How do we look to the rest of the world?

[Thighbootguy]

I ran across this Larson cartoon the other day:

and I got to wondering how a guy in thigh boots (or a guy in heels) really appears to the rest of the world.

My current belief is that people are polite enough to not give a negative reaction. I used to think they either didn’t notice or were too wrapped up in something else to bother reacting. After I saw this cartoon though I started to wonder if that was the image I was presenting.

I really don’t care what most people think of the way I chose to dress (folks at work are an exception because they pay me) but I do enjoy disrupting people’s stereotype of a guy in heels by being courteous, polite, and talking intelligently.

I have noticed that when I pull on my boots, I also pull on an impervious crust (confidence) off which subtle negative reactions bounce. I really am in my own little world and I am selective about what I let in.

I may be being overly concerned about this. When I see someone that dresses out of the “norm” (pink hair, unusual hair cut, lots of vinyl or leather, heels, chains,…) my reaction is “Ok, if it makes them happy..”. I think I take my caution from how they are behaving rather than how they appear. If my reaction is typical (and I have no reason to believe it is) then I understand how a guy in thigh boots (heels) appears to the rest of the world, but …

Discussion on how you think other people see guys in boots/heels or how you see the world when your wearing boots/heels would be appreciated.

[Dr. Shoe]

I ran across this Larson cartoon the other day:

and I got to wondering how a guy in thigh boots (or a guy in heels) really appears to the rest of the world.

My current belief is that people are polite enough to not give a negative reaction. I used to think they either didn’t notice or were too wrapped up in something else to bother reacting. After I saw this cartoon though I started to wonder if that was the image I was presenting.

I really don’t care what most people think of the way I chose to dress (folks at work are an exception because they pay me) but I do enjoy disrupting people’s stereotype of a guy in heels by being courteous, polite, and talking intelligently.

I have noticed that when I pull on my boots, I also pull on an impervious crust (confidence) off which subtle negative reactions bounce. I really am in my own little world and I am selective about what I let in.

I may be being overly concerned about this. When I see someone that dresses out of the “norm” (pink hair, unusual hair cut, lots of vinyl or leather, heels, chains,…) my reaction is “Ok, if it makes them happy..”. I think I take my caution from how they are behaving rather than how they appear. If my reaction is typical (and I have no reason to believe it is) then I understand how a guy in thigh boots (heels) appears to the rest of the world, but …

Discussion on how you think other people see guys in boots/heels or how you see the world when your wearing boots/heels would be appreciated.

So is the heelman stereotype discourteous, impolite and stupid? Do you think that people really think to themselves "look, he must be a really stupid, uncouth oik because he's wearing heels"? No, what they probably think is: "weirdo." What you're doing is behaving normally just like the people with pink hair probably do.

I have a friend, a big guy covered in tatoos, body piercings and a mohican hair-cut a real biker. He is the nicest and most normal guy you'd ever wish to meet, he's a great family man but because of the stereotype he gets a lot of hassle.

Anyone who doesn't blend in solicits a whole range of different emotions ranging from barely concealed hostility to outright admiration.

[JeffB]

How do we look? Depends on the person. Most probably view a man in heels as a curiosity, perhaps an oddity, maybe a weirdo because they view us through the narrowminded opinion that only women wear heels, and that's only when the world at large bothers to notice us at all. I think it's important to present a proper, stylish image that's neat, clean, not at all overboard which would draw an inordinate of attention, that's always been my personal mantra, and that's worked for me in my outings. In any event, we can't afford to worry or care what the world thinks of us, I think that's a crippling mindset because that would be akin to allowing perfect strangers to dictate how we should look instead of dictating that ourselves.

[Thighbootguy]

Dr.Shoe -

It was not my intention to define the “stereotype of a guy in heels” and certainly didn’t mean it to be “discourteous, impolite and stupid”. I must be more careful with my prose and I apologize if anyone else took offence. However, Dr.Shoe’s comments about stereotypes is right on the mark. “Anyone who doesn't blend in solicits a whole range of different emotions.“ I do think people have a stereotyped image of a guy in heels but that image is different for each observer. For some its weirdo (or worse), for others it’s cool and the whole range in between.

JeffB -

Good advice as always.

Your comment, “How do we look? Depends on the person.” can be read two ways depending on if the person is the one wearing the heels or being the observer.

Thanks for the response. This is the kind of discussion I had hoped my question would generate. More observations are welcomed.

[high_55]

i believe, though we may look wierd for some people, who sustain they're normal, calling normality either you're a boy or a girl, but no in betweens, which haven't given themselves the time to question their real feelings on the subject, hence calling anything that doesn't belong to their little world "Wierd". Someday, hopefully sonn enough, a big star in show biz, or football, such as beckham, and christiano ronaldo, which began metrosexuality, may include in their daily use heels, or some sort of statement, that will make society start questioning the nature of it, sort of getting a better understanding that we're not black and white, but a lot of shades of gray too, and then more people will start using them, some for fashion, some for passion, with a little less judgement, or maybe a lot less, nowadays that the americans are promotting lesbianism on their everyday tv shows, i think we're getting closer to that moment.

[thedesigner]

pls dont worry jst be yourself and confident, viz its u thats got the problem not me!! If ure true to yourself then thats the best thing, my soulmate luvs me wearing heels as she does too (we share) and doesnt like 2 b taller than me, and admires me for havin the bollox 2 dress as i like ( and help her choose for her too which she luvs as her ex coudnt gv a fk and always criticised!!). We both draw positive glances ( are they on the tele etc) as we go 4 it for ourselves!

[BobHH]

I can share observations on the colored hair. My ex-wife (1st wife) was instantly disapproving and said so when seeing someone like that. I found most of those people to be very nice when treated nicely and uncritically, and even with a compliment. Of course, a compliment from the establishment would not be to their liking if they were trying to be rebels! Same thing with tattooed and bearded bikers.

[w6ish]

i was wearing my cupid boots on the street downtown, waiting for the bus. i wasn't going anywhere, just out cruising around in my black boots with a totally exposed 6 inch heel and having fun. but i was getting the odd sneer or snicker. i was telling myself it didn't bother me. but as i was waiting for the bus, an old man was seated there and he looked at my boots and said, "Son, those are some mighty fine looking boots." i told him that i was getting hassled for wearing them and he said: "So long as you're happy, that's all that matters." excellent words from an old man with plenty of life experience. i told him i was indeed very happy. but i remember his words whenever i'm out there on the street wearing the highest heels in the whole city.

[kneehighs]

How do other people see me? Assuming they take the time to think about my heels to begin with, my opinion is that most people of the world are asleep and they will do whatever they can to stay asleep. Therefore, they perceptually categorize a man into heels as fast as they can, for it enables them to go back to sleep. This explains the common objections: perverted fetish, crossdresser, "are you gay?" question, or "is this some TS thing?"...for these are categories "sheeple" often have already understood.

In general, I think people need to wake up. When I don't fall neatly into a category, it creates momentary confusion. Which for me, creates a unique opportunity to constructively create the impression I seek to gain, provided of course the individual is willing to listen. I also believe that alot of people respond to the energy that I unconsciously emit, which could easily lack congruency of power if I was to wobble along in 5" stilettos or my clothes were dirty, poorly coordinated, or didn't fit properly.

How do I see the world? I'd have to say that I don't get attached to any success or failure. I think success is a distraction for some people. They get so happy that they have what they want, that they stop exhibiting the behaviors that got them there in the first place. And failure can be equally distracting, for instead of viewing the response of the world as mere feedback to get them back on course, they fall back into behaviors of their old self, their former self that wasn't getting them the results they wanted to begin with. I think this explains why people stagnate in any area of life, not just streetheeling.

Generally, I expect the best (I go out into the world assuming that people will view my heels as a quirky fashion statement) am prepared for the worst (I know my legal rights and how to enforce them), and tend not to get attached to any outcomes in life.

[thedesigner]

In my experience, most people do a double take and think "whatever"; i've sat on the late train with my heels proudly on the seat opposite and evrybodys looked but not interfered; i've worn skinny jeans tucked into purple suede heel boots and not caused a stir on the tube; nowadays fashion - including ethnic dress - is so varied, that people at worst think oh another nutter, and at best, admire my heels, jewellery and perfume (as had happened). Wont go round the gorbals tho.....

[Thighbootguy]

Everyone - Thank you all for an enlightening discussion. I am delighted that the image presented in the Larson cartoon is not how we think the world sees us, and from my experience, and that of others, it is not how the world sees us. We might be seen as a little weird, or different to the rest of the world but tell me one free spirited person that doesn’t appear that way. I kind of take it as a complement. Thanks again. TBG

[JeffB]

Everyone -

Thank you all for an enlightening discussion.

I am delighted that the image presented in the Larson cartoon is not how we think the world sees us, and from my experience, and that of others, it is not how the world sees us. We might be seen as a little weird, or different to the rest of the world but tell me one free spirited person that doesn’t appear that way. I kind of take it as a complement.

Thanks again.

TBG

I think that another factor that's just as important is how we look at ourselves when we're in heels. If we look at ourselves and see a well dressed person from head to toe who's confident and comfortable with our appearance, then we project that image onto the rest of the world and in turn, we aren't looked upon as some sort of oddity, even if we're wearing footwear assocaited more with the opposite sex. That particular factor shouldn't at all be ignored.

[Thighbootguy]

JeffB-

Considering how we look at ourselves is an excellent point!

I went back and looked and I have posted my “look in a full length mirror” advice 38 times. If you are comfortable with how you appear to yourself, you will project am image of confidence that goes a LONG way to having others accept you. By the way, this idea does not just apply to wearing heels/boots. If you are confident in yourself, then you are much more in control of whatever situation you find yourself in.

After the previous discussion, I think that even if we are extremely confident, guys in heels are, at least for a little while yet, are going to be considered a little different. But then, isn’t that part of the fun? If everyone went out wearing heels, I’ll bet there would be a web site for folks that thought wearing flats was the really exciting. (No offence to the folks that like to wear flats intended).

[HighBoots]

The reactions will wary depending on the type of people you meet anyway ...

I got some teen girl laugh at me in a mall when I was wearing those (5cm heels):

Yesterday, I roamed in several shop wearing my 11cm heel New Rock cowboy boots without a single reaction ... (sorry, no self pic yet, sister has my digital camera).

You can get a negative reaction during a very short outing wearing pretty "neutral" shoes, and no reaction at all during a much longer outing wearing way more "outrageous" ones.

It only takes an idiot ...

[loveheel]

I don't think one can answer this question. The rest of the world is not of a single mind. I have had people genuinely compliment me saying that my sandals look very nice on me. The same outfit may draw giggles from other's. I think we are too sensitive to this issue. A women that tries out new outfits regularly is bound to make errors as well. I am sure she gets commented on behind her back by others. And as for teenage girls, remember that they make fun of everything, not just a guy in heels. It is a way to profile their own identity. I have said this elsewhere, but the rules of style are not that different for guys than for women. Shoes that look coordinated with an outfit and with your body will create a good image. Less successful matches may raise eyebrows. I don't think that is any different for women. Just go to a mall and observe the stares a women in mini-skirt and 5 inch heels gets.

[jmc]

HighBoots, I see absolutely nothing wrong with either of the boots you have shown us. The 5cm western boots look like cowboy boots you can see anywhere in the U.S. The New Rocks are a little bit more dashing with their flame detail and higher heels. But they are perfectly fine too. I'm getting to like them more every time I see them -- might have to invest in a pair before long. . . loveheel is correct, young girls will giggle at anything. They may not have been giggling at your fashion choice either, they may have been giggling at something they saw on TV or one of their friends. We have a tendency to internalize apparent criticism when we know we have made an out-of-the-mainstream choice. Even if you know they were giggling at you, they could well have done the same had you been wearing combat boots.

[thedesigner]

It's v true, some will think 2" heels are weird, some will think 5" are brilliant. Remember the Ricky Nelson song Garden Party : "You can't please everybody, so you gotta please yourself" Sing it as you go along!!

[Elegant]

We have a tendency to internalize apparent criticism when we know we have made an out-of-the-mainstream choice.

That's quite right in my case, and- UNFORTUNATELY- depends on my subconscious mind instead of the conscious one. It usually is a real pain in the butt!

BTW, HighBoots - I love your cowboys, they look beautiful to me.

[johnieheel]

Sun, My wife and I went to the gym and to dinner and a little shopping as usuall. We both started out wearing our Mary Jane's. She had pants that just went to the knee and looked really cute. Lot of looks and comments. I wore long black boot cut and didn't even get noticed, k, maby a little. First we stopped at a dollor store, got gass, went to the gym. I changed into my cowgirl boots and we went to a nice resturant in Canton. She still got all the attention. We was seated in the middle of the floor where my heels were in full view. The whole time I tried not to think of what I was wearing or was anybody looking at me. I had complete confidence and it was great. I'm sure I got a few looks but I didn't even notice or care cause I was dressed for me! After, we stopped at our local Wallmart, walked all around the store with eyes on her feet. I believe people that noticed my heels just thought they were normal for a man, just a little higher than usuall. 3". A great day of heeling. Can't wait till this weekend. I think I'll keep the marry janes on. It really is all about confidence.

[Guest]

yeah Johnnyheel, thats the whole idea, is to ALWAYS dress for your SELF, who CARES what others may or may not think, assuming that they look in the 1st place! we Humans are not a nation or race of mind-readers, so it never matters what strangers think of any one who "stands out" from the sheep-like clones we all call "THE CROWD"

[benthere]

I think a lot of it depends on what kind of heel we're wearing and how we come across. Given the same outfit (jeans and a decent shirt), I'd garner a lot more looks, and more negative ones, if I were wearing spaghetti strap stillettos and acting with feminine gestures than I would if I were wearing heeled boots and acting myself.

[Platformdude]

It depends on each person's own ideas of how the world is put together. My wife might not like it too much, but she lets me dress as I please, and I let her do the same (She's not a fan of heels, but I married her because she's a wonderful person, not for her shoes). To a lot of young people, driven by the urge to conform, we look pretty ridiculous because we're not fulfilling our roles as assigned by the culture around us. To people who are more in touch with themselves and more confident, we probably look rather inspirational. To a lot of women, especially younger women, we look sort of daft, because for young women, men are seen as the ultimate accessory, and they want their men (as one woman put it) baroquely big and in control, striding the world like a colossus fueled on testosterone. It's funny: women complain that men want a blonde chesty floozy in high heels, and grouse that real women aren't that way, but men can't complain about the fantasy male that many women want: a brute of a dude who breathes fire and bench presses locomotives, but also knows his somewhat reduced place in the post-feminist world. I've found more acceptance among older people who have done some living and had a chance to see that their fantasies and the demands of the culture are all just shifting vapors and illusions.

[thedesigner]

the thing is right, after a while i forget i'm wearin heels at all..... and you will too..... u dont have a problem and as soulmate said to me youve got the bollox to wear them so why should i care.......

[L.K.]

I get looks all the time when I am out in my motorcycle gear. I have a full leather sportbike suit I ride in (it's great looking and very safe gear to wear). It never bothers me when people look. It has led to some interesting conversations about where I ride or why all the gear, or nice jacket, or what bike do you have? The rest of the world? Billions of opinions. All of them are there own. Have your own, be yourself, enjoy, smile, have fun.