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getting the courage

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I know to some its not a big thing. But what have you done to get the courage to go out in your heels?

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IminHeels:-) Put on your heels and go out and do your daily chores with confidence like it is a normal thing to do. You will suddenly discover that the sky will not cave in on you. The more you do this the more confidence you will get and you will wonder why you didn't start sooner and you will suddenly realize that this is fun. The more experience you get, the more fun you will have. Try it you will like it. Cheers-- Dawn HH

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my problem is, well i say problem. I work as a consultant just joined a new company and building up my client base. I live on a smallish island. and its hard to go about your daily life (but not impossible ) with out bumping into someone you know. and any negative effect this would have on me. I have a few times been out late at night walking in some wedge heels (normally for about a mile or so). looks like something that may take me a little time. maybe i should start with a bigger shorter heel. and work from there.

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IminHeels:-) A lot of our members have had the same problem and they solved it by doing their heeling in a near-by town where they are not known. Cheers--- Dawn HH

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One of the 'rules' that works well for me is: "Only give them one shock at a time." Alternatively worded: "Only one item 'out of place' at a time." By this I mean that if you wear heels, then don't on that day also wear your most outrageous shirt, or earrings, or skirt, or whatever. Look your most conservative everywhere except below the ankles. And then see: Do you in fact get ANY reactions? Do you hear about it at work? You can always laugh it off as "Well, I just always wonderd and thought I'd give it a go..." To put this in perspective, let me state that I too am a consultant, in the US Defense industry. I quite understand your concern to not alienate any clients! Best wishes, Chris

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IminHeels:-)

A lot of our members have had the same problem and they solved it by doing their heeling in a near-by town where they are not known.

Cheers---

Dawn HH

I live on a small(ish) island, no nearby towns, unless i get on a plane. ;)

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I've been out on few late night walks around here. A while back i didnt get in from work till 3am so i went out for a walk in 4" heels i've been out a few times since but not quite so late. So maybe at night?

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I've been out on few late night walks around here. A while back i didnt get in from work till 3am so i went out for a walk in 4" heels i've been out a few times since but not quite so late. So maybe at night?

Yea, I've been for a few walks in my wedges however its my stilettos that Ive found it hard, mostly because of that clicking sound that it hard to cover up, totally giving me away a mile before anyone sees me.

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Yea, I've been for a few walks in my wedges however its my stilettos that Ive found it hard, mostly because of that clicking sound that it hard to cover up, totally giving me away a mile before anyone sees me.

yep agree with your concern with the above!!

the solution

Hiline I've been out on few late night walks around here. A while back i didnt get in from work till 3am so i went out for a walk in 4" heels i've been out a few times since but not quite so late. So maybe at night?

until such time as HH become more acceptable!!

good luck!!;)

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DawnHH gives really wonderful advice! Another think I did to build my courage is to go to the same place several times in heels. You will build a rapport with people and hopefully create a safe haven. Then gradually start expanding to a few new places over time until you really don't think too much about going anywhere.

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At first I started out in fairly safe places like shoe stores... I'd wear my flip flops in and spend an hour trying on different shoes. You will always draw attention, because a guy sitting down on the womens section to try them always does. I always found it best to go to a "self-serve" type shoe store first, then move on the department stores where you have to ask for sizes. However, the department stores always spark the greatest converstions, and the staff usually jumps in and points me to some great finds, especially since I wear a size 11 and they are a bit rare at times. I also like wearing heels to great safe places like hip hair salons to get my hair cut. The girls always go gaga over a man in heels... I think they as just more open minded, for some reason. I trully have had never had a really negative experience, just some funny looks!

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I initially started wearing women's Penny Loafer style shoes with 1½" heel in public when I was still a young guy in high school. As I became more confident, and my friends became used to seeing me wearing this style of shoes, I began to wear higher heels....2" and then up to 4" heels at appropriate times. Mainly I settled on black or brown loafer styles with 2½" thicker heels as my normal footwear. Even living in an very restricted environment, loafers with 2" heels -- with trousers slightly longer than your normal length, will confuse (disguise) the appearance of your footwear to a point where they'll just appear as almost normal male shoes. (If anyone notices and/or askes you about the "extra" lift with the heels, you can always mention that the "thicker" heels provide excellent relief to the constant back pain you have.) There are so many different style of loafers, sandals and chunky heel pumps for sale that will give you the appearance of "not really" wearing women's shoes. Your cofidence will increase with time and the frequency that you wear your women's shoes without incident. Your confidence will grow to a point where it will no longer be of concern. Wearing stiletto heels is a whole different "ballgame," however. There is very little anyone can do to disguise the look of a beautiful pair of pumps with sexy stiletto heels. Not to mention the "dead giveaway" sound. One thing is for sure, though. Constatly wearing women's style shoes in your "home/native" environment will bolster your courage to wear higher heels in places where the chances are less that people that you know will be and recognize you. It is so worth the time and effort that you put into adjusting your attitude to be able to wear your heels anytime, anywhere you want to. ;)

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Two ways you could build up to wearing stillettos in public. 1 You could keep wearing the wedge heels or block heels. With long trousers/jeans hardly anyone will notice. When you have built up your courage you can change the heel style to thinner heels. 2 You could wear stillettos with a low heel and then build up the heel height as your courage grows.

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ImInHeels –

You have posed an interesting set of questions:

  • How do I develop the courage to wear heels in public?
  • How will wearing heels affect other attitude towards me?

All have offered you good advice but let me throw in my two cents worth.

First – be physically comfortable wearing your heels. This generally means practice and more practice. You should be able to walk in a manner that isn’t too different than you would walk without heels and you have to be able to do this naturally, without thinking about it. The last thing you want is for someone to notice that you are “walking funny”.

Second – be mentally comfortable wearing your heels. This means looking at the image you are presenting in a mirror and being comfortable presenting that image to the rest of the world. Part of this is understanding that you can’t hide your heels. People will notice them and you have to be mentally comfortable enough to deal with that. If you like the look you see in the mirror and are confident in your judgment, then you must project that confidence when you are out and about. If you are confident, people will recognize it and respect it. However, if you act like you are doing something out of the ordinary, people will recognize that and react to it. You really have to act as you would without heels. The world is your stage and it is up to you to give a good performance.

The smallness of your community may require a different strategy than many of us use. Many of us go heeling away from where we live because it eliminates the need of dealing with people you know. This comes from our belief that we are doing something wrong (wrong may be too strong a word, “different for which we are ashamed” might be better) and the people we know will think poorly of us. If you want to be a full time heeler in your community, start with very conservative heels and slowly work your way up.

I don’t wear thigh boots with stiletto heels all the time in my neighborhood because “Thighbootguy” is a persona I put on and take off as the situation requires. When I do wear them, I do it with full confidence but there are some places and times when being “Thighbootguy” is not appropriate. I do wear knee high boots with 2’-3” block heels to work and thigh boots with flat heels around the neighborhood on a regular basis and recommend both as a conservative style to try.

Finally, the key is enjoy your heels. Don’t even think of trying to hide them but that doesn’t mean you have to flaunt them. Your heels should be just another pair of shoes. I understand that relegating heels to “just another pair of shoes” takes some of the thrill and excitement out of wearing them but that is part of the price you have to pay to wear them in public.

Hope this helped.

TBG

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All of the advice above given to you is excellent. Everyone brings up good points and suggetions. I think most of us men who wear high heels in public started our gradually and with lower or block heels and worked our way up to higher and sometime more feminine high heels. I now wear only 5" stiletto high heels inpublic with my men's apperal which is a look I am comfortable and confident with as I go about my business in public wearing high heels. Like Thighbootguy, there are some places I do not go to wearing high heels. You just have to use your own good judgement on that. Take it slow, build your confidence, and above all have fun with your outings.

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eclextix Thanks for the advice, however the only shoe shops we have here are in women's clothes shops. There are no department stores and no self service due to small retail spaces. Bubba136 Thanks for the advice hh4evr1 I Think i first need to get some lower wedge heels (2" or so) to start with, and maybe something as slow as a 1"stillettos and work my way up. Thighbootguy I have generally been happy walking around the house (flat) in heels, space is limited and i feel it is time to start seeing how i do at walking out and about at night. I would love to be mentally comfortable wearing heels, and its something i need to work on. However if the look/image works well i think this would help. I think your right, its more seeing someone i know, and the feeling/risk of being the butt of all jokes. ect. However i know this is something i would need to overcome. As it as at the moment my brother already takes the micky out of women who wear heels and happen to slip/trip ect. (only if their in heels) Your right i would like to enjoy to wear my heels in public, and i hope its something i can feel happy doing.

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Ok quick update. Its been a long time since i was last out in any heels, many many months. I decided tonight to take a small 5-10 min walk in them. Despite almost chickening out (part of the route took me past a well lit area, crossing a main road, before getting back in the shadows. I do think its something i should do more often, but i think i need to buy a more expensive pair of wedge shoes.

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Some excellent advice on this as I am still wearing heels and dressing up indoors as haven't got the courage to go out at all and the closest I came was last week when having the house to myself for the weekend was about 3am and was going to walk round to the back where there are a set of garages and is dark to wear my heels but I didn't pluck up enough courage to do so. The ironic thing is that I have got the courage to walk into Honour and buy pvc outfits and order high heels and boots online (the higher the better!!!) but I feel the same as I just cannot get over the hurdle of going outside wearing them which I really want to do. Has anyone had any experiances of going out in a group for a night out like them dressing services offer such as The Boudoir as the idea of being together with other "first timers" makes me think it would make taking that step much easier.

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great advice,and it has even given me some great ideas!! have again learned something!! however there is still a different approach, that might or might not work!! and not sure if self would do it this way!! jump into the deep end and just go for it, just do/wear what your heard desires!! we are who we are!! think it will make it a lot easier, if the wife/gf goes along and supports the idea!! ;)

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ImInHeels, You can dampen the clicking sound by gluing a piece of shoe rubber on the heel. But, if you're that concerned about wearing heels in public in your community, DON'T! There's no law that says you can't, or that you have to. One of the keys is being comfortable and confident in heels. And if you're convinced that the environment isn't conducive, then you probably won't be comfortable and confident and it will show. Once the "cat is out of the bag", it never gets back in. Good luck and best wishes whatever you decide to do.

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Iminheels, Firstly, Hi and welcome from me to HHP. OK, so I know you want to be able to wear stiletto heels, who round here doesn't, however you are not comfortable with yourself whilst doing so. I'm in the same boat. But I do wear heels every day, and they are cuban heels. Because the cuban heel is IMHO a male heel, I wear without having to do the mind thing. The highest I can currently get is 7cm, but that is a nice height for normal daily wear as you feel the heel, but it doesn't restrict you doing things as a 4" heel would do. People comment positively about the footwear and many men have asked where I got my heels from. To my mind, stiletto heels will never be mainstream for men - more's the pity but that isn't going to stop me enjoying heels. I guess the real case for me (and probably many men) is that it is not the fact of a wearing a heel that causes a problem, it is the "stimulation" that goes with particular heel shapes that is the issue - both in our mind and of those around us. So I steer clear of those "stimulating" shapes and bingo, I wear heels comfortably. Simon.

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I know to some its not a big thing.

But what have you done to get the courage to go out in your heels?

I've loved all the responses in this thread, and thought I'd add mine.

First it is a big thing. The pressures of conformity in our society are immense. It always takes courage to overcome them.

First of all, I concur with everyone that you need to reach a point in walking indoors that it is entirely second nature to you. Sometimes I even do exercises where I try to balance on one high heeled foot and shift my weight around to test the breadth of my physical comfort zone.

The mental aspect will always be a challenge, but consider what's happened with me and my NYC neighbors. I've gone out in heels about six times in recent weeks, and people I know were THRILLED and very supportive. In fact, some of them, even voice disappointment now when they see me in "flats."

It could just be that I live around a bunch of crazy NYers, but I suspect that spirit isn't simply a province of this island. It might pervade yours too.

-MJ

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ewell i went for another walk last night might try again tonight

Nice1 ;) i only did what have myself about 2months ago i know how scary it can be the first time. After this it will get more easy ( i will abmit that i've lost my nerve a few times since but i'm gettin there) Once again Nice1 ;) .

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Ok I Have attached the images of the shoes i'm test driving. the actual heel hight is around 4.5" i might see if i can get a shot to show you how they are when jeans cover them.

post-18350-133522886834_thumb.jpg

post-18350-133522886846_thumb.jpg

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ImInHeels, where did you get the shoes ? I'm looking for something similar.

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the pair in the picture, were from ebay, couldnt seem to find them anywhere else. i think they were about £20 or less

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In my case, I mentioned to my female cousin, who wears the same size shoes as me that I liked to wear heels. In an affectionate way she bullied me into going out with her while I wore her high heeled boots. We went into Manchester which has a really good rock / goth / alternative scene and my footwear went unnoticed or at least un-remarked upon. Every time since then has gotten easier.

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IminHeels:-) You have explained your concerns admirably and believe me they are the concerns that a lot of us have encountered ourselves when in the same situations that you find yourself in and we have conquered them as you will eventually. The advise of taking a female pardner with you is quite valid and will help you tremendously in gaining confidence that you can do this as we all have in the past. You have to start small and build this in small increments and expand as your confidence grows that you CAN do this successfully and have a lot of fun doing it. The shoes you showed in your pic are an excellent pair of streetheeling shoes when worn under long jeans and noone will suspect that they are female shoes. But of course you must be able to walk with ease in them not only around the house but on any type of pavement or floors and do it naturally. Practice makes perfect. Good luck and remember that we all here are behind you. Let us know of your progress Cheers--- Dawn HH.

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