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I don't know when this forum opened, but I'm sure I remember being on this forum 20 years ago! Been lurking here ever since, but the immediately environment surrounding heels (specifically mine - as opposed to my wife's) was quite hostile. While I always had some heels hidden, they were kept hidden at home. I did venture outside once in a while, when possible, but it was quite rare. Again, hostile, hidden, etc. Thus there's a lot of baggage associated to my thing with heels. But it never disappeared. 

 

More recently my wife and I have been talking about deep stuff, and the topic of heels came up. She told me she knows I have some at home, encounters them once in a while (which I assumed), and told me that she's now more comfortable with me wearing them, and we can go outside for a short walk if I want. We did this a long time ago, and it is one of the huge strains on our relationship, it had such a negative impact between us, so this was quite a turnaround. We've gone outside one night so far, and she was OK with it. She's however not comfortable with me wearing them at home. At this point, given my ingrained compulsion to keep this hidden from her, I don't mind. 

Longstoryshort, this need for me to wear heels, out and about, has not gone away. In fact it is much stronger now than before. I am also much more relaxed about it, and really don't give a hoot about what *random* people think. So I'm starting to venture out to coffee shops wearing wedge boots. Going for short walks when possible. 

I'm slowly trying to open up with this, shed my ingrained secrecy, and some shame... So slowly, would like to contribute here too. Good folks here, and although you've not noticed me, you've helped me a huge amount! Thanks for that.

Edited by hiddenheels
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Welcome @hiddenheels.

You'll find once you let go of the shame you will enjoy life more and your heels more.

A friend and I just walked down to the beach with me in my wedges and VS leggings. Took the wedges off at the sand and we walked  1.5 miles on the beach. Then back in my wedges to walk back. I got lots of looks from people walking the other way, late afternoon beach crowd.  It's great to be free of shame. 

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Posted (edited)

Recently a lot of anger has surfaced in me, not in relation to heels, but in general, about some things life has thrown my way. I've found that quite often the anger helps in overcoming any reservations about wearing heels outside. Contributes to the "F all this negativity, I want to live my own way", and out the heels come and off I go. Once I'm back, it's a lot of the confusion usually comes back...

Thank you Cali for the encouragement. One thing I've tried to take away from my lurking on this forum is how everyone here dresses. I'm trying to look masculine, don't care for skirts or anything else from the ladies' side of the store. Trying to combine heels with my regular wardrobe has been a challenge, but I think I'm getting better... 

Edited by hiddenheels
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Welcome, and look forward to your contributions!  I think there is a positive trend for heels in masculine fashion right now, so it is a good time to be getting into it.  There is no need to hide it.  I think certain types of heels like wedges, block heels, and Cuban heels already slide easily into what men are wearing today.  

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Welcome back @hiddenheels and well done in starting to open up more about it. Sounds like you and your wife are working hard at things and it must be positive, if this space your wife is willing to give you is coming out now. 

So interesting that she is ok with it outside but not at home. Usually it's the opposite. 

I share many of the characteristics you mentioned, such as the shame (and wedge boots!). Living in a conservative and even religious community makes it harder too. 

Great to have you participate here... Looking forward to more. 

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We are happy to have you feel confident enough to contribute/open up here, instead of just keeping quiet in the shadows.  I share Jeremy's confusion as well...The wife has opened up enough to accompany you publicly in heels, but doesn't want you to wear them at home?  Maybe we are not understanding....In any event, I am happy for you in that the wife is offering some acceptance.  I will be very careful not to offer any relationship advice, this is a delicate situation for sure.  Try to keep the communication going, has she said whether or not she likes the way you look in heels?  Nonetheless, don't push her too quickly, obviously she loves you and is trying to accept your love of heels...

Your story sounds so familiar, except that my better half hates my high heel boots, he even criticizes me when I wear regular cowboy boots.  I too do not attempt to wear other traditional female clothing items, just boots.  I like the way I look in levis and boots.  I truly believe that guys with enough courage to wear heels confidently in public, exude quite a bit of masculinity indeed.  We look forward to hearing more from you buddy, most of us have gone through similar experiences.  One thing is for sure, your love of heels is not something that will just "go away", but you know that. 

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On 6/21/2019 at 9:44 PM, hiddenheels said:

I don't know when this forum opened, but I'm sure I remember being on this forum 20 years ago! Been lurking here ever since, but the immediately environment surrounding heels (specifically mine - as opposed to my wife's) was quite hostile. While I always had some heels hidden, they were kept hidden at home. I did venture outside once in a while, when possible, but it was quite rare. Again, hostile, hidden, etc. Thus there's a lot of baggage associated to my thing with heels. But it never disappeared. 

 

More recently my wife and I have been talking about deep stuff, and the topic of heels came up. She told me she knows I have some at home, encounters them once in a while (which I assumed), and told me that she's now more comfortable with me wearing them, and we can go outside for a short walk if I want. We did this a long time ago, and it is one of the huge strains on our relationship, it had such a negative impact between us, so this was quite a turnaround. We've gone outside one night so far, and she was OK with it. She's however not comfortable with me wearing them at home. At this point, given my ingrained compulsion to keep this hidden from her, I don't mind. 

Longstoryshort, this need for me to wear heels, out and about, has not gone away. In fact it is much stronger now than before. I am also much more relaxed about it, and really don't give a hoot about what *random* people think. So I'm starting to venture out to coffee shops wearing wedge boots. Going for short walks when possible. 

I'm slowly trying to open up with this, shed my ingrained secrecy, and some shame... So slowly, would like to contribute here too. Good folks here, and although you've not noticed me, you've helped me a huge amount! Thanks for that.

Although I've been on here in modern times for a number of years, I was also part of the community from 20 years ago, back when it was Jenny's High Stiletto Heels. I didn't wear heels back then, but I do now. Hopefully, I'm one of those people who helped, even if in a minor way. I started wearing heels in public about 7 years ago, and though it doesn't seem like a big deal now, it sure was back then. I do not have a really supportive wife in that regard, but a tolerant one. That helps a great deal. She won't go everywhere with me in heels, but she will go most places, and now doesn't think about it too much. Good luck to you in the future, I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but eventually the ups will prevail.

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Posted (edited)

I'm sorry that my original post wasn't that clear. My wife is OK to accompany me for short walks at night, and has told me that if I want to go out alone, at night, then she's OK with that. She's OK with me wearing them at home for very brief amounts of time, but that doesn't do anything for me, so I don't... Half reading between the lines, half explicitly said, she would probably be OK with me wearing heels in a more crowded place, assuming the chances of running into someone I/we know is 0. 

That would be my preference as well, as I am not comfortable with others I know knowing. 

There are two topics I am hoping to explore here with everyone, and in the process come to some sort of grips with me wearing heels. I have already accepted that I am wired the way I am, and that will not change. Now I am trying to figure out how to let this out. Would prefer to post this in the "For the guys" section. 

I appreciate the welcome, and am hoping that my thing for heels, once a major taboo topic around the house, doesn't have to be... 

Edited by hiddenheels
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Well, I think you have made a great deal of progress for sure.  Keep wearing your boots publicly, not wanting to reveal this to friends/family is totally understandable.  The important thing is that you have revealed it to your wife, she is most important.  The wife loves you for sure, she is willing to accept your love of heels, even though she seems to be uncomfortable with it.  It is important to put the wife's feelings first...Don't rush her, don't make her uncomfortable by trying to nudge her into situations she is not comfortable with.  Time and patience is the key to acceptance.  I'm hoping someday the wife will tell you she likes the way you look in your boots/jeans...

It is important to remember that men were the first to wear heels a few centuries back, somehow things got flipped around over time.  Every guy who has the courage to venture out publicly in heels will help "normalize" this fashion statement so that other guys will be more comfortable exploring their hidden desire to wear heels.  We mistakenly think that "all eyes are on us" when we first venture out in heels.  I guess we feel this way only because we are keenly aware and do notice nice heels on women, and would be thrilled to see a guy wearing heels in public.  But, the truth is most people are way to busy to notice what we are wearing.  Some people do notice, but most are too polite or timid to say something or compliment us.  You never would have convinced me of this a few years back....But, now that I wear my boots publicly fairly often, I realize it is true.  

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On 6/22/2019 at 5:56 AM, hiddenheels said:

Recently a lot of anger has surfaced in me, not in relation to heels, but in general, about some things life has thrown my way. I've found that quite often the anger helps in overcoming any reservations about wearing heels outside. Contributes to the "F all this negativity, I want to live my own way", and out the heels come and off I go. Once I'm back, it's a lot of the confusion usually comes back...

Thank you Cali for the encouragement. One thing I've tried to take away from my lurking on this forum is how everyone here dresses. I'm trying to look masculine, don't care for skirts or anything else from the ladies' side of the store. Trying to combine heels with my regular wardrobe has been a challenge, but I think I'm getting better... 

Hi and welcome to the site, it’s definitely possible to remain masculine whilst wearing heels, even stilettos can still be masculine if styled correctly, think I’m actually living proof of this, I’ll wear regular male outfits and put a pair of heeled knee high boots over my jeans, notice i don’t call them women’s boots because they’re not, they’re mine, they only become women’s when worn by a woman, check out my Costa in boots thread, styled correctly you can go very unnoticed, it’s all about being natural and confident and don’t try to draw attention to yourself, get out and enjoy yourself and don’t worry about anybody or anything 

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On 6/25/2019 at 11:44 AM, maninboots said:

Hi and welcome to the site, it’s definitely possible to remain masculine whilst wearing heels, even stilettos can still be masculine if styled correctly, think I’m actually living proof of this, I’ll wear regular male outfits and put a pair of heeled knee high boots over my jeans, notice i don’t call them women’s boots because they’re not, they’re mine, they only become women’s when worn by a woman, check out my Costa in boots thread, styled correctly you can go very unnoticed, it’s all about being natural and confident and don’t try to draw attention to yourself, get out and enjoy yourself and don’t worry about anybody or anything 

Very true. I have found that nowadays when wearing heels, I just look down and think "they're my shoes", and am getting used to not seeing them as "weird" or "women's". I guess I am getting used to the sight of me in heels, even though I've been at it for ~20 years and have always found it weird. Now, not so much.

I look around the world and there are people of all shapes and sizes, and all of that doesn't matter, if it's a woman, doesn't matter what shape or size, she can wear a heel and not be stared at as a freak. So guess what, F that, what I have between my legs should not dictate what I can wear on my feet.

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I'm about a decade into switching to women's shoes. Like @maninboots, I too consider them my shoes, a man's heel. After thousands of twisted ankles and multiple ankle reconstructions I researched shoes and discovered that women's shoes fit my feet better than men's ever did.  Haven't bought a pair of men's shoes since. From beach/pool sandals, water shoes, hiking boots, running shoes, dress shoes, boots, booties, CFMs, ... all I purchase and wear are women's shoes.  By chance, five years ago I discovered I got health benefits (pain relief) from 4+ inch heels. Been in high heels since.

It took me months to get used to the sight of me with colored fingernails. Now it feels weird and abnormal when they are not colored. Even my ex-wife makes excuses to "drop something off" just to see my latest nails.

On 6/25/2019 at 11:44 AM, maninboots said:

it’s all about being natural and confident and don’t try to draw attention to yourself

 

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