I saw a man in high heels today!

[roniheels]

This question at this site has been asked before and I have seen some men in higher heeled cowboy boots or men's block-style higher heeled dress boots in public. But today was different.

I was at my bank today and actually wearing tennis shoes today (I was next going to help a friend move some furniture) as opposed to wearing high heels. I was pouring a bag of coins I had collected into a change machine when I happened to look up and see a very tall individual. When hearing that noticable clicking on the tile floor, I gazed from shoes upward at this person. The first thing I saw was a pair of black patent leather pumps with at least 5" stiletto high heels. The person was wearing a mid-length pencil skirt, leopard-patterned blouse, long light brown hair, and obviously took great care in applying make-up. In heels, this person probably stood 6' 5" tall, so needless to say, drew some attention.

As this person started greeting all of the bank personnel by name and chit-chatting with them, I realized this person was a man dressed in this attire. Not shy and very friendly, he went about his banking business at the same time I was. We finished at the same time and left the bank at the same time.

Outside the bank I confronted him and told him I loved his high heels and that many times out in public I wore high heels like those, too. I told him about me participating in the "walk a mile in her shoes" event on Tuesday and that I wore 5" high heels when I walked it. He said his name was Janice, and that he was a transexual preparing for a sex-change operation in the future, with the financial help from friends and family. He said, "people are going to stare at you because you are talking to me." I said that I really didn't care what people thought and that's the way I feel when I wear high heels in public. He asked me if I cross-dressed and I said I did not, except for wearing high heels. I found out that he knows my female friend who owns an exotic boutique and has bought his high heels from her (he said he wears size 14). I said the one day I meet another man wering pretty feminie high heels and I'm not. He just laughed and said the next time you're out-and-about in high heels, call me and we'll have coffee together and really draw some looks. We laughed, exchanged phone numbers, and bid each other goodbye.

As I have stated before, I'm not gay, have been married with children and grandchildren, and I definitely enjoy the company of a woman. But the way this person carried himself, and his attitude was so positive and refreshing, I will call him in the future for a cup of coffee and conversation. I will let everyone know how our conversations transpire.

[dahool]

I agree with @GillianST opinion. This is almost a woman (maybe not biologically) and it's a bit different situation compared to us, guys wearing high heels. On the other hand, it's really cool to see people not being 100% women and wearing heels on the streets. It's a bit unfair that it is still not that popular and not accepted by the majority of the society. I hope it will change in the nearest future because from all these posts here, it's getting better every time men go shopping for heels:)

[Dr. Shoe]

If you'd met me en femme and you'd insisted in using male pronouns that would have terminated the conversation very quickly indeed.

[Rockpup]

Roni: Sounds like you and Janice both made a new friend. Dr: You would not give someone new a second chance by politely correcting them? Not everyone knows the rules of etiquette when meeting someone who is crossing gender lines.

[Guest]

I would try to be gender correct for the person as the look before me, for example as for the Doc in fem mode it would be Tara and treat as fem, in doc/male mode then either Doc or by other or as what would be preferred. If there is a doubt as to which gender preference I'm sure the other person would not be too stressed regarding a apologetic question regarding their preference. Having said that it may have become clear during the early part of the dialogue. On the side to this discussion we have just returned from Thailand, No not a hunting trip "spot the ladyboy" and we only saw a few. There are give away clues, one seems to be being taller than the average Thai person. An interesting holiday I can say Al

[roniheels]

Well, the response to this post is something I wasn't expecting. I didn't mean to offend any CD's, TV's, or TS's with this post. I just wanted to express my enthusiasm seeing someone who might even have posted here at HHP wearing high heels in public, and I might add, some very pretty, sexy high heels. When I approched Janice, the initial conversation was aimed at the wearing of high heels in public. Janice then introduced herself and explained her desired transformation via eventual sex change operation. Maybe because of my age and the fact that this is the first TS I have ever met, that is why I still initially viewed her as a man in feminine attire. I stand corrcted by the members at this site. The bottom line is that Janice is very friendly and nice, and I am looking forward to meeting with her for coffee. I am even going to suggest that we try to match the high heels we are going to wear. Again, I will keep everone posted.

[Rockpup]

Roni: In my opinion it was more important that you approached, were nice to, and made friends with the person then getting your language 100% correct. For me intent can make up for any little mistakes

[Histiletto]

Being politically correct and unoffensive seems to be a harder thing to do these days. roniheels, I very much enjoyed your post telling about your encounter with a person you first viewed as a male wearing high heels and seeing how comfortable this person was in relating to other people. We, as heelers, have a lot to learn from this. Just be ourselves - interested in sharing life and who we are while wearing the attire with the heels/footwear that we have chosen. I've got to become more courageous, as a heeler, and get passed my inhibitions of being socially rejected, because essentially, I'm actually doing the job of rejection in my present attitude. Of course, there are those, who can't accept the fact each person has a personality according to who they are. Individuals have things about them that contradict or at least include more things outside of their stereotyping. Being outside the social box is not a sin or wrong in the big picture of life. It is the inaccurate and faulty thinking caused by the way people are taught to understand the abilities of others that leads to condemning conclusions. It is obvious no two people are the same, even sets of identical twins. Human clones would develop differently just having to make choices from their beginning environments and the continuing stages of growth. From this scenario, why are the societal standards looked upon as the absolute truth for human understanding. I know habits are hard to change, but when things are notably without foundation, except for the fact it has been, shouldn't there be a way of revamping the system towards the actuality of life? Well, there is! It is called activism and standing up for what is right. I may be the only one in my circle of associations, but everyone can benefit from living the truth, instead of coiling behind it and stressing in the fact life is unfair. Opportunities and achievement usually come through personal effort. Rarely, is it handed on a platter, unless some have endeavored to make it so. Yes, it is too late for many of us, as males, to enjoy growing up with the expectance of getting our first heels to wear with our social attire as teenagers, but we can help to usher this option in for coming generations and culminate our life's yearnings in the process.

[cowboyboots]

Roni: In my opinion it was more important that you approached, were nice to, and made friends with the person then getting your language 100% correct. For me intent can make up for any little mistakes

I agree, Jim. From his post, it doesn't seem like they took it in a bad way. Come on, they did become friends and decided they would have a java together. :-D

[Dr. Shoe]

Dr: You would not give someone new a second chance by politely correcting them? Not everyone knows the rules of etiquette when meeting someone who is crossing gender lines.

If you'd met me en femme and you'd insisted in using male pronouns that would have terminated the conversation very quickly indeed.

Yes, I would and do correct people. I say things like: "Actually, I'm a transwoman and I prefer it for people to use female pronouns." Most apologise and try very hard to comply but there are a few assholes that won't because they know it winds me up. I once had an assistant in a shoe shop call me sir so I had him running backwards and forwards to the stockroom like a dingbat.

[dahool]

Being politically incorrect, it reminds me the scenes from Little Britain about these cross-dressing "ladies" stating "cause we are ladies" or "I'm a lady" and all these guys saying "what do you want, folks"

[Rockpup]

Dr Shoe: I apologize as I originally read that as though if someone slipped up you'd walk away. I appreciate the clarification.

[Bubba136]

Roni: In my opinion it was more important that you approached, were nice to, and made friends with the person then getting your language 100% correct. For me intent can make up for any little mistakes

I totally agree with JimC.

While I haven't much (any, in fact) experience dealing with cross dressing men or T-girls, I don't believe anyone really would instinctively know what the proper gender label would be. In fact, I believe I would try to choose my words very carefully trying not to use gender specific words to describe the individual until they made it clear which they wanted to be called. Then, by all means, as an act of common respect, I'd use the term they prefer.

In my opinion, given the state of society today, I can't really believe that a manly looking man dressing and trying to appear as a woman really would take offense at being addressed in male gender specific terms. Because it has to be obvious to them from the "get go" that they "can't pass." If I would happen to use what they think is the "incorrect" term" and jump in my face, I believe my retort would include some language to the point that if they want to be addressed as a female then they should look more convincing otherwise I call it as I see it....and, if they don't like it, then they could "go scratch their mad place."

But since I wear high heels in public and someone addresses me in female terms, and since I am not trying to appear as something I am not, I immediately take it to mean they are making derogatory and disparaging comments about what he thinks of me.

Given the number of years that I have been wearing women's shoes in public against the number of times someone has addressed me in that manner -- which has only been a couple of times -- it's not really a problem because I appear exactly what I am....a man that is wearing women's shoes-- and, nothing more.

[Bubba136]

Yes, I would and do correct people. I say things like: "Actually, I'm a transwoman and I prefer it for people to use female pronouns." Most apologise and try very hard to comply but there are a few assholes that won't because they know it winds me up. I once had an assistant in a shoe shop call me sir so I had him running backwards and forwards to the stockroom like a dingbat.

Dr. Shoe! You've posted enough pictures of yourself appearing as a female that most of us (long term members) would say that you "convincingly pass" as a female. While there might be some lingering male attributes appearing while dressed as a woman, I don't believe I would make the mistake of addressing you using any male terms.

But then, I've seen your pictures and know who you are and am familiar with your preferences.

[Michou]

Since I do not bother to wear makeup, wig and false breasts, for about 99% of my daily outings, it happens very often that people ask me if I prefer to be treated as a man or a woman. And I reply to do whatever makes them feel at ease because I just do not care. But, when I do my best to look good, I prefer to be treated as a woman, which is what people I meet do all the time, except on a couple of occasions over the last 10 years, I would say. The first time, in a restaurant, with many friends, when I was the sole TV, the waiter seemed to enjoy calling me "Sir". It bothered me because I was afraid he was embarrassing my friends. So, a friend of mine (a gg) took the waiter apart and he changed his attitude right away. The second time (last December 31st), a similar situation happenned. So, on my way to the buffet, I took the opportunity to tell the waiter that my friends would probably appreciate it if he treated me like the woman I did my best to appear. Later in the evening, he treated me like a princess and my friends and I had a lot of fun.

[HappyinHeels]

Ronheels, I was Up North over the weekend and just no got home and saw all the replies to your post. My answer to this is that if anyone (that is ANYONE) here has all the answers to all things relating to men wearing heels, women wearing combat boots, sexuality, etc...then they probably don't need to be on any type of forum because they KNOW IT ALL. No matter how thoughtful one expresses themself there will always be those waiting around for the next situation to profess their offense at some remark. I have always said the simplest approach is just accept people "AS IS" just like those thousands of cars I probably passed on my way home tonight as I crossed the great state of Wisconsin. In the final analysis, it's just a damn pair of shoes maybe worn with a skirt or maybe with a flannel shirt but all what most people on this bigblue planet want is mutual respect. HappyinHeels

[Trolldeg]

I believe my retort would include some language to the point that if they want to be addressed as a female then they should look more convincing otherwise I call it as I see it.

Would you call a really butch woman "sir"?

[JohnH]

Different people have different mindsets. Personally, if I were dressed full bore transvestite to pass as a woman in appearance I still would want to be called "sir" and have masculine pronouns used. I also would not want to have a femme name. but continue to use my real name. I just would continue to talk in my somewhat "Joe Friday" [Dragnet] voice and people would pick up onto my preferences. But it is good to have these discussions because while could accept my cross dressing the idea of a biological male identifying as a woman is sort of alien to my thinking.

[Bubba136]

Would you call a really butch woman "sir"?

Hypothetical question Trollged. Hasn't happened yet. But, no, I wouldn't. Would you?

But, in everyday conversation, how often do you address anyone's gender....how often do you make reference directly to their being either a man or woman?

Earlier this morning, there was a segment on "Fox and Friends" where one of the reporter interviewed the "spokesman" for the Los Angeles transit authority about a snafu in the computerized fare card collection system. It was obvious from this person's attire, demeanor and appearance as shown on the TV screen, that she was a "transgendered" person. Her physical characteristics, voice and manner of speaking made it easily identifiable.

Should I have had the occasion, I certainly wouldn't have referred to her as "sir." But then, even during this interview that ran close to 4 minutes, the question of anyone's gender never came up. So, there was no need to establish what this person desired to be called.

[JohnH]

Would you call a really butch woman "sir"?

Determining the address for a person in these parts is very simple.

Here in the Dallas Texas area a biological woman who looks feminine is frequently addressed as "sir" and nobody takes offense. In fact, the address "ma'am" is not used much.

For both genders the terms "hon" or "sweetie" are used by women.

So in this area determining the proper address is no problem, except don't use the address "ma'am" unless the person wants to be addressed as a woman. Just use "sir", or if you are a woman, "hon" or "sweetie" and there will be no problems!

[stev55]

Very cool thanks for this interesting story of current events

[johnieheel]

Yes ma'am sweetie sir!

[hhboots]

Here in the Dallas Texas area a biological woman who looks feminine is frequently addressed as "sir" and nobody takes offense.

Really?

Yes ma'am sweetie sir!

If there is ever any uncertainty on my part as to a person's title, or I don't have a person's name, etc, I typically follow a policy of leaving out such pronouns or titles, rather than making embarrasing mistakes you have to aplogize for, such as these silly examples: "Pardon me, can you help me with..."; "Excuse me, can I ask you..."; "Hi, is there a..."; "I have a question for you ..."; etc.

[Guest]

I hope that I came across without being critical or trying to be "too" politically correct if I did sorry, I tried to convey a sense of thought of how I would hopefully address someone it the right gender sense. Whatever role (or mode) we are in, does it not make sense to address to the role/charactor? Having played roundheads and cavaliers and for those that do theatrics it's part of the "game" to be the charactor, certainly jumping 17th to 20th (or 21th) becomes harder as the days go by and once confortable settled in role it is easier to stay fixed and is more fun keeping it straight and winding up the audiance who often don't accept the period charactor. I can verberly play "camp" but doesn't mean I am but some believe the act. Al

[Heelson]

If you'd met me en femme and you'd insisted in using male pronouns that would have terminated the conversation very quickly indeed.

"Dr" is asexual, no?

[Puffer]

Although I'm somewhat late in reading this, one point not made before is, I think, relevant. In his thoughtful and sympathetic account of meeting Janice, Roniheels carefully referred to 'this person' and subsequently used male pronouns to describe Janice. As was perfectly clear from the account, Janice was (then) a biological male and could only be be described in male terms (at least, without sounding patronising or causing possible confusion).

There is a big difference between giving a factual description of a male wearing female clothing and the form of address one would use in conversation with one. Roniheels was right to use male descriptors because his account was wholly about frank discussions with a man who was quite openly wearing female clothes and said he was intending to become a female. That is not the same thing as having a casual conversation with a man en femme who wants to be accepted as a female and (understandably) addressed accordingly.

To write or say something along the lines of 'I met a man wearing women's clothes who told me that she intended to become a female' is contradictory and, at best, confusing.

[skirtedvik]

This question at this site has been asked before and I have seen some men in higher heeled cowboy boots or men's block-style higher heeled dress boots in public. But today was different.

I was at my bank today and actually wearing tennis shoes today (I was next going to help a friend move some furniture) as opposed to wearing high heels. I was pouring a bag of coins I had collected into a change machine when I happened to look up and see a very tall individual. When hearing that noticable clicking on the tile floor, I gazed from shoes upward at this person. The first thing I saw was a pair of black patent leather pumps with at least 5" stiletto high heels. The person was wearing a mid-length pencil skirt, leopard-patterned blouse, long light brown hair, and obviously took great care in applying make-up. In heels, this person probably stood 6' 5" tall, so needless to say, drew some attention.

As this person started greeting all of the bank personnel by name and chit-chatting with them, I realized this person was a man dressed in this attire. Not shy and very friendly, he went about his banking business at the same time I was. We finished at the same time and left the bank at the same time.

He said his name was Janice, and that he was a transexual preparing for a sex-change operation in the future, with the financial help from friends and family. He said, "people are going to stare at you because you are talking to me." I said that I really didn't care what people thought and that's the way I feel when I wear high heels in public. He asked me if I cross-dressed and I said I did not, except for wearing high heels. I found out that he knows my female friend who owns an exotic boutique and has bought his high heels from her (he said he wears size 14).

I would be truly happy when there are men dressed like this but not due to sex change operations and etc.More the reason must be fashion equality between sexes.Sad thing is that we, freestylers are often mistaken for CD/TV,transsexuals and so on due to the misinformation and false stereotypical public conceptions about what is a normal male.Men must have equal fashion options not due to transsexualism...but with the macho philosphy implied to adolescent males and forth in their lives there is no chance for mass changes on this unjust issue at least for now.

[skirtedvik]

Ronheels,

I was Up North over the weekend and just no got home and saw all the replies to your post. My answer to this is that if anyone (that is ANYONE) here has all the answers to all things relating to men wearing heels, women wearing combat boots, sexuality, etc...then they probably don't need to be on any type of forum because they KNOW IT ALL.

HappyinHeels

In my country women wear whatever masculine apparel - no public scorn.But for a guy it is a different story.

[hhboots]

But the way this person carried himself, and his attitude was so positive and refreshing, I will call him in the future for a cup of coffee and conversation. I will let everyone know how our conversations transpire.

Hey Roni, this thread got pretty badly sidetracked there on the whole "pronoun" usage conversation, which often happens in forums. Anyway, I would be really interested to know if you met with Janice again and how it went. Meeting and talking to another man randomly wearing heels in public would be a really cool event for me as well, whether they be straight, TV, TG, pre-TS, gay or anything in-between.

[roniheels]

I tried to get in touch with Janice several times, left several messages and texts, but I never got a call back or text. After some time had passed, I was putting on a pair of black patent leather high heeled pumps and it reminded me of the pair Janice was wearing at the bank that day. So just recently when I was at the bank I asked the teller who waited on and visited with Janice that one day if he had heard from Janice. He said that a close friend of Janice told him that with financial help from friends and family, Janice had a successful sex change operation and then after that had gotten breast implants to enhance the look. He seemed to think the operation took place in California (I don't know that for sure) and Janice was now living there with a family member. He got the impression that Janice was basically "starting over with a new life" and leaving the past behind.

I am so sorry I never got to sit down and visit with Janice in length. Janice was a very nice and very beautiful human being, based on our brief encounter. I wish Janice all the best with her new life and hopefully one day our paths will cross again.