I need some advice

[wxman25]

hey guys maybe you can help. the long and the short of it is i'm consumed with thoughts of heels. When my wife and i are out in public i will hear a girl in heels and will almost break my neck to see her shoes. It makes me really self-consious because i don't want to upset my wife. i look for high heels websites so i can look at heels, i read my wife's freddricks to look at the heels; damn the girls. I think a ok looking girl in heels looks better than a hot girl with sneakers. when i'm out in the garage i would love to be wearing a pair of 4 or 5 inch pumps but i don't because my wife might come in. she says she is understanding but honestly i'm scared. I wore a pair of Pleaser 5 1/2 chucky open toed heels for halloween a couple of years ago and i was in heaven. the way they felt and the looks i got from coworkers great. but i can't do it everyday. sometimes i think i have a problem please give me some advice.

[yozz]

In principle there is nothing wrong with you liking to look at women with nice shoes.

Some people like breasts, some like pretty faces, some like legs, some like bottoms

and some like feet with nice shoes. It just shows that in that respect you are healthy.

Depending on how you look at it you can also see it as a compliment to your wife

that after all that beauty on others, you choose for her. Unfortunately not all women

will see it this way.

she says she is understanding but honestly i'm scared.

What is it that you are scared of? That someone else will see you? That your wife will

not like it after all? Or of yourself?

These emotions are rather normal. They can be overcome. And think of it. Most of the

very large size high heel shoes are bought by men. Not only on the internet. Also in

shops in Germany. It is just that nearly all of those are only worn inside.

There are some very brave people here, who don't mind going out openly with very

high heels, but you don't have to be that brave to enjoy heels.

And who knows? Maybe your wife will start appreciating it when she gets used to

seeing you with them. Important is to do it in good taste. Don't make a carricature

of it. Have a good look at some of the pictures of some people here.

Above all: be yourself. That is what you should be best at.

Y.

[JNR]

Great posting, yozz

[Dr. Shoe]

I look at girls in heels, I've been known to drive around the block in order to get a second look... nothing wrong with that. Just where does the advice bit come into it? If you want to wear heels do it!

[sendra45]

I've been known to drive around the block in order to get a second look.

Yep, guilty here as well! I used to change my working position just too get a better look in offices.

I think you are not alone. Just remind your wife that you love her and she might not mind too much if she knows you are not after other women, just a look at the shoes. It works for me!

When I am feeling a little depressed, we go shoe shopping, don't have to buy any, my wife trying on heels in a few shops cheers me up no end! it can work well you know! she will even point out some of the more 'interesting' sights if I miss them (which I rarely do).

best of luck.

[wxman25]

thanks for all the advice. my wife and i need to talk about it some more. it will take an adjustment period but i think it will work out, just a little nervious. And i do love going shoe shopping with my wife how'ed you know that

[Britana]

Wxman:

This is probably late, but your post has been fluttering around in my head for the last two days as I struggle with a cold. I think the above posts generally hit the point, but from my viewpoint you should:

1. Talk to your wife. You indicate that she says she is understanding, so it’s not clear if you have talked with her about this yet or not, or if she has merely indicated she is understanding in general. But I strongly recommend you talk with her. Obviously she loves you and she should accept you for all that you are. This is a part of you and I likely think she will not only accept it, but embrace it since she will recognize how difficult it is for you to share this with her and how much closer it brings you.

2. Go slow. I would not recommend you have this talk and at the same time present her with a pair of 6 inch pumps and ask her to start wearing them everyday. Nor would I start wearing them myself regularly immediately. Give her time to accept it and move into it slowly. Almost nothing in nature or life happens instantly, and a gradual transition make things go much smoother I’ve found.

3. Spend a little time reflecting on your feelings. To be completely frank, from my view, your original post talks about a fascination both with seeing women in heels and wearing heels yourself. These are not, of course, mutually exclusive and I share the same thoughts as you. But, I have also spent years (30 or more) getting comfortable with what my preferences are and why I feel the way I do - and even after all that time I can’t really say I’ve figured it out! My point is we are all different at some level and I would encourage you to reflect on what is most important to you going forward so that as you adventure into this world, you are not disappointed.

4. After some thought in (3), then BE YOURSELF. This is a common theme on these forums and good advice. You have to accept who you are and be true to yourself if you expect others to do the same. This is hard to do, but it is mostly mental and not necessarily practical. You don’t need to wear heels in public or to work tomorrow - hell you may decide never to do that. But, you have to first accept yourself if you want to be yourself.

Against the above, what I often do when out with the wife (technically fiancé) and see a women in attractive heels is point her out to my wife. I’ll say something like, “Wow, look at those heels, I wonder where she got those. Those would look great on you; Do you like them?” After all our time together and because we have talked about this, she knows I’m not lusting after the women, but rather the shoes - and that my thoughts are of HER in those shoes.

I hope the above is somehow helpful to you and recognize that you are not alone, you are not different, and you do not have a “problem!”

[johnieheel]

Maby you can explain to your wife like I did and tell her that the many different kinds and styles of womens heels and shoes fascinate you and you think that mens shoes are flat and boring. When my wife and I are out, it's who ever see's or hears them first. I am blessed to have a women who loves heels as much as I do and points them out to me for my opinion and I to her.

[wxman25]

Well i talked to her yesterday following you guys advice. she said she understood. i asked her to help pick out my first "offical" pair and she said ok. we also talked about me looking at other women just for the shoes and she said she always knew that. i think that was because i always wanted to see her in high heels. I understand it's all about me being comfortable in my own skin and the rest will follow. It's just for so long it's been taboo, or if you wear any piece of woman clothes you must be gay. but i think around the house will do just fine for now. Oh yeah one more thing she asked me if i wanted to wear them out! the question just floored me and i didn't have an answer. but i said maybe in the future, in the dark, with a gun. I know baby steps. Thanks for all the advice. when i get a pair i'll try to post pics, keep all the laughing to minimum.

[foxylady]

Wxman:

This is probably late, but your post has been fluttering around in my head for the last two days as I struggle with a cold. I think the above posts generally hit the point, but from my viewpoint you should:

1. Talk to your wife. You indicate that she says she is understanding, so it’s not clear if you have talked with her about this yet or not, or if she has merely indicated she is understanding in general. But I strongly recommend you talk with her. Obviously she loves you and she should accept you for all that you are. This is a part of you and I likely think she will not only accept it, but embrace it since she will recognize how difficult it is for you to share this with her and how much closer it brings you.

2. Go slow. I would not recommend you have this talk and at the same time present her with a pair of 6 inch pumps and ask her to start wearing them everyday. Nor would I start wearing them myself regularly immediately. Give her time to accept it and move into it slowly. Almost nothing in nature or life happens instantly, and a gradual transition make things go much smoother I’ve found.

3. Spend a little time reflecting on your feelings. To be completely frank, from my view, your original post talks about a fascination both with seeing women in heels and wearing heels yourself. These are not, of course, mutually exclusive and I share the same thoughts as you. But, I have also spent years (30 or more) getting comfortable with what my preferences are and why I feel the way I do - and even after all that time I can’t really say I’ve figured it out! My point is we are all different at some level and I would encourage you to reflect on what is most important to you going forward so that as you adventure into this world, you are not disappointed.

4. After some thought in (3), then BE YOURSELF. This is a common theme on these forums and good advice. You have to accept who you are and be true to yourself if you expect others to do the same. This is hard to do, but it is mostly mental and not necessarily practical. You don’t need to wear heels in public or to work tomorrow - hell you may decide never to do that. But, you have to first accept yourself if you want to be yourself.

Against the above, what I often do when out with the wife (technically fiancé) and see a women in attractive heels is point her out to my wife. I’ll say something like, “Wow, look at those heels, I wonder where she got those. Those would look great on you; Do you like them?” After all our time together and because we have talked about this, she knows I’m not lusting after the women, but rather the shoes - and that my thoughts are of HER in those shoes.

I hope the above is somehow helpful to you and recognize that you are not alone, you are not different, and you do not have a “problem!”

Well spoken Britana, I would say it as well like that, but with less words...

FL

Well i talked to her yesterday following you guys advice. she said she understood. i asked her to help pick out my first "offical" pair and she said ok. we also talked about me looking at other women just for the shoes and she said she always knew that. i think that was because i always wanted to see her in high heels.

I understand it's all about me being comfortable in my own skin and the rest will follow. It's just for so long it's been taboo, or if you wear any piece of woman clothes you must be gay. but i think around the house will do just fine for now.

Oh yeah one more thing she asked me if i wanted to wear them out! the question just floored me and i didn't have an answer. but i said maybe in the future, in the dark, with a gun. I know baby steps.

Thanks for all the advice. when i get a pair i'll try to post pics, keep all the laughing to minimum.

All the best luck WXman25..... I hope you'll enjoy every minute of it.... I do!

FL

[Britana]

Thanks for all the advice. when i get a pair i'll try to post pics, keep all the laughing to minimum.

I don't think you have to worry about people here laughing at you! Congrats on the progress. It sounds like you have a very understanding and loving partner and I'm so happy for you!

[johnieheel]

Awesome!

[iggy_ze]

Way to go! Good luck! Ian

[roniheels]

Congrats and good luck!

[wxman25]

a little update. my wife gave me the green light to get what i wanted i was thinking these to start

http://www.amazon.com/Pump-Highest-Heel-Black-Kidskin/dp/B000WCLBA4/ref=sr_1_48?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208477588&sr=1-48

and maybe these

http://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Fashions-Classic-Cork/dp/B0010240JE/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208681194&sr=1-19

and for a strappy style. these look easy to walk in.

http://howcool.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=39847

what do you guys think?

[JeffB]

a little update. my wife gave me the green light to get what i wanted i was thinking these to start

http://www.amazon.com/Pump-Highest-Heel-Black-Kidskin/dp/B000WCLBA4/ref=sr_1_48?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208477588&sr=1-48

and maybe these

http://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Fashions-Classic-Cork/dp/B0010240JE/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208681194&sr=1-19

and for a strappy style. these look easy to walk in.

http://howcool.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=39847

what do you guys think?

Speaking as a long time devotee of pumps, you can't go wrong with the first two choices. A moderately high three inch heel would work best for you, especially if you're just starting out. As for those sandals, this is just me, but those seem too extreme, perhaps something a bit more tame in that department. Good luck to you.

[wxman25]

Speaking as a long time devotee of pumps, you can't go wrong with the first two choices. A moderately high three inch heel would work best for you, especially if you're just starting out. As for those sandals, this is just me, but those seem too extreme, perhaps something a bit more tame in that department. Good luck to you.

So do you think the heel is too tall? or too fem?

[johnieheel]

I would go with amazon. The shoes from how cool might be a little to chunky but I don't know her style and how cool has really bad bad service.

[wxman25]

I would go with amazon. The shoes from how cool might be a little to chunky but I don't know her style and how cool has really bad bad service.

thanks for the advice

[JeffB]

So do you think the heel is too tall? or too fem?

It all depends on how comfortable you are walking in heels that high as not everyone, male or female can manage five inchers. Again, this is just me, but I've never been a fan of chunky heels like those like those sandals as I like thinner, more streamlined styles. Also, don't hung up about shoes looking too feminine, hell, I wear pumps in public, and you can't get more "fem" than that! HA! Good luck to you!

[raymond.nl]

I'd say the Amazon pumps are a more safe choice. Rereading your original posting I had to laugh at your wife asking you if you would wear them outside. Having just bought my own high heeled boots, my wife wonderer why I didn't wear them when we were going to a restaurant the other day! If only I could ever understand women!

[wxman25]

I'd say the Amazon pumps are a more safe choice.

Rereading your original posting I had to laugh at your wife asking you if you would wear them outside. Having just bought my own high heeled boots, my wife wonderer why I didn't wear them when we were going to a restaurant the other day!

If only I could ever understand women!

i will never understand women... but i love there shoes:clap:

[JNR]

I'd say the Amazon pumps are a more safe choice.

Rereading your original posting I had to laugh at your wife asking you if you would wear them outside. Having just bought my own high heeled boots, my wife wonderer why I didn't wear them when we were going to a restaurant the other day!

If only I could ever understand women!

I'd damn sure wear them the next time!

[JNR]

Wxman25: It would be best if you could try on any pair of heels you would like to buy before paying for them. Make sure they fit your foot correctly, are comfortable, the heel isn't too high and the style looks good on you. Heel height would depend a lot on how much experience you have wearing high heels and where you were going to wear them. If just in the house, and you have a lot of experience, you already know how high a heel you can manage. If you plan to wear them outside and do a lot of walking, I would chose a heel that wasn't very high (2½" to 3") because the pleasure of wearing heels becomes less and less the further you have to walk and the longer you wear them. (Standing and walking long distances isn't the same as walking arcoss your living room floor. ) Final comment is: Choose what ever you desire and wear them with pride, confidence and just enjoy them.

[fastfreddy2]

a little update. my wife gave me the green light to get what i wanted i was thinking these to start

http://www.amazon.com/Pump-Highest-Heel-Black-Kidskin/dp/B000WCLBA4/ref=sr_1_48?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208477588&sr=1-48

and maybe these

http://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Fashions-Classic-Cork/dp/B0010240JE/ref=sr_1_19?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1208681194&sr=1-19

and for a strappy style. these look easy to walk in.

http://howcool.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=39847

what do you guys think?

Your choice of shoe style/make/model will depend on the shape of your feet. You know this, but men's feet are typically wider than womens, so either 'try before you buy' or at least expect to be disappointed until you get the hang of which style you can wear, rather than want to. A good Returns Policy has advantages.

When you start off street healing, heels will alter the way you walk. <a most enjoyable experience I assure you> You will feel a little self conscious, and your altered walk won't help that. Stiletto's make a lot of noise, and don't wear well, at least not on UK pathways. For these reasons I recommend thicker heels, with toes that don't show off the fact you're wearing womens shoes. Like these. Call them 'training shoes' if you will. This style won't frighten your wife into thinking stockings and suspendings are the next item you'll be after.

I'd suggest working up to higher stiletto's [4-5 inches] "because higher heels only come in that style" when you think both you and and your good lady are ready for them. Which might only be a week after you've bought the training shoes, but see how she copes shopping with your wearing these (or something similar) at a Mall first. You only get one chance to create a first impression.

Keep us informed of your progress, with whatever you decide to do?

....

[roniheels]

wxman25... Take fastfreddy's advice. Those are good rules-of-thumb to follow. I too would go with the high heels on Amazon. When you get to walking comfortably in 5" stiletto high heels, you will feel special. That's the only word I can use to describe.

[Bubba136]

Snip:

I recommend thicker heels, with toes that don't show off the fact you're wearing womens shoes. Like these. Call them 'training shoes' if you will. This style won't frighten your wife into thinking stockings and suspendings are the next item you'll be after.

Great choice to begin with, in my opinion. In fact, I still wear that style in public and I've been wearing heels in public for years.