In hiding!

[BCBG]

My wife doen't care for me wearing heels. It's ok in the bedrooom sometimes, but thats all. It would drive her crazy (and not in a good way) for me to wear them around the house. She would die if she saw me in public with them! So I keep my heeling to myself. I can't wait for when I have a day off, and she doesn't, so I can do my heeling. I wear them while doing the housework, and try to plan a outside outing. When leaving the house, I will wear long pants to cover them up mostly. I been to the grocery store, shoe stores and the mall. My last outing, I took the car in for maintenace and walked from the dealer to the mall. It was about 1 1/2 miles oneway. I stopped at a Taco Bell for lunch and ate inside. At the mall I looked at all the shoe stores and tried on several pairs in different stores. There are always the stores that I don't feel confortable with the workers, and I just look and move on. In the Forever 21 store I tried on a fake leather dress. A first for me. I had to get the clerk to get a large and got her input. She like the way the medium fit/huged my body more. I had on hose and some 5 in open toe BCBG "lora" heels on. I didn't buy the dress, no way to explain it to my wife. It was a great day.

[Guest]

well BCBG it sounds to me like your wife has a VERY low tolerance attitude about this kind of thing, & quite frankly I think that its HER problem, not yours! you should tell her right off the bat that you have the right to wear what you like & that she has no business telling you what kind of footwear you like to wear whenever you like! she is definintly trying to control your life, which is not good in my book. I dont mean to critisize your married life, but you should sit down with her & tell her like it IS (with you being the MAN in charge of the relationship) & I can tell you that she sounds also VERY insicure from what you say, just my response to this-my feeling, thanks, Brad

[chris100575]

, but you should sit down with her & tell her like it IS (with you being the MAN in charge of the relationship)

Sorry, did I wake up in 1900? Marriage is supposed to be a partnership with give and take, not the man laying down the law for little wifey. You do know that women can vote and have jobs now don't you?

BCBG: It does sound like you need to talk things through with your wife, if you're progressing from wearing heels around the house to going out trying on dresses there's a good chance that sooner or later she'll find out.

[pr8215]

well BCBG it sounds to me like your wife has a VERY low tolerance attitude about this kind of thing, & quite frankly I think that its HER problem, not yours! you should tell her right off the bat that you have the right to wear what you like & that she has no business telling you what kind of footwear you like to wear whenever you like! she is definintly trying to control your life, which is not good in my book. I dont mean to critisize your married life, but you should sit down with her & tell her like it IS (with you being the MAN in charge of the relationship) & I can tell you that she sounds also VERY insicure from what you say, just my response to this-my feeling, thanks, Brad

Brad

Theres no way your married. Trust me, if shes got a problem its your problem too. The though of standing in front of my wife in a pair high heels telling her who the "man" in the relationship is just seems to funny to me.

[ShockQueen]

This is a bit of a pickle you've put yourself into here. It's a decision between making her happy and not doing it, or risking her finding out and facing the consequences then. I think it's something that will eventually have to be talked about openly before it bottles up and destroys one or both of you. If the desire on your end is not going to go away, then it's really the only choice, as it's going to eat at you until you are miserable. Communication between both people is essential in any relationship, and if it works out, then great - if not, then you both will have to decide how the relationship will go forward from that point. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do.

[RonC]

Brad

Theres no way your married. Trust me, if shes got a problem its your problem too. The though of standing in front of my wife in a pair high heels telling her who the "man" in the relationship is just seems to funny to me.

I love that last line! Too funny!

And if we all take Brad's advice, the courts will be a lot busier with divorce proceedings!

[Histiletto]

To Whom It May Concern: Essentially, you and the person you declare to be that wife you have, hasn't really got a relationship that is going to grow together. One of the most important parts of marriage is trust. Secretly going behind her back will completely destroy any chance of this. In the days you courted, there was a lot of attraction and hopes. Both of you saw a life together would be enrichingly glorious. Now that both of you have said your "I DO's" and you have committed to love and support each other for the rest of your lives, both of you have to be honest and discuss these things. She also has needs to be met, just like your being able to choose that which makes you whole. Don't shut her out. Your better half wants to be there for you, but she has to understand. It may not happen the way you want it to, but there must be some way to compromise. I wish the best to you both.

[Bubba136]

well BCBG it sounds to me like your wife has a VERY low tolerance attitude about this kind of thing, & quite frankly I think that its HER problem, not yours! you should tell her right off the bat that you have the right to wear what you like & that she has no business telling you what kind of footwear you like to wear whenever you like! she is definintly trying to control your life, which is not good in my book. I dont mean to critisize your married life, but you should sit down with her & tell her like it IS (with you being the MAN in charge of the relationship) & I can tell you that she sounds also VERY insicure from what you say, just my response to this-my feeling, thanks, Brad

This is a good example of what self analysis and amateurs giving advice is all about......

Quite frankly, your case, BCBG, is a classic reason why it's so important to informe (tell) any prospective mate of your heeling activities before getting married. While I wish you well, you are, in my opinion, headed for difficult times in the future because of your heels. Based on what you've said, she's teetering on the edge of prohibiting you wearing all together. You have my sympathy.

[Guest]

well, sorry if I said the wrong thing, I only meant that they should talk about it, & no I'm not married (not even straight, I am in fact GAY btw:) I only tried to mean well in what I was trying to get across, but sometimes its doesnt translate like youd like it to you know, folks-love you all in here though, always!

[BCBG]

First, thanks for all the responses and support. It's a little more complicated then it sounds. We have been married for over 20 years. I didn't have the urge to wear heels when we were dating and just started the last couple years. Then there are a couple kids in the picture, teenagers. She doesn't want to freak them out, and I don't really want them to know either. I did talk to her about it, and that where she put out her fears, and the just in the bedroom stuff. She's afraid I will get caught if outside the house.

Anyway, maybe it will open up more once the kids are on their own. Thanks again, I love this group, and I love heels!

BCBG

[Tech]

well, sorry if I said the wrong thing, I only meant that they should talk about it, & no I'm not married (not even straight, I am in fact GAY btw:) I only tried to mean well in what I was trying to get across, but sometimes its doesnt translate like youd like it to you know, folks-love you all in here though, always!

Heres a question on a sidenote...

Why is it that GAY people (as you put in such capitals) always feel the need to tell us they are GAY? Why cant you just be who you are, go about the things you do and live a life without the need to ensure everybody you encounter has to be told your GAY?

I'm not trying to be horrible about this either but I've met a ton of GAY people, and literally, within a really short time of knowing them, they feel the need to announce it, either as a "oh by the way, I'm gay" or "I'm blah d blah and I'm gay" or they will drop it into conversation by trying to adjust a conversation to fit there way of dropping it in...

Its much the same as our shoes....

Why the hell should we have to "announce / come out / warn people" like its something wrong? The very fact that somebody has to announce something that is quiet frankly, pretty "unexciting" is quite odd...

Its one thing to say "Hey, what do ya think of my new shoes"??? with a smile on your face, but to come out and say "Hey, I have to tell you something, I wear shoes"!!! or "I'm gay"

Thats like, derrr, your not expected to walk around bare foot for life, or be on your own forever, what the heck you telling me for?

You see how the 2 totally relate in terms of how people go about telling others and making it into an issue?

[sscotty727]

Quite frankly, your case, BCBG, is a classic reason why it's so important to informe (tell) any prospective mate of your heeling activities before getting married.

Even when you tell your wife before your married about heels, that doesn't mean it will completely work out. I told my wife right after we met. At first she wasn't even sure she would marry me, wasn't sure if I would be a good father. Then after she got over that, she decided it was a sickness she would help me get over. And she convinced me of that too for a while. But then years of purging and rebuying, she just gave up. Of course I was only wearing them around the house back then, the idea of wearing them out didn't come up until I found this site. That added new problems, but since I was on the road at a hotel for 5 out of 7 days, I got my outside heel wearing there. Once I started working locally and was home every night, plus the girls (I have 3 girls) started getting older, she pretty much let me know she wanted me to stop wearing atleast visable heeled shoes.

Now I could "tell her like it is" as it was put, but then I would have to face ending an almost 20 years of marriage and having 3 girls have a broken home, OR decide if non-descrete heel wearing was worth losing my family. I chose the family over heels (they aren't more important than family after all), but I worked WITH her (which is the key) to figure out how I could still wear my heels while making her comfortable. I think the fact I was willing to work WITH her made all the difference in the world. She still isn't wild about me wearing heels, but atleast she tolerates it as long as it isnt obvious.

Before anyone berates my wife for her likes/dislikes, let me ask the guys here HONESTLY. If you came home one day and all of a sudden your wife said she wants to start wearing flannel shirts, construction worker boots, taping her breasts and wearing a fake mustache and beard, how many would be supportive of them?

WE can't see the issue of wearing heels or other women's clothing because it is a passion of OURS, not theirs. The best piece of advice is to talk to your spouse/partner and work WITH them to come up with something you can BOTH live with. If that isn't possible, you need to decide what is more important to you and go from there.

[Guest]

OK, point taken & understood tech, just out of habit I guess-I hope no harm has been done though, I sometimes have a hard time trying to put together my thoughts in the right way in here.

[BCBG]

So tomorrow I'm off, and the wife works. I get to dress up and go out to buy her some Valentine's day gifts. Long pants, hose and 5 in open toe platforms. I am going to Macys for some makeup, spend so much and they give you some other stuff. Maybe by total wines for a bottle of muscatto. It should be fun.

[BCBG]

So Friday I got out again! I had a bunch of errands to run. I got washed up and trimmed and filed my toe nails smooth. I tried some regular hose first but switched to dark gray tights. I was wearing the peep toe BCBG heels and it was just a little to visible with the tan hose. Next I put on some long pants. They hide the heel except when I am walking, and then you can only see about a inch of the bottom heel. I brought a bag with my running shoes and socks and another with some Vera Wang 4 1/2 inch ankle boots. They have a lot thicker heel, and a round toe. They were my back up heels in case I got to nervous to wear the open toes in some of the places I was going, then I wouldn't have to switch to my running shoes. I ended up wearing the open toes the whole time, about four hours. I said to myself, if someone says anything about it, I will just tell them "I like heels and that’s all there is to it.".

The dentist was first, you could hear the heels on the tiled floor. I just started going to her, and I had to pick up some teeth whitening trays from her. In a way, I wanted her to catch me, then it would be out in the open and I could wear heels on my future visits. She didn't come around the counter, and if she saw them she didn't say anything. After that I felt invincible and wore them for all my errands. To get gas, to the mall for some makeup for my wife for Valentines Day, to a wine store for a couple of bottles. A clothing store where I bought my wife a skirt, and one for me. I tried on six, and the attendant gave me her advise on which of my favorite two she liked best. Then at last to Costco where I walked all around , but only got some roses. My feet were killing me by then. I went home, and was glad to take them off.

It was another great day!

[Jamie001]

Scotty, this is not a fair comparison. Most of the guys on this board wear only heels without doing full-on crossdressing. Therefore your analogy about a wife that suddenly wants to wear fake beards and a fake mustache doesn't make any sense, We just wear heels. I believe that men that are getting grief from their wives for wearing heels should look at what masculine items their wives wear. For example, women wear men's shirts, men's ties, baseball caps, men's hairstyles, men's shoes (I have seen a lot of women shopping for themselves for men's shoes), men's watches, men's jewelry, men's cologne, and the list goes on and on. No one jumps on these women for their choices. They are not pretending to be men, they are just making a fashion choice just like the men on this site that like to wear heels. The next time your wife goes ballistic about you wearing heels, remind her about the masculine items that she and her friends wear. Almost all women wear some masculine items. I has to be a two-way street. Scotty wrote: "Before anyone berates my wife for her likes/dislikes, let me ask the guys here HONESTLY. If you came home one day and all of a sudden your wife said she wants to start wearing flannel shirts, construction worker boots, taping her breasts and wearing a fake mustache and beard, how many would be supportive of them? "

[sscotty727]

Scotty, this is not a fair comparison. Most of the guys on this board wear only heels without doing full-on crossdressing. Therefore your analogy about a wife that suddenly wants to wear fake beards and a fake mustache doesn't make any sense, We just wear heels. I believe that men that are getting grief from their wives for wearing heels should look at what masculine items their wives wear. For example, women wear men's shirts, men's ties, baseball caps, men's hairstyles, men's shoes (I have seen a lot of women shopping for themselves for men's shoes), men's watches, men's jewelry, men's cologne, and the list goes on and on. No one jumps on these women for their choices. They are not pretending to be men, they are just making a fashion choice just like the men on this site that like to wear heels. The next time your wife goes ballistic about you wearing heels, remind her about the masculine items that she and her friends wear. Almost all women wear some masculine items. I has to be a two-way street.

You missed my point entirely then, which was, you can't push your ideals on them as much as you would enjoy if they pushed their ideals on you. Marriage is a TWO way street. Open and honest communcation and COMPROMISE is key here. Hiding and sneaking around will eventually tear a marriage or any relationship apart. Once you find one "lie" no matter how innocent, there will always be the "what else is he/she hiding?" question looming in their mind.

In my case, my wife doesn't like the obvious heel. I am still wearing heels, descretely. Since I am into heel wearing for the feeling and not for the look, that works for me. As I said, I've been married for 20 years this October with 3 girls. I had to decide which was more important to me. I chose my marriage and family. I made compromises that my wife, while she doesn't love, can live with.

[Tech]

Even when you tell your wife before your married about heels, that doesn't mean it will completely work out. I told my wife right after we met. At first she wasn't even sure she would marry me, wasn't sure if I would be a good father. Then after she got over that, she decided it was a sickness she would help me get over. And she convinced me of that too for a while. But then years of purging and rebuying, she just gave up. Of course I was only wearing them around the house back then, the idea of wearing them out didn't come up until I found this site. That added new problems, but since I was on the road at a hotel for 5 out of 7 days, I got my outside heel wearing there. Once I started working locally and was home every night, plus the girls (I have 3 girls) started getting older, she pretty much let me know she wanted me to stop wearing atleast visable heeled shoes.

Now I could "tell her like it is" as it was put, but then I would have to face ending an almost 20 years of marriage and having 3 girls have a broken home, OR decide if non-descrete heel wearing was worth losing my family. I chose the family over heels (they aren't more important than family after all), but I worked WITH her (which is the key) to figure out how I could still wear my heels while making her comfortable. I think the fact I was willing to work WITH her made all the difference in the world. She still isn't wild about me wearing heels, but atleast she tolerates it as long as it isnt obvious.

Before anyone berates my wife for her likes/dislikes, let me ask the guys here HONESTLY. If you came home one day and all of a sudden your wife said she wants to start wearing flannel shirts, construction worker boots, taping her breasts and wearing a fake mustache and beard, how many would be supportive of them?

WE can't see the issue of wearing heels or other women's clothing because it is a passion of OURS, not theirs. The best piece of advice is to talk to your spouse/partner and work WITH them to come up with something you can BOTH live with. If that isn't possible, you need to decide what is more important to you and go from there.

Scotty

I'd like to personally thank you for posting this, and while its completely obvious to me, and several others, I do often think that many guys here are sooo wrapped up in their "thing for heels" that sadly they may lead a very lonely and VERY single life....

Without family and friends to share anything with in life, its very dull.

If my wife told me she wanted to dress and look more masculine, I wouldnt be too chuffed about it and I think, like you said its all too easy to get tunnel vision, especially when some guys really get carried away with it, then wonder why their wives/girlfriends are not "wildly overjoyed" about it all.

[Bubba136]

Scotty

I'd like to personally thank you for posting this, and while its completely obvious to me, and several others, I do often think that many guys here are sooo wrapped up in their "thing for heels" that sadly they may lead a very lonely and VERY single life....

Without family and friends to share anything with in life, its very dull.

If my wife told me she wanted to dress and look more masculine, I wouldnt be too chuffed about it and I think, like you said its all too easy to get tunnel vision, especially when some guys really get carried away with it, then wonder why their wives/girlfriends are not "wildly overjoyed" about it all.

You are absolutely correct, Tech. I still maintain that it is important that any man that is harboring any type of "perceived anti-social behavior" tell any prospective mate prior to becoming committed, the "rest of the story" is what you plan to do about it after the fact. If the person is set on living his life his way regardless of what his prospective life-mate feels about it, then he deserves to live a "very lonely and very single life."

Married life, as most of us are aware, is a constant give and take situation. You are constantly compromising with your mate and anyone that insists it's "My way or the highway" will quickly find himself wandering down life roads all by himself. Self-gratification can only go so far.

[BCBG]

Last Halloween I got to go has a Pirate Wench. We bought a cheap wig, and some accessories to with it. I used Nair on my legs and it felt so amazing. Even later when just wearing some jeans and they would rub on my lower legs. It was like my skin had never been touched before. Not that I as hairy as a bear, but my hair must be blocking or something.

Anyway I did well on the costume contest. I had a great night out with my beautiful wife with me wearing High heels and enjoyed my "shaved" legs for several days!

[BCBG]

Next chace I get, I'm going to shave my legs again!

[Steve63130]

Why not just do it? They're your legs. If the lady doth protest too much, tell her you like it better that way, and lots of guys are doing it (true). You don't have to be an athlete to enjoy smooth legs anymore. Why do you think they make Nair for men and Norelco's Bodygroom shaver? Go for it. Steve

[BCBG]

My teenaged daughter is freaked out by it. If I would have started when she was younger, it would be no problem. I will just wait till she's out of the house.

[Jamie001]

Why worry about what you teenage daughter thinks? They are your legs and I sure that your teenage daughter would have no part of you telling her whether or not to shave her legs or how to wear her hair, etc. Why do you let you teenage daughter control what you can do with your body?

My teenaged daughter is freaked out by it. If I would have started when she was younger, it would be no problem. I will just wait till she's out of the house.

[pr8215]

Why worry about what you teenage daughter thinks? They are your legs and I sure that your teenage daughter would have no part of you telling her whether or not to shave her legs or how to wear her hair, etc. Why do you let you teenage daughter control what you can do with your body?

Jamie

It seems so easy to say "why worry about what your teenage daughter thinks. You obviously don't have teenage daughters or children for that matter. I love wearing heels (and all things feminine. I'm a life long CD and very happy to be so) and I would love to shave my legs 365 days a year but the emotional well being of my children is more important to me than anything else. In a perfect world, my dressing prefereces wouldn't matter to my daughters or anyone else,. We don't live in a perfect world.

[sscotty727]

Why worry about what you teenage daughter thinks? They are your legs and I sure that your teenage daughter would have no part of you telling her whether or not to shave her legs or how to wear her hair, etc. Why do you let you teenage daughter control what you can do with your body?

When you have a family, you can no longer think in terms of yourself. You have to think in terms of the family as a whole. That doesn't mean you can't express your individualism, but it does mean you have to consider how your expressions will affect everyone.

We don't know BCBG's family situation, he does. If he thinks it would affect her negatively, he is the best judge of it.

As I have said in previous postings, you have to decide what is most important in life, individual freedom of expression or family. Put another way, on your deathbed are you going to be most happy because you expressed your individualism or being surrounded by your most precious loved ones?

[Tech]

Why worry about what you teenage daughter thinks? They are your legs and I sure that your teenage daughter would have no part of you telling her whether or not to shave her legs or how to wear her hair, etc. Why do you let you teenage daughter control what you can do with your body?

Jamie

Thats quite a selfish thing to come out with matey, your clearly single?

How would you have felt at school as a kid if your classmates found out absolutely anything about your dad that was even remotely "whacky" or different?

Kids can be exceptionally cruel over the most stupid things, and when your married, you work as a family, for the family, not each to his own...

[BCBG]

I just want to say thanks for all the input. There are a lot of you who know what I am going through. It makes me feel good to know you are there. Tommorow's Friday, and I'm off, and I have half a day to do my thing. Everybody have a Great weekend.

[Jamie001]

If shaving your legs affects the wellbeing of your teenage daughter, they your daughter really has bigger issues of control that need ,to be dealt with as soon as possible. Please understand that I do not mean this disrespectfully, but if a little thing like the amount of hair on your legs affects your daughter, then she is going to have extreme control issues and problems throughout her life. Children need to be taught to accept people that are different whether that difference is skin color, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity or fashion choices. This is probable the most important lesson that you will ever teach your daughter. Allowing your daughter to exercise that type of control over you is detrimental to her wellbeing.

Jamie

It seems so easy to say "why worry about what your teenage daughter thinks. You obviously don't have teenage daughters or children for that matter. I love wearing heels (and all things feminine. I'm a life long CD and very happy to be so) and I would love to shave my legs 365 days a year but the emotional well being of my children is more important to me than anything else. In a perfect world, my dressing prefereces wouldn't matter to my daughters or anyone else,. We don't live in a perfect world.

[sscotty727]

If shaving your legs affects the wellbeing of your teenage daughter, they your daughter really has bigger issues of control that need ,to be dealt with as soon as possible. Please understand that I do not mean this disrespectfully, but if a little thing like the amount of hair on your legs affects your daughter, then she is going to have extreme control issues and problems throughout her life. Children need to be taught to accept people that are different whether that difference is skin color, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity or fashion choices. This is probable the most important lesson that you will ever teach your daughter. Allowing your daughter to exercise that type of control over you is detrimental to her wellbeing.

Jamie,

If you don't have kids, you have a lot to learn. If you do, you need to be more sensitive to their needs as well. As I said, once you become a parent, there are many times you have to put yourself second over them.

It isn't the act of shaving that is the issue here. It's sudden change that suddenly looks odd that is at issue. Kids, especially girls notice things.

There is a radio disc-jokey where I live that shaves ALL his hair except for his head. He has done this most of his life and before his kids were born. That is how they know their Daddy. Him having shaved legs is fine because that is what they, their friends, and everyone that knows him has always seen him.

Another example, I am going bald and pre-maturally grey. I have to dye what hair I have left frequently. I was going to shave my head bald a while back, but when my daughters heard me and my wife talking about it, they got massively freaked out. Yeah, I could have said "tough, live with it", but that would have been selfish of me and only reinforced that I put myself over them and never put their feelings above mine. It's a small price to pay to have to dye it so they see Daddy as that familiar, comfortable face.

A last example. My brother-in-law by marriage (he is married to my wife's sister) dresses like a slob. His daughter got to the point of not wanting him to come to her soccer games. When he did show up, she would tell her friends that her dad died and that was her step father. Now, I don't know about you, but I would be devistated if my daughter was so embarrised by my appearance that she would tell her friends that I wasn't her real father.

BCBG knows his daughter best, afterall, he raised her to her teenage years so far. I applaud his UNSELFISHNESS to respect her concerns and put her first. Teenage girls go through alot with all the hormonal changes, peer pressure, etc. If him putting off shaving until she is a bit older and more secure, then I say he should trust his instincts.