Do "WE" even notice "THEM?"

[Gige]

I realize that I do not need to share the excruciating details of my everyday life on this forum, but I had an encounter this evening that made me wonder if, while out in a pair of heels, we do not notice others who may notice us? A bit of a backfill is needed.

My employer mandates that all employees have to exhausted certain types of Acquired Benefit Time (i.e. personal days and/or vacation days) by the end of the calendar year or lose it. As Christmas and New Year's Day fall on Wednesdays this year, about 99% of the staff take extra days off throughout December. I am, unfortunately, that one percent that still has to make my way into the office. As we approached the end of 2024, my bosses began sending emails to their staff indicating on what days they would/would not be in the office over the last two weeks of December. Given that I was the only poor soul who was not taking any time off over the holidays, I decided to make the most of all others being away by designating the last two weeks of the year as "High-high heel days." I decided that I was going to wear those 4+" heels into the office with some outfit that, until very recently, I would never have otherwise considered doing so. I very much wanted to make sure that I was comfortable doing so now so that I could do so again in the future. This past Tuesday, for example, I wore an exquisite knee-length leather skirt with my 4.5" Jessica Simpson - Tulip (model) boots. Today I wore a delicious animal print, just above the knee skirt with 4" wedge boots and a black turtleneck. As a whole, the ensemble was quite haute couture if I do say so myself. 

After the end of the workday, I headed over to the local wine bar in town as the place has a Friday after work special. After sharing a drink with a friend and colleague from another department that is the monstrosity of my employer, I decided to engage in my favorite, least desirable activity - weekly grocery shopping. FWIW, my colleague raved about my outfit and I told that if she continued, she was going to make me blush, which was not that hard as I was already wearing a nice rose colored blush! As I made my way into the hair care products aisle, I encountered two younger aged women, who I would place in their early 20s. I took notice of one of them because she was wearing very casual, just over-the-knee, 2.5" block, black microfiber heel boots, with distressed jeans. I grabbed some hair conditioner and made my way to the end of the aisle where I encountered the two women. The woman wearing the boots then says to me words along the line of "I love your outfit - you look fabulous!!" "Oh, thank you ever so kindly!!" was my response, which is my standard response and I truly do mean it. The same woman told me that she loved the skirt and I find that making small talk when given a compliment has been received is a means by which to show sincere appreciation of such. 

I told the women that, in fact, I found it at the local second-hand store, and was amazed to find an item so cute and in my size. Seeing that it fit me so well, I "had" to buy it for the few dollars marked on the price tag. The woman continued to compliment my outfit and then told me that as soon as she noticed me turning into the aisle, she was "checkin' me out." I told her that I honestly did not notice her doing so and again, thanked them both for their kind and encouraging words before heading to the next aisle. In all, I would estimate that I was in the presence of the woman for ~15-20 seconds before she made any compliment to me. Needless to say, it is encounters such as this that I truly enjoy and reinforce my confidence. The fact that I did not notice the woman looking at my outfit made me wonder if, after a certain point of routinely being out in heels, do we drop our guard and not even realize it? Do/can "we" become so confident that over time, we no longer notice who notices us? I suppose one could argue that it is a defence mechanism for any of us to focus on what we are doing when out and about in a pair of heels so that we do not notice others reaction to our presence, if they actually should have one. 

There have been may posts on this forum regarding whether or not others actually notice "US" when were are out and about while wearing heels. I would venture a guess that the consensus is that no, many others do not notice us when we are wearing our heels and if they do, they care little about such. So, I have to ask if we become like "them" and after a while, take no notice of those who notice us? I can certainly say that I have reached the point where when I am out in heels, I do not notice what anyone's reactions may be as doing what I need to get done is the focus. Thus, if someone should notice me, my reaction is..."And?" 

The wedges were supremely comfortable but as I had been in them for 12 hours when I finally got home, although my feet and calves were not screaming "uncle" they were tired. I think @Tech will be awarding me "Best Dressed of 2024" any day now! 

 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Gige
Added "trash talkin'"

[Cali]

I had my monthly manicure today, I had 3 compliments in the first 2 hours afterwards. Now do I notice others noticing me? Yes; for example from this afternoon: I notice the woman at Costco whose eyes dove straight to my feet as we past each other (I have great peripheral vision).  I may not notice every one, but I do see many double takes or stares when they occur in front of me. And for those that know me, I know many will look just to see what I am wearing that day.

[mlroseplant]

I consider myself to be pretty situationally aware, and I am more generally surprised at the people who don't notice me more than I am at the people who do. In my personal experience, Gen Z females are the most likely to say something if they do notice.

[bluejay]

I had a similar experience to Giege yesterday, while shopping at DSW shoe store. I was wearing a sweat shirt dress with a hemline above my knee, with winter white knee boots, when I encountered a woman maybe in her 40's who said that I looked great.  I was also wearing leggings too. As always, I thanked her for the compliment. Upon check out, with two finds from the clearance rack, I told the cashier that I loved her mani, which was very appropriate for the Christmas season. Each one of her nails was done with a different Christmas decoration. I had to show her mine with the Christmas Tree on one pinkie and the candy cane on my other pinkie. She replied " I love them". Makes you feel great when you get those kind of compliments!

Happy Heeling,

bluejay

[Mr. X]

Here are my thoughts on the question based on my own personal journey. When I first started my journey into high heels, "I" was definitely more aware of "them." I think it has to do with the fact that when I first started venturing out in heels, I was purposely aware of my surroundings. I wanted to see the onlookers and the people that were noticing my heels. And I was trying to get compliments on my outfit or the high heels I chose to wear that day. These days, "I" am definitely less aware of "them." And it is mostly due to a lack of trying like before. I still enjoy it when people notice what I'm wearing. And I still enjoy when I get compliments on my outfit or the high heels I'm wearing, but I'm just not specifically seeking them out like I use to.

Edited December 28, 2024 by Mr. X

[Shyheels]

I’ve really no idea if anyone notices that I’m always in knee or OTK boots. It feels normal to me and so I genuinely don’t notice if anyone is noticing me. I suspect not. I have had a few comments, not many, but those I do get have been positive - and usually by women. 

[pebblesf]

Well, I guess I feel that not as many folks notice our heels and boots are we once might have feared did notice!  Again, I always notice footwear, so mistakenly made the assumption that most others do too.  But, on the other hand, I feel that more folks notice than we are aware of.  Most folks might notice but don't want to be rude or stare, and they are way too busy to deviate from their immediate missions while out and about.  

I might not notice folks checking out my boots intentionally, mainly because I want to give them the opportunity to look (hopefully admire) without "being caught looking/staring" by me.  Generally, I can usually sense when someone is taking a second look though.  For me, I know I am relaxed when out and about, when I almost forget I'm wearing boots.  

[Shyheels]

Yes, me too. Wearing tall boots is just part of my natural style now and I do not notice or care if anyone thinks that odd. 

[Cali]

Sometimes you can't help but notice them noticing you. Example: this afternnon, the guy in a car that slowed down and stared at my feet as he passed.  You can't not notice that. 

[Shyheels]

Fortunately that sort of thing is fairly unusual - or at least it is in my experience. 

[Cali]

But Shyheels, aren't there very few cars on the canals?  When the car stops so you can cross in front of them in a parking lot ..

[Shyheels]

True not on canals - although working swing bridges you will stop traffic, sometimes on busy roads. But then you would be most unlikely to be wearing heels as when you’re moving your boat along the canal you’re working locks, bridges, mooring and unmooring the boat constantly and heels would be decidedly dangerous. 

[mlroseplant]

I've had it happen many times where a driver wants to stop way sooner than necessary to let me walk in front. Happens in the grocery store parking lot all the time. The good thing is, I most probably won't get run over by accident. Someone might try to run me over on purpose, however. You just never know. Some people are naturally angry.

[pebblesf]

3 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

I've had it happen many times where a driver wants to stop way sooner than necessary to let me walk in front. Happens in the grocery store parking lot all the time. The good thing is, I most probably won't get run over by accident. Someone might try to run me over on purpose, however. You just never know. Some people are naturally angry.

Yeah, I'm sure my boots are noticed when I cross in front of traffic at stop lights.  I wish I "could be a fly on the wall" to see their facial expressions or perhaps hear what they say, but maybe am better off not knowing....

[Shyheels]

I occasionally notice swift downward glances when I am walking along the towpath in my knee boots - and that’s without heels. I’m certainly the in,y male in nice leather knee boots (one does see occasional guys in hunter gum boots - but not many)