Talked To A Sex-Therapist

[jim102]

Hello. I have recently consulted a sex-therapist to have a clear mind about it. She told me it is in fact I have never had girlfriends. It is a lack of affection. I had walked in high heels to feel good acording to my feelings. When I was Young I had associated the high heel with the affection of a woman. So before going to walk in heels I feel exited about heels because I saw a woman in heels in a movieor in life or internet or pictures. In a movie I have seen a woman in black patent closed toe going upstairs and I saw a bit the side of the shoe and the heel and I said to myself "Wow I can wear heels too". So I feel good when I walk in heels. She told me I have not to stop that because it is going to stay all my life. I have to integrer it to my life. (it is necessary to contain it to my life) if you prefer. Having a good behaviour and attitude to avoid beeing a threat. It is possible to be recognized during a heel walk by faily or working collegue or others. It is important to stay away from situations we are not comfortable with.

 

Someone tell ask you why you walk in heels and you tell them: "Because I like that or it make me feel good".

 

 

I only like heels and no clothing. The behaviour I can have is : "Excuse me miss you have pretty shoes and they fits you well and where I can find them"?

 

 

I cannot eradicate that fetish but I have to live with it. Yes it is normal and weird for many people but I can wear what I want if I do not disturb myself and anyone!

[Amanda]

Well, I think that not disturbing yourself or other people is probably key.

Pray the inevitable be swift.

[Rockpup]

I agree, since I have interests that extend well past heels I do know finding a balance between your sexual interests and fitting in with the rest of the world is important. You need to be you, but you need to know where/when expressing some parts of yourself is appropriate, and when it is not. 

[Histiletto]

If we are trying to be everything we want our friends/associates/mates to be, we have a better possibility of being found by the best person to share our life with. No one likes an idle personality that has nothing of good report to bring into a relationship. Enrich your life with the things that exhibit a progressive lifestyle, whether it is in heels, tennis shoes, or sandals. Seek occupations and/or learning opportunities in the things you have the interest to know more about. If such a field doesn't exist, isn't studied, or not being researched, then you might be able to bring something new to human understanding. Make yourself the person you most enjoy and look up to, because others more likely feel as you do about you while building relationships. 

[HappyinHeels]

jim102,  I think everything will be okay over time. Veuillez de m'envoyer plus des informations par courrier electronique personel.  HappyinHeels

[Shafted]

I hope you didn't actually have to pay for that information, Jim.

[jim102]

Since that day I just wanted heels one day and after it does not come back!

 

I do not think I would be ready to start again! I do not want because I do not feel it.

 

 

I need more more time I had had a hard time!

 

Time will tell me the answer!

[hhboots]

I know French is your first language, and I really can't give you grief because I could not hope to communicate at all in another language other than English.  However, I am sorry to say that its a challenge to make sense out of some of your posts 

 

From what I can get out of your posts though, I think you really need to try to reduce your intense heel obsession and go work on building some normal relationships with people, especially more women (even if just friendships). 

 

I mean having a fetish and love for heels is one thing, but I think you are taking it to a whole other level my friend.

[jim102]

The problem is after I met her I realize I could not wear heels as I want.. After all the negative stress I lived with I do not figure out myself where to wear them except at commercial centre. I stil llike that but lost the interest and confidence to to that.

 

I heard enough to get lazy of that. Enough troubles!

 

 

But it will stay non fair forever! To have a fetish and to deal with because you have to take care of your behaviour it is a delicate thing!

 

 

Do you understand?

 

 

I still have trouble to assume the risks that heels could do. Especially when 3 family members you live with know what you like!

 

I am still afraid of normal mens and even sellers. Sometimes I say myself good do you see that men groups? You made a better choice to not wear heels!

 

 

And live with heels with all the stress and troubles you got in the past!

 

 

 

I guess I need to move out of the town for working and living alone! But not yet!

[Gudulitooo]

And live with heels with all the stress and troubles you got in the past!

 

That's part of the fun. We are lacking real life, light hearted, adventure nowadays.

[jim102]

Ok but it`s like I am the only one who feel bad about that.

 

I mean just after the fact you have been detected and got too much predjudices from the old mentality of two family members does someone in here got tired of wearing heels?

 

 

After the big anxiety I got I do not want to start wearing heels again. I had a very hard mind period and lose confidence to myself to wear heels.

 

 

I do not know now where to wear them! Anywhere? Nope! Not near places family has the habit to go

 

 

I continue to feel that it is an injustice for men to be not normal when wearing heels. I also feel jealous about women that they can wear all they want even men clothes without troubles.

[Shafted]

Look, I'm going to say this because it looks like nobody else will.

 

The very fact that you went to a sex therapist states that you, yourself do not accept yourself in high heels. With this in mind, how can you expect anyone else to accept you in high heels.

 

I'm assuming that you are from Quebec. I can tell you that from my geographical location, I am exposed to a great deal of people from Quebec passing through my area on their way to other destinations. They are no different from the people who are all around me (except that they dress themselves way better). They have seen me wearing high heels often and they barely even blink in surprise.

 

The key is confidence. If you are in any way uncomfortable with your appearance in high heels it will show. It will show as a weakness. If you can't wear high heels with confidence then don't wear them. You are not cut out for them.

 

If it is strictly a fetish for you then you may have other issues. To be honest, I suspect that for many men here, heel wearing started out as a fetish. Then they made the decision to incorporate it into their personal style. The fetish aspect then becomes secondary to non-existent.

 

Why are you jealous of women? You have the exact same power to do exactly what they do. They didn't have it easy either, so why do you expect it to be easy for you?

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but it's an old story I've heard way too many times.

[hhboots]

This thread gives me somewhat of a headache to be honest, but very well stated Shafted, nicely said.

[Steve63130]

I agree. Good post, Shafted. Thanks for stating what needed to be said, in a very courteous way.

 

Steve

[ilikekicks]

This thread gives me somewhat of a headache to be honest, but very well stated Shafted, nicely said.

 

I have the same ' issue ' myself ( headaches that is ).

 

I understand the ' French ' ( Quebec ) doesnt really care for the British or speaking english, but if *I* were to have a conversation in Hebrew or one of the many Spanish Dialects, I would find a reliable translator just to show some courtesy and to clarify what I was trying to stipulate.

 

What hurts the most isnt this gentleman's situation, its trying to figure out what he exactly means.

 

There are many of us whom wear heels, men and women alike, whom have no issues at all. Some are married, some single, some divorced, some gay, some hetero, a few are probably lesbian.. I dont believe ' wearing heels ' has anything to do with our sexuallity as if it did, a majority of us would fall into one category which simply isnt presented by the facts/statistics/viewing of the contributors here.

 

To clarify to all reading this in regards to my stance..

 

"I continue to feel that it is an injustice for men to be not normal when wearing heels. I also feel jealous about women that they can wear all they want even men clothes without troubles."

 

Once more, I envoke the familiar names of Myself, Jeff B, Shafted, Rockpup and some of the many others that we all wear whatever it is we want and I wouldnt say any of us are ' abnormal '. None of us are from the same backround either.

 

Shafted is from the ' way up there ' North East U.S. and works in Theater.

Jeff B is from the East coast Area. Hes into Anime/Manga.

Rockpup is from Florida and is into Guns and stuff..

Im a Farmer in Western NY..

 

We have little to nothing in Common in regards to where we live or what we do. I'm Married, Rockpup is in a relationship ( I believe? Its none of my business but I think he may have mentioned it before ). I know Shafted is single ( and wants to mingle ).

 

Were White, Hispanic, Gay, Black.. Nothing ' Ethnic ' about it..

 

How are we ' Not Normal '? How do we ' not ' show a pretty diverse group of individuals when viewed as a ' collective ' by others?

 

 

 

*I* Believe Jim102 ( Original thread author ) might feel the same way in some regards but just doesnt posses the intuition of how to present his viewpoints for others to make clarity of his remarks. Im sure he is a ' swell ' fellow, and we might have ideas or insight to what he is trying to convey, but without that clarity, its tough to help him out.

Look, I'm going to say this because it looks like nobody else will.

 

Why are you jealous of women? You have the exact same power to do exactly what they do. They didn't have it easy either, so why do you expect it to be easy for you?

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but it's an old story I've heard way too many times.

 

SNIP!

 

Im taking _some_ of what you stated ( but not disregarding all of it ) to re-emphasize what your stating.

 

*WE*, as in, those of us of with the convex organ area ( IE: not concave ) need to wake up and smell the coffee. Be who we are and not worry about it. As a Nike comercial once stated for a slogan ' Just do it! '. Wear what we want and go out. Dont look back.

 

Until the effort is made by us as individuals to do such, we shouldnt complain.

[StarCrossed]

Hello. I have recently consulted a sex-therapist to have a clear mind about it.

It's understandable that you might consult such a professional considering you have persons in your life telling you how terribly abnormal it is for you to want to wear certain styles of shoes simply because you are a man.  

...but I can wear what I want if I do not disturb myself and anyone!

An interest in shoes or other things obsessive enough to cause distress or harmful effects to the individual has been considered a disorder. To me, you just seem to be perplexed and disappointed by the intolerance by others. I've also read that if it causes distress in others, such as a spouse or family member, that it is a disorder on the person with the interest, the fetishist. It shouldn't be a disorder on the part of the fetishist because of someone else's intolerance or prejudice. For example, if a man was facing divorce by his wife because she hated his interest in wearing heels, it's because of her intolerance or ignorance. That man may decide his interest in heels is not worth losing his wife, his children or the cost of divorce, and decide to conceal his desires or change his behavior, but her choice shouldn't mean he caused the divorce due to his desire to wear some style of shoe. The person you consulted suggested some causes for your desire to wear heels. I wonder if that was based on your experiences conveyed to her or if she considers them global reasons as to why men wear heels or other clothing. I'm sure the reason she gave aren't why I like shoes. My interest in heels came relatively later in life decades after I was aware of my attraction to women. You may decide that wearing heels anytime and anywhere you want isn't always worth the difficulties caused by others, such as an employer, coworkers or customers. Some men are willing to wear in these situations. It's your decision. Also, because you choose not to limit your fashion choices to a small fraction of what is out there because of your sex doesn't mean that you dislike women.

[jim102]

You are right StarCrossed!

 

Wearing heels even I am a men should not be affected by opinions or intolerance of others. Even family members!

 

But you can understand since I have been caught by family I feel bad about wearing heels again.

 

I most completely lost the confidence to myself. I am afraid of the reactions of others and I am very anxious!

 

 

Young men groups or men groups or men sellers make me scary.

 

I remember in my first experiences that most people do not react when I wear heels in public. If yes they are very outnumbered. Even a woman were surprised by the look she made me but I was capable to to not take care of her.

 

 

You know I think my experiences or if not consult my threads.

 

 

I noticed few women alone with their kid in the same place of me did not react. They just do not pay attention like most of people.  The sex-therapist said to me it is more tolerated in man in heels that you can think but the problem is there are too much tolerance and from me I notice people have not enough tolerance.

 

 

So all my worries come from people that do not have tolerance. They are not numbered against the other kind of people that say nothing.

 

 

Another thing that makes me afraid is men in heels are very limited. Just a few guys between 1 and 4 I heard about at a commercial centre.

 

 

 

Women sellers are totally open-minded and they told me many of men are afraid to try heels in store. They ask for trying but they go away without trying!  They are used to men in heels. Intolerant people have an old mentality and I learnt so much things during my experiences.

 

 

Old mentality people are retarded.

 

 

If it does not clarify why I made that thread just tell me again guys

 

 

I like the look with some black noisy heels boots Under blue jean from many women.

[ilikekicks]

 

Old mentality people are retarded.

 

 

So says the guy whom runs to a sex therapist for his own insecurities.

 

"So all my worries come from people that do not have tolerance. They are not numbered against the other kind of people that say nothing."

 

Your worries come from YOURSELF. You call others retarded when you cannot even figure out YOU are the one experiencing all these problems when many of us have walked right through the same problems your having by just sitting down and believing in ourselves and being confident enough to say " I am *me*. 

 

I live with a family and in an area that is very ' old school mentality '. Are you trying to insinuate my family, neighbors and all those whom I might associate with are ' retarded ' ? They are all more then supportive of *my* choice of footware, Its unfortunate ( for whatever reason ) your family doesnt support yours.

[Pumps]

So says the guy whom runs to a sex therapist for his own insecurities.

 

"So all my worries come from people that do not have tolerance. They are not numbered against the other kind of people that say nothing."

 

Your worries come from YOURSELF. You call others retarded when you cannot even figure out YOU are the one experiencing all these problems when many of us have walked right through the same problems your having by just sitting down and believing in ourselves and being confident enough to say " I am *me*. 

 

I live with a family and in an area that is very ' old school mentality '. Are you trying to insinuate my family, neighbors and all those whom I might associate with are ' retarded ' ? They are all more then supportive of *my* choice of footware, Its unfortunate ( for whatever reason ) your family doesnt support yours.

 

Cut him some slack. He's clearly struggling with the language.

[Shafted]

I'm not a licensed psychologist, but I detect moderate inferiority issues generated within the family. You really have to iron this out , Jim. Mostly with yourself. first, then your dad.

[SleekHeels]

1) I remember in my first experiences that most people do not react when I wear heels in public.

2) I most completely lost the confidence to myself. I am afraid of the reactions of others and I am very anxious!

3) So all my worries come from people that do not have tolerance. They are not numbered against the other kind of people that say nothing.

 

So, #1 shows that the "problem" is not that you're wearing heels, but it is #2 that you've lost confidence and people (especially #3 those without tolerance) pick up on that and are more likely to show a reaction.

 

To relate this to my own experience (and I'm sure many others here), when I started out wearing heels in public  I got more reactions (people sniggering or making remarks), partly because my anxiety was encouraging those reactions and partly because I was simply more sensitive to noticing them. Maybe it was also because there was an element of stealth in how I was wearing my heels, so people felt they'd "discovered" something I was trying to hide, so they show a reaction, it's logical. Now I wear my heels more openly and without anxiety, any reactions are very rare and they don't bother me.

 

But you can understand since I have been caught by family I feel bad about wearing heels again.

 

This is exactly what I mean... this notion of "getting caught" needs to go, you wouldn't think of yourself "getting caught" wearing a tie, at most you might say someone "noticed" your tie, that's all. When I hear someone snigger now, it's not me getting caught, it's them getting caught revealing their prejudice and intolerant attitude.

 

I remember once I was wearing my brown high wedge-heeled sandals and a young couple walked by... the guy let out a loud laugh, the girl looked embarrassed as if the "man" next to her had just turned into an ape. Guys like that reveal their lack of respect for femininity, and girls like that deserve a better guy. Who has been "caught"?

[jim102]

Interesting. In a couple the woman does not like when their men is laughing of someone. So when they notice you they show their bad attitude and they are not better than you!

 

A fact is I wanna make pay the three persons in my home. One with 17 years old, one with 42 and one with 33.

 

What I regret the most is they find out my heel interest.  Not wearing heels I regret.

 

 

First time I visited that forum I had a bad opinion about guys here and after taking time to read so many threads I found people with similar situations and realized I was wrong!

 

 

My family traumatized me and it is not easy to deal with that and it is amazing most guys here went out that stressing step! But I am with those men that need more more time to get up and to go to the next level!