Negativity goes the opposite way?

[ilikekicks]

This past week has been a bit odd. Im normally not one to start an argument, but I want some opinions to see if my viewing/take is just way off the mark here. I stopped by a friends house and noticed his wife had company over. It was after work and the women were still in ' Office Wear '. Business suits, Skirts.. and heels. VERY nice heels. The Couple both know that I sometimes go out in heels.. it doesnt bother them at all. The Wife introduced me and I asked the one woman ( she was in her late 20's ) about her shoes. She seemed puzzeled on why I would ask such but its probably not an every day thing when a guy asks a woman about her shoes or shows an interest. After the details she asked me if I had a wife or girlfriend that I was considering getting a pair for. " Nope. She buys her own and buys them for me on occasion " to which they ALL started laughing ( Except my friend and his wife ). They were absolutely BRUTAL in their comments. I was asked if I was Gay, If I had family troubles when I was young, was I a drug user ( WTF do drugs have to do with what we wear?!?! ). Needless to say, I sorta just laughed and smiled. And told them what I had in my closet and shoe-rack. I could tell the envy was in some of their heavily made-up faces. The good thing about doing some of my own shopping, I sort of have a feel for knowing what things cost.. whats just ' junk ' and whats actually of quality. Wouldnt anyone know it that the loudmouth of the group was wearing a pair of payless cheapo's. My retort to them? " Well ladies, I can understand you might not like the idea of men wearing heels, but to be honest, at least I dont wear cheepo knock-offs from payless. I have a bit more class then to be as judgmental on others footware especially when the other persons outshines that of my own ". It seems, the largest part of the negativity comes from women. Men just say ' ok.. its gay ' and move on. Women seem to have this very bad hang-up on the whole idea. Its not ALL women, but the mainstay.. They really want little to even do with the topic. Its as if the Holy Grail itself is being walked off with by Lucifer. Of all the women I know and associate with, they see nothing wrong with men in heels. Then again, they have become familiar and know me before they usually find out. By then, they usually arent judgmental seeing as they know who I am and that Im not some weirdo . Am I wrong? Maybe I just hang around great/open minded people so much that I really dont see so much negativity all the time ( Im not used to it )? I look at the comments on the links Shafted and HHDude have posted.. Some of the comments are outright vicious!

[Burton85]

I like your retort! That should teach them to think twice about mocking others for something they don't understand. I have to say though that my reply to "Are you gay?" would have been "Do you turn into a lesbian when you wear flats?"

[HappyinHeels]

ilikekicks, I like your approach and have never much been a fan of ALWAYS taking "the high road" and being silent in the face of comments for it enables future bullying by ignorant little sh.ts. Always remember this my friend, ignorant people say stupid and inarticulate things and the best way to stop this nonsense is by quick and effective rejoinder. The first thing I would have addressed is "So your many years of accomplishments have made you conclude I am gay?" The second thing I would have said would be, "Your occasional wearing of men's jeans, shirts, and that new tattoo on your back are all signs you came from a troubled home?" You'll get no intelligible reply because this is an inane conclusion but it is a wonderful line to stop ignorant bullies in their tracks. Bullies (men and women) exist because they have willing accomplices in friends or others who simply sit by and do nothing to deter this stupid behavior. With no audience the bullies evaporate. You must, and did, defend your dignity as must we all. I congratulate you on a job well done. HappyinHeels:wavey:

[ilikekicks]

ilikekicks,

I like your approach and have never much been a fan of ALWAYS taking "the high road" and being silent in the face of comments for it enables future bullying by ignorant little sh.ts.

I have no fears of ' bullies ' at all. Im not the ' macho ' type at all, but I have quite a history of being able to take care of situations when they arise.

Always remember this my friend, ignorant people say stupid and inarticulate things and the best way to stop this nonsense is by quick and effective rejoinder. The first thing I would have addressed is "So your many years of accomplishments have made you conclude I am gay?" The second thing I would have said would be, "Your occasional wearing of men's jeans, shirts, and that new tattoo on your back are all signs you came from a troubled home?" You'll get no intelligible reply because this is an inane conclusion but it is a wonderful line to stop ignorant bullies in their tracks.

As I stated before, I can take care of myself. Before I replied, I considered where I was. My FRIENDS house/home. Its not *MY* place to cause a confrontation and its best to respect their home and know they will do the same in return .

My friend called earlier today and told me I was part of a later conversation. They grilled his wife and she went as far as to tell them I looked pretty good this past halloween in harem pants and a see through top. She wound up later telling the ' larger ' woman of the group whom made some comments that if she lost a few pounds, I would be the kind of guy to loan her some nicer clothes.

Bullies (men and women) exist because they have willing accomplices in friends or others who simply sit by and do nothing to deter this stupid behavior. With no audience the bullies evaporate. You must, and did, defend your dignity as must we all. I congratulate you on a job well done.

HappyinHeels:wavey:

They arent ' bullies ', they were just a gossipy group of judgmental people. I just dont understand why there has to be such negativity.

Reflecting back on the whole thing, it was if they responded in a ' pack ' mentality.

[ilikekicks]

I like your retort! That should teach them to think twice about mocking others for something they don't understand.

Whats not to understand though? Its just shoes/clothes. Public nudity is kinda frowned upon these days and Id hazard a good guess not to many people would want to see me nekked and I would be inclined to say the same of others.

I have to say though that my reply to "Are you gay?" would have been "Do you turn into a lesbian when you wear flats?"

I sorta was wearing flats at the time. UGGs ( Yeah, Dr. Shoe can blame karma for this! ).

[Shafted]

I think you did just fine, ilikelicks.

[ChipsHH]

Man...and I just posted a thread about another story on Men in heels, and those comments...well, were vicious! Then again, I think you're referring to that thread, haha.

Still, it's crazy, isn't it? And what intrigued me is that they did this Right There, with you in the proximity of their home! Ugh, you faced my current worst fear, tenfold!

BUT! I applaud you for your comment back. I mean, 'fight fire with fire' right? Even if it's within their home. Freedom of Speech is useful when used right... I'm just gonna need Your mentality for when I'm confronted from out of the blue!

[heelguy]

ilikekicks, it sounds like you handled a negative situation very well. There is a fine line when arguing a point, i think it's very important that when facing people who aren't open to the idea of us guys wearing the girls stuff that we don't come off as being too defensive, as that can just make the other person even more irate and become stubborn in their point. Your reply was well worded, not too aggressive, but blunt in it's point hopefully leaving them with not much more to say

[Guest]

Perfect reply and I really like Shafted's comment, it goes a long way. I can imagine you getting a return invite for a second bite at the guests, if your friend still calls them "friends"? So you should be planning the costume for that night, if it happens I'm sure you may get hints beforehand. Nice one real cool dude. Al

[ilikekicks]

Perfect reply and I really like Shafted's comment, it goes a long way.

Yep .

I can imagine you getting a return invite for a second bite at the guests, if your friend still calls them "friends"?

They are her co-workers and she didnt really know that the situation that happened would transpire. She honestly didnt know them to be so.. ' closed ' in their thinking. She now has a different view of how they really are.

I kinda feel bad as I have found out that sometimes, people arent really how we make them out to be. We think they are great/good/friendly, then they do something that totally shatters that image we had of them.

So you should be planning the costume for that night, if it happens I'm sure you may get hints beforehand.

I dont wear costumes, I wear my clothes! .

If such were arranged, I would be busy that night and unable to attend. I would probably either go out with the Babe friend or stay at home and watch the tube. I dont find anything productive in confrontations. I really dont care for them to be honest.

[ilikekicks]

I went to my friends place tonight. I was wearing a pair of jeans, a nicer top ( one that has an actual collar ) and a pair of sketchers flats. I went in the front door, took off my coat, hung it up, turned around.. low and behold.. One of the wenches ( for a lack of more appropriate words/term )that was laughing that evening last week was sitting on the sofa with my wifes friend. She sat motionless. Didnt say anything. I welt in and sat down and said ' Hello again '. Maybe it was because I didnt shave the last time I was over or because I had my hair in a tail or something, but it finally dawned on her who I was. She apologized for being rude the other night and just kept looking at what I was wearing and asked if I could stand for a moment. " Are those womens jeans? " Nope, their MY jeans. " Those are womens sketchers shoes! " Wrong again, they are MY shoes. " Is that a mans shirt? " Nope. care to take a guess? " Its your blouse then? " Looks like she had some brains after all! Only took her 3 tries to get it right. If it would have been a carnival, she would have won a prize! Conversing while watching the game, she couldnt believe that I looked so ' good ' in ' his clothes ' ( yeah, she finally got it! ). We went out afterwards to a diner for something to eat and she asked me " Arent you.. or dont you.. " I cut her off ' Do I feel out of place? No, why should I? Did I break a law or am I a wanted man? Am I some kind of freak or a child molester or something? The only one whom seems out of place is you with your fidgeting and expressions. How about relaxing and enjoying some good food instead of trying to make a scene? " She did seem to relax, we all enjoyed out late night dinner. She apologized before she left. We werent in my friends house, she was fair game! I didnt have to worry about disrespecting my friends place. There is always that ' time and place ' for everything. My friends wife will fill me in monday after work about how her co-worker reacts to being shown proper mannors. :smile:

[Guest]

Like it. A great bit of banter to get some ones lazy braincells some exercise! Keep it up and keep us updated Al

[roniheels]

You have just proven that honesty is the best policy. When you answer someone's question who is trying to put you on the spot, and you answer honestly and directly, as you did, it does put them in their place and like in this case, they have no comeback except, "I'm sorry."

[ilikekicks]

It wasnt even an ' Im sorry '. It became a blank expression on her face. My friends wife already sent me an email this morning. The woman whom ' got it ' was actually telling the other members of her ' pack ' that were there the other night that I didnt look bad at all in what I was wearing. I think I might take my friends wife some lunch today seeing as I have off from work this week . Oh my! WHAT TO WEAR!

[SleekHeels]

Reflecting back on the whole thing, it was if they responded in a ' pack ' mentality.

I think you're right on with that. It takes a pretty secure personality to say/do what they believe in despite what the crowd's reaction might be. Maybe it took a bit of confrontation in a smaller social setting with 'the woman who got it' but it's commendable that she's subsequently made some effort to educate the pack... she really did get it.

[Guest]

Next challenge may be to meet the pack? Either in ones and twos or the whole gang! Get ready to rock. Al

[hhboots]

...

We went out afterwards to a diner for something to eat and she asked me " Arent you.. or dont you.. " I cut her off ' Do I feel out of place? No, why should I? Did I break a law or am I a wanted man? Am I some kind of freak or a child molester or something? The only one whom seems out of place is you with your fidgeting and expressions. How about relaxing and enjoying some good food instead of trying to make a scene? "

...

I really like how you handled yourself with this woman. I'm not sure I would have done as well. I've been put in slightly awkward situations before from wearing heels, and I usually just ignore them, sometimes I smile and joke my way through it as best I can. But anyway, very well done on your part.

[ChipsHH]

Oh god. The update after my prior post is just....Wow. Did she Really just ask you those questions? Then, reading the rest, did you really respond to her that way?

My mind's calculations of an answer to the above: Bravo, good sir! Just a standing ovation 'bravo!' to you! After reading that and the after/on-coming comments, it's like every guy should get a little spike of confidence to do what you did, as well as keep in mind of what every other guy recommends you do in that pressuring situation. Alas, I almost feel ready to face the next person who confronts me about MY shoes.

For the record, it's all about confidence, correct? (As if I need to ask! =P )

[CRabbit]

ilikekicks, I was waiting for the day you met this woman again and how things would progress. I've not had the pleasure of repeat-meets with friends of friends who've seen me. In fact only a very select few friends have ever seen me in heels anyway! Regardless, very well controlled and the confidence you maintained when facing her the second time. It sounded like she didn't bark nearly as bad as last time, which is always helpful. Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to the 3rd meeting! Chris

[Gudulitooo]

ilikekicks, Thanky you for sharing your adventures ! I was waiting for Shafted or Kneehighs to comment something like "See ? How many times did we tell that it's much more efficient to present the reality of yourself wearing whatever you like as a man, than only telling what you like to wear ?? This avoids the person from imagining silly outfits." Seems that you experienced both Regards

[Shafted]

ilikekicks,

Thanky you for sharing your adventures !

I was waiting for Shafted or Kneehighs to comment something like

"See ? How many times did we tell that it's much more efficient to present the reality of yourself wearing whatever you like as a man, than only telling what you like to wear ?? This avoids the person from imagining silly outfits."

Seems that you experienced both

Regards

Didn't need to, I'm not about to remind somebody of something they already know.

[ilikekicks]

To answer a few items in teh same message..

HHDude "Oh god. The update after my prior post is just....Wow. Did she Really just ask you those questions? Then, reading the rest, did you really respond to her that way?"

Yep. It was a very firm and assertive way to deal with her. Its not my preferred method of speaking with others, but in some instances, its the only way to deal with them that will produce results.

HHDude "My mind's calculations of an answer to the above: Bravo, good sir! Just a standing ovation 'bravo!' to you! After reading that and the after/on-coming comments, it's like every guy should get a little spike of confidence to do what you did, as well as keep in mind of what every other guy recommends you do in that pressuring situation. Alas, I almost feel ready to face the next person who confronts me about MY shoes."

Everyone is different. Get a feel for a person before you reply to them. Not everyone is going to react the same.

"For the record, it's all about confidence, correct? (As if I need to ask! =P ) "

Yes, confidence plays a roll in it all, but being true to yourself is the most important part. Always be honest and you will have no regrets.

CRabbit : "I was waiting for the day you met this woman again and how things would progress. I've not had the pleasure of repeat-meets with friends of friends who've seen me. In fact only a very select few friends have ever seen me in heels anyway!

Regardless, very well controlled and the confidence you maintained when facing her the second time. It sounded like she didn't bark nearly as bad as last time, which is always helpful."

I have noticed when people arent with their normal ' pack ', when they are on their own or in smaller numbers, their attitudes change. Without having her gossip-queen friends around, she didnt fair to well.

Gudulitooo: Your welcome in what I have offered in my posts here. Shafted is a much better ' Cheerleader ' then I could ever be. Hes very wise and knows how to move a discussion, same as Kneehigh. Im just a guy whom isnt out to please anyone or make a statement outside of all the regrettable ' double standards ' or hypocrisy of the masses that have been brainwashed on whats ' acceptable ' or conformed to. Im going to wear what I want to wear. If people dont like what Im wearing, they can look at someone else .

[ilikekicks]

Didn't need to, I'm not about to remind somebody of something they already know.

Yep!

From what I have noticed, a good portion of the guys on this site have implied in their writings that they are ' heterosexual '. They speak of their wives or girlfriends and their approvals/disapprovals..

If someone can post something like that on here, there shouldnt be any thing different in heeling in public. Its just a ' mindset ', nothing more. The Confidence is already there weather they realize it or not.. just applying that same confidence is the only thing being held back for some.

Good or bad.. doesnt matter.

[Guest]

Confidence is the key but it's how it can be used certainly for the male mode heelers, I believe a lot of the femme mode community may with variations have different rules or motives in play? The full transgender group even more so but in this instance it is for male mode only. I'm sure comments will follow. a sequence of events if I may 1) Closet/hiding heeler finds HHP and discovers he's not abnormal 2) joins HHP and discloses likes and own history 3) purchases and posts collection daring to go outside (unseen) 4) questions on how to be open to wife/GF, family and friends 5) first daytime outings 6) first confrontations This is a simplistic view/history (mine) but at each stage confidence rises and settles to be come a normal relaxed situation. The potential is there, just not honed and ready to use until later. my tupence worth Still a fantastic sequence of events unfolding. Al

[Steve63130]

1) Closet/hiding heeler finds HHP and discovers he's not abnormal

Suggested revision:

Closet/hiding heeler finds HHP and discovers there are many other abnormal blokes out there just like him!

BWAHAHAHAHA

Just my 2pence.

Steve

[ChipsHH]

Confidence is the key but it's how it can be used certainly for the male mode heelers, I believe a lot of the femme mode community may with variations have different rules or motives in play? The full transgender group even more so but in this instance it is for male mode only.

I'm sure comments will follow.

a sequence of events if I may

1) Closet/hiding heeler finds HHP and discovers he's not abnormal

2) joins HHP and discloses likes and own history

3) purchases and posts collection daring to go outside (unseen)

4) questions on how to be open to wife/GF, family and friends

5) first daytime outings

6) first confrontations

This is a simplistic view/history (mine) but at each stage confidence rises and settles to be come a normal relaxed situation.

The potential is there, just not honed and ready to use until later.

my tupence worth

Still a fantastic sequence of events unfolding.

Al

I may need this. Since the first Outing(s) long, long ago, I did everything stated, but wayyy out of order. Even so, you're just about right on the money with the list.

[WhyNotMenToo]

ilikekicks, The was you handled the negative situation was Fabulous/Awesome..