Dissappointed

[yellow19821]

Now, I know this is talked about all the time on here,but I just wanted to vent my frustration! I have been wearing stillettos out and around for a while now and whilst my partner is fairly supportive we don't talk too much about it. So this week we went to bluewater shopping (its a shopping mall in kent for those that don't know) and I had finally said I would love to try some heels on instore for the first time. Aldo are some of my favourite shoes and they have recently started making their heels in a euro 42 1/2 which for me is great as a 42 is a little snug! So into Aldo we went and they had some gorgeous new heels in there, We were greeted by one of the sales assistants and continued to browse, I found two pairs that I loved and they were in the sale.....but for some unknown reason I bottled trying them on! I cant understand why, but i feel so disappointed in myself! anyway, rant over

[wxman25]

Maybe because your partner isn't really ok with it and you know it. In the end it's all about respect.

[Heelster]

It happens. Don't worry about it. Next time your out by yourself, do some shoe shopping and see if it feels different. Just recently, I went to a Nine West outlet store and had a great time. The sales associate was wonderful, and the other shoppers didn't seem bothered. Went to a DSW earlier in the day, and it felt like the whole store was watching intently. All in the same day - - - but I did buy my first pair of Nine West shoes.

[yellow19821]

Maybe because your partner isn't really ok with it and you know it. In the end it's all about respect.

Not the case, she is supportive of me wearing heels, this is why we went shopping together for the first time! in fact she was pointing out some of the stores for me to go and have a look around!

It happens. Don't worry about it.

Next time your out by yourself, do some shoe shopping and see if it feels different.

Just recently, I went to a Nine West outlet store and had a great time. The sales associate was wonderful, and the other shoppers didn't seem bothered.

Went to a DSW earlier in the day, and it felt like the whole store was watching intently.

All in the same day - - - but I did buy my first pair of Nine West shoes.

thanks heelster, maybe i put too much pressure on myself to finally do it

[HappyinHeels]

yellow19821, I want you to remember why your partner went shopping with you. It was to help you slay your mental demons. There is a small chance that someone may stare oneroulsy at you or even say something negative if you were alone but there is NO chance that this will happen (I've never heard of it) if you are shopping for heels in the company of your partner. That's why your partner was with you. I have tried on on heels in an array of different stores such as Macy's, Bakers, Aldo, Boston Store, DSW, and Sheikh Shoes in ten different states and also different stores in Canada and Brasil. I went in and shopped like anyone else and tried on what I wanted without any bad experiences. There have been times when someone walked in front of me or even sat next to me while i was trying on shoes and either nothing at all happened or there was a casual glance. The point is you are a customer with every right to be there like anyone else and should act like you belong there. Once this tenet permeates your psyche you'll never again doubt yourself. Self-doubt about any situation is what fuels frustration. Please keep us informed as to what happens the next time around. HappyinHeels

[Foxyheels]

Absolutely normal, a little bit of nerves, self doubt call it what you like. Probably be easy next time because you where so dissappointed and will be angry with yourself.

[Guest]

I agree with Foxy, It will come together. Whilst I haven't tried on in store I have been invited in my early days prior to Faith closing their stores. So far I have good fortune to only get a couple of shoes that were too narrow. Al

[Dr. Shoe]

I think it's because you're slightly embarassed about having your partner with you, not because she has a problem with you but because you have just a tiny doubt about her willingness to accept. I had the same feeling when I was with my former partner. The solution could be to look for stuff together and then split up and go back on your own to try them.

[SleekHeels]

I did that lots of times, getting as far as holding the heels in my hands but not taking the next step, feeling disappointed with myself afterwards. I would say "it's not easy" but in hindsight it is easy, we just tend to make it seem much more difficult in our minds.

Were the sale items something you could just take to a seat and try on, or would an assistant have to bring them to you? If one of those scenarios sounds more comfortable to you then maybe go for that next time. I mostly shop in self-service stores, but my first time was with an assistant and I think that probably helped because they should treat you just like any other customer and you can go with the flow. Also be polite and friendly to the assistants, it makes it a more fun and enjoyable experience for you and for them, and leaves a positive impression of guys who like to wear heels.

Another thing to think about (that I always harp on about) is to wear an outfit (it doesn't have to be womens clothes) that and you feel comfortable wearing with heels I find that gives me more confidence.

Just keep going to stores and putting yourself in different situations, you might back out a few times yet but you'll eventually go for it and wonder afterwards what the fuss was all about.

Edited August 20, 2012 by SleekHeels

[Steve63130]

Yellow, Look at this as a learning experience about yourself. You still have some demons in your head, but you got closer to trying on heels in the store with your partner than you ever did before, so in a sense you took a baby step and made a little progress. Think of the positive aspect of what you did, not the negative. Go for it again and I bet you achieve your goal and accomplish what you set out to do! Get over it and move forward! Steve

[hhboots]

This thread and SleekHeels comments made me think about something I haven't thought about until now. So, I buy about 1/3 of my shoes from the stores, the rest from online. When I do go to the stores, I just realized, I tend to always go to the self-service type of stores, where all the sizes are on the rack, and you put them on yourself, etc. I can only remember going a few times in my life to the types of stores where you have an sales assistant helping you the whole time, and my wife was with me each time. So apparently, I don't like to do the full-service type of stores unless my wife is with me. Really never realized that until now I guess she just makes me feel more confident and less worried about what others think when she is with me.

Edited August 21, 2012 by hhboots

[yellow19821]

Thanks for all the help/advice & support guys. The store I was in has an assistant as they only have one shoe on the display, so you have to ask for the correct size as well. I will get there..... I'm determined too

[Dr. Shoe]

It is a matter of expanding your comfort zone. What I used to do was to buy them and then take them to the nearest toilet and try them on. If they didn't fit I'd bring them back. Of course the assistant knows what you did and so it makes it a little easier to try them on in the shop next time or even try on the replacement pair there and then.

A couple of tips I found made it easier:

1. Ask for your size and then sit down. This is quite subtle as the assistant will automatically assume that you are going to try them on and so there is none of that awkwardness. I would often have a shoe off in readiness.

2. Invent a cover story. You could say that you're buying them as a gift for a friend and that she takes the same shoe size. You can say that they're for a fancy dress party. Etc.

3. Be aware that in most cases it will not be the first time a guy has tried on heels in that shop.

4. Pick someone who looks like they may be a senior member of staff or quite experienced, they will have seen your type before.

[Steve63130]

Good ideas, Doctor. I would also add: 5. Relax and enjoy the experience. You're not the first guy to try on women's shoes, so just calm down and act naturally and politely. 6. Do try the shoes and stand up and walk around to make sure they fit ok. As long as you're going through all the trouble, you might as well take your time before making the decision. It's your money and you want to get it right. Don't be afraid to ask for a bigger or smaller size to try on if you have any doubts about the fit. And don't worry about rejecting anything you don't like. YOU are the customer; behave like one. 7. It's always fun to interact with other customers, if you can do so casually. If you see a woman trying to decide on a pair of shoes, compliment her on them (without being creepy!). Strike up a conversation and ask her for her opinion if you can. When Bluejay and I were in DSW a few weeks ago we encountered a charming lady named Charlene and had a delightful 15 minute conversation with her. It was a really pleasant encounter, it educated her that some men like and wear heels, and it educated us that petite women with wide feet have as much trouble finding shoes as guys who wear 11 and 12 (and higher). 8. When you finally decide on what to buy (or not to buy anything) be sure to thank the sales help for their time and effort. Stop in again in a week or two and act like a loyal customer. You'll be treated even better! Steve

Edited August 21, 2012 by Steve63130

[bluejay]

Steve is right on target! We had those great experiences a few weeks ago. We even had a great experience at the Naturalizer outlet store and the Nine West outlet store too. The clerks have no problem with us men trying on heels in their stores. I always get the best treatment at any shoe store that I go to , to try on heels. Even if you don't buy it's a lot of fun trying on heels! Happy Heeling, bluejay

[Ruby John]

I find if I go shopping on a day when I feel strong, I can do a better job selecting and trying on shoes and clothes. A lot of times you can try on anything in the mens changing room. On a good day I will just set down and try heels on and completely ignore all the other customers. Try it again on a good feel day and you will do it. Good Luck Ruby

[Dr. Shoe]

Yes. I think the way you feel at the time does play a part. If you're in a positive frame of mind then you will feel better about taking a punt on it.

[Hansi1973]

@yellow: don´t be toooo disappointed. If I read it correctly, it was your first time, trying shoes in a shop? You can be happy und proud, to have a supportive wife on your side! Make it your strategy: you are such a great guy, that you can (easily) have such a hot chick/ nice woman at your side. You know, how to satisfy her in any way of life. So: who will or could even blame you? With that little bit arrogant thinking, you can do, whatever you want! And if you got to that point, you can do ANYTHING! Just think about, what other people are doing: getting pierces, tattoed, ... making strange boy modifications,... while you are just trying on some unconventional shoes. If you take them off - you are "normal" back again - the others can´t turn back. I think, you should discuss the situtation, you had in the store with you wife. What was good, what was bad. How she could support you and what she should avoid (i.e. forcing you into a situation, you do not want to get in). And how to handle it for the next time. Good luck!