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"The Size Thirteen Blues"


JeffB

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A few years ago when I was feeling unusually creative, I penned some Blues themed lyrics about the frustration that comes from having big feet and my inability to find women's shoes in my size. And here's my creation. I'm sure a lot of you will empathize with what I used to go through. Enjoy!

"THE SIZE THIRTEEN BLUES"

I’m sad an’ blue an’ down in the dumps,

gettin’ frustrated ‘cause I can’t find any pumps.

This kid’s screwed an’ I wanna scream,

‘cause I’m a freakin’ ugly size thirteen.

Trollin’ from store to store, just wastin’ time,

got money to spend, goin’ outta my mind.

Like Indy Jones searchin’ for the Holy Grail,

findin’ big shoes has me chasin’ my tail!

******

CHORUS

All I wanna do is buy some shoes,

but I got the size thirteen blues,

Man it makes me wanna weep,

when I can’t find shit for my big feet.

******

Gucci, Weitzman, Prada and Nine West,

cream of the crop, best of the best.

Blahnik, Clegerie, Ferragamo and Madden,

none of ‘em go over size eleven.

Macy’s, Bloomie’s, I can’t catch a break,

even Nordstrom’s useless for pity’s sake!

It leaves me pissed and full of stress,

having to shop at dumps like Payless!

******

CHORUS

******

Had to shop by mail or over the ‘Net,

the only way to find what I had to get.

Gotta tell ya, it didn’t feel the same,

buyin’ without tryin’, it’s a bloody shame.

Tell me why I love pumps and such,

even when it hurts me so damn much.

It’s a holy mission to find big shoes,

when I’m cursed with the size thirteen blues.

******

CHORUS

I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!

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Guest Loveshiheels

Nice lyrics. I know how you feel. Whats make it worse that when you do find large sized shoes in shops. They are nearly alway ugly with a low heel.

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As a fellow large-size, I sooooooooo feel your pain, JeffB. Great lyrics there, and they definitely hit home. Someday though, we'll eventually hit paydirt.

SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge!

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I feel so sorry for you, feeling so lucky i can wear anything i see in the womens section, hence my wide variety in heels / colours. I'd hate to be restricted to black or red patent fetish style shoes only. Mind you, even in gents, you'd be restricted too. One of life's pains....

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wow! Such woeful melancholy as i've ever heard! :thumbsup: (great verses, though -- sung to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad, perhaps? :smile: )

Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.

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I hear ya!

Being a 12 is bad enough, the nice styles always seem to end at 11 and the really nice ones end at 10. It's gotta be a real pain for 13's (and bigger).

Shoe manufacturers, ya hearin' this? Ya tunin' in on this? (Hint, hint -- there's sales revenue here!)

Have a happy time!

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There is one size that is, perhaps, just as frustrating -- or even more maddening -- that is being a "tweener" an in between size. a 10½ . A size 10 is a bit too small and a size 11 is a "bit" too large. Most she departments & stores carry ½ sizes up to 9½ then jump to 10 and 11. You must try them on before you buy because some manufacturers size 10 is generous and others skimp a bit. It's a "crap shoot" unless you "try before you buy."

Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.

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I am certain that being an in-between size presents its own challenges but it's a situation any "bigfoot" would prefer. At least if you can get your feet into the shoes, you have some hope of making them comfortable using a little bit of stretching or filling in space with insoles or pads. There is no way you can make a size 10 or 11 shoe fit a size 13 foot, no amount of stretching can help. Even if you eventually wedge your way into the shoe, there is no way it will be comfortable.

Have a happy time!

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Thanks for the kind words on my songwriting effort. Not to worry, I won't be giving up my day job and going to find fame and fortune in Memphis or Motown. Even though I wrote that little ditty several years ago, it still resonates today since mainstream shoe designers refuse to recognize the all too obvious fact that sizes DO exist beyond 11 or 12. Most frustrating indeed. And I can imagine that for "tweeners" like Bubba, things can be flat out maddening. Oh, well, at least we have HHPlace where we can cry in our collective beers. Or, in my case, Kool-Aid as I don't indulge in alcohol.

I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!

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That's why I like PAYLESS. If you are persistant, you can find 13's and some of them are stylish. You have to be persistant even to find nice 11's (my usual) or 12's (my sometimes). I got 4 pairs of nice side-zipped knee-high boots from there (2 pairs with 3" spikes and VERY pointy up front, 2 pairs with 4" block heels). These were 12's.

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I hear ya!

Being a 12 is bad enough, the nice styles always seem to end at 11 and the really nice ones end at 10. It's gotta be a real pain for 13's (and bigger).

Shoe manufacturers, ya hearin' this? Ya tunin' in on this? (Hint, hint -- there's sales revenue here!)

Size 12 here, too. Some shoes I can comfortably wear a size 11 depending on the shoe, but most comfortable in a size 12.

JeffB, I hear your blues.

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There is one size that is, perhaps, just as frustrating -- or even more maddening -- that is being a "tweener" an in between size. a 10½ . A size 10 is a bit too small and a size 11 is a "bit" too large. Most she departments & stores carry ½ sizes up to 9½ then jump to 10 and 11. "

Very, very true! I go between the 11 and 12 sizes and find that the 11 1/2 is almost impossible to find and when you do, stylish - no, no, no!!! And talk about size standards - Steve Madden really takes the cake! Even his size 12 fits like a small 11. I also find that any shoes made in Brazil, regardless of label, run small.

It's all about the heel!

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Actually, stilettoscot, youre bang on, 4" heels for 'canoefeet' (your words) are a breeze, but for us minnow feet, 4" heels are the real world! Ive never found it difficult, but going 'flat' after 2 hours in heels is wierd ! It's the same thing in reverse, going flat after half a day in heels, for a size 6 heelwearer ! Now 6" heels, which I have, are really interesting.... Tiptoe thru the tulips....

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JeffB my friend!!! I loved the song! As a big feet member around here, I couldn't agree more with your feelings.

Maybe someone around here is a music freak and can make a sound base to record the song?

Very, very true! I go between the 11 and 12 sizes and find that the 11 1/2 is almost impossible to find and when you do, stylish - no, no, no!!! And talk about size standards - Steve Madden really takes the cake! Even his size 12 fits like a small 11. I also find that any shoes made in Brazil, regardless of label, run small.

I don't agree this time dear Bootking.

I have brazilian shoes marked as 43 (US 12) that fits me like a glove and I'm brazilian 45 (between US 13 and 14).

Exactly as it happens all around the world, the size depends totally on the manufacturer and shoe model.

What is happening to you maybe is that brazilian exporters use to believe in size convertion charts. I never saw one matching to another, what a shame.

Flavio - Brazilian heel lover, now in France.

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I don't agree this time dear Bootking.

I have brazilian shoes marked as 43 (US 12) that fits me like a glove and I'm brazilian 45 (between US 13 and 14). Exactly as it happens all around the world, the size depends totally on the manufacturer and shoe model. What is happening to you maybe is that brazilian exporters use to believe in size convertion charts. I never saw one matching to another, what a shame.

Hi flavio,

I guess that Brazil simply joins the world's shoe manufacturer in not having standard sizes that should fit properly! I have three for four pairs of made in Brazil boots (one of them the mentioned Steve Madden's) and for me, each one is too small. But as you said, the variations are so large in general that there reallly is no standard. I'm a US 11 1/2 womens or a Euro 42/43 depending on cut and I haven't found a "standard" yet!

It's all about the heel!

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For this situation, I am very glad to have a somewhat average size foot (9.5 to 10 US Womens). However, you gents with larger size feet do have something else to be thankful for right? Well that's only if the saying is true about large feet and other body parts. :-? Anyway, hope that is not inappropriate to say... lets just say outside of this forum, some men would love to have large feet :o

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