The Next Steps

[Steve63130]

jorisken, I think you would do very well to plan a clothes shopping trip with your mother. It will be a chance to talk about fashion, learn about her ideas of what you look good in, bond with her as a loving son, and get some fashionable clothes that blend well with high heels. You'll be a chick magnet! Steve

[Histiletto]

Jorisken123, Being concerned with fashion isn't that necessary. Having a good sense of what you like and how you want your appearance to be is all the fashion concerns anyone should have. I prefer the styling of the stiletto pumps that became popular in the 50's and early 60's. Since then, there have been variations that have appeared on the retail displays, but few seem to capture the same ambient and structural qualities. So, I'm forced to choose from the present styles available to satisfy my desire for heeling. I also want to support those that have expressed their concerns for keeping good communications with your parents open. It may be a little harder to connect with your dad, because of the social attitude toward gender identities, but like everyone has said they are worried about your future and how heeling will effect it. Given your previous conversations with your parents, you might express the thing you know about the commonality of guys wearing heels through out history. Even though heels haven't been considered main social items for men's wardrobes for almost a 160 years, they could possibly return to that status as society learns of the desire many men do have to wear high heels. Just remember to be honest in your dealings, even if it means you'll have to bide some time until you can openly wear heels as commonly as any publicly heeling person does now. Keeping you parents in the loop as to what you are going through and feeling will probably serve you and them better in the long run.

[Curt]

We have to realize there is nothing weird about wearing heels. Why is it that women get to wear all the cool shoes. I went out last week in flats, so depressing. You can tell a lot of a person by looking at what they have on their feet.

[HappyinHeels]

jorisken123, Sounds like you have an intriguing dialogue going with your mother, et cela est un idee magnifique ( a very good thing). I'd ease her into this facet of your personality while not getting out of her comfort circle like Steve63130 said, and like TBG said, you need only add practice to more practice to get to the skill level you seek. Keep your chin up, your eyes and ears open, and your heels on! HappyinHeels

[ShockQueen]

I think the more often you wear heels, while at then same time, your parents not seeing any negative side-effects.....or perhaps even an indication you are coordinating your outfits so they go better with your choice of footwear may be enough to perhaps open their minds more. Small steps are key here.

[Impala]

thanks, all of you! I was home alone yesterday, put on my wedge sneakers and walked around the streets for 10 minutes. I wouldn't really say it's an outing, because there weren't any people on the street and it was dark, but I liked it. My feet clearly aren't used to "long" walks as they got sore by the end, but I guess that will go better every time I go out. For now on, I'll go on and if I get a good chance to talk about the heels I'll do so.

[Lvemadomina]

My feet clearly aren't used to "long" walks as they got sore by the end, but I guess that will go better every time I go out.

At least it was 10mins. I went shopping in mine and I was out for about 4 hours haha. I never thought my mine would hurt cause they are crazy comfy and the heel is only 3 inches but I was just wrong haha. I should've conditioned or something but it was the longest I've worn heels while consistantly walking ^Milestone!

[ChipsHH]

Now this is something! Never thought I'd find someone younger that was in almost a mirror of my current (and few-years-back) predicament. My mom can't STAND that I like heels the way I do. She found out about it via a freak accident: I use to store my shoes in the trunk of my SUV, in a garbage bag of all things, and I thought it made it this far so I kept the bag there without a second thought. Somehow, she discovered the bag one day and thought it was hers at first (didn't know she stored her shoes in bags as well!). I end up fessing up and also telling her it was...a sort of fetish. Course, as yours did, she didn't take to it very lightly and tried to talk me out of it every way she could. Actually, she Continues to talk me out of it, to which I say, "Good luck, mom"

What I wonder is where were all of you when I needed this advice? HAHA

That aside, you might just have it easier than I do, my friend. Because I know for a fact that my mom is Never going to let me live with the "fetish", nor is she Ever going to accept it for herself. (Heh, and she calls herself a variation of 'open-minded'). So what I'm thinking is just allow her to be her and await the day where I can move out and room with someone that Will deal with my fetish, er, hobby of mine. All umpteen of them, haha.

[Impala]

i know for sure that I will stay with my family for at least 5 more years. Next year I'm going to university and my class locations are all quite near my home. I also really love my home, my family. I wouldn't move out just to wear heels. I hope to have reached acceptance for wearing heels openly at home within half a year. That would be great. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I can only hope so!

[Curt]

My mom really hates my heels. You know something, I think it bothers her that everybody else loves them. Mostly women. Don't let them guilt you by saying its not normal. Its not fair that we have to be stuck with lame mens shoes that look like crap.

[Impala]

I had another small conversation about it today. My mom found out about a payment on an e-shop, I just told her the truth that I had bought another pair. The problem is that I had already promised her not to buy any more shoes, she thinks 2 pairs is more than enough for me! (so not true!) When eating, we talked a little bit about it. She asked me again what I do with them, if I wear them, walk around in them, what I do in them? She said that if it's normal for me to buy heels, why don't I buy other stuff like skirts, bra's, etc... I told her I Just like to wear them for the feeling, not for the feminine aspect. I told her heels were originally male things, but women took a monopoly over them. I told that I don't care about society's opinion, which she already knows. I told her that I wear them, walk around in them at home (didn't tell her about the few times I took a walk on the streets), and how I do regular stuff in them. I made clear it's like a hobby for me. I said I respected how she felt about them, but then she said that she tried to respect me for how I am, because she can't change me. Looks like with enough patience and effort, I'll get through it and have it accepted! I said that it's probably hard for her to picture me in heels, and asked in a joking way if she wanted a demonstration. She said it wasn't really necessary. I'll try to be "caught" in heels on purpose some times, see if I can slightly lift the barrier. I'm looking forward to a bright heeling future!

[wedgemao]

interesting development for you....

[kikepa]

Parents often wig out the first few times their daughters upgrade from flats to heels, too, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Impala]

I had another open talk about it yesterday. Those talks usually start when my parents make a joke about my heeling. This time, I lost my bike keys, and my mom said tha tmen should have handbags, to not lose stuff. She said it would go well with my shoes. When I talk, I am as open as possible and talk about it like it is a hobby, nothing bad or negative, just a bit strange. My parens warned me to keep the heels well hidden, becaus they don't want my sister to find out about it. I asked, why not? It wouldn't be that bad? They insisted that I'd wait some more time before telling her, because they say it's not a normal thing, it's at the limit, and they think she'd not be able to handle it. I do think she would be ready for it, but I respect my parent's opinion, and I don't want to ruin the chance of acceptance by going too far, too fast.

[Steve63130]

Jorisken, A handbag is great advice! I recommend it highly. Get one with a wide strap that doesn't look too femme. If you do get one, you'll never go back to stuffing junk in your pockets again. I've been carrying one for 20 years and it goes with me almost everywhere. It's convenient, carries more things than I can in my pockets, and there are no unsightly or uncomfortable bulges in my slacks or jeans. Ladies have got it right, and it's time men discover the advantages of carrying a shoulder bag. Keep up the dialog with your parents. The more you talk with them, the more comfortable they will get with your new hobby. Obey them and don't bring it up with your sister yet - there is nothing to be gained and a lot to risk. But after a few weeks, you might ask your mother to have a talk with your sister and assess your sister's opinion on the subject. Let your mom pave the way. You keep your nose clean! Continue to have fun, even with the restrictions you now face. It will get better, but don't push too fast. Steve

[Impala]

The handbag was never meant that seriously, neither by me or my parents, I think. I often carry a backpack, and this does the job perfectly for me! I don't dress in a feminine way at all! Baggy jeans, pullovers. It's what I find comfortable. A handbag wouldn't really fit well. Plus, I don't like the feeling of weight on one arm and not on both. It makes me feel like I'm out of balance, it makes me feel uncomfortable. That's why a backpack is perfect for me. I'll definitely keep up the dialogue. Thanks for the good response!

[Shafted]

The handbag was never meant that seriously, neither by me or my parents, I think. I often carry a backpack, and this does the job perfectly for me! I don't dress in a feminine way at all! Baggy jeans, pullovers. It's what I find comfortable. A handbag wouldn't really fit well. Plus, I don't like the feeling of weight on one arm and not on both. It makes me feel like I'm out of balance, it makes me feel uncomfortable. That's why a backpack is perfect for me.

I'll definitely keep up the dialogue. Thanks for the good response!

Okay, I have to offer my two cents here. Baggy jeans, pullovers? If you're wearing noticeable heels you have to step up your fashion a bit or it's not going to look good. Take a good look of the majority of fine examples here at HHPlace.

Your parents (I'm assuming this based on memory) probably need to see a coordinated look for you that works for you as a guy in order to feel comfortable. Think trendy but not over the top.

Image really does mean everything when you want to successfully pull off wearing high heels as a guy.

[Steve63130]

I second Shafted's comment. You can't get away with a baggy jeans look (masculine) and haute couture high heels. There is a big disconnect there, and you really need to pair the heels with more appropriate fashionable clothing. Look at more form-fitting pants or skinny jeans, or at least bootcut jeans that fall nicely over the shoes. Consider more unisex tops than those that scream male. In other words, make the shoes compliment, rather than conflict with the overall image. Good luck! Steve

[Impala]

I know and I'm aware of it, and I'm trying to purchrase better, more appropriate clothes. I went shopping for pants with my dad last week, came back with 2 nice pairs of pants for everyday wearing. Not really skinny, but not baggy too. Around middle width. I have very wide legs, with lots of body mass, so most pants naturally feel tight for me. But these are allright, and even look good. One of them is of a recent trend, I don't know about America, but in Belgium it's kind of popular. Pants of cloth in various colours. Not new, but got popular the last year. I bought a pair in blue, so not really showy, but it looks good.

They look a bit like these, but less baggy. My calves are big too, so they fill up the pants nicely.

http://images6.jeansonline.com/jack-jones-trouser-bolton-edward-12056145-mid-blue.jpg

I'm not going out of the house in pumps, I only go out in wedge sneakers that look very masculine. I think they actually go well with masculine pants. It will take me more time and practice to acquire the skill and courage to go out in obvious heels. I will do it once, but not right now.

[Histiletto]

Hi! jorisken123, I have known heels to be worn with bloused baggy pants, but the wearer had the physique and the confidence to make it work for them. I'm kind of surprised that your parents haven't seen you wearing heels yet. Keep heeling and the opportunities will happen.

[Shafted]

If you're into boots, jorisken123, I would recommend skinny jeans with the boot shafts worn over them. For looser fit pants, I would recommend pumps or sandals. Try it and you will know what I'm talking about.

[Guest]

there is some good advice here and you are lucky, when most of us were your age and hiding heels from parents, we did not have anything like this to turn to. We were all alone. Be patient with your parents. Don't push it to make them accept it. As much as this feels normal to us, its 100 times that not normal to them. The comment from your mom about your shoes under your desk was her reaching out to you to try and bring it up and understand this. For me, I would work on mom first. Mothers tend to be a little more understanding. As for girlfriends in the future. Don't worry, there arfe lots of freaky chi cks that actually get in to this. When you find the right one, she will accept you for who you are. I had a girlfriend in high school that we both could wear the same shoes. And as for my wife, I told her about it long before we got married. Never hide, although not flaunting it in front of them is a good idea. Your sister is old enough to know.

[Impala]

Shafted, I don't know if I'm into boots or not. I've never worn boots, neither heeled or flat, neither male or female, with the exception of some wellies when I was a kid. I don't know if I'd like boots. I'll try some when fall starts, but with the recent spring weather and the upcoming summer I have no plans to buying boots now.

I have already been thinking of boots as an option for outdoor heeling, as they don't attract that much attention and I think they're not that hard to walk in. I might try boots like these

http://www.sarenza.nl/i-love-shoes-clarita-s332-p0000044000

HEELS2U, I mostly talk to my mother, because she mentions them more and I think she cares more about than my father. I know she tells my father everything I tell her, so that's good.

[Curt]

Its the opposite with my parents. My dad couldn't care less, but my mom hates it. Check this out. I said: when I go to your house next time, I won't wear stilettos, just chunky heels. She said, I thought they stilettos. I think I just got the green light there.

[bluejay]

Shafted, I don't know if I'm into boots or not. I've never worn boots, neither heeled or flat, neither male or female, with the exception of some wellies when I was a kid. I don't know if I'd like boots. I'll try some when fall starts, but with the recent spring weather and the upcoming summer I have no plans to buying boots now.

I have already been thinking of boots as an option for outdoor heeling, as they don't attract that much attention and I think they're not that hard to walk in. I might try boots like these

http://www.sarenza.n...332-p0000044000

HEELS2U, I mostly talk to my mother, because she mentions them more and I think she cares more about than my father. I know she tells my father everything I tell her, so that's good.

I think that you will enjoy wearing those boots. Go for it.

Happy Heeling,

bluejay

[Impala]

I went out again today. Down below I posted a pic of my "outfit". It's what I wore the whole day (without the wedge sneakers of course), comfortable clothes for school, I didn't pay any attention on the fashion side, but I guess the outfit isn't ugly either. What I'd like to know of you guys: If you'd see me walking around the streets without knowing it's me, and you would by coincidence take a clear look of my shoes. Would you notice? I think I walk quite naturally, I concentrate and watch my walk, but it's of course never the same as walking with flats. Still, I haven't gone out in bright daylight. The problem is that I'm never home alone for long times in daylight. Only when it's already dark, like now. I have crossed about 5 people in my 3 "outings" so far, but I'd like to go into some crowded places like a shop or library and see if people notice. I'll do that if I get the chance!

[Curt]

Try to walk normally as much as possible in heels. Once you think about it too much, you won't walk properly. Go out and do it and have fun. Good luck to you! Nice outfit for school. Wedge sneakers would go good with that.

[Impala]

I'm not taking the risk of wearing the wedge sneakers to scool. i've got 2 months left, than I'm going to university, where I'll be somewhat more free. I'll finally be freed of the immature douchebags in my school, who'd for sure make A LOT of fun of me if they'd spot me in heels. In university, or High School, I'm not sure about my choice yet, students do more crazy stuff, so I'll have less trouble with showing the "weird" me. I'm probably going to study music production, which has a lot of alternative students. GREAT.

[Curt]

You are right! Finish school first. Kids can be bullies because they can. I forget sometimes, I've been out of school for so long. Hard to believe I'm 40 something. There's plenty of time to start dressing trendy. Be true to yourself to what you want in life.

[Impala]

I want to be happy, make music, wear heels and not give about the opinions of people that don't understand what they're talking about.

I add this picture of John Lennon, true words of a true legend.

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/s480x480/484088_470067206351634_846665834_n.jpg

(one more post and I have 100 posts, time for celebration!)