just makes society a bit more civil. Always remember to thank the person holding the door, it just makes the whole expereince complete.

[Guest]

Unless my hands are full in which case I'm also struggling, I will always hold or open a door for women and young girls, also for men loaded up with baggage or their offspring out of courtesy and for ease for the latter. However I really hate not receiving any acknowledgement, a nod at least, but it's not just young kids who fail. I have found all ages through to late 70yrs have failed to be appreciative even to the level of ignorance! I have misjudged someone coming though behind me and I normally apologise for the error. I note Amanda about teetering, trying to push a heavy or awkward door open in heels, I know all about that now especially with a slippery floor. Whoops! Al

[JeffB]

Well, I hold doors open for everyone, male and female. It's simply the decent thing to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Hose-N-Heels]

I hold doors for all. Males or females, Young or Old. Just doing my part to be friendly HNH

[HHLover]

I always do. I was raised to be a gentleman and to this day continue to do so along with other things which I do see a lot of other guys ignore.

Chivalry is not dead!!

[loswabs]

I hold doors open for anyone when I'm out and about. It's just common courtesy.

Same here. The thing which does grate is the complete lack of good grace by the person I've held the door for to say "thank you". As said on Dark Side of The Moon, "good manners cost nothing, eh?"

[PatentHeel]

I always hold doors open for the ladies, it is the way I've been brought up. Also, I always offer help if I see a woman struggling with her shopping and many a time I have given up my seat on public transport to a female. Its all part of being a gentleman, a breed which hasn't quite died its death yet!

[roniheels]

Well, I hold doors open for everyone, male and female. It's simply the decent thing to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yes. That is exactly my philosophy. It is a matter of common courtesy.

[jojo]

I always hold doors open for the ladies, it is the way I've been brought up. Also, I always offer help if I see a woman struggling with her shopping and many a time I have given up my seat on public transport to a female.

Its all part of being a gentleman, a breed which hasn't quite died its death yet!

Not quite, but sadly on it's way. As others here, yes I open doors, give up my seat on public transport, make sure the ladies are always seated first in restaurants etc etc. But this 'gentlemanly' conduct does seem to be declining. My big bug-bear these days is not only the wearing of baseball-caps indoors (I was taught you should never wear head-gear indoors), but actually sitting at the meal table wearing them Unbelievable!

[Histiletto]

A lot of courtesies that use to be commonplace or just plain common sense seem to elude the general public. Like a smile and a hello to those you may pass on your way somewhere. How about helping with a chair when a person can't find an open seat. Discreetly letting a person know their is something that needs attention concerning their personal appearance and then helping them if necessary. You hear of examples of people being helpful like it is something that hardly ever happens and this is a shameful state we humans need to correct. Just remember the other person is trying to find their way through this life, same as you. We have learned to take things for granted and kind of lost that caring idea for our fellow beings. Most of all, the thing that really has come forth in the last few years, is the fact some people can fanatically hate other people just because of the sociol or belief differences of their equality perceptions. Whether we have evolved or are existing by devine intervention, we are all people trying to work our way to live the dreams we have envisioned. Applying the principles of courtesy, helps to make our differences pale because we are showing consideration and care for others. It's the little things that can mean a lot in social relations.

[roniheels]

And those men in the general public who do open doors for ladies, give up their seats on the bus, pick up something that someone has dropped, or say hello to a stranger are the same guys that probably have no problem with men wearing high heels in public.

[Stilettoscot]

I usually hold the door for the next person behind me, in or out. Always hold it open for them all the way through if they are carrying something. But, with my GF out and about, I make it a point to hold the door open.

[danielp6406]

Well, I hold doors open for everyone, male and female. It's simply the decent thing to do. Nothing more, nothing less.

Exactly the same with me...And I like it when others do the same...

[heelma]

Well, I gotta say some of this comes from the days when feminism was at its peak. A lot of we guys remember getting yelled at by a woman for whom we had opened a door. We would get something like "I can open a door myself -- what do you think I am, a weakling!" -- and in a gruff and mocking tone. After encounters like that, most of us decided "Ok, lady from now on you're going to have to." Be careful what you wish for. . .

That's exactly my explanation as well. I recall my boss back in Europe told me just the same story back in the 90s. Then, when I came to the US, things were different. Ladies seemed to expect this more in the US than in Europe.

I always hold the door open for my wife. Back in Europe, I probably didn't if it was just an acquaintance or stranger, just for the reason JMC mentions here.

[Dawn HH]

I totally agree and have encountered most if not all of the instances that you all cited above. I'm older than most of the posters here and in that era it was the derigure for the Mom's to train their boys to be perfect gentlemen and whoa be when one fell by the wayside on his manners. The following line would go something like this--- "What's the matter with you, I trained you better? Now mind your manners". And that would go long with a shaken pointer finger under your nose. I still mind all of my manners to this day, and Mom has been gone for a very long time now. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[MrPonytail1]

I always hold a door open for a woman and I will hold a door open for a man too ! When I am with a lady I will open the car door for her and offer her my hand/arm to help her out of the car. I even offer to help carry packages if the lady is wearing high heels !

[joesranch2]

I will hold the door open for anyone. In fact, if it is a woman, I will always hold it open, and enter after them. It is only the right thing to do.

[mackman69]

i was raised to always open the door for a lady and i do for my gf or any woman . i open the car door for her and close it for her .

[johnieheel]

All I can say Amanda is , you must be hanging out with the wrong crowd. If my wife evens acts like she is going to touch a door knob I get very angry.I also make sure her coat and feet or dress are safely inside before I close it. I work with about 400 women and every time I hold a door for them they act like no body has never ever did that for them. i always get a comment like, Boy, I could get used to that or WOW, there still is one living gentlemen left on the planet, or something to that nature. Sad isn't it?

[Shoeiee]

I was raised in the same manner as all the posters here and, as such, hold doors whenever possible. But I have DEFINITELY seen a downward trend in common courtesy, especially in the most recent two generations!! (Predominantly the 'ME' generation who are now entering adulthood...) Common courtesy is, unfortunately, something that's becoming a thing of the past. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed extreme rudeness from both males and females, in recent years. The prevalence of cell phones, determined focus on 'me' and general inconsideration for other people is incredible!! I can't say how many times I've held a door just to have someone walk through as if there was a ghost holding it!! Or, one of my major pet peeves, had someone in line ahead of me working a transaction in a store...while talking on their cell phone...grrrrrrrrr They babble on, fumbling for their money, didn't hear the clerk tell them the amount due, hold up the line, and then leave as if that's normal and nothing's wrong....grrrrrrrrrrrrr Amanda, You are not incorrect in your observation but I can happily say I'm not like that 99% of the time (extreme hurry and things change a little...OCCASIONALLY!!!) ...Courtesy towards others is fading, but not in my family or children. It's so neat to have a 5yo boy who will hold a door for others

[Trolldeg]

Of course it's always nice to hold the door for someone, but I think it's great that women are less and less being treated like little fragile ethereal beings that must be kept on a pedestal at all times, and more like human beings that can take care of themselves...

[maninkirt]

I´m very greatful my mother and father brought me up with good manners. I´m always trying acting with a bit of courtesy. Always with a smiling freindly face. Always trying to help other people whenver I can, men and women and I´m always trying open doors for both men and women, even if some of the doors are heavy for me to open. Being perceived as a woman some men open doors for me and its very nice when they do. I agree with Amanda perhaps its becoming old fashioned to opened or hold a door open for women or for any body these days. If it is so I think its very sad. Speaking about this, my experiance tells me its mostly middle aged men doing this. Younger men, younger guys very often not holding up the door for me. The just slamming the door right in my face so to speak.

[Ozzard]

As others have said, I'll hold a door for anyone - male human, female human or (far too frequently around our house) feline. The exception's when I'm carrying 100lbs (45kg) of racked power amplifier to/from a gig, at which point anyone following me is on their own!