Your concerns / fears when going out in public

[johnieheel]

What is your biggest fear about going out in public in your heels?

[heelium]

Not worried about verbal abuse, or being laughed at--but do worry about physical attacks + I cant run in heels. Heelium

[Dr. Shoe]

You can get laughed at just for wearing the wrong trainers or last year's jumper. A gang of teenage girls followed me all the way down Mare Street once laughing all the way. The thing is, I wasn't wearing anything out of the ordinary at all. Just who do you think are going to verbally abuse you let alone assault you? That's one of the reasons why the heelmeets are such a great experience- security in numbers!

[at9]

Just who do you think are going to verbally abuse you let alone assault you? That's one of the reasons why the heelmeets are such a great experience- security in numbers!

I live in what is supposedly a nice middle class area (no hint of urban "edge") and recently gangs of girls have mugged 2 guys in broad daylight. One of them was quite seriously hurt. Both guys were just ordinary adults walking along minding their own business. Makes St Trinians look quite innocent.

[Rockpup]

My concern is not from physical or verbal attacks, but more running into people that know me or my family in a professional level. I'm the youngest in a family business that works in the industrial sector, working with diferent service people covering most of the state of FL for over 20 years, and I run into people at the oddest times. Even if the fear is unfounded I'd hate to damage our reputation just because of my activities. My dad showed alot of concern for that sort of thing when I came out of the closet, but most people assume I'm straight so it's not a big deal.

[brugge71]

For people that know me and people that stear and laugh at me. But my girlfriend says that if you just act normal that there's nothing to be affraid of.

[on heels]

I do worry about physical abuse whilst wearing heels. I can cope with the verbal...just. Most of the local yobs walk around in shorts or capri’s of varying lengths but mock anybody who wears similar clothing. Strange world we live in.

[Fog]

It's lots of things - and depends on my mood at the time. It helps to be totally confident with one's look. If there's something not quite right that can lead to justified fears that one's looking like a prat. I'm wary of physical abuse mainly.

[chris100575]

Nothing much. I've been out in them a few times just recently and nobody seems to care. Plus I'm about 6' 4" in heels... Chris

[larry]

In my case wearing high heels is about 75% sexual 25% about self expresion. Maybe if it was a true fashion statement I might feel different. Once while visiting Tarpon springs Fla. A man walked out of a video store wearing what appeared to be 4" stilettos. EVERYONE NOTICED. I know. I was there. He got whistled at, passer byes were honking horns and a lot of guys said things like hey baby watcha doin later. Everyone was laughing at him and it was brutal. I know a lot of posters here claim to wear high heels in public and it may be true but are they wedges? Block heeled boots with rubber soles and heels I really think that the biggest part about wearing heels in public is how you present yourself. Sure, if youre a rocker and walk around with tatoos on your face with nose and ear piercings and wear platform boots no one will pay much attention to whats on your feet. Once, room service barged into my room at a motel while I was in hose and heels and I felt paranoid about the staff finding me out. Another time I went to an ocean front park before dawn and was caught by a lady with a dog and a female cop. Several times I have worn high heels into stores just before closing. It was my choice and at time it was a form of self expression. The click click click of real stiletto high heels was unmistakable. Would I ever wear stilettos to a Red Sox game or to a musuem. Hell no! I guess about a dozen women and at two or three men have seen me in spikes and nothing bad occured. Now whats your defenition of high heels? Are you talking about those Indian mocassions with a 2" platform and a 3' sole? Or real 5" stilettos"

[Skirted-UK]

My concern is not from physical or verbal attacks, but more running into people that know me or my family in a professional level. I'm the youngest in a family business that works in the industrial sector, working with diferent service people covering most of the state of FL for over 20 years, and I run into people at the oddest times. Even if the fear is unfounded I'd hate to damage our reputation just because of my activities. My dad showed alot of concern for that sort of thing when I came out of the closet, but most people assume I'm straight so it's not a big deal.

This is one of the reasons that I am so secretive. For me wearing skirts and heels is 100% fun, its not about making a fashion statement or getting a new look, its just great fun!

I could not enjoy the experience if I was mingling with the general public, I would feel too self-conscious, which is why I only wear my stuff out at night, at remote, deserted locations. I also do not wish to be known as a CD, which is why I keep it separate from my everyday life. Keeping my crossdressing in a separate box so to speak is my way of keeping my sanity and avoid getting into the state that several members have got into recently.

[TXT-1]

I'm not afraid of wearing heels... I can't see why any GUY would want to think" it's a great day - I'll wear my stillettos today!"

I have better things to do than wear heels in public...

kneehighsGreat topic, johnieheel.

My view is that people fear that they can't handle whatever life may throw at them as a result of freestyling. My opinion is that if people knew they could handle anything that life threw at them as a result of their freestyling, they wouldn't have anything to fear.

considering that I have (high functioning) Autisim... I have enough of a battle without let alone without some vocal skinhead wanker(s) following me in my 7" platforms!...

not only that there's this thing called Apathy... I do believe it is "a failure to give a crap!"

women wearing pants/trousers/jeans... doesn't have as much derision attached to it because it makes sense - they are practical... men in heels ARE NOT! - I'll still wear my heels in private though!

[johnieheel]

Thanks to all. This is good stuff, keep it up guys!

[Dr. Shoe]

I live in what is supposedly a nice middle class area (no hint of urban "edge") and recently gangs of girls have mugged 2 guys in broad daylight. One of them was quite seriously hurt. Both guys were just ordinary adults walking along minding their own business. Makes St Trinians look quite innocent.

That's my point. If you're going to get any trouble at all then the chances are are that it's nothing to do with the heels or whatever. If you're a target you're a target regardless of what you're wearing!

[dr1819]

In my case wearing high heels is about 75% sexual 25% about self expresion. Maybe if it was a true fashion statement I might feel different. Once while visiting Tarpon springs Fla. A man walked out of a video store wearing what appeared to be 4" stilettos. EVERYONE NOTICED. I know. I was there. He got whistled at, passer byes were honking horns and a lot of guys said things like hey baby watcha doin later.

One thing you have to understand is that Florida has a special case of redneck. Having lived there a decade in my youth, I'm qualified to say this. It's the stupid, loud-mouthed redneck.

Not all Floridian rednecks belong to this particular sub-specius of homo sapiens, only those who truly qualify as homo-phobic sap-headians. They're generally recognized by crude, uneducated comments yelled in slurred commentary while drinking beer at 10am in the morning. Other clear signs include the distinct lack of intelligent females anywhere within 5,000 feet, and either the lack of any upper body clothing, or the presence of upper-body clothing that would not qualify as such at most McDonald's restaurants.

This sub-species widely believes the term "Chad" refers to a guy they knew in school. They're unaware that it's a country, or that it refers to a tiny piece of paper created by voting punch machines, primarily because they failed geography and most have never registered to vote, much less actually voted. To them, voting day is simply an excuse to get off work early and head to the river where they do really stupid things with boats which cost more money than their houses.

Some of these people are actually rather athletically inclined, but most loose life or limb because their mental faculties are not sufficient to either recognize or protect them from the overachievements of what academic abilities they do have. Others succumb to the "get check" syndrome, whereby each evening as they pass out due to their massive consumption of beer, they check their gut one last time while reclining in their favorite easy chair. Naturally, as their guts continue to grow, it takes a huge toll on their athletic skills, until most headed this way depart the Earth well ahead of their appointed time.

Some, amazingly enough, are partially reformed, usually as a result of receiving the news from a doctor that they have adult onset diabetes as a result of their massive alcohol consumptions over the years. Scared of dying, they remain both ignorant and stupid, yet are able to adopt the few key behaviors, including watching their diet (most of the time) and giving themselves insulation shots, both measures helping them to remain alive for an appreciable fraction of their genetic lifespans. Most, however, never learn to exercise, as it's just to much effort, and besides, the welfare check is just enough to cover the cost of hiring a 9-year-old to mow one's lawn (I think I made more that summer than some of them. Got in shape, too!).

All in all, a rare breed, but one that apparently is highly concentrated in certain areas of Florida, and to a lesser extent through the Southeast United States.

[heelma]

I already posted some of my experiences in other threads. I have been afraid of being laughed at or physically attacked earlier, but this has diminished lately. Now I am more afraid of running into someone who knows me from work or private life. That's why I prefer malls right when they open in the morning (10 am, everybody is at work), late at night (everybody returned home already) and branches of stores/malls/grocery stores a bit off the beaten path from people I work with or I know otherwise. Example: the same grocery store exists 2 miles from where I live. Instead of going there, I rather go to the same chain but at least 20 miles away, if not more. Same with malls. Grocery stores and malls are a great place to heel, mainly if they are a bit more upscale and you wear long jeans over your heels. I went there with tall platforms, 5" stilettos or 4" chunky boots. Everybody is so busy with shopping and looking for things in the store that nobody pays attention to what I wear. Much more dangerous are lower level stores like Walmart. I heard some people laughing at me there already. Another thing I am afraid of is being stopped by police. Could for example a very conservative older couple call the police because I am heeling and they are disturbed by that? Do you guys have any related experience with that at all? Speaking of locations: I'll visit New York sometime soon and am wondering if anybody here can give a good recommendation where good places/streets are to heel out there. Should it be the tourist attraction, the alternative scene areas such as greenwich village, or 5th ave and central pk? or somewhere completely different? You would think that people there are liberal enough to be ok with that - what's your experience?

[dr1819]

This is one of the reasons that I am so secretive. For me wearing skirts and heels is 100% fun, its not about making a fashion statement or getting a new look, its just great fun!

I could not enjoy the experience if I was mingling with the general public, I would feel too self-conscious, which is why I only wear my stuff out at night, at remote, deserted locations. I also do not wish to be known as a CD, which is why I keep it separate from my everyday life. Keeping my crossdressing in a separate box so to speak is my way of keeping my sanity and avoid getting into the state that several members have got into recently.

I once felt as you, although I never really considered myself a cross-dresser.

I think two things clenched it, though. The first was when I wore my rugby shirt with an ankle-length jeans skirt and black block-heeled boots to a sports bar in Vegas, and while I did get half a dozen second glances, I never saw a third, and when I began cheering for my team in the game, it was the same as everyone else. From the waste up I was no different than anyone else there that night. I was included in the conversation, the comraderie, and the buying of rounds.

The second was when I first went to my favorite pub overseas in a black ankle-length skirt, black-heeled boots, and a charcoal shirt.

The ladies who work the bar knew me well, and we'd even gone out together a couple of times as a group. This night was no exception, and even though they notice my attire, they drug me off to some all-night nightclub the same as they had when I was wearing jeans and hiking boots.

They didn't care.

I think most people just don't care. I think most people are used to seeing such extreme variations in fashion, on the street, in the news, in Hollywood, that a guy in heels or a skirt is not longer a shocker.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that guys no longer have to pass as a member of the opposite sex in order to wear whatever clothing they like. When I first began wearing skirts and heels, I felt compelled to do so, but I slowly realized somewhere along the way that like some women prefer clogs to sneakers, I prefer heeled boots to hiking boots. While some men prefer pants to sarongs, I prefer ankle skirts to pants.

I even get the ones where the fly opens to the right so that if someone asks, I can say, "no it's not - it's a man's skirt. See? The fly opens to the right. Go look at her skirt - the fly opens to the left."

Most girl's skirts do, as do most girl's shirts.

It usually keeps them busy walking through the bar examining girls' skirts long enough for me to order another beer.

[johnieheel]

I once felt as you, although I never really considered myself a cross-dresser.

I think two things clenched it, though. The first was when I wore my rugby shirt with an ankle-length jeans skirt and black block-heeled boots to a sports bar in Vegas, and while I did get half a dozen second glances, I never saw a third, and when I began cheering for my team in the game, it was the same as everyone else. From the waste up I was no different than anyone else there that night. I was included in the conversation, the comraderie, and the buying of rounds.

The second was when I first went to my favorite pub overseas in a black ankle-length skirt, black-heeled boots, and a charcoal shirt.

The ladies who work the bar knew me well, and we'd even gone out together a couple of times as a group. This night was no exception, and even though they notice my attire, they drug me off to some all-night nightclub the same as they had when I was wearing jeans and hiking boots.

They didn't care.

I think most people just don't care. I think most people are used to seeing such extreme variations in fashion, on the street, in the news, in Hollywood, that a guy in heels or a skirt is not longer a shocker.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that guys no longer have to pass as a member of the opposite sex in order to wear whatever clothing they like. When I first began wearing skirts and heels, I felt compelled to do so, but I slowly realized somewhere along the way that like some women prefer clogs to sneakers, I prefer heeled boots to hiking boots. While some men prefer pants to sarongs, I prefer ankle skirts to pants.

I even get the ones where the fly opens to the right so that if someone asks, I can say, "no it's not - it's a man's skirt. See? The fly opens to the right. Go look at her skirt - the fly opens to the left."

Most girl's skirts do, as do most girl's shirts.

It usually keeps them busy walking through the bar examining girls' skirts long enough for me to order another beer.

I think most people just don't care. I think most people are used to seeing such extreme variations in fashion, on the street, in the news, in Hollywood, that a guy in heels or a skirt is not longer a shocker.

" This is exactly what I'm talking about". GOOD ANSWER!!!

[Magickman]

The whole fear thing is vastly overblown. I had my own concerns, early on, but my fears were unfounded. Although I have had both friends and strangers warn me of the dangers to a man in heels, there have been absolutely no incidents of physical or verbal abuse. Sure, a few people are amused or annoyed. Most challenges come from women, who don't like the look, or who ask if I am gay. The majority of women who have anything to say, though, are positive and affirming. One said to me, "It takes a real man to wear boots like that. They are sooooo sexy." Because I am confident and nonchalant, and do my whole schtick with a straight face, most folks either don't notice or ignore my footwear. Now the blue, with gold glitter, acrylic nails are a different matter.

[Guy N. Heels]

I live in what is supposedly a nice middle class area (no hint of urban "edge") and recently gangs of girls have mugged 2 guys in broad daylight. One of them was quite seriously hurt. Both guys were just ordinary adults walking along minding their own business. Makes St Trinians look quite innocent.

Gangs of girls mugging guys? In London in broad daylight?? My, what's the world coming to?

Over here we do have gangs and many of them do have female members, but I don't think I've ever heard of an all-girl gang attacking anyone - certainly not in daylight.

Sometime back I finally came to the conclusion that I am not a crossdresser in the usual sense of the term. I certainly don't look very feminine and I really don't want to pass as a female. Therefore, if I decide to wear skirts or heels or both, especially with a full beard, - I must be a freestyler. So once I got that settled I decided that I really didn't care who saw me freestyling. I do wear heels most of the time: mostly wedgies but also blocks and (once in a great while) stilettoes. The other day a couple of Chinese girls found me quite amusing when I showed-up in heels and kilt to shop in their store, but what did I care? I'm the shopper and if they don't like my fashion I'll take my custom elsewhere.

Later on this month my wife and I are going to a church dinner dance. I plan on wearing a kilt and I've just finished fabricating the belt I need for my sporin (purse). Since the kilt has no pockets, there really isn't any option to a purse or sporin.

[chris100575]

I know a lot of posters here claim to wear high heels in public and it may be true but are they wedges? Block heeled boots with rubber soles and heels I really think that the biggest part about wearing heels in public is how you present yourself. Sure, if youre a rocker and walk around with tatoos on your face with nose and ear piercings and wear platform boots no one will pay much attention to whats on your feet. Now whats your defenition of high heels? Are you talking about those Indian mocassions with a 2" platform and a 3' sole? Or real 5" stilettos"

I've been out a few times now wearing the boots in my avatar, and the same pair but with the flames in purple. You can't really tell from the avatar pic, but those heels are just over four inches. I wear them with my normal length jeans, and they're pretty much on full display.

BTW: My first night out in heels ever, some guy leaned out of a passing car and called me "wanker" at the top of his lungs. He then went on to yell the same at three other people, one of whom was a girl, so I'm not taking it personally!

Chris

[HellOnHeels]

Speaking of locations: I'll visit New York sometime soon and am wondering if anybody here can give a good recommendation where good places/streets are to heel out there. Should it be the tourist attraction, the alternative scene areas such as greenwich village, or 5th ave and central pk? or somewhere completely different? You would think that people there are liberal enough to be ok with that - what's your experience?

Heelma, Manhattan is a place where you can go out in public dressed any way you please. The population is very diverse and accepting of "eccentric" fashion. If you go to the more alternative areas like Chelsea or Greenwich village you will not attract any attention at all. If people do notice they just glance the way anyone looks at something that catches their eye. No big deal. I live near NYC and have street heeled all over Manhattan many times with no problems. If you go to the touristy areas in heels you may get looks from the tourists but thay will just think that you are a local Check out the NYC heel meet threads in the real life meetings section for more on heeling in NYC.

Just do it, you will be fine.

[Dr. Shoe]

F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real!

[Pam]

I don't go out as much as i'd like, not for fear, but for personal reasons. The first is that it is difficult to sneak out of my apartment, (SO does not know). The second is that I don't want to run into any clients/coleagues, and believe me ... has happen a few times!!! It is not fear of what people might say or think ... have been out a few times, and really enjoyed and had fun with it! My personal thought is that each has their own concerns and reasons to street heel or not. Act as you might feel more comfortable, challenge yourself when time is right. Just remember ... there is a lot of support in this website from people that share your passion.

[HeelD]

F.E.A.R.

False Evidence Appearing Real!

I thought it was...

Fantasy Exagerated As Reality

[heelme]

I'm kind of surprised not to read more about spouse's concerns. I personally care less and less what people think of me as I get older. That includes work, family and friends. I'm still the same person I've always been, in some ways more sensitive and others ways less accommodating. The first time I went out in heels was a real milestone and doubt I'll ever experience that level of thrill again. No problems. Second time out I got one guy who seemed to be sizing up what it all meant, but said nothing, though kept looking over. I believe I could handle questions from curious folks just fine and if someone was laughing, or trying to make a scene of me, I think I'd be fine with saying "Glad you're enjoying the heels, I sure am". What stops me from heeling more and even from "coming out" with friends and family is my concern for my wife's concern, if that makes sence. She is horrified that someone we know or one of her family will run into me/us. Second, and she told me this after my first outing, she is concerned someone might kick my ass. That one kind of floored me. Not only am I a big guy, she's actually seen me fight on two occasions prior to our getting married. Bottom line, I adore her for working as hard as she has to understand and accept me the way I am, heels, skirts, crossdressing, whatever. Therefore, I won't go out again until she is totally cool about it. In fact, She's warming to an idea I brought up recently to go out to a club nearby. So, fear? Not from me. Still fear from my wife, which I will share til it's gone. Great question by the way.

[Bernheels]

heelme: You have a lot of good points. i have been wearing heels at some point for the past 40 yrs. I am 55 and love to shave my legs and wear high heels. nothing feels better. My wife is tolerant, and getting more comfortable with me wearing heels everynight. She also is very hesitant with me going out in heels. She is afraid that someone we know will see them and embarass us. I have a high power job and need to be careful with this. i respect her feelings and will not do anything to ruin our relationship - she is the best. We have gone to a couple of clubs and that was exciting - hope to do more. Always respect what others that you care about may think! They are your support group. have a great day Bernheels

[johnieheel]

Thank you all for your honesty. It seems that we all have our favorite place to wear our heels so as not to embarrase our spouse or our selves. This is realy good stuff and I, like the rest of you hope that some day it will be totaly exceptable in society and people will not be so narrow minded. Remember that everybody has a closet and I believe my passion for footwear has opened my mind to what ever is out there and has been a blessing to the fact that I can except anybody no matter what they are or wear. It has taught me to look on the inside and not the outside of a person. In other words"don't judge a book by the cover". Now how long has that been around and have we realy lived by it? I think not but it's about time we do.Wow! did I just say all that?LOL. Happy heeling.

[micha]

What is your biggest fear about going out in public in your heels?

That the guys in our forum are loosing their courage!

The last contributions of THB and JeffB are really disappointing. Nevertheless I'll continue my own style on the street. Other younger and more courageous guys will follow us. This stubborn belief is giving me hope for future!

micha (*real men are wearing heels*)

ps: TBG, I don't want to do injustice to you, you were always a shining example for me.

[JeffB]

Fear, in whatever form and for whatever reason is a great crippler as it keeps us closeted and unwilling to venture out into the light. And perhaps the most prevalent fear of all is the unknown. Each and every time we go out in heels, we have absolutely no idea what to expect from the world at large.

While, more often than not, we go ignored by the public, there's no way to know that beforehand, no way to know in advance exactly what might happen on an outing: nothing, or something catastrophic. Nor is there any way to prepare for what might happen because you don't know what sort of incident you might face. 99 1/2 percent of the time, nothing will happen to you on an outing and you'll have a great time, but in the back of your mind, you wonder about that idle 1/2 percent and how it could bite you in the ass if you're not careful. That's how fear (helped along by an overactive imagination) can plague your mind.

Even though fear can't be eliminated, it can however be controlled. As long as you understand your fear, recognize it for what it is, you can do whatever's neccesary to put that misery in its place. It also helps to be smart about what you wear and where you choose to go. Case in point: all my outings are in broad daylight, and in highly public places like shopping malls where the chances of unfortunate incidents are practically nonexistent. In the end, some of us may never leave the closet as their lives are gripped by fear, but for those of us who have, it's an extremely liberating feeling.