Discussion: Breaking societal norms

[Abitodd]

Hello everyone,

I am new to forum and was a small-time lurker.  I decided to post as I am trying to build my confidence and understand myself a bit more.  First let me tell you all about about myself.  

I am 32 and male.  I struggled with gender identity throughout my life and still do to this day.  One thing I can say for certain is that I do enjoy wearing feminine clothing and heels while in the comfort of home.  I am actually married to a wonderful woman who actually accepts and does not mind.  Everyone on her side of the family knows and has seen me in heels.  The problem is to this day I have not really opened up to my side of the family and have not really worn heels out in public beyond late night walks not far from my apartment complex door.

I wanted to post and get opinions on how I can build the confidence to wear the heels in public.  How I feel I have already got some acceptance through my new family, just not sure if I am ready to show society.

[Jkrenzer]

14 hours ago, Abitodd said:

 

I wanted to post and get opinions on how I can build the confidence to wear the heels in public.  How I feel I have already got some acceptance through my new family, just not sure if I am ready to show society.

Not sure what to tell you as each person's demons are their own. Will say it took me a while to get over public heeling, my late 30's. I kick myself for not doing it sooner but enjoy heeling all the time now. I'm not otherwise into " feminine " attire so it's just stilettos and either pants or shorts for me.

[mlroseplant]

I really can't offer any good advice, either, other than my own experience, which is to start slow. This is in opposition to Joe's experience, he just started wearing high stilettos from the start. Everyone's experience is different. Approximately nine years ago, I started wearing slightly elevated heels with normal "guy" clothes, and it has just evolved over the years to the point where I now wear heels which are quite high all the time, and people in my community expect me to do so. I have also evolved a bit in my other clothing, which is a bit feminine, but not blatantly so. Each person will travel his own path.

[Gudulitooo]

Hello Abitodd

Do you also like to mens fashion (suits, brands, boots, etc. ?)

G.

[pebblesf]

Sounds like you have an amazing wife, along with her family....

I can only emphasize mlroseplant's "start slow" recommendation.  Having your wife along as your heeling "wing woman" will help also....  Heeling is always more fun with with a heeling buddy along...

[Pierre1961]

Heeling is always more fun with with a heeling buddy along...

Yes definitely! Male or female .

[hiddenheels]

On 12/13/2020 at 8:43 PM, Abitodd said:

Hello everyone,

I am new to forum and was a small-time lurker.  I decided to post as I am trying to build my confidence and understand myself a bit more.  First let me tell you all about about myself.  

I am 32 and male.  I struggled with gender identity throughout my life and still do to this day.  One thing I can say for certain is that I do enjoy wearing feminine clothing and heels while in the comfort of home.  I am actually married to a wonderful woman who actually accepts and does not mind.  Everyone on her side of the family knows and has seen me in heels.  The problem is to this day I have not really opened up to my side of the family and have not really worn heels out in public beyond late night walks not far from my apartment complex door.

I wanted to post and get opinions on how I can build the confidence to wear the heels in public.  How I feel I have already got some acceptance through my new family, just not sure if I am ready to show society.

Definitely understand what you are going through, although my situation is slightly different (can't do it at home, wife not supportive). My first preference is heels, but recently have explored skirts which are quite fun. It's winter, so some leggings or something would also be needed for the skirts. That's how I went out today. Heels, hose and above-the-knee skirt. Yes, was very very nervous and sat in the car much longer than I wanted. But compared to where I was 6-8 months ago, this is huge. I'm trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, slowly. I would recommend the same for you. Slowly. Venture outside in the night. When that's comfortable (or even before that!) go to a park during the day. With hindsight, I'll say that heels in parks will stand out because people don't wear heels in parks, and it's much more common to wear heels downtown or in malls, and yes, I actually feel more comfortable in heels where heels are usually worn.

 

So to build confidence, suggest you push your boundaries one step at a time. If you check out my other thread you'll notice I'm struggling with this same thing, so you're definitely not alone.

[chesterx]

My favorite place to go whether I'm fully dressed or just wearing heels is to a nice sit down restaurant like Chilis, Red Robin, or Outback. The staff are always friendly & complimentary & everyone else is mostly minding their own business. Some of the greeters even know me by name now. Of course, easy access to the house margaritas helps as well!

[Abitodd]

Hey all.  Thanks for all the support and advice.   I know my wife is also concerned about me doing it by myself as she thinks we live in a non accepting area.  

For one of the users asking if I like masculine designs and clothing, yes I do.  However I am very fashion incompetent and only have a few styles I know.  If you have suggestions for what to wear its appreciated.

For those interested i really only have two pairs of heels at the moment.  Like many i like heels on long side. My favorite is can be found at onlymaker and is the canvas high heel sneaker lace up platform ankle boot. Will post a photo sometime.

As for my plans now I will take it slow.  More walks outside.  Ask wife to wear a pair with me somewhere.  From reading alot of other posters I'm somewhat lucky to have an amazing wife that can share this experience.

 

Thank you all for listening and sharing.
 

 

[Gudulitooo]

The fact that you are into fashion in general, including male fashion, is a supporting element. Whether you are into formal clothes, suits and white tie, smart casual jeans and jacket with nice derby shoes, or baggy doesn't mind. Take care of your look with taste. People will recognize your efffort and whatever you have on your feet is ok as far as it is a fashion item brought here to complete your look, your feel, the way you walk etc. or simply your wishes.

Best.

G.

 

[Pierre1961]

No business trip at the moment because of that virus. 

So a short publicity heeling in order to keep on training 

i have been to a sport shop for some small flashlights,then took some gas at the station and ended up with 2 books from the bookshop. 

Here is the outfits I wanted to try from a while. The city is a small city ,could say in the middle of nowhere.

I thought the“local people”there could be very surprised. Not at all. 

[pebblesf]

Very masculine and powerful indeed, just the look I would love to achieve....

[bionicbabe]

1 hour ago, Pierre1961 said:

No business trip at the moment because of that virus. 

So a short publicity heeling in order to keep on training 

i have been to a sport shop for some small flashlights,then took some gas at the station and ended up with 2 books from the bookshop. 

Here is the outfits I wanted to try from a while. The city is a small city ,could say in the middle of nowhere.

I thought the“local people”there could be very surprised. Not at all. 

Can we see more pictures of your outfit with heels? Such awesome heels as I’ve said before !!

[Pierre1961]

What kind of picture do you wish 

[bionicbabe]

Huge fan of those block heels, ones you just posted and the black ones you shared on a recent post this week! Thx!! They’re just the perfect male heels in my opinion . Thx 😊

[hiddenheels]

3 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

No business trip at the moment because of that virus. 

So a short publicity heeling in order to keep on training 

i have been to a sport shop for some small flashlights,then took some gas at the station and ended up with 2 books from the bookshop. 

Here is the outfits I wanted to try from a while. The city is a small city ,could say in the middle of nowhere.

I thought the“local people”there could be very surprised. Not at all. 

Very nice! Congrats. How high are those? They look quite high...

[Pierre1961]

They are 16 cm a minus 2 sole 

14 effective height 

[bionicbabe]

Where did you buy those? I need a pair? Able to give us some more shots of those heels? They’re just perfect !

[Pierre1961]

They come from FSJ shoes. 

I can make more pictures next week. 

[bionicbabe]

Perfect thanks! Ya that’s my favourite look for a heeled shoe

 

 

 

I just ordered these from FSJ, custom 16cm heels, hope to wear these out a lot. I have a few heels, but I try to go for a manly look, I usually dress with my regular jeans, showing my heels, and a leather jacket, or regular jacket. I find if you act confident most people wont say anything. I was wearing these super high wedges for breakfast, they were not covered and two guys commented "those must be tricky to walk in" saw some people look at my boots, otherwise noone cared, granted I was in a more hipster neighbourhood.

 

Edited December 19, 2020 by bionicbabe