Trying on in Public: Best Conditions?

[TXGuy]

I’ve been thinking about trying heels on in public and thinking about the best conditions. This will also be the first time wearing heels in public. I have not had the courage to wear heels in public yet. (Sounds a little like and AA statement. ) A few thoughts I have been mulling over. Should I walk into the store with regular shoes, or wearing a pair of heels? One way definitely lets the sales person know who your buying for… Small store vs big, ie, Nine West vs DSW? Hopefully a slow time… With heels, since it is also the first time brings up a few questions, look for a small store in a strip mall? Or a large mall? It would be easier to get out of my car and walk into a small store, but if I had the guts to walk through a large mall, trying a new pair on in public would be probably be nothing compared to that. Thinking of ways to make the first attempt successful vs crash and burn....

[Shafted]

Kossitch, I think that you overthinking the situation. When this happens you are just as likely to talk yourself out of it altogether. It doesn't matter what your wearing on your feet, just go in and try out what you like. Don't worry about the salesperson. They just want to sell shoes.

[lotsofheels]

Kossitch, I can certainly sympathize with what you are going through because I think 99% of men who have never worn heels in public before experience many of the same feelings. What I would suggest is to at first wear regular men's shoes to scout out several stores that carry women's shoes, including large department stores, until you find one with a very friendly female sales clerk. When she asks you if she can help you, say that probably yes in a few minutes after you have looked around at the shoes. Then pick out a pair of heels that you like, but that have lower heels than you really want and ask her if she has those shoes in your size. If so, ask her if you can try them on and then walk around a bit and ask her how they look. She'll probably say they look great and then ask you how they feel. Tell her they feel fine, but you really prefer a shoe with a higher heel. Ask her when they will be getting more styles in and then go back later wearing your own high heels. You'll find that once you have broken the ice, that wearing high heels in public will become easier and easier and at the same time much more pleasurable.

[radiodave]

I've never had sales folks give me any grief, other than maybe some 20-something girl giving me a brief look of "oh my, you aren't really trying those on, are you?". They want to make commission, and most folks don't give it a second thought. Some are even helpful and give positive comments or suggest other styles to try on. I've never had any other shoppers give me grief either. Go to the same places enough times, and you'll be a regular, where they recognize you, greet you, and show you what's new. I've worn guy shoes and girl shoes going into the stores, but trust me, 95% of the time they've already figured out who they are for regardless of what I wear. If they say something like "Is she here to try them on?" I just politely say they are for me, and there's usually no more than a brief "oh" expression.

[Walkonit]

I’ve been thinking about trying heels on in public and thinking about the best conditions. This will also be the first time wearing heels in public. I have not had the courage to wear heels in public yet.

....

I'd say you show great courage wanting to go and try heels in a store the first time you are planning to go public. Go for it if you can. Personally I found taking "smaller steps" worked better for me. First I went out in public just walking around. It was quite a lot later before I built up the courage and confidence to talk to the staff in shoe shops and try on heels.

[SArmeah]

Confidence confidence confidence. Its like this. Walk in wearing whatever you want. Go look for the shoes you like, try them on. If its a place where they keep them in the back. Grab the shoes you want and say I'd like to try these in a size X. They will bring the shoes, you try them on if you like them, buy them. The less you think of it, the more you will realize, no one really cares. Yes you will get a look from some of the other patrons. Yes the sales person might pause a moment. Ignore it. Allow people to be surprised but once they realize you aren't waving a flag and making a scene they will respond just like you want them to. Additionally once you've been there once, going back again makes it even easier. Eventually you will have some sales people that make it a point to come help you. This has happened to me at major malls, DSW, smaller stores etc. People are definitely too afraid to come up and say anything either. You have more to fear from people you know that those you don't. Limit the social anxiety to those you would like to tell but are afraid to, not the random stranger that has no bearing in your life. Just go.

[roniheels]

Confidence confidence confidence. Its like this. Walk in wearing whatever you want. Go look for the shoes you like, try them on. If its a place where they keep them in the back. Grab the shoes you want and say I'd like to try these in a size X. They will bring the shoes, you try them on if you like them, buy them.

The less you think of it, the more you will realize, no one really cares.

Yes you will get a look from some of the other patrons. Yes the sales person might pause a moment. Ignore it. Allow people to be surprised but once they realize you aren't waving a flag and making a scene they will respond just like you want them to.

Additionally once you've been there once, going back again makes it even easier. Eventually you will have some sales people that make it a point to come help you. This has happened to me at major malls, DSW, smaller stores etc.

People are definitely too afraid to come up and say anything either.

You have more to fear from people you know that those you don't. Limit the social anxiety to those you would like to tell but are afraid to, not the random stranger that has no bearing in your life.

Just go.

There has been some great advice in this thread but this right here sums it up perfectly, in my opinion. As we have said in other post, the bottom line to the salesperson is that a sale is a sale, and especially in this economy. Yes, you will probably get some "looks" from both other customers and even the sales personnel. But when you give the person your money for the high heels, they have achieved the goal of the sale and that is what matters to them. Don't pressure yourself feeling like this is something you have to do and dread doing it. Enjoy the excitement of the experience and have fun (take that attitude) doing it. Good luck!

[Dr. Shoe]

Back in the day I often went into stores to buy shoes and the sales staff would ask if I wanted to try them on. Honestly, you will not be the first nor the last.

[Hansi1973]

I took me a long time to through away the (big) fears

• "I am a man - I am not allowed to wear heels"
• "Even walking through the women´s section is curious (what might people think?)"
• "if I take one pair out of the shelf to watch them closer - they will definetely think I am a pervert"
• If I will try them on, they might be afraid I could start masturbating too"
• ...

Shoes are shoes. Something stupid you can buy like tons of other things.

Do you get afraid, if you buy some baby stuff for your colleague/ friend/ etc. - who just became mother? Do you think, all peoble will stare at you, because they can not believe that you are a parent? Or maybe know, that your kids are already grown up?

The pair of heels I bought at the age of 17/18: in a supermarket/ warehouse. With red head and glowing ears. I just grabbed them, brought them to the desk and silently praid, I would not meet anybody I knew.

The shoes hat the written right size, but it was definitely two sizes too small. And I did not had the courage to change them.

I took a while, until I tried this first pair of heels in a shop. On foot in - out - and paid. At the end those heels did not really fit either.

Nowadays I go into the shop, take a look around, take off my normal shoes and sox and slip into some stockings, to try the first pair of heels. If it fits >90%, I take a walk around and investigate other shoes I might try and buy.

Sometimes it is really funny to see the reactions of the other people in the shop. Some are paralysed - cannot believe what they are seeing, the younger girls (the "ballerina generation") is often giggling, but you will also get compliments, if you can really master the heels and do not stalk like a sork.

Sometimes it is also funny to surprise the salesladies. Sometimes I am tracking shoes of a shoe shop chain via internet, to see which model is in which store in the right size and then I make a reservation.

As I said it is funny, to see the reaction of the personal. A typical straight guy is asking for the shoes he reserved, the sales person comes back with a box, often filled with 9-11cm heels and asks, if I want the shoes with or without the box. "Sorry, before I buy them, let me try them."

Sometimes a friendly grinning, but sometimes a total astonished look.

[Thighbootguy]

Kossitch –

First, Welcome to the board. You will find lots of other first time heelers and a lot of ole hands. It looks like you have gotten lots of good advice so far.

Next, make sure you practice walking in heels in private until you are comfortable walking in them and can do it with some modicum of grace.

As for going shopping, wear your heels into the store. That answers all the questions before they are asked. I’d recommend the smaller strip mall store or a DSW rather than a mall store for a first outing. Malls can be intimidating.

The real issue for you will be the topic you glossed over, “It would be easier to get out of my car…” It will probably take you several minutes to accomplish this simple feat. If it doesn’t, you will be one of the first to not have to take a deep breath several times before opening the door and putting you heeled foot on the ground. Let us know how it goes.

As for the sales staff, a sale is a sale. They don’t record that M bought F shoes on the cash register, only the dollar amount.

A fun place to start is a Payless store. They have lots of fun styles and they are inexpensive. I have never had a disparaging comment or look from any staff member. They regularly stock shoes up to a size 12.

Lastly, enjoy your outing. It will be exciting and nerve wracking but that is part of the fun. When you are finished, you will be floating several inches off the ground (heels or not) and then wondering what all the fuss was about. It will be difficult to wait till the next time.

[HappyinHeels]

Kossitch, WELCOME TO HHPLACE!! I read your post, see your concerns, and agree that you are complicating something that is not complicated. A man buying heels for himself is alternative and different but it is neither immoral nor illegal. Many have said wearing heels in public is best accomplished in crowded places. I believe your comfort level is directly relevant to how you'll be seen. If you wear closed toe boots with a thick heel or some type of closed-toe wedge heel then you will more likely blend in and not sense anything different. If you wear very high stiletto heels with your toes clearly painted in bright colors then you CAN and WILL be noticed and this will affect your confidence. Some will notice and most will not and nearly nobody will say anything. The few that do will be women and it will be positive. This leaves only the occasional one jerk per thousand who will actually say anything negative and that person will almost never do it unless they are with someone else. So all your worries revolve around the nearly nonexistent bogeyman who you may never see anyway. Most people are like sheep, they eat their grass an watch the world go by and aren't really sure of most of what they saw anyway because they are focused on the grass. Sheep follow and don't stray from the established path. Those of us that want to enjoy our lives, on a slightly more elevated level, purposely stray from the path because the path is boring. One cannot blaze any new ground by sticking to the same worn path. I have gone to DSW and Bakers wearing heels but usually not as I'm probably coming from work but I always try on my intended purchases in the store without regard to other customers in the store. I will not do it around women with small children but was once seen by a five year old or so in a Bakers store and nothing happened. Act naturally and look like you belong there and you will have the time of your life. Embrace your life, strap on your favorite heels, and leap forward into the future. HappyinHeels:wavey:

[Fog]

.....and in addition to all the good advice above....remember, that working in retail can be very boring. I know, I've done it. (Classical music in a large London record store) We all had our favourite customers, the one's who'd brighten our day, the ones we could chat about music to, the enthusiasts - and there were the others. The chances are you'll be the intriguing customer.

[FreshinHeels]

So many good advices here. All I can think off is "Just do it" cause if ye wanna ye'll just have to do it.

[scrappycoco]

I’ve been thinking about trying heels on in public and thinking about the best conditions. This will also be the first time wearing heels in public. I have not had the courage to wear heels in public yet. (Sounds a little like and AA statement. )

A few thoughts I have been mulling over.

Should I walk into the store with regular shoes, or wearing a pair of heels? One way definitely lets the sales person know who your buying for…

Small store vs big, ie, Nine West vs DSW? Hopefully a slow time…

With heels, since it is also the first time brings up a few questions, look for a small store in a strip mall? Or a large mall? It would be easier to get out of my car and walk into a small store, but if I had the guts to walk through a large mall, trying a new pair on in public would be probably be nothing compared to that.

Thinking of ways to make the first attempt successful vs crash and burn....

Ok I am going to say my though's. Some here may not like it and then some may agree with what I am about to say.

The first thing you do not want to do is LIE. You are looking at a pair of shoes. I have found it really does not matter what you wear into the store. The biggest thing is this. If you wear say sneakers and socks and want to try on a pair of heels then the sales person will have to bring you one of those foot thing's. If you wear heels and have nylons or something else on then you wont have to worry. I just walk over to where ever i want to look mens or womens. If they ask if they can help you say yes im looking for this or if you are not sure say when I find something I will let you know. What you don't want to do is stand there looking at the shoe and when they ask if they can help say no. What I have found is the more confidence that you show when you go into by a pair of shoes men or womens the more it changes the whole scope of things. Don't lie, don't act scared things of that nature. Above all don't walk up to the door and see there is a bunch of people in there turn around and leave and then come back later that will make you look strange and then they may start to wonder things. If they ask male or female if you are wearing heels or if the shoe you are bying is for you say yes. I have found that if you tell the truth and not lie you bying a pair of heels will become a moot point. Most people wont say a word. I think of things on this level when looking for a store for shoes. I don't care about the size of the store or how bizzy they are if they have what I want I go in and get it. I could care less how bizzy they are or not. People are going to look at you no matter how your dressed. Even if you don't have heels on and are in the mens section bying shoes people are going to look at you. It nature! As far as going out and bying your self a pair of heels while wearing heels that is up to you! If you feel confident enough then by all means go for it. If you don't then don't. With the help of people here and my wonderful tharipist I have gotten to the point now where I look at a pair of heels as another shoe. To me I don't see the shoe as male or female's shoes I see it as a shoe. Oh and by the way welcome to the club!

[roniheels]

[quote: thighbootguy - As for the sales staff, a sale is a sale. They don’t record that M bought F shoes on the cash register, only the dollar amount.

A fun place to start is a Payless store. They have lots of fun styles and they are inexpensive. I have never had a disparaging comment or look from any staff member. They regularly stock shoes up to a size 12.

Lastly, enjoy your outing. It will be exciting and nerve wracking but that is part of the fun. When you are finished, you will be floating several inches off the ground (heels or not) and then wondering what all the fuss was about. It will be difficult to wait till the next time.

This is fantastic advice. And it is so true that Payless is a good place to start. When I have tried on and bought some shoes at Payless in the past, I good a few looks and raised eyebrows from a few of the salespeople, but mostly they were cordial and happy with the sale. Again, good luck.

[CRabbit]

Today I found myself on the verge of stepping out of my car in my favourite heels (New Look black lace up shoe boots) to go and shop for a new pair. Unfortunately, the entry into the shop was crowded with school kids having a laugh and a joke so I bottled and switched to my 'work' shoes - typical mens 1" shoes - however I did still go in and browse their selection. A specific pair of 5" black suede courts with a very fem styled bow on the ankle caught my eye and I was ready to try on in-store (a first for me) as well as purchase however they were out of stock of my size. I left the store feeling slightly disheartened - no new shoes and felt I failed to gather the courage to heel there and back. I don't intend on reliving that feeling again and fully intend to take the plunge the next time I'm in the area. As I'm hardly an inch ahead of yourself in terms of trying on in public I can't give any advice, only advise you to really think about what the other folks here have suggested and go for it.

[Hansi1973]

There is also one big advantage, if you enter in stockings and heels: you can easily change the shoes! You do not have to sit down, take of your shoes, maybe (beacaus of being extremly nrevous) fightign with the shoelaces, and so on. Best is to walk in with Pumps. They are easily taken off and on. And: there is no more excuse, why not trying some shoes on.

[Steve63130]

A man buying heels for himself is alternative and different but it is neither immoral nor illegal.

HappyinHeels,

You are correct, but you neglected to add that it IS addictive!

Steve

[Histiletto]

Kossitch and anyone else at this point of heeling, Thanks for the intentions and feelings about your first time to buy heels from a local shoe store. I trust that you have already been wearing heels out and about, thus giving you a fairly good idea as to what you want and where to find the heels that will fit your desires and abilities. With all of the good counsel given, all you seem to need is your personal okee-dokee to carry out this over thought determination to buy that fresh new pair of heels you've been dreaming to wear. So work the plan you've been working on. The elation of having carried out this stage of the heeling desire, that should already have been part of your attiring process, awaits your completion. Hopefully, men's perspective when buying heels will be the same wonderful shared experience women have come to expect in finding wardrobe selections. This situation will mature, if men and women persevere in making it known that men have the desire to wear high heels also.

[SleekHeels]

I'd echo what others have said about wearing the most appropriate socks/tights for the styles your interested in, just to make it easier to try them on. Sometimes to protect the tights I'll wear socks over them, depending what shoes I'm wearing - I've worn heels to the store once, but I mostly wear flat shoes (mens or womens) just for the practicality of walking to the store. I've found wearing a gender-neutral outfit with a touch of feminine styling makes me feel most comfortable - for me "buy from the womens department but try to look like a guy" works well (e.g. bootcut jeans and a smart-casual top/jacket) . If you have a particular colour of shoes in mind you can colour-coordinate your outfit too, I find that puts me in a more confident frame of mind.

My first time was in a store where an assistant brings you the shoes, and they seemed just as unsure of the situation as I was, but just be polite and behave like a regular customer and they have no reason to treat you otherwise. I've since been to several self-service stores too, some quite busy, and so long as you're considerate to other customers you shouldn't have any issues. Just keep reminding yourself it's supposed to be a fun experience.

I hope that helps you. We do tend to over-analyse the whole situation beforehand, but if you do what you can to feel comfortable and keep the mindset that you're just another regular customer (which you are), after you've done it you'll begin to wonder what all the fuss was about. Good luck, enjoy it, and let us know how you get on.

[HappyinHeels]

Hi All, Earlier I stated that while "men buying heels is alternative and different it is neither immoral nor illegal." It is, however, quite addictive, as pointed out by Steve63130, or shall we call him "the Sage of St. Louis"? Robert Palmer was "Addicted to Love" and I am "Addicted to Heels" HappyinHeels:wave:

[TXGuy]

I believe that there are a bunch of good comments on this thread, much more than I thought I would see.

Basically, keep it simple, be honest, and go for it. Most of the fears are my own.

I like the suggestion of wearing pumps as it makes it real easy to swap shoes to try them on. I’d have to purchase a pair first. Almost all of my experience is in sandals, I have a few pairs, including the new pair I’m wearing right now. I think I’m pretty experienced in heels, at least my wife says I’m better at walking in heels than she is. But I’m not so sure for stilettos. I’ll have to find out soon. I also think I’d be more comfortable wearing closed toe shoes in public….

The pump idea was definitely on my mind during lunch today, I was in line today at a fast food place and the woman standing in front of me was wearing a beautiful pair of black platform pumps. 1 inch platform and at least a 4 inch heel. I could not help thinking of what it would be like to walk into a shoe store wearing those. I’ll have to see if I can find a pair to try on. I also think it would be a requirement, sandals are a little forgiving in terms of size, but a closed toe shoe would not be, especially if it’s too small.

As for the courage thing, I think I’m pretty close. I travel a bit for business and I’ve gotten to the point that I have no problems walking into shoe stores, mainly DSW, browsing for something I like and most likely my size and purchasing them. The thought that the stores are not in my home town makes it easier. That I’ll never see this salesperson again. I do seem to always get asked who they are for though. And up to now, I’ve always said for my wife. (I did purchase the pair I’m wearing now for my wife from the local DSW and that was also a breeze.) After reading most of the comments in this thread, I think I’m up to it next time I have a chance.

At this point, I’m going to start on out of town stores. Mainly, while my wife knows I enjoy wearing heels and have a few pairs, she isn’t up to having me seen out in the wild. But, who knows, that may change, even though she was against it at first, we were just talking and she brought up maybe surprising me with a pair of heels that she picks out. We’ll have to wait and see. I’d love to go out on the town with my wife where we are both wearing heels.

Thanks for the support.

[Steve63130]

Hi All,

Earlier I stated that while "men buying heels is alternative and different it is neither immoral nor illegal." It is, however, quite addictive, as pointed out by Steve63130, or shall we call him "the Sage of St. Louis"?

HappyinHeels:wave:

I'm not sure I'm a sage, but I am from St Louis. 63130 was the zip code where I grew up. I've lived in Ohio for most of my adult life though, but I occasionally like to get back to StL to visit family. Plus I have a cousin who works for Brown Shoe Co. there, and she can get me discounts on Naturalizer (a favorite brand of both of us), Life Stride, Famous Footwear, and my very favorite brand, Buster Brown Shoes! Odd that that brand rarely gets mentioned on this forum!

Steve

[CassieJ]

I have a pair of Buster Browns. The only flat shoes made for women I own.

[partsgod]

i find that i have a problem wearing a closed toe and in most case when i try on any others in a store the clerks are very helpful some day soon i will walk out in the pair i tried on

[pumplove]

I found that trying on shoes at erotic botique shops are the best. At least the one i go to. Its an older lady that runs the place and she is very helpful. The first time i walked in i asked her if she had any heels in size 11m and she said she sure did. My next question to her was if any other men shop for shoes there and she said that a lot of men go in there and special order heels and shop for heels. She even offered to special order any heel any size i wanted. I picked out these pointed toe 4 1/2" pump and asked her if i could walk around in them. She was more than happy to watch me walk in them and complimented me in how i walked in them. She said they looked great and that it worked with what i was wearing and that i walk better in them than she could. This whole time my heart was racing and it was such a rush. I then proceeded to ask her if i can walk up the stairs to the dvd section. And of course she said yes. I did it not to look at the dvd's but to hear the click of the heel as i walked up the stairs. I purchased the heels at 50% off. and walked out the store wearing them. I drove around and ran some errands(not wearing the heels but wanting to) then on my way home i stopped at the same store wearing the heels to thank her again and to let her know that the heels were perfect. i spent some time looking at the items in the store, made small talk with the lady and continued on home. I am looking forward to going back to the store in about a year. Maybe I'll bring my wife in and have her pick out a pair of heels that she would want me to wear in bed... fingers crossed!

[HappyinHeels]

Steve63130- Okay, mostly raised in Ohio. the birthplace of aviation. You should know, however, that St. Louis is the home office to Bakers, one of my very favorite places to shop for heels! HappyinHeels:wave: