"High Heel Fetish" Whats that?

[Asa Valen]

I know that some discussions bring out the best and worst in people, main thing is not to blow ones stack over a thread. However the Word "Fetish" seems to be the most over worked and used word in the English language. Such statement as "You wear heels, oh you must have a foot fetish or a women's shoe fetish." Is this a word that is use by the ignorant to explain away something that they don't understand, or is it a away to insult someone and protect your = ( the indefinite person) alignments. What is this? I think its a phobia about fetishes. or so it would seem. So let's turn it over to the board of discussion and see if it can be defined.

[skirtedvik]

Sexual arousal of wearing heels - I do not have it.So for me it is gender equality.

[spikesmike]

Asa Valen. You have something of a point. I don't like the term " Do you always wear womans high heel shoes?" or " Why do you wear womans clothes?" If I have on high heels, those are my shoes. No woman ever wore them or owned them. High heels are seen being worn by women more often (except in the midwest) than you see men wearing them. However, I endever to change that. For me they are not a sexual thing, they are just my clothes. Mike

[yozz]

I also don't think it is quite a fetish. Maybe the first or second time you try them as an adult, but afterwards it is just a type of shoes you really like to wear, but whatever sexual undertone there was in it is (in my case at least) at least 99% absent. It is an addiction though. Maybe the psychologists have a better word for it but most people don't know the proper term and then think they understand it when they use the word fetish. It is a compulsion but what drives it, I have no idea. The best I can do is comparing it with hearing a nice song and wanting to sing along. You see a woman in nice shoes and you want that also. Be just as elegant. But fetish? I don't think so. Y.

[Asa Valen]

Indeed Spikesmike, When It is spoken out of there mouth, a Bolt of intense emotion goes through my body. The one thing is I don't wear other people's clothes. I bought them an they are not girls shoes or pants or any of the sort to do with a women in any description. So they are my clothes. I have never seen a woman's shoes or boots. Chothes don't come male and female. They are the wear's Items. Not for men. There again where on the garment is that stated. Sexual reference is not a reason to wear heels. I like them I wear them. However people who do not wear heels just have to stick a sexual tag on everything. I wonder if the have phobias, or other issues where they just have to open there uneducated mouths and say something that usually proves there ignorant background.

[Histiletto]

A fetish! Hum! It has to be the extreme stage of a personally continued, unfulfilled desire, who really needs satisfaction beyond its properties to achieve. People have initial wants according to who they are. If their wants are satisfied with some immediacy in a non-threatening atmosphere to take it away, they can move on to other points of interest that come into their life. However, if the want is unfulfilled, the need to fulfill that desire is attached to most issues that person thinks about as they deal with life. Once this thought pattern is programmed into every bit of data this person deals with, the satisfying factor is less likely to be enough for their now constantly unfulfilled desire. Beyond this point, the desire to wear heels is so ingrained with every thought that crosses the mind, the purchase of a desired pair will bring a temporary sense of reward, but the pattern to want is still one of the leading points that can't be suppressed without creating a greater desire for fulfillment. Had this desire been dealt with properly in its early stage, the person may still be wanting to wear heels, but the frame of mind wouldn't carry the urgency to satisfy an unquenchable craving. Wearing heels would be just another selection one has for attiring, be they man or woman. There are many other factors that influence how a person feels about things and this is an opinionated and briefly highlighted scenario of a possible fetished high heeling lifestyle.

[morpho]

maybe you are right, using fetish to describe the justification of some people who wear heels just for fun, fashion, sexual identity etc, is not the correct term, actually it should be a term for everything, as for me i can describe it as : "An obsession of sensing the excitement over and over that the high heel provoke on my feet, and the consequence of that is a sexual arousal, eroticism, intense excitement and a narcissistic feeling of looking at my refection wearing heels, enjoying the look or looking for another dimension we want to reach"....again no exact meaning for the emotion-feeling of wearing heels. but for sure "fetish" is too vague--- too vulgar--- too simple--- too poor to describe therefore maybe even insulting. a man wearing heels is nothing but a mix of complex feelings, emotions, ideas and intentions.

[confused45]

Hi morpho Your description of why I like to wear heels is perfect! I could not have put it better myself. However,at the risk of blurring the subject,are there gender issues at work here?When I am wearing my heels,I feel very femanine & so wish I had been a girl.I have small hands & feet(UK size ,& not too muscly legs so perhaps it was supposed to be. Anyway,perhaps it is more than just a"fetish" or interest or obsession,& other forces are at work? confused45

[Bubba136]

maybe you are right, using fetish to describe the justification of some people who wear heels just for fun, fashion, sexual identity etc, is not the correct term,

actually it should be a term for everything,

as for me i can describe it as :

"An obsession of sensing the excitement over and over that the high heel provoke on my feet, and the consequence of that is a sexual arousal, eroticism, intense excitement and a narcissistic feeling of looking at my refection wearing heels, enjoying the look or looking for another dimension we want to reach"....again no exact meaning for the emotion-feeling of wearing heels.

but for sure "fetish" is too vague--- too vulgar--- too simple--- too poor to describe therefore maybe even insulting.

a man wearing heels is nothing but a mix of complex feelings, emotions, ideas and intentions.

Hmm, sounds to me exactly what Histiletto described in his comment.

Are their different degrees of fetish desire? If there is, perhaps the degree of fetishism that you suffer from is "very acute" and complex. But, never the less it's a fetish driven desire, isn't it?

[Sumiko]

I might be alone with this, but i have a different take on this case, i've been thinking about this since the first time i wore high heels(which should be around 10 years now) Anyway, i think wearing highheels, any kind of highheels worn by anyone(both genders etc.) is already fetish. Why? Easy, because the only purpose of wearing "high"-heels is to look pretty(in one way or another). But why do humans want to look pretty? There might be several reasons, but in the end it all comes down to sex(i know i will get a lot of "that's not true" responds, but please think about it more than 1 minute, if you do that, feel free to respond). Aside for that, there would be no point in high-heels. If you want to see something pretty, you can draw pictures or look at them, not be the "picture" yourself(and therefore hurting your own body, not to mention risking discriminiation) So somehow it all comes down to sex, therefore fetish. Now, let me add a little something to further explain my point by telling how i come to this conclusion. I do not wear heels outside, even though i want to. But there was 1 or 2 times where i was able to do that late in the night. I walked around and noticed it was quite hard walking outside than it was inside. A lot harder that is. I wondered "sheesh, that is sure annoying". Of course it would be easier with practice, "But why not just wear flat shoes"? And it stopped with that, why not just wear flat shoes? NOW, one last thing before you might respond to me If it isn't a fetish, okay, but only say that if you really think so, and not just because you are afraid to have a fetish. What's wrong with it being a fetish if it really is one? Excsue me, i'm pretty sure i could have descirped my opinion better but i don't have all day XP

[heelguy]

Hmm... i think the description of "Sexual arousal of wearing heels" is too vague to describe a Fetish. I do not consider myself to have a "Fetish" for high heels, but there's definately something about high heels that makes me feel sexy when i wear them. depict from that what you will...

[ilovetights]

I know that some discussions bring out the best and worst in people, main thing is not to blow ones stack over a thread. However the Word "Fetish" seems to be the most over worked and used word in the English language. Such statement as "You wear heels, oh you must have a foot fetish or a women's shoe fetish." Is this a word that is use by the ignorant to explain away something that they don't understand, or is it a away to insult someone and protect your = ( the indefinite person) alignments. What is this? I think its a phobia about fetishes. or so it would seem. So let's turn it over to the board of discussion and see if it can be defined.

SO (and I haven't looked this up so I might be a little off) as I understand it, a fetish is to become aroused over an inanimate object, where the individual has formed a connection between the object and sex (or sexual pleasure or desire). In this case the object is/are* high heels.

I think people equate high heels to sex (as outlined in Sumiko's post) and this is probably what leads people to use the word fetish so freely regarding high heels. I also think some people do not know the meaning of the word fetish and think it is anything that relates to sex. A desire to look more sexually attractive (by wearing high heels) is NOT the same as a (high heel) fetish.

I can honestly say I have a high heel fetish. I know why/what it is about women's shoes that I like but it's a love/hate relationship for me.

Wearing heels, seeing women wear heels, seeing heels that are not being worn and even thinking about heels makes me 'feel good'. But I have become aroused when browsing and trying on shoes before and I absolutely hate it. My fetish is NOT the (only) reason I wear high heels and it is worse than embarrassing when this happens (well if someone notices that is... I do my absolute best to hide when this happens).

Well, that's my thoughts (and experience) on the subject. Interesting reading everyone's opinions here... hope to see more discussion.

*what is the correct grammar there? ..for when you are referring to one item that is actually two :s

[confused45]

I think you are right Bubba136. Whatever the feelings or emotions that are provoked by wearing heels, I still have a fetish about high heeled shoes.I think this is intensifying by being on this site & the confidence this brings to enjoy my heels more.That makes me feel great! Also,ilovetights,I too have become aroused by trying on/buying heels in the past but like you,sex is not the only reason I enjoy them. Since joining this site(two weeks ago),I have been able to enjoy my heels without becoming aroused & this has been a revelation. Hope you continue to enjoy your heels. confused45 PS admire your courage to go outside.I'm desperate to do this but have not had the balls yet!

[spikesmike]

Confused45-- ilovetights--heelguy--Sumiko--Histiletto--All others. Since I joined HHP I have had the good fortune to meet several members. To each of them I give my personal card. It has my NAME and continues to read.......... Connoiseur of High Heels, The Bizarre and Unusual. ON the back It reads........ Iconoclast: One who opposes established beliefs. It's okay to be unusal and it's eqally okay to be different. You do not have to interpert reality the same way as everyone else or listen to those who say you must conform. One must be proud to stand out. END. I wear high spike stiletto heels, all day, every day, at home and in public. I love high heels but I don't consider myself a Fetishest. Im an Iconoclast and an Enthusiast. Mike.

[Guest]

As I term Fetish as something that is part (or more so) of the creating of arousal towards sexual fulfilment to such an extreme that it is a requirement. Without it it is a non starter. For all of us boys and girls, if you feel good, confidence is greater. Looking good - well dressed, creates the same effect. Added together this confidence whether with your current partner or on the search for someone new. Often can be equated as "up for it" Wearing the right clothes/apparel at the right location either allows you to fit in casually or with that touch extra stand out. For the girls an extra inch of heel can make a change of "nice" to "wow". For us boys it's a bigger change because it is against the norm. we have to carry more confidence to be safe in all situations. So many times (in heels and out) I have felt this positive effect, been out with my wife, had a good time but at the end of the day what could have been hoped for doesn't happen. This says to me (for me) that heels are not a sexual demanded or fetish requirement. I wear heels whenever, en-route to work for example, may I say hardly exciting or arousing. I feel wearing is an obsession but not a fetish watching may be tilting towards the latter so that my interpretation. Al

[Steve63130]

Started out as a fetish, but lost that long ago. I don't wear because of looks, so the initial assumption is invalid. I wear because of how it feels to me. I like an elevated heel, I like the extra height, and I don't wear highly femme shoes in public (clogs, loafers, boots and pumps with thick heels - no stilettos or toe cleavage). You're always treading on dangerous ground when you make blanket generalizations. They don't always apply to everyone in every situation. Steve

[roniheels]

I have replied in another thread on this subject that wearing high heels because they are pretty shoes and they make me feel good and pretty does not mean I have a fetish for high heels. Just because they are labeled as "woman's shoes, they are deemed fetish? If I enjoy wearing a tuxedo because I see it as a pretty suit and it makes me feel pretty, is that a fetish?

[Celso999]

Hi Asa Valen, I think you're right. The term "fetish" has a stigma of a disease so almost nobody wants to be qualified by it. I transcribe below what the 10th Revision of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) states about it:

F65.0 Fetishism

Reliance on some non-living object as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification. Many fetishes are extensions of the human body, such as articles of clothing or footware. Other common examples are characterized by some particular texture such as rubber, plastic, or leather. Fetish objects vary in their importance to the individual: in some cases they serve simply to enhance sexual excitement achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment).

Diagnostic guidelines. Fetishism should be diagnosed only if the fetish is the most important source of sexual stimulation or essential for satisfactory sexual response.

Fetishistic fantasies are common, but they do not amount to a disorder unless they lead to rituals that are so compelling and unacceptable as to interfere with sexual intercourse and cause the individual distress. Fetishism is limited almost exclusively to males.

------------------------------

So this is the official definition. Now you can make your own judgement. I hope I have helped in some degree. Best Regards, Celso.

[SomeGuy]

Anyway, i think wearing highheels, any kind of highheels worn by anyone(both genders etc.) is already fetish.

Why? Easy, because the only purpose of wearing "high"-heels is to look pretty(in one way or another). But why do humans want to look pretty?

I'm not sure I buy this.

So any woman that wears makeup has a makeup fetish? People who get tatoos have a tatoo fetish?

[Histiletto]

F65.0 Fetishism

Reliance on some non-living object as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification. Many fetishes are extensions of the human body, such as articles of clothing or footware. Other common examples are characterized by some particular texture such as rubber, plastic, or leather. Fetish objects vary in their importance to the individual: in some cases they serve simply to enhance sexual excitement achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment).

Diagnostic guidelines. Fetishism should be diagnosed only if the fetish is the most important source of sexual stimulation or essential for satisfactory sexual response.

Fetishistic fantasies are common, but they do not amount to a disorder unless they lead to rituals that are so compelling and unacceptable as to interfere with sexual intercourse and cause the individual distress. Fetishism is limited almost exclusively to males.

Up until the last statement, I wanted to understand what is being put forth, but this shows the creator of this script has no concept that the social standards used to determine this edict (F65.0 Fetishism) are man-made attributes from flawed theories concerning the human condition. Society wants us to think men can't have the same feelings and desires attributed to women and visa versa. When men exhibit such tendencies they are viewed as flaws or as trying to become woman-like. Nothing is issued when women appear to have manly tendencies or when they are in menswear. Now, I hold women in high esteem and want them to have every opportunity that life has to offer, but I also want the same for men. Both are human beings with the abilities of Godhood as far as I am concerned, which makes them equally and ultimately important. Our mortal understanding of people is limited in the standards society is trying to force upon us as they want us to believe is written in stone. There are too many uncorrect assumptions that are inconsistent with actual human behaviors and feelings.

Quit telling me that I can't be the person I am, because my stereotype doesn't permit it. All the people who have qualities outside their birth status are human beings that have developed their personalities from whatever their intelligence caused them to choose. It just so happens that I like the styling and look of some footwear society has deemed outside of my stereotyping. Then they further try to put shame upon me by giving this activity a degrading label and promoting the idea that it is socially prohibited. To summize that having a desire to have and wear heels can be a fetish when men are the source is a biased and a bigoted assumption based on faulty info.

P.S.: After rereading this I realized that I make it sound that I have the wisdom and judgement of a supreme intellect. I am no where near that position and I beg your forgiveness if I have so persuaded your opinion. This is my perception from what I have experienced and learned throughout my life.

[HappyinHeels]

HiStiletto, There is a reason why I recently praised your articulate contributions to this website and you have NOTHING upon which to second-guess yourself. Your opinions, as are mine, are the sum total of your life's experiences and it only natural for you to share those experiences so that others can absorb the information and sort through it. It is up to the individual forumer to decide how to use it. A refrain I learned from my Dad seems to put this into perspective; INTELLIGENCE is the foundation we are born with and upon which we construct our lives. KNOWLEDGE is the parental guidance, information gained through education, and life's experiences we use to better ourselves. WISDOM is knowing the difference between the two and using them both to enrich the lives of others around us. You are describing the double standard which most irritates us. SO, the most important thing for all of us to do is to do what is obvious....tear it down!! This can be done in a variety of ways I have, and others have suggested. You can shop in-person instead of online and make your presence known. You can wear heels alone or with other garments of your choice as you shop and make the presence known that way. You can model shoes/clothing you have purchased and post these photos on a company's website (shoeternity.com for Baker's for example) or simply contact different shoe companies and give them your feedback. The last thing I mentioned recently was contacting designers (shoes are invariably designed by MEN) and giving them ideas for shoes or submitting your own ideas. You have nothing, N O T H I N G, to regret or have doubts about. You took a wise step in joining this forum which helps all of us understand WE ARE NOT FETISHISTS to be marginalized by stereotyping purveyors of outdated psychobabble. Equality doesn't come to the timid and never has. Imagine the steely determination of Rosa Parks refusing to move to the back of a nearly empty bus in Alabama in 1955 or the Stonewall group marching in NYC in 1969. I am neither black nor gay yet I recognize and appreciate what incredible strength these people had to pursue their goals and we, in 2010, are benefactors thereof. Our goal is equality as was theirs but theirs was a much tougher fight. Step out, lift your head with your eyes forward, and smile at what lies ahead of you. A good weekend to you HiStiletto and to all others as well!!!!! HAPPYINHEELS

[Histiletto]

Hey HappyinHeels, What can I say? I appreciate your accolades and words of encouragement. We all can share with and have learned from each other by presenting our opinions and perceptions. There are so many very intelligent people posting on this forum. I am often awed by how the men and women articulate their subjects and open new ways to look at not only the intriques of heeling, but life in general. I perceive the main goal of this forum is to bring all heelers to understand the magnitude that high heels have and to promote others to openly enjoy the desire they may have to heel with out the social stigma presently being sensed. No person should feel degarded because they have different or unstereotypical desires. However this can't happen until these double standards are corrected and/or eliminated. As men, in general, we have let our ability to select an array of choices in what we wear slip away until there is hardly any choice at all. It's time we quit taking the easy roads of letting thing fall where they may and reasserted our right to choose so that we can make this a better world to live in. Things like only men have fetishes is absurd. We have to step up and do our best instead of leaving these choices to others. Aren't we here in this life to live. The less we puppet or depend on others for our existence, the more we can be thankful for doing it our way. Let's get on with it.

[hhboots]

You know, its probably going to be a little bit different for each of us, so there is no easy way to generalize why we do it, but it always makes for an interesting debate. I have mentioned this before in a similar thread, my heel wearing originated as a young boy fetish and as time passed, it just became a part of my life and has become a natural thing. I live a "normal" life otherwise, married with children, successful job, and all that. I've worn heels all day without one bit of arrousal being involved, but it affects me in other ways. At times, it relaxes me, there are times heeling makes me feel good about myself and my appearance, and I think it helps with my confidence, in that if I can overcome my fear of doing this amongst large groups of people, imagine what other fears I can overcome. I still do think there is almost certainly some sexual connection deep in me that will never go away. I do enjoy my private experiences with my wife when we include heels or other things of that nature, but its not too often that we do, they most certainly are not a requirement by any means. I won't try to deny it, what I do may still be considered a fetish by many. I mean I can't easily explain away why I still do this, despite all the challenges I face in doing it. Fetishism just a label, just like all the other millions of labels used in society to explain things and put them into tidy little boxes and silos. There is almost always a some people in this forum that easily go on the defensive when the fetish discussions come up, but I don't really care anymore... call it a fetish for me, if that makes people feel better, so be it. Just enjoy it!