HHeeler Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Reading threads going back a number of years recently, the word I wish I got a nickel every time it appeared is a version of the word "confidence". Usually used a coaxing manner to get someone to just throw on their heels and go about life. And they note, rightly I might add, that with a healthy dose of confidence many things, and looks, can be pulled off. There are many who seem view this advice with some skepticism. Their internal calculation weighs the desire to wear heels as they wish, vs. the real/perceived consequences of these actions. And for some, relationships, jobs, community standing would be negatively impacted over such a simple thing as slipping on a pair of the "wrong" shoes. There are others who, while having nothing tangible at stake, still see the pressures of societal norms to be enough to shatter this confidence. My question is one of how people feel these things should be weighted? Does the need to wear heels outweigh these other factors? Should it? Should people be made to understand? Or is it just footwear and not worth the waves it potentially creates? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick24 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 we live in a false world and people think we have to copy everyone else or have to be this and that. men and women think striaght male's don't wear heels, very fake planet it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shafted Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Confidence vs. caution? I threw caution to the wind years ago. You can't be cautious and confident too. But then again I'm not trying to climb the corporate ladder either. Most of the people I know who are climbing the corporate ladder are not very nice people (if they were they wouldn't get very far). A guy in stilettos would not fare very well in the corporate world. Shafted, the boots that is! View my gallery here http://www.hhplace.o...afteds-gallery/ or view my heeling thread here http://www.hhplace.org/topic/3850-new-pair-of-boots-starts-me-serious-street-heeling/ - Pm me if you want fashion advice or just need someone to talk to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Confidence vs. caution? A guy in stilettos would not fare very well in the corporate world. I not only agree with this but I too am not trying to climb the corporate ladder. I guess I've been out in public in high heels so often and for so long, I don't really think about the "caution." I have said in previous posts that I would never go into a biker bar in 5" black patent leather high heels. And there are maybe some other places I wouldn't wear high heels, although I really can't think of any at this moment. No matter what you do, no matter how "different" or "unique" or even common place, the more you do something, the more confident you are and comfortable you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffB Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Like Shafted, I left caution in the rear view mirror a long, LONG time ago, perhaps moreso than anyone else here since I wear heels and skirts in public, so I don't worry about public reactions, though what few I've gotten in my travels were positive. But I am mindful of where I go on my little adventures, preferring places such as malls and highly travelled public areas where I feel safest and most secure. At my age (53), I don't worry about climbing that corporate ladder since I'm just a cubicle drone, and that's good enough for me, so I can indulge in my particular hobby without fear of repercussion. And every time I head out, I build up that confidence just a little bit more, and that makes things all the more fun for me. I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxyheels Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I am one of the people that harps on about confidence. You do need a bucket load of it to street heel as a man. I do practice caution as well, I don't attend football matches in heels, it's just not practical. What also helps is your overall character, people who know me well often say they expect me to do things differently and daft convention. Another thing I've found is that when you meet a group of new people be a little more adventurous and they will instantly form an opinion that you are 'alternative' so can get away with more. Always be friendly and polite as this also tends to ensure people allow you more slack. It's not confidence v caution they go hand in hand with a common sense approach. High heels are the shoes I choose to put on, respect my choice as I repect yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilikekicks Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 My question is one of how people feel these things should be weighted? Does the need to wear heels outweigh these other factors? Should it? Should people be made to understand? Or is it just footwear and not worth the waves it potentially creates? I speak for only myself on this one. Im sure much wiser comments will come then what I have to offer. Does the ' need ' to wear heels.. I dont ' need ' to wear heels.. I just choose to. Im quite sure there are many whom feel they have a need to wear heels and ( again ) its not a perception of mine. To the question of ' Should people be made to understand '.. from my perspective, now. All anyone needs to understand is that I have on my feet what I put on my feet. Thats all there really is to know about it. Im not breaking any laws nor trying to influence anything on anyone else. If someone asks why I might wear what I do, I will be more then kind to offer them a beer and conversation. But I dont think there should be some kind of ' H.R. ' or indoctrination ( harsh word but its what came to mind ) of why I choose what I wear. Its just very simple and nothing is hidden. ' I put on some shoes, they are on my feet. Thats all it is '. If my footware ' creates waves ', people are in BIG trouble. If someone is worried about whats on my feet, they shouldnt be. It would be just 1 more item on a list of so many things thats more important. Theres people having it rough in warzones, Unemployment, Home Foreclosures, Wages stagnant IF you still have a job.. There must be 50+ other things more worthy of someone elses time then having a thought about what shoes I might or will wear. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HHeeler Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 A couple of different thoughts here: By our nature we (humans) strive to form connections and belong to communities. These communities often include our jobs, our friends, our families, neighborhoods, towns, etc. Not all communities are equal. And not all communities are equal in the acceptance or tolerance of what they view as falling outside the "norm". For some here, falling outside of the acceptance of these communities would be devastating. Because as intolerant as these communities may be on certain issues, they still provide great benefit to the individual. It is just another case of the world as it is v. the world as it should be. All that said, Foxyheels alludes to a point I've long thought about. Inventing oneself as opposed to redefining oneself. I sincerely feel, particularly in this day and age, that if someone is initially just known and integrated into social and other circles as a person of "eccentric dress style" or the "guy who wears heels" it would not be that much of an issue. People who are of the mind to be unable to deal with it, would self select themselves out of the equation from the onset, and you would be left with people who just know, and accept, you as that person. I speak broadly here and I speculate: redefining yourself, suddenly showing up as the guy in heels, is trickier. Relationship have already been established. Things seen as fundamental changes (even if they are not truly so) can change the nature of these relationships, and cause friends/family/co-workers to be off balance. And, as I stated above, in some less open minded places, communal pressures can arise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve63130 Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) Excellent points, but there are many communities that one either cannot abandon (family for instance) or choose not to (friends, neighbors, work, clubs). I think heeling is a great hobby, but don't see it as a serious reason to leave all my existing communities and start over reinventing myself with new ones. One has to make prudent choices. Steve Edited June 22, 2012 by Steve63130 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niknhose Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Confidence vs Caution - I myself have developed a lot more confidence when wearing heels out in public. I haven't completely abandoned caution, it still speaks to me when I am out and about. I have learned to knock it down a few pegs tho when it come to wearing heels. But I am still weary about being in public in some places. For all of us I think it's a choice to step out and embrace who we are and let others know that this is me take it or leave it. I know it helps me when my friends/co-workers ask 'why?' and then say 'oh, ok whatever'. For myself, and a few others, there is also an underlying medical need to wear the shoes we do. I chose to wear womens heels in subdued but stylish styles as the men's hidden heel shoes are still as ugly as tradtional men's shoes. It's also a confidence booster when I get the "those are cute shoes, where did you get them?". -Nikki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pumped Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 For me confidence has nothing to do with it. I am not going to risk ridicule just to wear heels in public. There is no way I could wear them daily on my job, no question about it. So I am not about to risk my friends and employment over my interest in heels. To me it is just a simple decision of weighing the risk and no matter how tiny the risk is it is not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleekHeels Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 For me before I wore them in public the "need" to wear heels was an overpowering force in my life - actually it was probably the "need" combined with the "fear" or the danger of being caught wearing them. That probably led me to wear heels only secretively or in some unsafe situations like dark isolated streets at night. As I've worn heels in public more and more that fear has faded. Confidence has come from wearing my heels in everyday surroundings and feeling good about that. My sense of caution has also grown more rational such that my "need" to wear heels doesn't mislead me into unsafe situations. Now I feel like the excitement comes from the simple pleasure of wearing heels and being seen/accepted wearing them, not some sense of fear that surrounds that. I agree wholeheartedly with FoxyHeels: "It's not confidence v caution they go hand in hand". If you like it, wear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyinHeels Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 HHeeler, I know I am one who has touted the virtue of "confidence" many times in this forum and my experience of learning four other languages, winning legal battles (I'm NOT a lawyer), running for elected office three different times, public speaking, etc. has told me that confidence is what best sells your image to your audience. The point made about family, friends, etc. are valid. Those who want to express themselves via heels, or other articles of clothing with those heels, and still practice prudence should look for ways to create opportunities for themselves. This can be done by packing what you want to wear on day trips out of town or overnight stays or if you'll simply be away for several hours on an errand. I often stop by Bakers, or other stores like Macy's, after work and go in wearing some wedge sandals or heels I had stores in the car. I keep my family and friends connections intact but have created times where I can creatively express myself. Last Wednesday I drove to Chicago to check a NineWest outlet someone else (RonC) had talked about. Didn't see much I liked but I did buy some platform sandals there that were on clearance. I had on bootcut jeans, a dark blue polo shirt, a goldtone bracelet watch, and my "Cecilia" wedge sandals from Bakers. I parked the car on Clark St. and walked about two blocks to the store. While the entire heel (6") wasn't visible, maybe 1-2" was, my light purple toes were visible....to anyone really paying attention which they weren't. Confidence is the engine that drives the personality and the world in general gravitates toward such confidence. Like ilikekicks says, "it is simply what I put on my feet today." I would add to that this choice; you can either walk with me and I can walk over you the choice is yours. HappyinHeels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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