canuck_hh Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Hi everyone, It’s been a while, more than a year in fact since I’ve been here, but lately I’ve been wanting more and more to come back. To put you in context, about two years ago I moved in with my girlfriend, which I love very much, and at the time I got rid of all my high heels. I had about 10 pairs at the time... I didn’t mind and thought I was over it. Since she’s a heel lover I was pleased enough to see her wearing high heels and loving them. But lately, in fact for the last couple months, all the new styles in store are making me want to buy a few pairs and wear them around the house. My god those platform peep toes are just gorgeous and I’d love to have a pair. I can buy pretty much any brand I fit in size 11 or even 10. The thing is, my girlfriend and I never discussed my affection for high heels... and now it’s coming back to haunt me. From discussion I had with her in the past I know for a fact she thinks men who like women’s shoes are either gay or in the closet, which I’m not. I’m very afraid of her reaction if I discuss this issue with her. I’d love to buy these : http://www.heels.com/womens-shoes/sure-thing-black-silk.html or these and wear them around the house... Any ideas how to handle this?
Walkonit Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I have sympathy for your situation. Loads of advice on this theme all over the forum, so have a good look around. Also worth mentioning is that many report regular purging of their heel collection only to find that the desire returns soon enough. Supressing it dosn't seem to work. Acceptance does.
roniheels Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 I have sympathy for your situation. Loads of advice on this theme all over the forum, so have a good look around. Also worth mentioning is that many report regular purging of their heel collection only to find that the desire returns soon enough. Supressing it dosn't seem to work. Acceptance does. This is excellent advice in both paragraphs from Walkonit. I might just add, even though it may be painful, and ease into the discussion, being honest and upfront will save you much grief down the line. Take it from one who learned the hard way.
hhl4vr Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Hello from another fellow canuck. I am in exactly your situation. I have bought and sold many a pair of shoes. I too hid it from my wife and when she found out my love for heels-(she found some pictures I had) I just said it was nothing. This discovery had been in the first couple months. I brushed the issue aside as she was freaked out and thouth the same that I was gay and no man should be wearing heels. So just brushed it under the rug and have to hide my heels at work and access this site from there.....If I could have started over I should have been honest from the start - But you are at the right place. I have been here one month and wished I had discovered this site and the great people sooner.
beaztheelz Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 To be honest, she probably will not accept you in heels so its either your heel life or your girlfriend.
FreshinHeels Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 my 2 cents for what they worth. I think that you have 2 options. 1: You stop totally with heeling or 2: you talk to you're girlfriend. With hiding and continuing there is a big change she wil eventually find out and has bigger change to leading to disaster. Thats why I don't think that is an option. Talking and explaining is (I think) the best route to follow. Good luck with what you decide to do. In the process of becoming the person I always was...but didn't dare to let her come out
legs777777 Posted December 22, 2011 Posted December 22, 2011 Loads of good advice, on a personal note it may be best to tell her, I choose not to, and then tried to coax her to wear heel, all that I managed to to was to make her not wear them at all, making me buy and wear more, ultimatly costing my marrage. Thats life.
weird1 Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Well Canuck, This is Misses Weird 1 - Lets take this from a understanding woman's perspective. There is nothing more fun than having a male husband that enjoys shopping for shoes as well as wearing them. I cannot believe that your "girlfriend" said what she has said. In essence it would be like her telling you to give up your favorite hobby. Would you do that - would you give up something that you love? If she was any kind of an understanding woman and if she cared about you like I'm sure she must have said, then she would totally understand. EVERYONE has their quirks and my husband is no different. There is nothing wrong with wanting to come home and feel nice or pretty. It is not just reserved for the females!!!! She needs to get over herself. You could always turn it into a game - you could do what we do. You get a pair / I get a pair. It works out great for both of us. Besides if you can't have a friend & a lover there is no use to stay together.
scrappycoco Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Hi everyone, It’s been a while, more than a year in fact since I’ve been here, but lately I’ve been wanting more and more to come back. To put you in context, about two years ago I moved in with my girlfriend, which I love very much, and at the time I got rid of all my high heels. I had about 10 pairs at the time... I didn’t mind and thought I was over it. Since she’s a heel lover I was pleased enough to see her wearing high heels and loving them. But lately, in fact for the last couple months, all the new styles in store are making me want to buy a few pairs and wear them around the house. My god those platform peep toes are just gorgeous and I’d love to have a pair. I can buy pretty much any brand I fit in size 11 or even 10. The thing is, my girlfriend and I never discussed my affection for high heels... and now it’s coming back to haunt me. From discussion I had with her in the past I know for a fact she thinks men who like women’s shoes are either gay or in the closet, which I’m not. I’m very afraid of her reaction if I discuss this issue with her. I’d love to buy these : http://www.heels.com/womens-shoes/sure-thing-black-silk.html or these and wear them around the house... Any ideas how to handle this? Ok here is my 2 cents on this. 1. Don't hide it from her, by hiding it from her that will make her think that you are ashamed of the fact that you like wearing high heels. Then she will start to wonder what else you may be hiding from her! 2. Be ready to accept the fact that she is probably not going to like and accept it, but who knows. If she doesn't try to work out some sort of compromise. What ever you do don't for the issue with her that will make it worse! Other than that it will be up to you to try to figure out what you are going to do from that point. Good luck and hope things come out ok.
mtnsofheels Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Hi Canuck_HH, We find ourselves in these awkward situations sometimes over and over again in life. I too have been where you are right now. As Walkonit said to suppress it you will not be a happy man, it will come back. Personally honesty is the best thing you can do, if she has a hard time accepting that you have those kind kind of interests then is not accepting you for who you are. It is not easy but in many situations we can have interests just as they wear pants combat boots or what ever. We are forced into corners conformation by society and we just have to be honest with ourselves first and then rest of society. It is OK to be who you are, those others will accept us or not. In the end it your decision as who you want to be. Hope it goes well! Mtnsofheels
canuck_hh Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 Hi everyone, Thanks for all the advice, it’s appreciated. Well this is something I’ll have to deal with myself, at this point in my life if I have to choose between my girlfriend and heeling I’ll definitely choose my girlfriend there’s no doubt about that. She’s very supportive about pretty much everything in my life, all my projects and she lets me work on my second job without saying anything which is a big deal since it’s taking lots of my spare time (Beside my day job I work on a side project) I do love heeling, but I think I can live without it, it’s been a couple years since I last wore heels, even though I still follow with passion all the new trends. I don’t know why it came back to haunt me a couple weeks ago after all this time. I doN't crave wearing heels, it's just something I like, but I can live eithout it Yes it would be wonderful to wear heels around the house, but oh well... I can still come here and discuss heels
yozz Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 If she ever finds out and you get in a discussion about it, you can say that she liked you for years while you were like this and she did not know. Since she found out, you did not change. You are still the same person she liked so much. This was the attitude of my wife when I told her. Of course she was a bit confused, but that lasted not much more than half an hour. Then she put the above reasoning together and decided things could be a whole lot worse. Actually now she likes it because we can go shopping together for clothes and shoes. That is much more fun. Did you ever look in a shoeshop and watch husbands sitting there waiting for their wifes? 100% misery. Very amusing to watch. And that is what she will not have to go through when she accepts you for what you are. Of course she will have to be prepared to listen to you before you can use arguments. I wish you much strength when the event comes to pass. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels.
canuck_hh Posted December 23, 2011 Author Posted December 23, 2011 If she ever finds out and you get in a discussion about it, you can say that she liked you for years while you were like this and she did not know. Since she found out, you did not change. You are still the same person she liked so much. This was the attitude of my wife when I told her. Of course she was a bit confused, but that lasted not much more than half an hour. Then she put the above reasoning together and decided things could be a whole lot worse. Actually now she likes it because we can go shopping together for clothes and shoes. That is much more fun. Did you ever look in a shoeshop and watch husbands sitting there waiting for their wifes? 100% misery. Very amusing to watch. And that is what she will not have to go through when she accepts you for what you are. Of course she will have to be prepared to listen to you before you can use arguments. I wish you much strength when the event comes to pass. Y. Thanks for your comment I must admit I love going shoe shopping with her, I'd like her to try almost every pair in each store, but she's very picky about shoes But she thinks I hate it Well I'd love to try all of them for myself, I love Aldo's platform pumps
Guest Posted December 23, 2011 Posted December 23, 2011 Misses Weird 1, Yozz Great comments and very true. Misses Weird 1 May I thank you on everybody's behalf. It is so nice to have one of our Girlfriends and Wives (not normal posting members) to pass on some positive feelings and comments. Even though some (if I may use the term) WAGs may be limiting in their approval they know that out shopping there is far more interest in the styles, colours and choices shown by us than Yozzes 99% bored and disinterested hubbies that only own 3 pairs of shoes! Canuck. Stay cool and let it flow, easy words I know but try to take her shoe shopping - positive and constructive comments then could give an opening for the future. You are not doomed either way. Good luck to you both Al
ilikekicks Posted December 25, 2011 Posted December 25, 2011 This is for laughs but also consideration Lemme get this ' straight ' here.. ( Pun intended ) 2 Canadians.. One has a girlfriend, the other is married.. Dont either of those women have any memorable nights with EITHER of you 2? Seriously! Screaming, Waking up the neighbors, trying to breed the hell out of.. Umm.. About those wild and crazy nights!!! Your either married or sleeping/living with them.. and they just dont understand this is ' clothing ' and not your sexuality? Weather you wear Sneakers/Construction Boots or a pair of high heels does NOT change your like/love for these women? That they will receive equal or better consideration in those ' special moments ' has nothing to do with whats covering your feet. I think I can safely report, due to the Canuckichic that lives with me, its not an epidemic or anything hereditary Both of you guys have little to worry about as **MANY** of us have experienced the same or similar situation. Im sorta rare as I had a girlfriend that put me onto the whole ' heels ' thing. Shes long gone and I have had other women ( life goes on! ) whom have reacted as your Wife/Girlfriend have. Canuck_hh and Yorktoncso, Fear not, Fret not! Just because someone says your ' gay ' because of your likes of footware doesnt make it so! Even if it did, such wouldnt be bad anyway! REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
ShockQueen Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 For my $.02 + gratuity, after reading many stories on here, I would have to say that honesty is the best policy - and be honest EARLY on in the relationship. If you wait for a long time, then it comes out, it will be much worse in the end, because she will wonder why you had to hide something for so long. If she's going to accept it, it's best to talk about it now and get it out in the open. Some have suggested that their prospective partners come here and read stories from other "well-heeled" individuals, and perhaps that will put things in perspective as well. In the end, you have to do what will work best for you, but do think about what you need to do and do it soon before things get too far swept under the rug that it trips you up later. SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge!
UpBy5 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Well Canuck, This is Misses Weird 1 - Lets take this from a understanding woman's perspective. There is nothing more fun than having a male husband that enjoys shopping for shoes as well as wearing them. I cannot believe that your "girlfriend" said what she has said. In essence it would be like her telling you to give up your favorite hobby. Would you do that - would you give up something that you love? If she was any kind of an understanding woman and if she cared about you like I'm sure she must have said, then she would totally understand. EVERYONE has their quirks and my husband is no different. There is nothing wrong with wanting to come home and feel nice or pretty. It is not just reserved for the females!!!! She needs to get over herself. You could always turn it into a game - you could do what we do. You get a pair / I get a pair. It works out great for both of us. Besides if you can't have a friend & a lover there is no use to stay together. Misses Weird 1, Do you, perchance, have say....2,000 or 3,000 sisters? I'm well out of such a market, but many here who have read your post are, mmm, hopeful. UpBy5
weird1 Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 Dear UpBy5 this is Mrs. Weird1, Sorry to say that I don't have any sisters - I guess they broke the mold when they made me. Ha Ha. Just a word though, Woman these days need to be more open with themselves as well as others. Come out of their boxes and stop being so stuffy - take a deep breath. It's time to realize that it takes all kinds to make the world go round. So what if your husbands or boyfriends wear heels - IT MAKES THEM HAPPY! Lets put it this way. If your husband or boyfriend was on their death bed - wouldn't it bring you peace to know that they had a happy life instead of having to hide things, like heeling from you. Wouldn't it be a great feeling to know that they lived a happy life. Why hold small things against them when such a small thing makes them happy. There are so many worse things that people can do. So UpBy5, I wish I had all this sisters in the world to fulfill the quota but unfortunately I don't - I just wish that people would be more understanding and realize that being sexy or happy just isn't for woman anymore. Spread the word - go shoe shopping with your Husbands - you might enjoy it? Matter of fact, we both have today off and are going shoe shopping - you might just find us @ Great Lakes Crossings.
HappyinHeels Posted December 26, 2011 Posted December 26, 2011 canuck-hh, Hey pal, I see it this way; This is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. The true meaning of true love is about to be tested here. Unconditional love, whether within a formal marriage or not, should never become compromised because of one's choice of footwear. Would your feelings toward her change if she borrowed one of your button-up dress shirts, one of your man's jeans, or donned your work boots to go work outside? How would she react? This is where the double standard may rear its ugly head IF she were to react negatively. You should tell her NOW and you should tell her what you already got rid of because of your phobia of how you thought she'd react. If, after telling her, she will either react positively and show compassion for you or will react negatively and probably pass you off as "gay" or use other defensive language to put distance between you and her. If the latter happens then, I personally, would walk away. To put your mind at ease I'd tell you that my wife found out about my heels when cleaning our apartment just four months into our marriage. She found one pair of platform sandals and a dress above a closet. She asked me and I came out with it. That was in November of 1985 and we just celebrated our 27th Christmas together. TRUE love will ur desire to wear stand the test of revelation and time. You owe it to yourself and this relationship to find out once and for all. One thing is a certainty and that is your desire to have and wear heels will never leave you because it is an innate part OF you and others here will tell you the same thing. You must decide what is best for you. Please keep us all informed how it goes. HappyinHeels
SleekHeels Posted December 31, 2011 Posted December 31, 2011 ...at this point in my life if I have to choose between my girlfriend and heeling I’ll definitely choose my girlfriend there’s no doubt about that. I think that raises an important point. If we feel like it's a "girlfriend or heels" ultimatum, that's how we tend to present it to our partners and that's how they tend to perceive it. We transfer our fears and insecurities to them and they naturally feel threatened by that. Reading the forums here, many male heelers "come to terms with it" and realise that wearing heels doesn't detract but adds to who we are. If we believe that wearing our heels is a positive expression of qualities that we value in ourselves and, crucially, that our partners value in us also, there's a chance that they'll accept it as a bonus, as "boyfriend plus heels" and not "boyfriend minus heels" from their perspective. Of course that's acceptance just on a personal level (and you said "it would be wonderful to wear heels around the house") but on a social level guys wearing heels are still often perceived as surrendering power while women who adopt male influences are seen as empowering themselves (so much for the myth of sexual equality). Therefore it'd be a whole different thing for her to feel comfortable with you wearing heels in public, but maybe that's not what you want. You're right, it is a complex situation, I hope you find your way through it. If you like it, wear it.
malinheels Posted January 3, 2012 Posted January 3, 2012 Thank you mrs Weird one ,that idea of allowing your husband/ boyfriend to be happy with the fact he like high heels is definatly a breath of fresh air I mean how bad is it to love high heels they are not really dangerous to your health like drugs ! smoking ! they don't cost a lot of money , they look great & are fun to wear . why should only the girls have the fun. cheers Malinheels
Majo Posted January 4, 2012 Posted January 4, 2012 canuck_hh, there are lots of threads on this issue here at HHP. I suggest that you take your time and read them. Every relationship is has it's own rules, so I'm not going to judge what you or she feel about it. I believe you should talk to her. Maybe it's hard; maybe it's scary... but it's the only way it works. The other options will be short or long term patches.
canuck_hh Posted January 7, 2012 Author Posted January 7, 2012 Well after lots of thinking over the holidays I decided to keep the status quo, which is to keep quiet about my interest for wearing high heels with my girlfriend. It might not be the best way to handle this situation, or it’s probably not the best way to handle it in the long term, but for now it’s the one I feel the most comfortable with. The only thing that bugs me right now is that I really want to buy a pair of shoes, I guess I will have to control myself, I did for the past two years so I’m pretty sure I can But if I would buy a pair, trust me it’s going to be a designer pair either Dior or Louboutin
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