Gripe with the board

[sscotty727]

I've been keeping something inside now for a while that has been bothering me about this board and I have finally decided I need to say something about it. I've talked to a few people individually about this, but I think I really need to take it to the masses instead of individuals. I understand there are alot of guys here that want to get noticed, wear stilleto heels, wear skirts, makeup, even go out in full fem. That is great, that is wonderful. More power to you. However, there are also alot of us that just like the feel of wearing heels and would rather wear them descretely. Some of us have family (wife, kids) and most of us have jobs where we can't go to work in blantent heels if any at all. We don't care to just walk into a store and try them on, but would rather just get them descretely. Yet somehow, I feel like we are put down, talked down to, told we wear "boring shoes". I myself wear wedge type heels during the week for work, and wedge/block heels on the weekends. I have a wife who I am lucky lets me do even that and 3 girls I need to be sensitive around wearing heels. No I can't go out in thin stilletos, nor will I. I have no desire to wear a skirt nor do I want to become fem. I am a guy who just likes the feeling of walking in a heel. Also, most of the more "descrete" heels you get in my size (US 11) aren't very high. I am luckly if I can find a 3" heel. I'd prefer a 4" heel. So I have to make due and make inserts to give me the "extra" life. I've done this and they are very comfortable. I've offered my suggestion on here to get blasted on how dumb an idea that is. If you don't like it, fine, ignore the advice. I don't need to be blasted. Also, I have posted pics of the shoes I wear only to get told "those are ugly/boring shoes". Fine. You wonder why people leave this board. There is the reason. I am starting to feel more and more and more each day, if you aren't one pushing the envelope, you get ignored or chastized. How do you expect to be accepted in your fem wear if you trash those of us who would rather go more conservative? What, this is an all or nothing board? Back when I first joined, there were alot more friendly people who accepted any and all people for what they wore and took all advice as positive. I am seeing less and less of that. If that is the direction of this board, fine, I've gotten to the point where I can wear what I want on a daily basis. If you would rather I didn't share that, fine, I won't. I just hope you can see where your being hypocrital by asking for acceptance but talking down to those who don't wish to push the envelope all the way. Scotty

[taliheels]

ive seen a lot of what i would call "those are ugly/boring shoes"- however i choose not to pass comment, and yet to my utter surprise i see comments like "great really sexy shoes" regarding these shoes in 9 out of 10 times (on other websites aswell)- so i cant say i can relate to your experience. i too have wife /kids and a hidden activity but i like to wear as high as possible - platform wearers undeservidly get far more negative comments

[sendra45]

Hi there, This is the high heels forum, not spikey, pointy or sexy. For us guys that wear the higher cowboy boot or the less female heels this forum is becoming less interesting. sure, the feel of a 5.5 inch heel is without a doubt awsome, but (and some of you wont belive this) not everyday wear but most of us. Not all of us are working our way up to 9 inch platforms, some of us might like to be a little different, thats all. Take our own JT-Turbo, does anybody know what he likes to wear? No, I thought not, but if there was a really great pair of high heel cowboy boots for sale on ebay, I bet you it would get his attention. I think the site does not have enough positive comment for the less exotic heel. Please remember that some of us have a different need out of heels. we are all different. wish this site had an in built spell checker. Nigel.

[Arctic]

Same for me. More than 4 1/2" is uncomfortable for me so I don't buy them nor talk about them. Shoes that nowadays buy are practically all between 1/4" and 4 1/4"... I like great looking shoes but don't seek the attention and rather go by unnoticed. I wear women's shoes but not because they are women's. Í have an interest in shoes just because I like them, the way they look, the way they feel, the material they are made of, the craftsmanship that has gone into them etc. I think most people used to share these interests when the board was young. I also have the impression that nowadays the majority of people on the board aren't any more of that nature - quite a few people seem to have some sexual incentive for wearing high heels. Also for me that's fine and all, but it's not my cup of tea. Most people with fetishes and/or sexual identity challenges here are polite, interesting individuals but their case is not mine, I have little advice to give to them so I stay on the background more and more. So I don't condemn them, and after all, freedom of speech is more important, but the board gets less interesting for me. I would say that it's also the reason why most ladies have deserted us. B

[BBLoverEric]

It is sad to hear these things. I know I personally don't come here for the social aspect of it but I can see what you are talking about. There are few areas where I can give input because of my lack of experience but what first drew me to heels was a picture of Ballet Boots I saw at the Sub Shop. Up until then I had no desire to wear them -- and even for a while after that -- but I had always been drawn to them. Now I am no so driven to wear them in public but I may evolve into that. People change and it can be quite dramatic. It just takes a certain stimulus. I do, however, notice fewer informational topics and more "OOOOOOO, I bought these, you like?" or "I saw these, should I get them?" or even "I have WAY too many shoes, but I just bought these." It gets to be silly at times. -Eric

[dr1819]

Hi, Scotty.

I'm afraid I may have been one of the ones who "blasted" you. If so, please accept my sincerest apologies.

I've worn heels for the past several years, and fully agree with you with respect to being discrete. I think that if the concept of men wearing heels is ever to reach critical mass in the world's fashion markets, it's only going to happen with more discrete, masculine heels appearing on the runways (and Jason Ritter), and not with heels that far more feminine in design.

While my tastes are varied, my personal preference for heels in the privacy of my home are 4" tapered-heel leather boots. But they're noticeable (visually and audibly) so in public I'm usually wearing leather boots with 2-1/2" block rubber heels. I wear pants the vast majority of the time in public but skirts as home.

I fully understand your need for discretion around your wife and particularly your children. I've never worn heels in view of my son, with the only exception being a short period several years ago when I believed it was better for him to be brought up knowing Dad's preference for wearing heels. I've since changed my mind about this, in large part due to the ridicule he once received when he told some kids at school that "my Dad wears girl shoes."

Men wearing heels simply because they like the feel and look of the shoe is a fashion choice. Men wearing heels because heels are sexy is a fetish. Hey - look it up (www.m-w.com).

Until society itself changes, until men wearing heels simply becomes accepted as simply another fashion choice, like men wearing earrings, things will probably remain much the same. This, however, is a long-term education process, and most successful route lies along the lines of conservative, less feminine, more masculine styles. Along these lines tapered and block heels rule, particularly with black leather. If stilettos float your boat, fine, but don't expect your wearing stilettos to improve society's overall acceptance of the practice of men wearing heels. When it comes to human psychology, pushing the envelope gently does the trick, while "in your face" behavior usually has mild to severe repurcussions.

Kudos, Scotty, for standing up and saying something.

I would like to add, however, just one parting shot, that the breeze is very comfortable while wearing a skirt... Have you ever considered a kilt or a Macabi skirt? Both are made for men and are actually quite acceptable...

Ok, ok! Just a thought!

And to be honest, I really which I could find a pair of 4" black leather boot wedges in my size. Unfortunately, they usually stop at US 11.

[dr1819]

I wear women's shoes but not because they are women's. Í have an interest in shoes just because I like them, the way they look, the way they feel, the material they are made of, the craftsmanship that has gone into them etc.

Bingo, Bert. I find both the look and feel of men's shoes to be rather "overlarge and clunky."

I once compared a woman's heel and a man's shoe by wearing each on different feet. I found the woman's heel to be graceful, elegant, and it felt light and comfortable. I found the men's shoe to be overly bulky, clunky, and it weighed about twice what the woman's heel weighed! Felt like wearing a brick, to be honest with you.

[hoverfly]

Well said Scotty, Hay I still wear chunky heels, with my pants covering most of the heels. I do however some time wear on pair of boots that I am comfortable with all the 4" of the heel showing. The so called boring shoes represents more of a masculinity than femininity, these are the shoes I am more comfortable to wear. But some day maybe I will stilettos out in public, I have several pairs of boots to wear.

[azraelle]

Bingo, Bert. I find both the look and feel of men's shoes to be rather "overlarge and clunky."

I once compared a woman's heel and a man's shoe by wearing each on different feet. I found the woman's heel to be graceful, elegant, and it felt light and comfortable. I found the men's shoe to be overly bulky, clunky, and it weighed about twice what the woman's heel weighed! Felt like wearing a brick, to be honest with you.

I'm a complicated mishmash--I agree with all both Bert and dr1819 said, I wear women's boots and shoes for comfort, and to relieve certain anatomical difficulties I have explained elsewhere, but I also wear women's shoes because they are feminine, and I still get sort of a rush out of it. That said, I probably will never own anything higher than 4-1/2"--because I simply don't find most women that I've actually seen wearing anything higher all that sexy or appealing--and I have found that that, more than anything else, is what drives my freestyling fancy. I want to experience wearing what I find to be sexy and attractive on women--which is why I have never had much interest in wearing skirts--I don't find them all that appealing on women either, although certainly more so than on men, particularly myself.

[sscotty727]

I appreciate all the feedback, and I am glad I am not the only one that has noticed such things or felt that way. We all get carried away with our own passions, so its easy to look at others as less exciting. As I said, I have nothing wrong with those that wish to push the envelop, stilleto heels, skirts, etc. It isn't that I don't like stilleto pumps nor that I wouldn't enjoy wearing them in outside, just the reality of my situation is I can't. I do wear them in the car (I posted some pics in another thread and need to post some new ones with my other car). I also went out to dinner one time with my sister-in-law wearing them (she was cool with it). But for me, it's pretty much wear them as a riske' thing and wear descrete heels otherwise. As I said, I do wear wedge heels to work (matter of fact, if you look at my avatar, you will see what I am wearing right this minute, except I have inserts in which give me maybe an inch boost). On the weekends (such as this past one), I wore my 3 1/2" block heel boots shopping (also with an insert inside). Depending on wear I am going and with whom, determine my level of riske'. For example, I had to take my daughters to dance/karate class as well. I felt the block heeled boots would stand out too much with my jeans, so I opted for my other (payless) wedges which are very similar to the ones in my avatar, except more streamlined. I also wear them around the house as "slippers" so my girls are used to seeing me in heels, just not pumps. Like DR, I want them to get used to seeing me in them. Of course I have my excuse handy, I wear them because of back problems (that way incase anyone SHOULD notice, they will feel like a jerk if they try to make fun of me infront of them, "he wears them for medical reasons jerk". On a side note, my 6.5yr old daughter broke a board with her FIST in karate class on the upper part, so I am sure people won't mess with her;). Also, last year I wore my wedge boots to my dad's funeral (found out on the last day I was to be a paul barrer, didn't find out until I was already there and in them). Not one person said a word and even though it was HEAVY, I did just find in them:) Anyway, I even though I don't wear stilleto pumps or skirts or whatever, doesn't mean I am not a high heel enthusiest. As you can see, I wear them daily around the clock, just more descrete styles. Not everyone has the luxury of being single and independent and saying "I don't care what you think". Scotty

[sscotty727]

OH, Also, That insert I came up with, I showed it to my younger sister-in-law (not the one I had dinner with, she doesn't know I have pumps, the older one does, she is a 60s generation "hippie"). Anyway, she loved the idea and I made her a pair. She said she will use them in her lower boots to give her more height. Scotty

[micha]

Hi there,

This is the high heels forum, not spikey, pointy or sexy.

For us guys that wear the higher cowboy boot or the less female heels this forum is becoming less interesting.

sure, the feel of a 5.5 inch heel is without a doubt awsome, but (and some of you wont belive this) not everyday wear but most of us.

Not all of us are working our way up to 9 inch platforms, some of us might like to be a little different, thats all.

Take our own JT-Turbo, does anybody know what he likes to wear? No, I thought not, but if there was a really great pair of high heel cowboy boots for sale on ebay, I bet you it would get his attention.

I think the site does not have enough positive comment for the less exotic heel.

Please remember that some of us have a different need out of heels.

we are all different.

wish this site had an in built spell checker.

Nigel.

Naturally we all are different! I like Cowboy boots, especially high heeled cowgirl boots But I have abandonned discussions with jt-turbo. A never ending story I don't care for JT's preferences because he's definitely unable to understand other opinions.

micha

[sscotty727]

DR, From my other post (another use for heels), you might have misunderstood my "issue" with the board. First off, I never said I don't like stilletos. I very much like them. I wear them in PRIVATE (have pumps at home for "alone" times with the wife and also recently got a pair of 7" spiked boots, I posted the pics somewhere on here) and now I've started carrying a pair of pumps in my car and drive in them as I have a 2hr (one way, takes maybe 1.5 hours the other way) commute to work daily! What I can't do and won't do is go openly in public in them, for obvious reasons (family, work, etc). My grip was over it felt like people here only viewed the block heel/wedge heel as an intermediate step between "man shoes" and "final step, 5" pumps". For me, the wedge/block heels are my final step for public consumption. In addition, my reasons for wearing heels aren't to be seen in them, they are purely for me to experience the feeling of walking in a heel. Therefore, I have no desire to wear clothes to "showcase" them but rather I wear clothes to "conceal" them. In the past, I've gotten "no, you need to let everyone see them, that is part of the fun". Ok, maybe for some, but my point is not everyone is there on that. In addition, not all of us want to go into a store and try them on. I am happy to go in, show my wife what I want and then let her buy them for me. Matter of fact, this is equally fun for me because it gives us something to do as a team. Also it brings her into the fold of helping me get them, which enhances me being able to wear them, etc. My last point in my original rant was the negative feedback on the inserts. Yes I agree, "just get higher better fitting shoes". Well, find me a pair of 4" wedge heels in a US size 11 (that isn't also a platform), and I will be the first one there. Unfortunately, they don't make such shoes (unless you wish to do this Dr Shoe?). So my options are left to wearing the lower heel which I don't like or creating an insert to give me the 4" lift in the descrete shoe, which I have. And they are very comfortable and I wear them daily. So for me it works. I understand it may not work for you or others, but for those of us that it does work, please don't put us down over it. Anyway, that was what my rant was all about. I hope I have clearified things. Scotty

[BobHH]

Gee, I always thought my favored 6"+ platforms were looked down (or up?) on by many. I would love to wear them out (except they can be treacherous) like Wht6inchHeels does. They have been derided here as stripper shoes, and I almost left the board at one time because of that. I haven't noticed the milder styles being badmouthed. There are more postings and pictures on wearing of high heeled boots than there used to be, and those tend to be more exciting than the plainer shoes, so more attention is being drawn to them. I think it is just evolution in pushing the boundaries of men's heel wearing, and that is good, but it does tend to shift the interest to these styles and make those with more conservative tastes or habits feel a little left out, probably.

[BobHH]

My major gripe with this board is that after I log on, it logs me off the first time I click on a forum. Then, after logging back on, all the unread indications are gone. The other major gripe is that, when attempting to post a message, the board frequently cannot be found after pushing "submit." Subsequent attempts to find it are unsuccessful until a half hour later. Of course, the post is lost.

[Calv]

Hmm, Scotty, You have point. (This is Xaphod on Calv's computer BTW) I don't have wife, kids and I'm now retired, so I'm lucky in the respect that, for me, jobs, kids etc don't matter. There's the obvious downside isn't so bad for me because, since I was a kid I've always been 'the cat that walks alone'. So far as my heeling is concerned, I'm enjoying the freedom my ideas. The benefit for others on the board is that they are free to explore their own wishes, be they within or outside my envelope. The more shy can take comfort in the knowledge that there are those out there that are doing wilder things, encouraging those taking their first steps to achieve whatever they want. Xa

[chris100575]

I don't wear heels in public either. I have a strong preference for stilettos, and in my opinion they're not suitable for public wearing. The closest I usually get is trying them on before I buy, and I don't always do that. Although I'm sure every time I've bought a pair of women's boots the shop staff have known they were for me anyway! I also usually wear 4" heels as this seems to be about as high as you can get in "normal" women's shoes. If you enjoy wearing wedges, chunky heels or cowboy boots more power to you especially if you're wearing them as part of your daily life with the support of your family. Chris

[flavio]

I'm a stiletto fan and wear it just at home. I don't even have the courage to wear block or rubber heels at the streets. I would never blame out anyone who likes block heels, wedge heels, cowgirls heels, cuban heels or even low heeled and flat women's shoes (there's a discussion about it also). I'm here to defend the freedom of choice of what you want to wear and I think that the majority of the good guys here are the same. The forum is about high heels, what I love and that's why I'm here, and I want to obtain the balls to street heeling, the forum is helping me a lot. But I think that if some of the good friends here are feeling like a fish out of the water, please, aways let everybody knows, like this topic. This is the best way to keep a comunity toghether.

[sendra45]

Naturally we all are different! I like Cowboy boots, especially high heeled cowgirl boots But I have abandonned discussions with jt-turbo. A never ending story I don't care for JT's preferences because he's definitely unable to understand other opinions.

micha

I understand, but he came here in the first place because he likes high heels, but not the pointy sexy type and I cant imagine him being a Cross dresser,

not the best example of an descrete guy but you get my drift.

Nigel.

[sscotty727]

Ok, Ok, this isn't a bitch about JT thread. I understand you have issues with him, but I don't want this to become a trash JT thread. Thanks, Scotty

[taliheels]

since using this site i have identified 3 types of wearers 1high heel wearers like me for example 2those who wear womens shoes and not necessarily high heels 3and those who think they're wearing high heels - but in reality arnt

[sscotty727]

So according to you, since I don't wear stilleto heels, I am not wearing heels????? It's exactly that attitude that pisses me off. If you aren't wearing pumps, your not wearing heels.

[hoverfly]

I believe this board at one time established that a high heel is somthing 3" and up with no platform.

[sscotty727]

A "heel" should be anything that raises the back of the foot. What is appealing to one person may not be to another. For example: Dawn enjoys wearing block heels JeffB likes thin heeled pumps with pointy toes dr1819 likes rounded toes I like wedge heels All are high heels. We are all different, I wouldn't expect everyone to want to wear wedge heels more than I want someone to tell me I have to wear pumps or else I am not wearing a heel. The important thing to me isn't who has the highest heel or who is showing off more, but that we are all doing what makes us happy. This board is about people with a common thread, high heels. This is suppose to be a place where we ALL can come together to share our passion, swap ideas and advice as well as success stories. Excluding people based on style or height to me is just as guilty as people that say men should never wear heels. How do we expect others to be open minded with men wearing heels if we are closed minded amoungst ourselves? Scotty

[Shafted]

Scotty, I think for the most part, that if people somehow put you down here it wasn't intended. I myself am one of those stiletto wearers that wear them in public without hiding them whatsoever. Stilettos are just my thing. While occasionally other heel/shoe designs I find appealing, sometimes that even includes platforms (omg: did I actually just write that). When somebody post a picture of a particular shoe to get a response. They need to expect to get the good with the bad. I personally will not tell somebody I like them when I really don't. If someone wants to damn me for my honesty, so be it. Lying to boost someone's ego is still lying. The reality however is if I find I don't like them I just don't respond as there are plenty of other members here who might like the same thing. At my worst, I'll ussually say that they're just not my cup of tea. And I always try to give a pat on the back to anyone who street heels for the first time especially. It means alot to those people that want to get out of the house with their heels to get encouragement. Last time I knew it didn't take a great deal of courage to wear heels around the house. I suppose that I will always give the most support to those who openly wear heels in public for all to see. They are the front line solders who are paving the way for the acceptance of men in heels. Well that's my two cents.

[sscotty727]

Shafted, Excellent points. I never meant I expect others to gush "Oh, great looking shoes" on every post of every picture. First of all, I guess my point is just if you don't like them, you don't need to say anything such as "Oh, those are ugly". For example, ballet boots/shoes really do not a thing for me. I don't really wish to wear them nor do I find them sexy on someone else. However, there are those that do. So in those threads, I say nothing and I pretty much just don't read those threads. I don't go in and say "ug, ballet boots?". To me, going out in heels at all is bold enough, no matter if your hiding them or not, if they are stilletos or descete heels. Also, not all pictures are posted to say "Hey, aren't these sexy heels" but rather sometimes for the "Hey, were are shoes you could wear and not get bad comments". Also, at times it feels like everyone is pushing everyone to get to some point. For example, if the discussion comes up on how to buy heels descretely, comments will be made "No, go in and just buy them, try them on, don't get them descretely". Well, that is great if that is where you want to go, but for others it just feels like your being pushed. Or if a comment is made "Ok, now you need to show them openly" or "Ok, now you need to move up to thin heels". Perhaps not everyone wants to or can move up to the "next step". All I am trying to get at is everyone here is different in how far they wish to go and what styles they like/dislike or what they feel comfortable with in public. No matter what styles you like or don't like, no matter if you wish to be seen or not seen, I feel this board is suppose to be a support board to come together and share a common bond, encourage each other, offer advice (but not in a pushy/judgemental way), and share stories. At times it just feels like if you aren't "progressing" or not wearing anything "exciting" you are classified in a "boring" or not a real heel wearer. Not trying to ask for trouble here or slam anyone, just asking if maybe we can all be more sensitive and supportive of others and less judgemental. Thanks, Scotty

[Firefox]

I hope I haven't been negative about wearing heels discretely in the past. Apologies if I have. The reason I encourage guys to be bolder about wearing their heels is that many people believe the sky will fall on their head if they do so in public and it simply isn't true. If only they would get out there and do it, they would find out, so that's why I have to be honest about it. Actually I wear a great variety of different shoes, anything from wedge heels to stilettos, so I think they all have their place.

[taliheels]

So according to you, since I don't wear stilleto heels, I am not wearing heels????? It's exactly that attitude that pisses me off. If you aren't wearing pumps, your not wearing heels.

you in your haste have misread my comments -im a fan of all types of high heels- not just stilletoes, you could be wearing 7inch stilletoe heels - but if theyre lace ups or ballets-(so its a combo of heel height and type of shoe) they do nothing for me in particular.so my attitude isnt what you misguidedly thought

[sscotty727]

Firefox, Not directly, just a general sense I have gotten over time since I joined the board. I definitely can appreciate you and others pushing others to be bold, but not all of us can or want to for a variety of reasons. For me, the main reason is work and family. Even though I am unable to get on the "cutting" edge of wearing thin heels or longer pants to show my heels, I have gained alot of strength from the board to wear heels at all. Truth me told, the idea of wearing heels in public at all never even occured to me before joining the board. Once I got the idea, I "tested the waters" a bit and finally settled into my current lifestyle, wedge heels to work, block heels outside of work. So far the the combination has worked great and that is pretty much as far as I am going to push things, except maybe a fling here or there as in the dinner with my sister-in-law or maybe a movie with my wife (which by the way the annversary get away got postponed due to financial constraints). I just felt like sometimes we all get caught up and maybe push people beyond where they are comfortable and that makes people not want to post or just leave. I know myself on serveral occasions stopped posting for just that reason. Taliheels, I appologize for misreading and over-reacting to your comments. I am glad to hear your more open minded, and no I would never expect anyone to like everyones style, but I would hope we all would respect each others choices and limits. Scotty

[lorriette]

COMFORTABLE WITH, has to be the key factor with anyone. I appreciate that some here may never actually wear the beloved items, yet share the passion through pages like these. Each of us has an ideal, but it might not be the same one for all of us. The site title is well chosen, constructive critiscism is fine, but please, don't put down those who's m.o. is not the same as yours.