Interesting post from another forum

[radiodave]

I came across this thread on another forum I'm on, not really heel related. It is strangely relevant to what several guys here have to deal with, and it has to do with how to tell women about something unusual that we do. When I first read this, I had to laugh, because I thought it paled in comparison to things I would have to tell a woman, but after reading all 17 pages, this guy is being quite serious. I share in his interest too, but I never even considered it an issue. I thought that bid the question though, how many women really have an issue with it? Certainly if a woman thought being a ham radio operator was too weird, I'd probably drop her like a bad habit and relish in the thought of knowing if that turned her off, then men in heels would probably not have been well received.

I'm not posting the link to give the guy some privacy.

I've started dating a very nice woman and I have not yet revealed to her that I am a ham radio operator. I keep a low profile as far as amateur radio goes, only my family and a few close friends know I'm a ham.

Anyway, this woman is pretty and sweet and I really like her. I want her to view me as a normal, well adjusted man worthy of her investing herself emotionally. I'm afraid that if see sees radios and antennas she'll realize that I'm a ham and she'll drop me like a hot potato and move on to the next eligible bachelor...

I've have not yet slept with her and I think that before things become sexual, I should tell her I'm a ham, that would probably be the honorable and moral thing to do. On the other hand, if I keep it a secret until we are well into a serious relationship and someday she finds out I'm a ham, she may feel that I have deceived her.

Sometimes late at night, when I'm alone, I like to sit in the dark and talk to men on the radio. Everybody on this forum does the same thing, but to people outside of our hobby, this sounds very peculiar. I want to have a normal, nice relationship with a woman but a part of me still likes to exchange signal reports with other men on 40 meters.

Anyway, I've come out to my friends and family about being a ham but am very worried about how a normal woman is going to react. I know I can't keep it a secret forever, some day she will discover my proclivities. Maybe some day she will come home early and catch me on 20 meters and her perception of me will be altered irrevocably.

So, my question is, how do you guys handle this? Do you tell the woman right away or do you wait until well into the relationship before you spring it on her?

After several replies ranging from "don't worry about it" to "Are you joking?", he followed up:

You make it sound so easy. Actually, I equate it with being caught wearing her bra and panties. The humiliation factor would be enormous. I want her to see me as a manly man, someone strong she can rely on. I'm really conflicted.

[Stilettoscot]

Having a friend who hams, and knowing that his house looks like a Radio Station, I can see his point a bit. Plus, knowing my passion for heels, I can see his point even further. Interesting...

[Tech]

lol, I think that is absolutely freekin hilarious. He must be ashamed to to have a ham radio hobby then. I thought I'd heard it all until I read that Oh, and hiding the link doesnt work, you only need to google the first sentance to find it.

[radiodave]

Oh, and hiding the link doesnt work, you only need to google the first sentance to find it.

Darn that Google... Oh well, I was trying to make it a little less obvious, since his amateur radio callsign can be looked up easily to find out who he really is.

[vector]

It makes me wonder what he really thinks about the majority of ham radio operators.

[dww]

Well being a radio ham myself for thirty years, girlfriend and daughter are also hams, they wanted to get interested in one of my hobbies, so radio's no problem, heels ? I'am still waiting for the ok on that one.

[Bubba136]

Surely, this guy says this in jest? Tongue in cheek, perhaps? If it isn't, then it is completely and absolutely ridiculous!

[Pete]

Ha ha hee hee giggle chortle chuckle guffaw ROFLMAO.

[Guest]

Having meet several RSGB hams, a few illegals and CB DXers during the Uk's intro and first years of "legal" Citizens Band Radio. I found some guys were amazingly clever but lacked social skills away from the radio bench. In many cases very singular lifestyles commited to their radios, the next build project or finding a bigger set of boots (Power amplifier)to get further. As an "obsession" an equal to us maybe? but as radiodaves aquaintance's plea for guidance proves how isolated he has become within his hobby. Long nights talking across the world may not be the idea of fun/foreplay for future partners/girlfrends. A fear of this reality has been realised in an extreme shout for help. This should open a few eyes I think for a few of our single members without someone close to keep them in touch with true life. Even "uncomplicated" single people find dealing with someone new in their life an extreme learning curve. I was there 30 years ago with my first G/F learning how to comprimise. I hope your frend finds good guidance and confidence to make the jump back to this world of normal communication. Al

[euchrid]

I found it very amusing.

It's obviously genuine but it could have come straight out of a Monty Python sketch.

I also thought this response from one of his fellow 'hams' was amusing.

Again, it could quite easily be refering to us lot!!!

"...for the love of God, do NOT take her to a club meeting! That will send her running for the horizon. Ham are a great bunch, but as a group we have an odd appearance. Seriously, is there a single ham that you know that isn't a little "off"? I know I am."

[Bubba136]

Yes, the scenario is valid. Someone might have a "quirk" that might make him "socially deviant," for sure. However, you can plug in any "quirk" you can imagine without changing any of the supporting words. i.e.: excessively playing marbles for instance. And while a man in heels might be a "quirk" that fits the bill......being a ham radio operator stretches the scenario a bit.

[Stilettoscot]

Especially if that's the ham's only connection to the outside world besides work.

[roniheels]

Joe Walsh (of the Eagles) is a ham radio operator. I heard him one night on a late night radio talk show (NPR) talking about his "hamming."

[Jen J]

Well that was an interesting read. In a serious tone, I can understand someone feeling different may be unsure of coming out to people regarding their supposed difference from the norm. I would be led to believe that everyone on this forum would understand that. The point where I get confused is that the difference is; he has told his family, and some close friends. As either wouldn't you disclose to him that a radio hobby is not unusual. My situation may be considered a little different to cover up. A ham radio operator doesn't usually have an antenna attached to their head when going out to dinner. Wearing a skirt, makeup and heels to a dinner party might be slightly more noticeable. Maybe to show him things could be worse, he needs a group hug from the members of HHP, in public. As a side note, comedy would be if he broke up with her and then shortly thereafter, ran into her at a Ham convention, with her new boyfriend. Just an opinion from a guy currently wearing his heels. Hope no one minds. Jen

[tightsnheels]

Wearing a skirt, makeup and heels to a dinner party might be slightly more noticeable. Maybe to show him things could be worse, he needs a group hug from the members of HHP, in public.

Jen

That would definitely put his problems in perspective! Imagine us lot especially those of us who do wear skirt, make-up, heels, tights and other "female" things. Just picture Tara leading the charge!

(No offense Doc she was the first one I could picture.)

T&H

[thedesigner]

I agree, there's no prob, it sounds like great fun, like mobiling except u dont know who ure talkin to; let's hope you can get a job on a radio station where your confidence on air can be put to full use. Big up, mate !

[Guy N. Heels]

That sure got some yuks from me, Radiodave.

[Smitty55]

Interesting to note that ALL of the responces so far are from male members of this site. Also, it is interesting to note that being a radio 'ham' really isn't all that odd or worrisome--just like being a computer 'geek', or maybe an automobile preformance guru. People who do those things have nothing to be ashamed of, just because their hobbies are a bit outside of the norm. In my opinion, men who prefer high heels to regular mens shoes have a hobby--I wouldn't call it an obsession because some of the people here aren't that involved in it--that is further outside of the norm than the other things I mentioned. Tolerance--to each their own--is the key.

[HappyFeat]

Joe Walsh (of the Eagles) is a ham radio operator...

And a proud Alumnus of Kent State University....(that's neither here nor there...talk about secrets to keep)

I seldom tell people that I am a Star Trek fan who has actually been to multiple conventions...oh the secrets we nerds keep...

Live Long and Prosper!

[Bubba136]

And I seldom tell people that I am a Star Trek fan who has actually been to multiple conventions...oh the secrets we nerds keep...Live Long and Prosper!

Oh, you really need to meet our long term member Francis file:///C:/Users/John/AppData/Local/Temp/moz-screenshot.jpg . He's the most ardent "trekie" on this planet.

[Jen J]

Went to a Doctor Who convention once, never really comes up in conversation except apparently here. I hope you all will still tolerate me, please. Did I mention I know what a Tartus is? Jen

[jmc]

Isn't that "TARDIS"? (Time And Relative Dimension In Space)

[Jen J]

You say Tardis, I say Tartus, its been a long time. Not only did I go to the convention I am not even good at specifics. This is not looking positive, I may have to give up my scarf. Jen

[Brandy]

Interesting thread. It just goes to show how in our own minds we can wrap our selves into knots, and with a little help from family and friends!!! It is all about being accepted by your peer group.

I also look into skirt/kilt, leg wear (pantyhose) and there is the same questions and battles across the specrtum, WHAT will my ______ think when / if they find out I like wearing _____????

Just to show all genders have similar issues check this old thread http://www.hhplace.org/everybody/3047-men_s_fashion_-_skirts_heels-5.html a college aged girl wants to wear skirts and heels to class 'cuse she is tired of jeans. But is afaraid to because all her friends wear trousers.

-- Brandy

[xaphod]

If this guy is serious, he must be very insecure. My hobby of Amateur Radio, plus a degree in Electrical Engineering, plus becoming a Chartered Electronic Engineer enabled me to retire at the age of 44. I freely admit that I'm a geek .... for example I was looking around a small aviation museum which is scratching around for funds last weekend. I was with a bunch of people, one who knows some of the volunteers, so we got to see some of the places where the public don't go. The museum has some interesting articles, one being the radar head of an H2S 3cm WW2 radar which I found lurking under a workbench. The Geek was immediately down on hands and knees sussing out the vital components in the radar, and to hell with the fact that one of the women amongst our group was a desirable and intelligent blonde. xa

[Bubba136]

Hmmm! nothing wrong with that, xaphod.....occasionally, upon occasion, something occurs that overrides a man's primal instinct to flirt -- However, not to worry..... man's primal instinct quickly reverts to character as quickly as their curiosity is satisfied.. And, all is well, again.

[jmc]

Yes, the pull of gadgetry occasionally short-circuits some of the more basic functions. . . which is why non-geeks call geeks "geeks". They cannot understand.

[Tech]

I wonder how the term "geek" came about? Guru is far more fitting

[Guest]

A Guess

Gadget Freak except the a has become a e due to pronunciation = geek

Next theory

Al

[jmc]

From dictionary.com:

Our Living Language : Our word geek is now chiefly associated with contemporary student and computer slang, as in computer geek. In fact, geek is first attested in 1876 with the meaning "fool," and it later also came to mean "a performer engaging in bizarre acts like biting the head off a live chicken." Perhaps the use of geek to describe a circus sideshow has contributed to its current popularity. The circus was a much more significant source of entertainment in the United States in the 19th and early 20th centuries than it is now, and large numbers of traveling circuses left a cultural legacy in various unexpected ways. Superman and other comic book superheroes owe much of their look to circus acrobats, who were similarly costumed in capes and tights. We also owe the word ballyhoo to the circus; its ultimate origin is unknown, but in the late 1800s it referred to a flamboyant free musical performance conducted outside a circus with the goal of luring customers to buy tickets to the shows inside. Other words and expressions with circus origins include bandwagon (coined by P.T. Barnum in 1855) and Siamese twin.

I can remember when "geek" had a decidedly negative connotation -- it was basically synonymous with "nerd" or "oddball". Now it refers to a technical nerd or oddball and the "geek community" enjoys a bit of irony. All those "cool people" who used to look down their noses at geeks now need them when their gadgetry doesn't work.