Partners thoughts of you wearing womens footwear?

[joeshoething]

My wife is uneasy about it, but is very open to new ideas. She is happy to let me wear my heels in the bedroom, but a little weary about the rest of the house. She is not comfortable with me street heeling yet though.

[joeshoething]

I need to change my answer. I talked to my wife about it last night. I brought up a lot of the points that I've read on this forum, and she is less enthusiastic about me heeling in public than before. She thinks there is something wrong with me wanting to wear "women's" shoes, at which point I asked her why it is ok for women to wear jeans, flats, and hoodies, and for men to have ears pierced (which was a women's fashion), but not ok for me to wear heels. I want to thank you for all for the advice I have read, and hope my wife and I can work this out.

[johnieheel]

I want to thank you for all for the advice I have read, and hope my wife and I can work this out.

This has helped me and many others here. Maybe your wife and you can read it together.

http://www.passionsforfootwear.com/psychology.htm

[mackman69]

my gf is ok with my wearing high heeled boots and some of my other heels but shes not into me wearing my 6'' platforms when shes around.

[fastfreddy2]

I need to change my answer. I talked to my wife about it last night. I brought up a lot of the points that I've read on this forum, and she is less enthusiastic about me heeling in public than before.

That seems strange. Generally, 'talking through' problems/issues, improves a situation, not exacerbates it?

I have to say, there are many many things I read here (and write) I choose not to share with my wife, because her knowing of my interest (and participating) is enough. I don't need her to be wondering (or worrying) what my next 'brainwave' is going to bring to our lives. (Next pair of boots, next visit somewhere wearing heels? Meeting with other men into heels.)

With no other information other than the discussion going badly, I doubt any of us will be able to propose a Plan B that'll get things at least back to where they were. but trying to read between lines (that are not there), sounds like too much may have been revealed too quickly.

....

[crotchboots-m]

if a person feels threatened by it,they will turn on you. you have to get to why they feel threatened,and then try to allay their fears,if possible. if not,then you need to retreat a bit and wait and see...

[fastfreddy2]

if a person feels threatened by it,they will turn on you. you have to get to why they feel threatened,and then try to allay their fears,if possible.

if not,then you need to retreat a bit and wait and see...

Great insight. I wonder how useful the advice is?

[HHLover]

Well, in the beginning, my wife wasn't too thrilled, but she didn't get all bent out of shape over it. Sometimes she even played along with it and let me wear them around the house. That has all changed recently and has brought our marriage to a screeching halt. We spoke about it a few weeks ago and she feels that my wearing heels makes me "less than a man" and that she needs to get out of our marriage. 14 years is a long time, not an eternity, but still a decent chunk of time. I'm still not sure if I'm upset by it. It does bother me, but if wearing heels makes her think less of me, then I guess it's time to end it. Anyway, I envy all of you who has a supportive spouse since my experience has been a very bad one, especially of late.

[vector]

Sorry to hear about that.

[dww]

Hhlover I Know exactly what you are going through, my girlfriend was just the same when she found out, thought it was the end of the world, going to split up etc, but luckly we are still together several years later, she is now quite aware of this side of my life, never says anything about it and I don't want to upset her, so we get along great. But I do wish she was on my side, I know one day the topic with come back to life until then we carry on as normal, do hope you can work something out, all the best.

[yozz]

I think what we need is a way for non-supportive partners to be able to communicate with supportive partners. It may however not be easy to organize this properly. Given a non-supportive partner, one needs the right person for the communication. One with whom things click. Arkansas vs Sweden is probably not it. Have there been examples of such communications in the past and how did that work? Y.

[jojo]

I think if my wife found out it would be the last straw for her. She "puts up" with my nail polish and was even supportive when we were away on holiday recently, but has not been since our return. Consequently my heel wearing is limited to when she is at work and opportunity to street heel is very limited. I sympathise very much with HHLover but, whilst I don't want to risk my marriage, feel that the non-acceptance is a sort of control I'm not fully prepared to accept myself. These "feminine" attributes she sees as being not-manly and therefore un-acceptable, although I have no wish to appear feminine, just a man who wears nail polish and high heels. I feel that should these become main-stream, then she would be ok - it's what other people think that is her bother.

[Bubba136]

Should she ever discover your heels by accident, you're in for a rough time.

[joeshoething]

I think if my wife found out it would be the last straw for her.quote]

You need to be very careful. My wife found out about my interest in heels when she found my pair. She was very upset, and it almost cost us our marriage. It was not the heels persay, but the fact that I was hiding something from her. She figured if I was to keep a secret about the heels (small things in her words (plus for me)) then I would lie and hide the big things (such as cheating). I can see her logic on this, and after going through a lot of ups and downs on this issue, she has again started to accept it a little more. The street heeling option is not available yet, but for the first time ever, (last night) she let me just wear them. We watched TV, and chatted over some egg nog and brandy. I really hope this acceptance lasts.

[joesranch2]

I will have to add on to this. It is more about the honesty than it is the fact that you like High Heeled shoes. I have lost a marriage over keping this a secret. I can tell you that, it was not just the heels that was the issue. With my wife of current I was honest with her from the start. I would say that she still does not really understand it, but with many things, that is sometimes not necessary. What is important is acceptance, and compete open ness. my 2cents

[Stilettoscot]

Well, my GF just told me last night she wasn't OK with my heeling anymore, which felt like a brick to the cookies! We'll work it out, I hope, but I'm not sure how much I can compromise. She knew about it before we started with each other. Such is life I guess.

[johnieheel]

Well, my GF just told me last night she wasn't OK with my heeling anymore, which felt like a brick to the cookies!

We'll work it out, I hope, but I'm not sure how much I can compromise. She knew about it before we started with each other.

Such is life I guess.

Thats a shock! After seeing all the posts about the parties etc you have had fun at with her. What changed her mind? Was she influenced by another perhaps?

[Stilettoscot]

Johnie, Yes it was. I was driving home from work only to get the texts...which was strange at 2am. It may be she's afraid of what her family might think (if they knew)? Maybe I talk about my shoes too much (jealousy??)? I don't know, we're supposed to talk about it today. Just really stinks. Oh well...

[joesranch2]

Scott, I am sorry to hear about that. I wish I knew what to say. Talking about it, and working that through will let you know why she has changed her mind. I would like to know what happened. Good lucks, our thoughts are with you

[Guest]

Also sorry to hear that. Hope something turns her around as it's been clear you have a good relationship going. Hang in there buddy. Keep us posted (of course) Thinking of you Al

[Bubba136]

Tough break, Scott.....we're all pulling for you, hope you can turn it around.

[vector]

Johnie,

Yes it was. I was driving home from work only to get the texts...which was strange at 2am.

It may be she's afraid of what her family might think (if they knew)? Maybe I talk about my shoes too much (jealousy??)? I don't know, we're supposed to talk about it today. Just really stinks. Oh well...

I hope things work out for you (and her)!!!

[johnieheel]

Sometimes you will be surprised at what others might think, like her family. My wife's family totally shocked me. They all thought it was cool and love my shoes. There was a couple that I really had my doubts about but got the exact opposite reaction, than I expected. Never know bro. Good luck.

[johnieheel]

Any good news Scott? How are things going?

[gwl1]

Hey, Scott, you have a lot of friends on here who are concerned about you and your welfare, including me. We wish you the best, but if it doesn't work out, well, then it wasn't meant to, I guess. Move on, there are more fish in the sea. And don't look back on it as your failure. It takes two to make a relationship and if she can't handle your heeling, best to find out now. Good luck! Do keep your friends posted on your progress! GWL

[DProud2700]

When my bride to be and I started talking over 2 years ago, one of the first things I told her for whatever reason I did was that I love to wear woman's high heel shoes and boots. She was absolutley good with this and since that time and even now encourages me to wear them. She says it is quite a turn on when we are chatting and she hears me pulling up the zippers on a pair of my boots. She is already making plans to purchase some pairs of boots for me for my visit to Mass in 09. I see pairs that I think will look good I will send her the name of the boot and what store has them to get her feedback. I don't think anyone could ask for a better partner than that.

[Dawn HH]

I agree. After your progress in the past, this sure is a tough break for you. Ease off for a while and maybe you can find out why she made such a quick turn in the exact opposite direction. There has to be a reason for this. We are all pulling for you to be able to turn this all around again. Women sure are complicated at times and after living with one for 40 years, there still isn't a way that I can figure things out ahead of her at times, and I'm used to thinking on my feet all of the time. Good luck! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[johnieheel]

Any new development Scott?

[Stilettoscot]

Sorry guys, never even came back to this thread before right now... Well, we're speaking, but things are a bit weird. I know she'll be at the club tonight, and I have the night off from bouncing duties, so I'll be in some high ones for sure. The good thing about the last 2 weeks is I've learned I have some real good female friends who have been good to me. I'll let you know what happens tonight. Thanks for the concerns and support!

[Dawn HH]

Scott:-) Hoping for the best for you on this. Cheers--- Dawn HH