lotsofheels Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 My wife and I have a dilemma concerning our daughters age 6 and 8. They both want desperately to start wearing high heels and my wife and I are in a quandry as to how to respond. We understand where they get their desire from because my wife absolutely craves wearing high heels and do so from morning til night -- always from 4 to 6 inches. Still, we feel that our daughters are both too young to start wearing high heels and wonder at what age we should start letting them. Four questions: 1. Should we put an age limit on when they can start wearing high heels? 2. Should we put restrictions on the height heel they can wear at certain ages? 3. Should we limit the amount of time each day that they can wear high heels? 4. Should we limit at what age they can wear high heels to school? Any thoughts anyone has on these questions would be appreciated, especially from anyone who is a parent of young girls.
Dr. Shoe Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Yes. Yes. Yes. Most schools do not allow girls to wear heels of any kind. I think that you could specify heel heights with age. ie. 1" at 9, 2" at 12, 3" at 15 and whatever they like at 18. The younger daughter will think it's desperately unfair that her sister is allowed heels when she's not and might sneak try of her sister's heels. A useful idea is that they can only wear their heels out on special occasions like family outings but can wear them when they like indoors. This is what we did with our daughter. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Thighboots2 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I second Dr Shoe's advice. My friend's daughter was allowed to wear 4" heels at 13 and now she has bunions at 15!! THe feet are not ready for the constrictions imposed by fashion shoes, let alone high heels at this age. Its hard being a parent, but controlled access is the key. Simon. Are you confusing me with someone who gives a damn?
highheeltrained Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I think 3" is ok to start wearing at age 10 or 11, 4" at age 12 and 5" at 13. 15 or 16 or anything higher. Doubt they will ever want to wear them all the time like your wife.
jwhite44 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 I think 3" is ok to start wearing at age 10 or 11, 4" at age 12 and 5" at 13. 15 or 16 or anything higher... I'll assume your exaggerating about this... Do you think their desire to wear heels is from wanting to emulate you're wife's heel wearing, or might to be peer pressure from the friends your daughter are friends with? You might factor in heels with the biggest picture: - when do they want to start to wear makeup, nail polish, etc - are they interested in more risque clothes: short skirt, lace tops, etc. It might be that you need to set appropriate ages for all of this at the same time, to help deflect the "you can't wear heels now" answer. It's tough to think that once they start wearing 2"-3" heels, they aren't going to want to wear "just a little" lipstick, or mascara. Then things really start to get out of hand. In terms or what's an appropriate age (for any of this), I'm not sure. Obviously you're probably not going to say, "you can wear 3" heels at age 11". On the other hand, you can't say, "you need to wait until your 15". You don't want them growing up too fast, you also probably don't want to give them such a late age that they feel compelled to do it behind your backs.
lotsofheels Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Thanks for the thoughtful replies we have received so far. After considering the input we have gotten, we sat down to discuss the matter with our daughters and came to the following conclusions that are agreeable to everyone. First, we are putting no restrictions on our daughters wearing high heels in the house as we want to encourage them to learn to wear high heels as soon as they want to. Second, we will allow them to wear high heels in public after their 13th birthday, once they can walk competently (i.e. for at least a mile on a tread mill) on 4 inch heels, but for no more than 5 hours a week until they turn 16 years old. Third, they can wear high heels to school one day a week after 9th grade as long as they make and stay on the honor roll. Finally, no restrictions once they reach 18 years old.
sharon Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 i developed bunions and corns at 17 years old after wearing high heels from about the age of 13,my feet are very messed up but thankfully shaped very well to wear heels,i think try and limit the heel hight untill there 15 ish ,feet develop so much hope there carefull. shaz
BobHH Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 See this URL: http://beauty.ivillage.com/slideshow/beauty-style/dress-your-kid-like-a-celebutot/biggirl_shoes_on_suri_cruise.html?nlcid=in|09-25-2009|
Guest Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 I'm with Dr. Shoe on this also on all counts and comments There are some really twisted people out there that would think game on and with youngsters in heels it would be more than just a red flag to a bull. Keep it special Al
lotsofheels Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Just want to provide an update on the results of our daughters' desire to try wearing high heels. My wife and I took them out to a shoe store a couple of weeks ago and let them try on several pairs of shoes each. Our six year old picked a pair with 2 1/2 inch heels that she could walk in quite well and our eight year old picked a pair with 3 inch heels. Since they brought these shoes home, they have worn nothing else while in the house and its obvious they are going to be dedicated high heel wearers from now on. Even though they beg us to let them wear them outside, we are not going to change our minds on that, and we won't let them get any higher heels for at least six months.
highheeltrained Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I'll assume your exaggerating about this... Do you think their desire to wear heels is from wanting to emulate you're wife's heel wearing, or might to be peer pressure from the friends your daughter are friends with? You might factor in heels with the biggest picture: - when do they want to start to wear makeup, nail polish, etc - are they interested in more risque clothes: short skirt, lace tops, etc. It might be that you need to set appropriate ages for all of this at the same time, to help deflect the "you can't wear heels now" answer. It's tough to think that once they start wearing 2"-3" heels, they aren't going to want to wear "just a little" lipstick, or mascara. Then things really start to get out of hand. In terms or what's an appropriate age (for any of this), I'm not sure. Obviously you're probably not going to say, "you can wear 3" heels at age 11". On the other hand, you can't say, "you need to wait until your 15". You don't want them growing up too fast, you also probably don't want to give them such a late age that they feel compelled to do it behind your backs. no I am 100% serious
k6ps Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hi, Thanks for all for the advice in this topic. I'm also a father of two girls. They are yet too young (6 and 1,5), but after a few years we're certainly facing the same issue, especially as we both (me and my wife) are wearing heels quite often (2,5'' - 4'', but not every day) and not hiding it from our girls. I'd also let them experiment rather freely at home but agree on height and time limitations based on age until 18, and make it special, not regular (we ourselves are wearing heels on the 4'' range also rather on special occasions). Additionally i'd discourage shoes with pointy toes before the age 18 (we're not wearing them either). Happy and Healthy Heeling k6ps
William Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I'm not a father of girls. I feel for those of you are are. It's tougher than boys on so many levels. I'll stick my neck out and say that when I see some of the girls my sons hang with, and even though we teach our boys to be respectful... when they see girls in high heels, or push-up bras, low-cut shirts, etc, it's retty obvious what my boys like (gee, where'd they get that from?) And to be truthful, my eyes have been fixated on heels so long, that when I see a pair of 5" heels, it doesn't register as "innocent little girl". When I see a fifteen year old girl in high heels, I think, this girl is putting herself out there very intentionally. Can I be any more clear??? I'd suggest that if they were my girls, I'd tell them about about the messages high heels send to boys and men. It may not be fair, but it's the reality of our culture.
highheeltrained Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Its funny seeing you guys say about putting limitations on it till they are 18. But once they turn 15/16, you wont have control over it like you would like to believe you would.
lotsofheels Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Its interesting that someone would think its fine for a girl who is over 18 to wear heels any time she wants and is apparently not necessarily doing it to attract boys but just because she enjoys wearing heels. Why is it automatically different when the girl is only 15, 16, or 17? It would be very hard to explain to a 15 year old why high heels have some hidden meaning when their happily married mother loves to wear high heels all the time, even around the house.
mackman69 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 i dont have any kids but i have a female friend that has 3 girls 5,7 and almost 10 and since my friend has started wearing heels now her oldest daughter has the desire to wear them so i went and bought her some 3'' wedge heels and she loved them and now she cant wait til she gets older to get higher heels like her mom
Bubba136 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 We, my wife and I, raised two girls (or, I should say that my wife raised them and my influence as to what they wore or was highly insignificant). They were the "girliest" girls ever. So feminine that it scared me. My wife kept a firm hand on what they wore and helped them develop a good sense of fashion. Surprisingly, wearing of high heels was never a problem with them because their mother helped them choose shoes that complimented their outfit and for the occasion. While, at one point, they did go through a series of heels that were 4 inches, the shoes were never about heel height but always oriented toward the "look" and appropriateness to the costume they put on. Same with make up and jewelery. Just enough but not overdoing it. To this day they still don't wear very high heels but, where ever they go, are usually the most fashionable and tastily dressed women in the room. (added: besides my wife, that is ) Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
lotsofheels Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Wanted to give another update on rearing children in high heels. Our six year old has moved up to 3 inches and our eight year old, not to be out done has moved up to 3 1/2 inches. They wear them all the time while at home and my wife and I decided to let them wear them out with us once a week to a restaurant or movie. We also decided to let them know that I wear high heels some times and have begun wearing my 4 inch heel ankle boots when we take them out wearing their heels. My wife wears one of her 6 inch heel shoes or boots on these occasions so everyone knows who is still the champ. We all enjoy these outings a lot and my daughters think its really cool that their Dad likes high heels as much as they do.
hhboots Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I think 3" is ok to start wearing at age 10 or 11, 4" at age 12 and 5" at 13. 15 or 16 or anything higher. Doubt they will ever want to wear them all the time like your wife. umm.... yikes not sure what to say about a 12 year old in 4" and 13 year old in 5", thats a bit extreme don't you think? Perhaps: 2-3" range at age 10-13, 3-4" at 14-15, then beyond that as someone else said, it will get increasingly difficult to mandate what they wear beyond that point... Our six year old has moved up to 3 inches and our eight year old, not to be out done has moved up to 3 1/2 inches. They wear them all the time while at home and my wife and I decided to let them wear them out with us once a week to a restaurant or movie. I have a 5 year old daughter, and she recently got little toy princess shoes with heels that are about 1.5", and she stumbles about the house in them, its cute for little short bouts around the house I suppose. But I dont think its cool to let a 6 year old wear 3"+ heels around for as long as you are. Proportionally, their feet are so small such that heels 3" or more are just putting the feet at a pretty steep angles, and at that age they are still growing and developing their feet that it can't be good for them, it just seems wrong to me. As much as I love heels, I guess I just dont think its appropriate for little girls to be in high heels, but to each his own.
Steve63130 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Yeah, but at that age, little girls don't have far to fall, so they won't hurt themselves! Steve
johnieheel Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think it's like anything else. Once a person sees it enough, child or adult, it becomes normal. On another note, children just want to play. They don't care if the the little boy or who ever is wearing a dress or pants. They just want to play with someone. To bad we can't all think like children. real men wear heels
JayZee Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 It is a joke, right? Please tell me that this is a joke! No sane parent will let their children age 6 and 8 run/walk around in hells being 3" or 2½" - they should be min. 16-18 before that is alowed by their mother and father! It is easy - just say NO! What if they want a Farrari or a Harley-Davidson or an airplane?!?!? "We don't stop playing because we get older - we get older because we stop playing" (with high heels - JayZee)
johnieheel Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 It is a joke, right? Please tell me that this is a joke! No sane parent will let their children age 6 and 8 run/walk around in hells being 3" or 2½" - they should be min. 16-18 before that is alowed by their mother and father! It is easy - just say NO! What if they want a Farrari or a Harley-Davidson or an airplane?!?!? As I have told everybody many times, my mother gave me a pair of 3 or 4in red pumps when I was3-4 years of age and I wore them around the house every day and I'm ok. Now I am 56 years of age and wearing 5" stiletto's without a problem. On a more serious note, to let a child wear 3-4in heels on a regular basis is absurd! real men wear heels
Dawn HH Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 When we were growing up and we wanted to do what our friends were doing, or go where they went, or wanted what they had, we always had a family meeting on the subject and voted. Of course, I always was voted down until I was old enough to really start being able to make sound decisions, then the vote seemed to change. Back then, girls didn't start wearing make-up or high heels until their senior year in high school, which gave them ample time to be ready and well dressed for the senior prom at the end of the school year. Up to that point the answer was always NO, and that was that. When we protested, the well worn saying was recited to us. "If so-and-so jumps off of the bridge, are you goin to follow"? That usually made you stop and think and when I look back on these things today---hey we didn't turn out so bad after all. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
lotsofheels Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Another update on our experience with young daughters wanting to wear high heels. After 3 months it became evident to my wife and I that our little girls' desire to wear high heels like their mom and dad was not a novelty that was going to go away. We decided that having them wear heels around the house all the time was probably not the best thing for the development of their feet and came up with the following compromises that were agreeable to them. 1. No high heels when playing either indoors our outside. 2. High heels allowed whenever out of the house such as shopping, sightseeing, movies, restaurants, etc. 3. No high heels to school until 9th grade. 4. Heel height increases limited to 1/4 inch per year starting at 3 inches at age 6. Therefore, no 6 inch heels until 18th birthday!!!!! Our daughters actually liked this compromise because although it reduced the total time they were in heels, it allowed them to wear heels much more in public than our previous arrangement.
Bubba136 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Back then, girls didn't start wearing make-up or high heels until their senior year in high school, which gave them ample time to be ready and well dressed for the senior prom at the end of the school year. Dawn HH The question remains, Dawn, were you allowed to wear make-up and high heels to your senior prom? Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Bubba136 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Our daughters actually liked this compromise because although it reduced the total time they were in heels, it allowed them to wear heels much more in public than our previous arrangement. Quite frankly, it appears that the reduced time they are not allowed to wear heels isn't enough to make any real difference. To me, it sounds like you are placating your sense of parental responsibilities while placating your daughters desire to wear high heels. Everyone is happy.....parents fooled into thinking they're "doing the right thing" and proud of it -- and daughters happy with the compromise that diminishes their heel wearing just a bit. I also have two daughters and know what you are going through. My wife however, has a professional background in medicine and is cognizant of the effects that wearing high heels at a very young age can have on their development. But, hey! If it works for you, it works for me. I don't have to listen to their complaining == been there, done that. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
hhboots Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Well, nice to see that you are trying to do something, however... ... Heel height increases limited to 1/4 inch per year starting at 3 inches at age 6. Therefore, no 6 inch heels until 18th birthday!!!!! This part still seems absurd to me. By this arrangement, your 6 and 8 year old daughters are strolling out with 3" and 3.5" heels (with significantly smaller feet than adults such that that the angles are much steeper than ours would be at those heights). By age 10 they will be in 4" heels and at 14 years in 5" heels. I won't even go into the social aspect of that, but I just don't get how you think that is ok for young developing feet. Seems like your kids definitely got what they wanted out of that deal, but they are not my kids, so I'll just leave it at that.
lotsofheels Posted June 5, 2011 Author Posted June 5, 2011 Another update on our daughter's progress in developing their love of high heels. Laura is now 8 years old and wears 3 1/2 inch heels whenever we go out together as a family. Sonia is 10 and has gotten very competent in her 4 inch heels. Both girls began ballet lessons last year to strengthen their feet and learn to be able to dance on their toes. They decided that when they turn 18, they want to wear 6 inch heels all the time like their mother and even occasionally wear ballet boots in public. I think all the earlier replies warning about harming the development of our daughter's feet were appropriate if they weren't prepared to strengthen their feet through training and exercise.
roniheels Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 Our daughter, now twenty eight years old with four children, never really dressed in her mom's high heels that much as a child. And she really didn't start wearing high heels on a regular basis until she was in high school. She is a business woman and wears high heels (she alternates heights of heels daily) on a regular basis. That is one reason I haven't really chimed in on this post. If you, your wife, and daughters are all happy with all of your decisions, that is what is most important. You might ask your daughters regularly if they have any discomfort in their feet or legs and go from there.
Recommended Posts