trev5457 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I know that this thread is in the guys forum but what about you girls how do you feel about your man in high heels. My wife doesnt accept me wearing high heels. We spoke about it twice now with her saying that its not a male thing. and how can i being a man have these feelings. I just left in there. I hope that one day she will be more open to me and this passion for heels. how do you all feel about the situation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swollen Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi Trev, To be honest this is a classic cards on the table kind of thing. Men's magazines used to be filled with letters from guys who'd found their wives didn't 'understand' them. On the one hand, if someone loves you and wants to make you happy then exploring the emotional and sensual needs you have should be a beautiful and fun-filled adventure together, shouldn't it. Simple... But the alternative point of view is that your kink may simply confuse and upset her and why the hell should she indulge something that is wholly antithetical to everything she's been brought up to accept since childhood. While you may see beauty in your fetish, she may simply feel horror, and such things sometimes have to be accepted. Alternatively again, this is the age of the Internet and it's relatively easy for your wife to do some research and see that you are not alone in your desires. To be honest, this is the 21st Century, and these sort of issues should come to light long before a couple marry. It's a huge gamble to marry and simply 'hope' that any woman is going to be cool with cross-dressing at any level. How would you be about her wanting to strap her breasts down, wear dungarees and smoke a pipe around the house? You might understand, you might accept it, but you'd probably never find it arousing. Same difference for her with your heels. To be honest, it doesn't sound as if she's going to be sympathetic to this and you have the option of either suppressing or taking your needs elsewhere. You need to work out how important sharing this with her is and whether it's something that is essential to your happiness together. But neither must you realistically expect her to find it arousing or appealing when she fairly clearly does not. My advice would be to think about how important for you this is, and ask yourself if you want a life of feeling compromised and alone with the matter, or are there steps you should take? Our inner lives and sensual needs are rarely rational and they become rather rowdy if overly suppressed. Your wife doesn't 'get' your kink, and she probably never will. How you work that out depends on just what it means to you to have this happily in the open with her, or probably not at all. Best wishes and good luck. S. "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." Nietzsche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heelguy Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I think Swollen gave a great answer. However, i don't think that your partner has to find it arousing to be accepting of you in your heels. I share my passion for high heels with my girlfriend, it's taken her a while to accept and get used to it, she still is.. but has come leaps and bounds in a suprisingly short amount of time. I'm eternally greatful to her for accepting me as i am, with my high heel wearing preferance, but not once have i assumed that she'd be aroused by it, and thinking about it, i wouldn't expect her to either. I've put myself in her situation just like Swollen said, what if she liked dressing in something overly masculine? i'd accept it ofcourse, but i wouldn't be aroused by it in the slightest, so why should she? Anyway, the point wasn't about wether she gets a similar level of pleasure seeing you in the heels as you do wearing them, it was about acceptance. The two are totally different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnH Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I have an interesting situation: my wife does not wear skirts, dresses, or heels. She also has short hair. My hair is longer than hers. If one of us is to wear skirts or dresses with heels, I am the one to do it! My wife graciously tolerates my wearing of those items as long has she does not have to wear them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Swollen's comment below should be required reading for all men that wear high heels and are planning to marry a woman without telling them about their high heels. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skirtedvik Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 My girlfriend is totally suportive.She thinks that it is unequal women to wear all masculine apparel without any social scorn while males do not have the privelege to wear non masculine stuff.The example about the breasts is not a good one.After all when I wear skirts, heels,tops I do not alter my body, persona an so on.As women are still women in trousers, sneakers, man's t-shirts and etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnH Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Men have only themselves to blame for the social restrictions placed on them. They are too timid to overcome objections. There was a time women were not permitted to wear pants, and some said women who wear pants should get psychiatric help. At least I can wear a skirt without creating an uproar. We men have to "do our own thing" and let the chips fall where they may, the same as women did 100 years ago in wearing pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyewok Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hi Trev, ' How would you be about her wanting to strap her breasts down, wear dungarees and smoke a pipe around the house? You might understand, you might accept it, but you'd probably never find it arousing. Same difference for her with your heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swollen Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." Nietzsche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Majo Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 I second Bubba in his comment. I think there are two sides on the story of our partner's supportiveness. I feel my fetish days about heels have faded away and my use is more due to a natural interest in heels than to the kinkyness they might have provided when I was younger. I understand that, from the simple wearer's point of view, they are apparel/footwear -just shoes, as my SO states-; and used by females or males is just mere act of vanity. On the other hand I must say I don't have -as my wife is open minded about it- a way to test what would happen if the satisfaction of wearing heels would be denied in any way. Be it because she didn't approve, or because I had no access to them. In any case, I overtake her more than 4 times right now on the amount of heels we currently have. This can put my non-fetish argument in doubt too, as I buy almost 15 pairs year around, and discard a similar amount in that time; and those I use in public are just very few. Trev, we've been living together for 21 years. We started talking about it before getting married. We have talked a lot about it during the early stages of our mariage. The possitive thing is talking about it made things easier for us to talk other issues that, possibly, were much harder to address for both of us from both sides -mine or hers-. The negative thing is it got a bit sticky and itchy at one point. The way we can manage this is away from recipes, my only advice is your egos shouldn't get into your realtionship. Your wife doesn't 'get' your kink, and she probably never will. I believe this phrase from Swollen is crucial, if it's a fetish. As well as I believe, if it isn't, it will drift away and become a second, third or tenth issue with some time. Anyway, tolerance is no acceptance. And time can provide acceptance, if there is tolerance. You don't have to push limits and your relationship should be stronger than your footwear. For example. She smokes. During some time it turned me on seen her smoking and we played with it. Now it doesn't, and I really don't like it as I get a headache after being in a smoky roomm. So she handles in a way I don't feel uncomfortable. I do the same with heels. Although she is a heel wearer -2" to 3.5" daily- I don't push her to use higher heels either. We feel comfortable about that and we can cope with each other's tastes well. Another good point: You should address clearly this before you decide raising children. Cheers Majo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swollen Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Majo's post below is a perfect distillation of how to deal with such 'issues'. The subject requires both partners to talk, listen, share and come to see that what might be a vital part of one person's identity is simply unimportant or even loathed by someone else. Dialogue and patience and a few laughs along the way all help, too. But most important is the final point Majo makes, and it's clearly the voice of experience. Don't have any children together unless/until you come to a mutually content and satisfactory understanding. Anyway, once any kids arrive you'll pretty much stop having an intimate life together, so the problem becomes academic!! "The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." Nietzsche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Majo Posted July 21, 2010 Share Posted July 21, 2010 Anyway, once any kids arrive you'll pretty much stop having an intimate life together, so the problem becomes academic!! Well, that's true. Kids not only get in and on your life -which is incredibly magical, empowering and beautiful- but they also get in your sheets and can ruin your bed. I travel a lot, not precisely by air, and last year we started to travel together. Away from the family routine me managed to realize how much our conversations were surrounded by kids matters and not by our own couple issues. So, if you don't address -and pretty much solve- this differences before kids come by... you will have to postpone them several -if not many- years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danielp6406 Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Greetings trev5457 :-) You may want to read this thread here > http://www.hhplace.org/guys/1280-partners_thoughts_you_wearing_womens_footwear.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappycoco Posted July 22, 2010 Share Posted July 22, 2010 Nope not at all. Although she has come to figure out that I am going to do what I want so she doesn't say much about it anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purrkitty408 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Many excellent things have been posted on this topic. I will say that when I met the woman that is now my wife, I was very open with her about all of my kinks. I showed her different things, some she liked a bit, some she tolerated, and some that she absolutely hated. We just celebrated our third anniversary, and we will be sorting through 'my' closet this weekend. We came to a mutual decision that the things that she hates (overly feminine heels among them) are going to cause a schism in our relationship if something does not change. She has worked on both tolerance and acceptance of several different things, and we agree that there is likely little progress to be made in these areas. I can say that the relevant area here, me wearing heels, has finally started to progress very nicely! On our anniversary, we needed to get some batteries so we went to Target. I have told her countless times that I wanted to go to a store, try on some heels that I like in the store, and buy them! I hadn't had this thought upon entering the store, but we took a stroll through the shoe section (she's a shoe fiend as well) and I saw a pair that weren't overly feminine that i liked. I asked her if I could try them on, and the rest is history! I suppose it's time I bring this rambling to an end, but to close, a few key points that I failed to make clearly: 1. Be open and up front. Do not hide it until after you are married thinking that the marriage will keep you together. This is not only exceptionally selfish and dishonest, but a very good way to either become divorced, or live a miserable existence. 2. Be patient! If you two were meant to be together, you would either give up your heels for her, she would become tolerant, or you would come to a compromise! 3. Is a twist on #1.... TALK ABOUT IT!!!! While I am sad to be loosing some of my kinks, I am very happy that the ones that are staying, are finally able to progress again! PS Here are the shoes I got at Target... http://milo.com/merona-black-miyo-stretch-heel-11 (Somewhat hard to find I guess! I'm just that lucky!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danielp6406 Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 (snip)...Here are the shoes I got at Target... http://milo.com/merona-black-miyo-stretch-heel-11 (Somewhat hard to find I guess! I'm just that lucky!) Nice shoes and not too "girly looking" at all. The heel is high enough for you to enjoy them. Well done ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trolldeg Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Very. Encouraging even. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skirtedvik Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 Men have only themselves to blame for the social restrictions placed on them. They are too timid to overcome objections. There was a time women were not permitted to wear pants, and some said women who wear pants should get psychiatric help. At least I can wear a skirt without creating an uproar. We men have to "do our own thing" and let the chips fall where they may, the same as women did 100 years ago in wearing pants. And who do you think is putting these views in a blank male brain (0-5 yrs of age)?Maybe the one that is bringing children up for the most part and the one that seeks advantage through male limits - yes, the opposite sex.Remember,once the "masculinity" bug is inside our heads, men start to enhance this by talking and acting macho sh*t.But if that bug is never put, there will be different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legzG Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 We went through a high heel evolution. In the beginning it was a private - in the clost issue, that was not discussed at all. It became a more open issue after we had a chance to get to know each others ideas better. My wife went out of her way to make it easier forme to wear my heels. It is like any relationship once one person starts giving, and the other returns the favour with a form of compromise, it becomes easier. I hope my everyone of the guys in heels get to experience the joy of zero conflict about heels soon. Happy Heeling!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnH Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 I guess the the "masculinity" bug was never planted in my mind when I was young. Along with toy cars I had a toy iron, sewing machine, and a doll, all provided by my mother. I had a grandmother who taught my brother and me how to apply nail polish on our fingernails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vinheel Posted July 23, 2010 Share Posted July 23, 2010 My girlfriend is also a fan of high heels, and found the object in itself very beautiful. She supports and encourages me to wear when we are together. This amuses her, and she finds a man can stay in these paths, doorways male. It is quite open to the fact that a man could love these shoes, and she acknowledges that women have greater freedom in choosing the clothes she can wear in public. What a lot of people take the seed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YYZ Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 Yes very much So! In fact when it comes to Frye's we have several of the same styles and colors! We have way to much fun shopping here in the land of OZ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SF Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Fortunately yes, and guess I am one of the lucky ones!! When my wife and I were dating I wore fem shoes - flat sandals, she questioned my style way back then and I explained that I enjoyed wearing those shoes. She accepted this, and we even bought some matching pairs. After about 10 years of marriage, I began to wear heels. Initally she was a bit put off, but after talking she came to accept my "quirk", and now we have some matching heels and occasionally wear heels together. She is a great gal, and I am thankful that she accepts me for what I am... sf "Why should girls have all the fun!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mtnsofheels Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Yes she is now, in the begining she was not as accepting as now. Being up front was the best thing I did as this what I was and it was not going to change because I accepted this as part of me. It took awhile for her to come around but she is now accepting. I think her worries were more for my safety versus what she really felt which was accepting. Although we have different sizes we may have the same style ordering in the future. Mtnsofheels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris100575 Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Yes she is, in fact I've spent the last two evenings in stiletto boots and she doesn't mind a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 My ex- was not supportive of me wearing high heels. But I was not totally honest with her up front. I paid the price for my lack of honesty. That is why I have preached in many different threads, be honest with those you care about concerning your heeling. No matter what the reaction it is better to be honest up front than blind-side someone and pay the consequenses later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malinheels Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 Yes my man roniheels you are so right on this point and for me in my quest to meet new lady friends i'm wearing my heels & skirts out and about so there can be no question about honesty cheers malinheels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackfive Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 Generally no, infrequently yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolf Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 yes, she is very supportive, especially for her fetish indoor purpose :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nienna Posted August 11, 2010 Share Posted August 11, 2010 I know that this thread is in the guys forum but what about you girls how do you feel about your man in high heels. My wife doesnt accept me wearing high heels. We spoke about it twice now with her saying that its not a male thing. and how can i being a man have these feelings. I just left in there. I hope that one day she will be more open to me and this passion for heels. how do you all feel about the situation I feel so sorry for you part... I urge my boyfriend to wear heels as often as possible and I for myself wear heels almost every day. So one could say that we promt each other to wear them Walking in heels is not a gender thing for me it's only the persons upbringing and the public opinion who tells them it's a girl thing or not. If you get rid of those things it doesn't matter wheather you're a girl or a boy wearing heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts