How does your wife/SO view your shoe wearing?

[Firefox]

It's not such a common activity, guys wearing heels, but we at the board don't see why this should become more mainstream fashion than it is at the moment. Indeed this is happening albeit slowly. But how does your partner view your fashion choice?

[Francis]

My wife thinks it's pretty cool that I wear heels. She prefers the block style rather than thinner heels, reckons they look better on me than stilettos Now she starting to influence the boots I'm buying. We were in BeWise a few weeks ago and she spotted a pair and said they'd look great on me. So I tried them on there and then. She was right. Just a pity I didn't have enough to buy them Oh well. So all of you closet cases who think your wife won't accept it, try it. Mine didn't at first, but she soon came round

[Highluc]

My wife tolerates my heels and says it's my problem if I look ridicule. She allows me to wear whatever I want when I'm by myself and at home. When we go out together she is more critical about the styles but accepts me wearing not to exuberant styles, as long as everything is coordinated. Heel height is of no importance in this, but I volontarely limit myself due to her being 6 inches smaller and always wearing flats. On cold days in winter she doesn't say anything if I elect to wear my 6-inch platform wedges to keep warm. She prefers I abstain for wearing heels when we know we are going to meet friends or relatives and I accept this slight inconfort because of the pleasure she allows me the rest of the times.

[Dave Lipstick]

My wife is plain agnostic to it and I respect that.

[loveheel]

I can answer this one since I just asked her. She answered she takes it "with a grain of salt". I think she is still getting used to it.

[quartz]

my former girlfriend was fine with me wearing heels at home, but objected very strongly to me wearing them in public, despite the fact that i used to get compliments all the time from people that we would run into. this was a very sad state of affairs, and was one of the reasons that we broke up. since then i have met quite a few heel-tolerant women and a few that were really enthusiastic about experimental fashion. the next girlfriend will have to be more broad minded than the last one was.

[Phoenix]

Wish i could say she liked me wearing heels but alas, she does not.

[BobHH]

The BW was very supportive of my wearing heels although she rarely did, herself. We went shopping together, and she took the pictures. Alas, no more. Sob!

[Phil]

Most of my public heels have a rather small heel my wife does not comment much. However if we are going out together she may ask me not to wear any "HIGH HEELS". She doesn't wear anything over 2" heel, I'm working on getting to try something higher.

[Tech]

Well my girlfriend knew about my heel wearing before we even met for the first time, and she was quite excitied about it, since then she has had lots of fashion idea's and loves going shoping with me around the shoe shop's in oxford street and wimbledon, she even tries on the heels before i do, if she doesnt like them then chances are i wont like them either, she is an absolute diamond to go shopping with and really loves the chunky heels on guy's, she always has lots of feedback to offer on the photos other guys send in to my website and on heels i point out to her while shopping i would wish a woman like mine on all of you guy's

[hades]

She's OK when I'm home. Since I'm not comfortable going outside in heels, that's not a big problem. She's getting a lot better about it fortunately.

[GerryG]

My wife is very supportive of my heel wearing and is the reason I have the guts to wear them in public. Gerry

[Electroman]

My GF doesn't seem to support my liking to heels nor forbids it either.

For the past 1.5 years i've been wearing them, she's been the same. However also, I believe that it isn't the heel height that seems to bother her, its more like what does the shoe look like from the front! Its not what I expected but makes sense to me when I think about it simply.

For example, 1.5 years after we started dating, (and 1.5 years ago, which leads to 3.0 years dating) I suddenly thought it to be real neat to wear women's sandals. So I started to buy the fake brown leather sandals with no heels. She agreed on the styles. Then one night I wore my payless mannish laceup oxfords with 2.5 inch block heel (many of you may remember them). She cried asking why I wanted to wear them. But she also was gonna buy that same pair(smaller size of course ). So to make up for it I bought her some new boots. ( I Wanted her to wear boots anyway).

Since then, she has been with me in the payless's and I try on new men's and women's shoes. No real problem here.

To add to the story I got for 8 bucks some used laceup boots with 2 inch rubber heels from a thrift store. She was soso on them. I think they look masculine but after I wore them a few times with her, she told me one day while we were in Walmart that they definately look like women's boots. I learned that it wasn't the heel but the style of shoe that affects her.

Months passed. In payless again(to her request), and her and I split up in the store. She goes to size 7's and I go to size 12's in women's. Then I walk back to her. She asks me if I found anything. So we walk back and I show her a pair I like. She's cool with it. In fact, she really likes the pair of block heeled velcro strapovers I selected. She reminded me that they look like men's shoes and liked them on me. Unfortunately they were size 11's and were too small:

http://www.payless.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce3/CategoryDisplay?cgmenbr=5000&cgrfnbr=15177273&prrfnbr=8934500&tlcname=Women&size=6.5&cg2rfnbr=&blc_cgnbr=15177256

(hope the link worked out, if not the payless shoe lot# is 13764)

I ended up special ordering size 12's for myself (largest size avail). She likes them and I wear them with her in public. I've gotten some glances from other girls and I think some younger guys and/or teen boys have followed me to check them out (in envy or curiosity, I don't know)

So this sorta proved to me it isn't what is in back of the shoe, more like what is in the front of the shoe that counts for her.

So she doesn't like the laceup boots but maybe some day I can get some zipup boots with block heels that look mannish.

Well that's my story with my SO in a nutshell.

[Heelson]

oooo - first post! My wife is completely ok with me wearing heels - in the house. She's more nervous about me "being seen" outside than I am. So, in the interests of harmony, I don't push it too much - just the occasional walk in the dark where we won't be seen. Her nerves are more about the reaction that friends/neighbours would have, and it then affecting the kids. But we also go shoe shopping together quite often (she's probably more into heels than I am - which means completely into them!), and she's quite happy about buying a couple of pairs at the same time - in rather different sizes

[Debbie(HK)]

Do any of you guys wear stiletto heels out? I can imagine some wearing the cowboy type boots, which I have seen from time to time, but I've never come across a guy in stiletto heels. Just wondering. Debbie

[Trolldeg]

I've worn stilettos out. Once to school when I first got them, but I find them a bit unpractical, heel keeps finding cracks to get stuck in. Now it's mostly for parties I wear stilettos. And to keep in line with the thread, I don't have any GF or SO, and if I find one, she'll have to accept, and approve of my style of clothing.

[Francis]

I used to wear stilettos, I stil have some, but I'm told they don't look as good on me now that I have added another 1.5 stone to my smallish frame. After I have lost some of this excess I shall be able to wear them again, but then only for parties.

[xaphod]

I had a phone call from a friend whom I've known since '79. Along with the friendship of the years, Ruth and I have some tenuous business links. For most of last year, I used to visit wearing my 4" block heels and sometimes, leather trousers. Ruth was usually more interested in the trousers and didn't seem to notice the boots (she is a bit short-sighted). Just before Christmas I appeared in my new 5" Cyprianou boots with ordinary trousers. We went for a drink and a meal as normal, before returning to her place. Either she was being diplomatic, or short-sighted, but she apparrently didn't notice. Suitable liqueurs in hand, I asked her what she tought of my new boots. She was surprised at the height of the heel and even more amazed when I rolled my trouser leg up to reveal they were knee-high. I had come prepared with photos of my heel collection and launched into an explanation that there were the male equivalent of female shoe freaks. I noted that our usual comfortable companionship had suddenly become strained. Although the time passed pleasantly, it wasn't as enjoyable as usual. When I left, I thought that I would keep a low profile for a while to see what Ruth would do. There has been little contact in the meanwhile, except for business. Today Ruth phoned about business and mentioned that she had put a catalogue in the post for me. Surprised, I asked what the catalogue is about. "Shoes," Ruth replied, "I thought you might like that." More news as it happens.

[terayon]

sadly, i havent gotten up the nerve to tell anyone about my passion for wearing womens heels = I dont know if I will ever be able to tell my mom, i think she would understand...but i wouldnt know how to approach it...if i just walked around wearing my 4.5inch heel knee high boots out of the blue for no apparent reason, it would be very odd, and she would ask "why are you wearing those!" or "where did you get those" and since i told her i was using her credit card to buy a new hard drive id have to lie..or tell the truth and look really wierd...i dunno...im just going to sort of hide them poorly in my closet and hope that maybe someday she would approach me, it would be much easier then...but I wouldnt wear them openly in the house anyway, I just know my sister, who is 2 years older than me would tell all her friends and all my friends about it =( the last thing i need is everyone in the school thinking im some sort of freak! i dunno...i really wanna tell my mom, maybe some day! Today i was wearing them when she came into my room, i tucked my legs under the desk, she didnt notice though!

[Yamyam]

I've just met a new SO. After plucking up the courage, helped by her showing off her latest purchase (how jealous was I?!?) I told her. Her initial reaction was "Oh." Since then, she's said she doesn't mind, as long as she doesn't have to see it at the moment. But who knows how things will change. She is mad on shoes too, and so my fingers are crossed . But whatever happens, I'm glad I told her.

[hoverfly]

Sounds like a good time for the two of you to intergrated your love for shoes together. Having a common interest in a relationship helps strengthen it. If your BF hasn’t established a style of shoes for him self, why not look around and suggest what you think you like to see on him? Maybe you don't think stilettos and satrappy sandals are your idea of a man's high heel shoe. Maybe boots or closed shoes with a chunky or not so chunky heel? Maybe start with a lower heel? This might help you get comfortable with the idea of him wearing heels. I bet you love to shop for cloths as well? How about shopping outfits for your BF to go with those heels? Jeans, t-shirt, and heels may not go over well. But a sharp dressed man? You might not be so focused on his shoes then. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-02-28 17:41 ]</font>

[hhpumps]

at first my s/o was a little miffed. however, i think she just tolerates me wearing high heels. she wears them all the time. i mostly wear them around the house and not outside unless it's just in athe back yard. she's gotten used to me wearing heels all day. thinks i have too many pairs. all of them are stiletto heels. she must be all right with it since we have been married for 30 yrs,

[Yamyam]

On 2002-02-28 17:15, hoverfly wrote:

Sounds like a good time for the two of you to intergrated your love for shoes together. Having a common interest in a relationship helps strengthen it. If your BF hasn’t established a style of shoes for him self, why not look around and suggest what you think you like to see on him? Maybe you don't think stilettos and satrappy sandals are your idea of a man's high heel shoe. Maybe boots or closed shoes with a chunky or not so chunky heel? Maybe start with a lower heel? This might help you get comfortable with the idea of him wearing heels. I bet you love to shop for cloths as well? How about shopping outfits for your BF to go with those heels? Jeans, t-shirt, and heels may not go over well. But a sharp dressed man? You might not be so focused on his shoes then.

Interesting advice there. Well, (being as I do know who 'anonymous' is in this case ) I hope we'll be able to give it a try.

And yes, I'll bear with you, coz you're worth it! (sound of hundreds of registered users thinking that's really soppy)

[Arctic]

Mine still freezes when I try to address the issue, there has been very little progress for a year in the case now. She says that she expects her husband to be masculine, and this tears this picture apart. She's also frightened of the idea that somebody of her friends or family would see me somewhere in heeled shoes and that they would start gossiping behind our back. She also thinks that there must be some kind of sexual deficiency connected to this behaviour, despite me trying to convince her of the opposite. Strangely enough she's very smart, academically educated, well traveled, communicative, open minded, but that doesn't make it any easier to see through the prejudices...

[Tacchi Alti]

We've been through a lot of those things, often with tearful scenes. The first is the assumption that I must be gay or a risky pervert. Then it's the line that women's clothes shouldn't be worn by men. Finally accepting that I've no desire whatsoever to be or dress like a woman. Tolerating my heels in the house and garden and my Bertulli boots elsewhere, although terrified I'll fall down the stairs in them or otherwise do my ankles in, or be seen in them by other people. Actually packing my newest 4" loafers for a romantic few nights away when I was going to leave them at home for her sake.

[hoverfly]

On 2002-03-09 00:04, Bert wrote:

Mine still freezes when I try to address the issue, there has been very little progress for a year in the case now. She says that she expects her husband to be masculine, and this tears this picture apart. She's also frightened of the idea that somebody of her friends or family would see me somewhere in heeled shoes and that they would start gossiping behind our back. She also thinks that there must be some kind of sexual deficiency connected to this behaviour, despite me trying to convince her of the opposite.

Strangely enough she's very smart, academically educated, well traveled, communicative, open minded, but that doesn't make it any easier to see through the prejudices...

My wife is like yours as well. We have been going over this for over a year our selves. To You and I, we may halved just redefined the law of gravity, but to our wives, we changed it completely. How people adjust to change obviously varies. But in both of our cases, they did not take change very well at all.

When you are single it is so much easier to defend, and promote you high heel wearing in public. But when it comes down to your girl friend/wife, her friends, family, and maybe yours as well, there can be negative repercussions. If you can’t have her openly supporting you in front of them it’s best to leave your heels at home.

For my self I am thinking of others, out of respect, because of the fact it can cause some unnecessarily hardship between my wife, and her parents who lives in the same town as we do. They worked so hard from being a blue-collar family to having high paying white-collar jobs. Both parents went through collage when my wife was just a kid. In so having those white-collar jobs, there is a price to be paid. They have jobs where image is important. At times I end up rubbing the sticks between them, and make fire. So I try not to add oil to the fire. But some day they are going have to deal with my high heels. But that’s a time when my wife can be comfortable enough to stand up to them. But there is a positive to this, as my father in law ”like’s” shoes as well but of the flat kind. Mmmmmmmmmm… Makes you wonder. My mother in law is ridged. She is going to be the challenge.

Here are some thoughts, and experiences I learned over the past eight (no, nine!! yikes!!) years being in a long-term relationship (married for 6). As well as things that I am doing in trying to get my wife to accept, and eventually support me wearing hh out side in public.

You put her identity of a man, and her self in question. It’s just like as when you started exploring the desire to wear high heels. You were looking for the answers to these questions consciously and/or unconsciously. Who am I? What am I? What am I doing here? Is this all that I am? You may all ready halve answered those questions for your self or near completing it. The second set of questions has to deal with, WE, your relationship with each other as one. Who are we? What are we? What are we dong hear? Is this all we are? You may had to deal with only one question with your self in secrete, and now you are dealing with the other question, WE. Either the two you are doing it together and/or sparely. Unfortunately, for her, she is dealing with answering both sets of questions above at once. Whoooooo…. Overload.

Time, this is going to take a while. If you have just started wearing hh or have been wearing them secretly, you can wait to wear them out side or around you wife a little longer. If your high heel wearing is not going to go away, neither is the problem with your wife. You are going to have to talk about it.

Most likely starting off these discussions are going to be short. So be efficient and calm. But most of all listen to her, and think first before you speak!!! This tells her indirectly you are willing to spend the time it takes to develop an understanding. If she starts to be upset in any way stop talking, leave the room if you need to, or if you can, comfort her and don‘t push the discussion any further at that time. The two of you are going to compare apples and oranges a lot. So if you can’t come up with a good answer now, save the question for another time when you come up with an answer. Try not to stumble through the answers. She needs solid answers. You need to be confident in your self. Your confidence or lack of it will make things easier of difficult.

If you can, explore ideas that might make her open up a little. Just do it at home. Example: clothing shoe combinations. Pants that are to long for flat shoe wear can be hemmed up later if needed. I wore a pair of mid calf boots with a 2” heel and a pair of dress pants that were long enough to only show a little bit of the heel. I got a somewhat positive response from my wife. So I am working around that. As you know there a lot of points and ideas here on this board, that you can use. So I won’t go any further on this one.

Love and Tenderness. Try to live a “normal” life with out heels as much as you can for now. Be aware how she feels. Don’t carry a grudge, you will project it on her. It does nothing but make things worse. Most women function a lot more on emotions than logic at times, more times than you think. They respond to your emotions as well, so keep yours positive as best as you can. This will reinforce her emotions. Also it can reinforce the fact that you are not seeking an alterative live stile, or it’s a lack of sexual desire for her, you just want to wear high heels.

If you are wearing your hh at home and she comes in, distract her. Before she starts stewing about it in her head talk to her, but not any thing related to a shoe (I learned that the hard way). Maybe kiss, and hug her, say sweet nothings. But what ever you do show your self not your shoes. If she looks agitated it’s probably best if the shoes were removed from sight. If your hh has any sexual application I guess that part should be kept quite for now.

The truth is, for now this is an evolution in a relationship when this kind of thing happens. But some day men wearing high heels will be widely accepted with out any thought. As it was in the past, it will again, sooner or later. Obviously I think I would prefer it to be sooner.

Now if you have read this far. You think it’s has truth and value, you are taking your wife’s feelings seriously. Like I said in the beginning, you changed the law of gravity in her mind. Now if I wrote this in a masculine, male macho way, the short version of all it could have been simply said:

To the guys. You are going to have to take your male macho ego and stuff it. Pounding your chest, and just saying I am going to do, what I want to do, wither you like it or not (Figuratively speaking). Is not going to work. Now suck up to your wife/girl friend before she leaves you!!!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-03-09 08:12 ]</font>

[xaphod]

To quote Bert ------------------------------------------------------- Strangely enough she's very smart, academically educated, well traveled, communicative, open minded, but that doesn't make it any easier to see through the prejudices... ------------------------------------------------------- Aha, I wasn't out on a limb. That describes the love of my life in a nutshell. She was the CEO's secretary for a largish UK company (about 1000 employees), not necessarily leading from the front, but someone totally reliable and totally capable in organising things. Her relaxation was playing bridge. I remember one day sketchily describing a hand and bidding from one of my lunchtime games with work colleagues. I just play for fun, but what I found scary (and mightily impressive) was the way she assimilated the information, could apparently see the hands in front of her, and planned her strategy in less time it takes to read this. Anyway, after we had been seeing each other for about 6 months and thoughts were beginning to tend towards marriage, I decided to do the big 'fess up'. Cataclysm, tears, anger, sadness, contempt, love. I've never seen all this and more demonstrated by one person simultaneously. I was accused of being a transvestite and gay. She was so distraught that reasoning was beyond her. I tried to comfort her but she told me to just go. She went home to her parents, but when I tried to phone her there, I was told that I was not to try to contact her again. A few months later I managed to persuade her to join me for a beer (she drank real ale in pints), but, despite many other things we had in common, there was a gulf between us as if we were talking from opposite ends of the bar. She had moved forwards. I had had a lot of practice in rebuilding my psyche. I think we both parted yearning for what might have been, were it not for my damn heel fetish.

[hoverfly]

Wow!!! isn’t love grand? Something like that is really devastating for the both of you. Looks like you two did not know each other really well enough or long enough for her to handle it. Dammed if you do, tell right from the start, dammed if you don't. Save it for later (years) and see what happens. On another note. I noticed that allot of brilliant people seem to be a bit off center form the rest of us. I won't use the term normal because in reality nobody knows what normal is. But does any body have a wife who falls in to the average or just above average of the IQ percentile, that has been in a similar situation. When they discovered her man wearing high heels and how did she handle it?

[Firefox]

I'll be interested to see the answers, but I don't think IQ has much to do with common sense, empathy, or tolerance. I've met plenty of people who couldn't tell you what 49 & 81 had in common, or what was the next picture in the sequence, who had complete hearts of gold.

[Trolldeg]

Hey, I can't figure out what 49 and 81 has incommon! =/