New development on parents

[Guest]

Hi all, I posted here often as exitman and I was left with my folks finding my shoes. Later leading to my mum asking are these shoes your or mine. Well there's been another development.... I posted before that my mum may have been ok with my heel wearing but i missed my opportunity by denying it (not responding... smile and nod response). Well tonight while getting ready to go out she was advising me on how i was dressed, well, she then said "it depends if your gonna wear your higher shoes" then later in the conversation saying "it depends if your gonna wear your heels","why dont you wear your heels". I again didnt approach the situation, but after this I feel that I could push the subject by just wearing them one day.... what do you think. Does her response imply that she is indeed up for letting me wear heels..??

[davefry]

I've not been here long, so forgive my ignorence, but how old are you? I'm 20, and my parents can't stop me doing anything, even if I do live in their house. I don't tell my parents because I'm scared how they'll react, and I fear I will have let them down, or put distence between us, or they'll laugh at me. All of the above. If I was in your situation with my mum, I'd just wear heels because if she's willing to almost suggest wearing heels in order to look good, I'd take my chances. I would probably also mention in passing something about wearing heels, or make a joke about it. It's one of those things where only you can decide, because only you know your parents. Unless you've got an understanding sibling to ask (my sister would laugh at me, and her husband who probably beat me to shit for being "a gay"), all anyone can do is to give you the confidence you need to be open about it, if that's what you decide to do. Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Danielinheels]

My mom questioned my sexuality too. Despite frequent reassurances that I'm 200% straight, she never seemed to buy it for some reason. She also would say this: "If you're driving with some "SHOOOES" (extra inflection for whatever reason) on and the police pull you over, and you go to reach down to take them off they're gonna think you're reaching for something else and shoot you." First, that implies that I'm a bad driver (never had a ticket, and I'm probably the most defensive driver I know), and it implies some kind of shame in wearing heels, which I didn't have. If, for some reason, the police pull me over and I'm wearing heels, then hey, consider me had. Whatever.

[dr1819]

From what you're relaying, formallyknownas, it appears as if your mom is at least broaching the subject. There's only one way to be sure where she's coming from, however, and that's to ask her.

[davefry]

Danielle, the rather obvious problem we all have is that our parents are older than us. My parents are 40 years older than me, which makes me question if I should be myself around them. Oh, and I've already mentioned, I'm getting married in a month. If my parents were to find out, and assume I'm gay or trying to appear as a woman, well, I don't much care for people who are that close minded. As for driving in shoes and boots. Yeah, I do that, and I've only ever been pulled over once (when I wasn't wearing boots) because my tax disc had fallen off my windscreen. Police have to be professional, and I don't really mind if I get seen by people I don't know, it was my decision to take the risk of wearing them outside of my house. Right now I'm not sleepy (it's only 3am), so I'm freestyling while everyone is asleep. Yay.

[ShockQueen]

I would take it as a definite sign that she's cool with it, and perhaps may even be willing to give you help (not that you need it) on picking good heels to go with your outfits. That's how I read it anyhow. Go ahead and pick some nice heels to go with your outfit, and THEN gauge her reaction based off of that. I bet it goes very well

[Elegant]

Although I don't streetheel yet, I was a bit afraid of my mom's reaction on Dec 31st, when I was going to a New Year's Eve. Several days before that I went to a second-hand shop and bought my first pair of leather pants (I've got three of them, the fourth one is coming soon) and was afraid of letting my parents know about them. But I wanted to dance in them at a party, so my mum just had to know about them eventually. Guess what? She was positively stunned when she saw me in them. Now I don't wear these pants anymore as I've got a better-fitting pair (they're tighter and don't tend to fall down a bit), but that was a big change- I wear leather just everyday (pants with a vest and blazer, all leather of course- with a non-leather shirt and tie), and there were only three days I wore jeans this year.

[Dawn HH]

Formallyknownas:-) Your Mom brought the subject up, so she knows that you like to wear heels. She, in saying what she did, was trying to give you an opening to, not only wear heels, but to discuss wearing them. It sounds like to me that your Mom is on your side the whole way. Take the opportunity to discuss it with her in the near future. I'd say that she is cool with you wearing heels and wants to talk about it with you. Keep us posted on what happens next. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[dr1819]

And I'd think most moms would be relieved if this were the only issue. There are a lot less acceptable things to be doing (drugs, etc.).

[Guest]

Hi, Just to answer a few questions. Im 22 but still live in the house due to university etc. I am going to approach it this time as I have now got the attitude that she knows about them and as someone said she did suggest about wearing them out to a bar so she must thank they are ok. I really think shes ok with it and she just views them as shoes as she just said about wearing you higher shoes/heels. I really want to be able just to wear my heels whenever I want i.e. not having to put them on when I leave the house and change before I get in. So I think the time has come to approach it. Not sure how yet tho, I may just put them on one day when we go out and ask what she thinks that way.... how would you approach it?

[hoverfly]

Not sure how yet tho, I may just put them on one day when we go out and ask what she thinks that way.... how would you approach it?

The same way you just said, she all ready knows, won't be much of a shock. Also don't worry about the cop's, they can't do any thing about the shoes you wear.

[balacau]

I don't tell my parents because I'm scared how they'll react, and I fear I will have let them down, or put distence between us, or they'll laugh at me. All of the above.

I am in the same situation, living with my mom. I got my first pair of heeled boots around August 2002 off eBay (since I wasn't and probably never will be couragous enough to go to an actual store to buy a pair). When they arrived I was asked what was in the box. I managed to pass it off as being some books and she appeared convinced...

About a year later she was going through my stuff using the excuse "tidying the house up" when she found an invoice that I hadn't burnt! Although she has never seen any of the boots that I own, she doesnt know that I have more than one pair and she isn't happy by any means. As bad as this is, the timing could not have been worse. Coincidently her local vicar had been thrown out of the church because he was undergoing a sex-change. Well you don't need me to tell you what she thought (and probably still thinks). Yes, the words "gay" and "crossdresser" came up.

We had a big argument which lasted a couple of hours, which ended in her saying that someone sooner or later would find them during redecoration or something and that I'd be left very red-faced. My mom also said she is "open minded" about stuff, which basically is a load of crap. Sister used to be into the whole self-harm thing, which mom never knew even existed. I knew about this because I knew of people I went to school with actually did that on a regular basis.

I have tried to reach her on the subject twice since then and we only ever fight about it, I'm guessing that shes just trying to pretend that such a "problem" doesnt exist?

I'm not a cross dresser, and I'm not "gay", I'm certainly not hostile to the people who are either, actually I admire their courage for being so open! I just have a serious liking for heeled boots, my close friends know about it and it doesnt phase any of them, so whats up with mom?

Feh....sometimes I don't understand people at all.

Rant over :sleeping:

[davefry]

I typed a long reply, and then the forum went down, so I'll try again. I only get to wear boots during the night/early morning (I start work at 15:30), but I don't really want to be "caught", so I tip-toe around on wooden floors, and am careful not to make too much noise or put any lights on incase I were to wake my parents. I'm a dirty, horrible smoker, too, so I spend a bit of time in my back garden. When I'm out, all my worries go away, and I make noise walking up and down the path, just being happy to be me. It all goes away as soon as I quietly go back inside. I have two male footwear items; tatty old trainers and uncomfortable, ugly, slippery shoes. I'd love to be able to wear a comfortable pair of heeled boots during my day, and I would, because I don't really care what other people think of me, but I do care about my mum and dad as I said previously. I plan to do some street heeling on my own for the first time tonight, if I have the confidence. Also, I can't make the heel meet, but I ask if there is anyone around near me (or driving distence) who would be willing to give me some clue about what to wear. I have lots of clothes, but when I wear them together something just doesn't look right. The only thing that does look right, are my shoes! Mind you, I'm probably being blind. Get in touch if you think you can help.

[dr1819]

I don't know, man! But you said it rather well. Consider printing a copy of what you just said and simply give it to her.

[kneehighs]

....Also, I can't make the heel meet, but I ask if there is anyone around near me (or driving distence) who would be willing to give me some clue about what to wear. I have lots of clothes, but when I wear them together something just doesn't look right. The only thing that does look right, are my shoes! Mind you, I'm probably being blind. Get in touch if you think you can help.

I'm sure you've checked out the thread titled share your best Freestyle Fashion pics here]? It was designed for that purpose.

You probably want to start with clothes that suits your body type. How long is your torso? How long are your legs? How long are they in relation to each other? For instance, my legs are a bit on the short side (length wise) so wearing heels for me is actually good, since they give the illusion that my legs are longer. (I wear the hem of my pants to that about an inch of the heel shows when I am standing).

If your legs are on the long side, then you want to wear outfits that enhance the length of your torso. Low rise jeans, crew neck shirts and jumpers etc...

You also probably want to wear clothes that color coordinate well with your skin color. Dark color clothes usually go well with light color skin.

IMO, you can't go wrong starting with BODY TYPE and COLOR COORDINATION.

I wish you could make the heel meet becuase I am working on getting a fashion stylist for a couple of hours to help us with the whole how to dress issue.

[Danielinheels]

I have two male footwear items; tatty old trainers and uncomfortable, ugly, slippery shoes. I'd love to be able to wear a comfortable pair of heeled boots during my day, and I would, because I don't really care what other people think of me, but I do care about my mum and dad as I said previously.

Get rid of those old tattered slippers, and change over to Daniel Green's house slippers. I had a pair for a while, and they are very comfortable.

http://www.danielgreenco.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=100&idproduct=10120

This is the link to the Dormie - a best-seller for over 50 years. These are the kind I had.

http://www.danielgreenco.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=100&idproduct=10175

This is the Topaz - exact same shoe, only with a closed toe, now selling at half price.

http://www.danielgreenco.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=100&idproduct=10146

Lucy - same as the Dormie, with a higher heel.

http://www.danielgreenco.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=100&idproduct=10118

Finally, the Denise - the Topaz with a higher lift.

[davefry]

Wow. You're all lovely. I'm not very good at getting clothes. I buy things I like without trying them on. I have jackets that are too small, or are too short etc. My legs are fairly long (take a 33" inside leg, 35" or more with heels) and I think my torso is fairly long, considering I'm only 5' 10". Another thing, because I'm so skinny (27" waist) I find it hard to find jeans that are long that don't fall down. One other reason I wear girls jeans, but even then they're not easy to find. I'll have a think and get back to you. I need trainers, because that's what I wear to work, but having something comfortable to wear around the house would be nice. Except, as I can't wear boots around the house, so I generally wear them in my room. I feel like I'm wasting money buying things I hardly wear. I like the Topaz, though. Something to think about. On the subject of work, I'm covering tomorrow morning, which means I have to be up at 4am, so I doubt I'll be walking anywhere tonight.

[BobHH]

Geez. As Jenny used to say, They are only shooz! Now smoking, that's something really bad

[Dawn HH]

It would be much better for your health if you could kick the smoking habit. Something to think about. It would also give you more money for shoes and boots. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[davefry]

Well, I've got a good thing going right now. I get all my cigarettes from my fiancée's mum in Romania for nothing. It's kind of a gift for looking after her daughter, or something, I don't know, she's weird. Must be trying to kill me. I do eventually want to give up, but for certain reasons it would be a bad idea right now. All my money is going towards our wedding and everything that comes with that, so I have to think very carefully before I go spending any money. I'm working extra shifts at work, too. Besides, I have too many shoes as it is, I'm a bit of an impulse buyer.

[Fog]

Formallyknowas: From what you say your mum seems very openminded and is trying to make it easy for you. She was virtually saying Go on do it. It's a long time since I was young - and a long time since any of my kids lived with you - Now them finding about my little hobby That's a hard one! I don't think my kids would be as cool as your mum. But perhaps I'm pre-judging them.

[Guy N. Heels]

Formallyknownas:-)

Your Mom brought the subject up, so she knows that you like to wear heels. She, in saying what she did, was trying to give you an opening to, not only wear heels, but to discuss wearing them. It sounds like to me that your Mom is on your side the whole way. Take the opportunity to discuss it with her in the near future. I'd say that she is cool with you wearing heels and wants to talk about it with you. Keep us posted on what happens next.

Cheers---

Dawn HH

Ditto. Don't forget that parents are people too. Most of us old folks have been around long enough to know what's worth getting all upset about and what ain't. Your mother sounds like she's really cool with your wearing heels and might even be wanting to help you dress up a bit. So if mom's cool then you need to be cool too.

[DeSalto]

formallyknownas, After lots of advices, I do believe you have decided about telling your mother or not. Your friends here are most probably right when they say your mother must be an open minded person, since she was the one who brought up the issue "heels". You missed the oportunity when she asked you about wearing heels and you did say nothing - I don´t believe she was really serious, probably just a way she found to aproach the issue and start some conversation. But I do believe that, for you, wearing heels with your mother is just a matter of time and courage. Instead of just appeaaring in front of her wearing heels, I would suggest you to start the issue again. When she wear some heels, tell her how nice are her shoes/she wearing them. If she is not a high heeled person, just say how nice would be to see her wearing some heels. I can bet she will reply something about "why not you wear them too" - that´s your chance.

[chris100575]

I think it's probably safe to assume from the fact that she said "Why don't you wear your heels?" and not "Oh my God have you been wearing heels?" that she's pretty open minded about it. Her reaction does seem to imply acceptance, and the fact that she brought it up means that she's probably willing to talk about it. Good luck. Chris

[Misazeno]

My mom questioned my sexuality too. Despite frequent reassurances that I'm 200% straight, she never seemed to buy it for some reason. She also would say this:

"If you're driving with some "SHOOOES" (extra inflection for whatever reason) on and the police pull you over, and you go to reach down to take them off they're gonna think you're reaching for something else and shoot you."

First, that implies that I'm a bad driver (never had a ticket, and I'm probably the most defensive driver I know), and it implies some kind of shame in wearing heels, which I didn't have. If, for some reason, the police pull me over and I'm wearing heels, then hey, consider me had. Whatever.

I guess going to jail would be bad though because the inmates would notice the shoes and you would end up sore arse.

[Guest]

UPDATE

Just to update yo on the situation about my parents and heel wearing acceptance. As I said my folks know about my heels and my mum has suggested me wearing them but I just blanked and since then Ive been trying to get the courage to wear them around them. Well yesterday was a pretty momentous occasion.

Basically, I had to go out to a for a formal type of occasion last night and as I was getting ready my mum again suggested to me that I should wear the heels. This time however she made the first move and wanted to see me in a pair she bought A while ago but never wore (I think she really got them for me for a time like this as they are not her size). So she brought them into the room and got me to put them on and she actually said they look really good.

This is a picture of the shoes: -

http://mysite.orange.co.uk/myheels/heel.jpg

So due to the comments I actually wore them out for the night. Plus I really like the shoes as well. So my next step is going to be actually just wearing heels casually when I go out which will be the start of the week. So I just hope that I gain full acceptace by doing this.

[JNR]

Where did she find them? Were they new shoes?

[Guest]

Where did she find them? Were they new shoes?

The ones in my post above were ones that she had bought but they did fit her, which makes me think she had got them with me in mind. The original shoes I had bought however she found while in my room one day.

[JNR]

The only reason I asked the question is that the shoes didn't appear to be new. They looked well worn. (no inference here, just curiosity)

[ShockQueen]

Those look like nice boots with a moderate heel - perfect for going out street heeling in, or to such an event, and your feet shouldn't get tired wearing them. This may even lead to other styles being worn as well. The door appears to be open and the options negotiable. I would have a conversation with her to see what other styles she thinks might look good on you as well.