Partners thoughts of you wearing womens footwear?

[Mae]

I responded that she approved, but when she does approve my purchases, she does so "for out in public", and therefore, only likes the heels up to 3", non-spikey, and no ornate designs like buckles, shiny metal ornaments, or flowery/heart shaped cutouts.

[thedesigner]

no i kinda agree, heart shaped cutouts and big buckles sound a bit o t t. If yr partner approves she hasnt a leg to stand on...... (pun inended) Like ive sed soooo many times b4, people look but they also look at goths, pink hair, greasers, filmstars, anyone who looks different, dont think its always negative when they do !!!

[chris100575]

RHTRick: Unless you mention the idea of wearing heels in public to your wife you'll never know how she feels about it. She might be fine, especially if you pick something not to obvious at first. If she supports you wearing heels at home it sounds like she's fairly open-minded. Chris

[HIGHFEELING]

RHTRick: Unless you mention the idea of wearing heels in public to your wife you'll never know how she feels about it. She might be fine, especially if you pick something not to obvious at first. If she supports you wearing heels at home it sounds like she's fairly open-minded.

Chris

If only my wife would support me!!....

You are absolutely right,....CHRIS jump on your shoes and go out and about, a new world will open to you.... I've been wearing heels for one years..... Sometimes people can laugh of me, sure, but you can't imagine how many women enjoy and often envy my heels!! :-)

[thedesigner]

same thing, ive noticed as many women as men looking at my heels (and thinking "where did you get them")........

[98jeeptj]

My gf loves the fact that i wear heels.

[johnieheel]

My wife picks them out and has me try them on in the store and walk around to make sure they fit properly.

[JNR]

same thing, ive noticed as many women as men looking at my heels (and thinking "where did you get them")........

Or thinking "what a weirdo"!

[thedesigner]

well if thats your attitude you shouldnt be wearing heels.........

[JNR]

Hey you, The Designer, some people are really dense. Now, why don't you just go go back and re-read your comment and then re-read mine. My point, if you aren't able to discern my meaning from reading the comments again, is that people that take note of you in heels just might be thinking to themselves "what a weirdo" rather than "I wonder where he got them -- which, incidentally, has not a thing to do with me wearing high heels.

[johnieheel]

I know I sometimes get that look from guys and girls but mostly guys. At least a couple times a day when I'm out in heels but no big deal. Really I don't think it's not a "what a wierdo" kind of look, but more like a trying to figure out why he's wearing heels kind of look. Puzzeled. If you know what I mean. Which gives me an idea. I think I'll do a personal servey one of these times and take my camera. What do you all think about that?

[thedesigner]

my point is u shouldnt be even bothering to take notice of such comments...

[micha]

I have voted I have no partner .

I live together with my parents , but they disapprove .

I wear heels as often as I could into my room .

My shoes and boots are exposed into my bedroom .

Last week was the first time i went out in Brussels shopping for shoes ,but din't find a pair .Four days later I bought 6 pair of shoes and boots at a friend . I tried them on an wear them as often as possible .

Prutske

I have no partner like you. My dearest friend died last year suddenly by a brain infarct. Now I'm alone again.

[JNR]

my point is u shouldnt be even bothering to take notice of such comments...

I'm begining to wonder if English is your native tounge.

[dressboots]

My wife used to not mind at all but I was supicious that her mind was changing. I broached the subject a few weeks ago and she emphatically said I am not to wear any footware not specifically marketed to/for men and sold in men's sizes (unisex sizes are Ok as long as they are specifically marketed to men as wella s women). Even masculine looking womens boots (chunky heels for instance) are out. Used to be fashions like equestrian inspired boots were totally OK with her. High heels, not every day wear but in certain circumstances like out to the movies at night, and with heels more chunky OK. Lately she will not even have a pair of boots sitting in the corner of the bedroom much less the house, putting them away in the back of a closet. I suspect it is her friends. They are ultra conservative and a very judgmental lot of people. She said she would be very embarassed if anybody asked about what shoes/boots I am wearing. I reminded her about my wearing high heeled boots in high school. My wife and I went to school together so she was there. She said she never noticed that I wore women's boots in high school. They were what are called GO GO boots nowadays, 2 inch heel, knee high, black patent. stretch, side sip; to give a you reference of the boots not noticed. That is contradictory that if she did not notice the very feminine boots I wore in highschool why would anybody notice what I wear now even if they were a very conservative style? She shut down the conversation before I could continue. I have two pair of high heeled boots left from my original collection of over 20 pair. I just threw out my last pair of equestrian boots this week as they were no longer acceptable wear. Also tossed a pair of high heeled winter boots with very worn 2.5" heeels that had seen a lot of out and about wear in more liberal days. I have a pair of what are now marketed as "Campus Boots" to women from the 70's when they were unisex. They are men's size boots. I do not know if changing fashion also qualify as forbidden wear but expect so. Throwing away my boots is the correct thing to do at this point as having them in the house adds tension to our relationship not to mention tempting me to wear outside. This is a very long thread which I have not read completley but seemed like the logical place for me to post this entry. Still am interested, but much less enthusiastic. Have been away awhile but thought people would like to know why.

[BobHH]

Bad signs for the relationship. When one partner is not accepting and supportive of the other, no matter what the area, and it comes across as an ultimatum, then it is very hard or impossible to have an open, loving relationship. There is no longer an equal relationship. Spoken from experience in this and supportive relationships.

[johnieheel]

So dressboots, What your saying sounds to me like it's her way or the highway. Ask yourself, what have you given up for her and what has she given up for you? A controlling realationship is a loosing battel and if her friends are influencing her and suggesting how you should behave and how you should dress then let me influence YOU by telling you to tell her if she doesn't like what you wear than oh well, deal with it dear. Do not be controlled by the narrow minded people of this world. Like twisted sister said "We're Not Going To Take It!"

[Elegant]

If she threw away your boots, then perhaps you should throw away her pants, ties, oxfords and any other garment that was "male" some years/ decades ago?

[johnieheel]

Let us be an influance on you as her friends are on her.

[dressboots]

I'm going to talk to my therapist about this subject this week. I think there are problems in our lives but my wife will not go alone or with me to therapy so I am going alone. Her mother died two years ago. Until that time she was very supportive of whatever I did as for fashion. She talked to her mom about it and she never acted like it was anything to freak out about. To give my wife credit I suspect she figures that my therapy sessions will result in my doing something that she will find hard to explain to her friends - now that she has lost her source of rational thinking/input. My parents were always accepting about my wearing women's boots. they figured it was my choice. They even bought the afore mentioned pair I wore in high school. The problem with my wife's friends is I do not think they have her best interest at hand all the time. Some of them can be very controlling. I recongnize the folly of the path that I choosing at this point. Wearing high heeled boots is part of who I am and being told absolutely not to do it is indeed counterproductive. Example: I will be traveling to New Jersey (USA) by myself next month for a couple weeks to visit my folks. I am already kicking around that this would be an ideal time of year to go shopping for some new boots as the stores will be stocking winter fashions and larger sizes will still be in stock. Then I say to myself "how do I explain what I come home with and then just dump them in the back of the closet?" My parents said I can use their car to go out and do things for me. I am flying there so will be without transportation. I will continue to post. I do have a bunch of social obligations as well as full time employment for the next month so it is hard to get in front of the computer daily to check theads on this site. Thanks for the supportive comments.

[Fog]

Dressboots, yes it does sound like an ultimatum. It's not good. Your wife is right to fear your therapy. You've only got one life. Apart from the heels issue, do you want to be with someone who's so controlling?

[Fog]

Or thinking "what a weirdo"!

Who knows what people are thinking. When I've worn thighboots I've thought to myself that other men are looking at me in envy, thinking why can't I do what he's doing. It could be self deception. They could really be thinking "What a Loon" I've looked at some of the pictures people have posted here in utter disbelief and thought the same thing, and I'm sure you have thought it about pictures I have posted.

[johnieheel]

It sounds to me like your wife has alot of insecurities and doesn't think for her self and she might be the one who need therapy but is in great denial.Not trying to bad talk your wife. Please don't get me wrong and nor am I a professonial therapist or even close and am sure she is a very nice lady and has many good qualities or you wouldn't be with her. What I am saying is that it sounds like she can't think on her own without her friends to back her and that in its self could be a big problem in a realaitionship from what I've seen and been through. Good luck my friend in what ever you do but just remember, If you can't be yourself, then who can you be? It's only shoes with a taller heel, whats the big deal?

[gwl1]

Johnie has posted great advice, as he usually does. Your wife needs therapy, too. It's her problem as much as yours, and maybe more so. She's definitely in denial, and a good therapist can help. Ask your therapist if he/she can be of help to your wife, and get your wife to join you there for the sake of your marriage and future relationship. The problems CAN be solved but it will take both of you working together, not just you alone. GWL

[chris100575]

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in Dressboots, I've been there myself and it wasn't easy. As others have said, it would help if your wife would go with you to counselling as she'd be able to get a better understanding of you and your heels and would be able to explore what it is that makes it unacceptable to her. However if she flat-out refuses to go there's not much you can do. The worst case scenario is that you could be put in a position where you have to decide between her and your heels. Good luck, keep us appraised. Chris

[dressboots]

I taken a break on therapy for the time being. One always has the choice to do what they do. Nothing is required. I choose to lay low on the heels subject at this point. My wife will not go to therapy. I have porposed it. I feel like at this point my going alone has done as much as I can. I looked at it along the line of an alcholoic. If my wife would not go I would go alone. At this point the next step is a couples session; with a different counselor if that woud suit her. In the meantime I will leave my core of three pair of boots hidden deep in the "closet" as this storm will too pass. There are alternatives to women's boots with high heels - Cuban heels , cowboy boots, etc. that are sold to men in men's sizes so perhaps that is a way to reintroduce the subject and desensitize my wife. Thanks for all your support, encouragement and kind words. dressboots

[johnieheel]

It's not about the shoes. It's about control.

[Fog]

Bonjour et bienvenue! Je parle Francais tres mauvais, mais j'avais un neuf mot de jour mes talons aiguilles (Needle Heels) Formidable! Bon courage et bon chance.

[iibb]

Hi joannc... Bienvenue ici au forum , tes chaussures me plaisent car elles sont un peu discret sous un jeans long ,il faut deja bien regarder pour voir que ce sont des talons haut. Ca fait longtemps que tu portes des talons hauts? Est-ce-que tu sors aussi en talons haut? Quelles modeles sont tes préferèes? a bientôt.....

[jagman]

je suis désolé. je suis anglais. je suis génétiquement incapable d'avoir deux langues. je n'ai pas compris ce qui était l'opinion de votre épouse/associé Mon épouse passivement approuve mais est fâchée parce que j'ai plus de chaussures que mon épouse (hey, anyone can join in. This was using Shannon - Weaver Model with feedback. ie keep on using Babel Fish eng -> french -> eng until is makes sense!)