Angry At Myself...

[pumplover]

...for being a useless coward. I have tried to venture out in a pair of womens flats late one evening. Stepped out of the door, walked about 2 minutes and ended up back indoors. I just cannot conquer the fear of someone seeing me in womens shoes I really want to try it after reading other male members posts about their first time street heeling, but I just cannot do it Yesterday I visited a huge shopping mall and saw so many women walking around in various heels and so wished one of them was me. Each time I walked passed a shoe shop, I would slow down and watch the ladies try on heels. I felt so jealous, as again I wish that was me trying them on in the shop. I am never going to see the day of street heeling at this rate

[jwhite44]

I know it can be tough at first. I've posted this in another thread (which I really should find an link to here), but a longer pair of bootcut pants does wonders for concealing a good part of the shoe. This is especially helpful if you plan on wearing any shoes with heels. Can you provide a little more information on the shoe you are trying to wear? If you are looking to wear heels, there are a number of different "training heels" you can look into. I bought a man's pair of below the ankle shoes with 1 3/4" heels specifically for this purpose. I also have a pair of unisex-looking ankle boots with a 3" chunky heel that I think could easily pass for a mans boot. If the woman' shoe you are looking to wear has a pointy toe, or is purple (ie. obviously feminine), then there's probably no amount of concealment that will hide that. Maybe there's an area you can go to that isn't particularly well lit (a shopping mall parking lot, some city sidewalks), where you can walk there. Don't give up!

[pumplover]

The shoes I have is one of the problems. None of them will pass as a male shoe, as I always buy heels which are specifically for women. Most of my collection are pumps. Though I have sandals and flats. Any chance you can provide pics of these training shoes you mentioned? I will keep trying though. Thanks for the advice

[jwhite44]

I'm looking now for the post, give me a few minutes...

[loswabs]

...for being a useless coward.

I have tried to venture out in a pair of womens flats late one evening. Stepped out of the door, walked about 2 minutes and ended up back indoors. I just cannot conquer the fear of someone seeing me in womens shoes

I really want to try it after reading other male members posts about their first time street heeling, but I just cannot do it

Yesterday I visited a huge hopping mall and saw so many women walking around in various heels and so wished one of them was me. Each time I walked passed a shoe shop, I would slow down and watch the ladies try on heels. I felt so jealous, as again I wish that was me trying them on in the shop.

I am never going to see the day of street heeling at this rate

Pumplover, useless coward you ain't. You've been out in a pair of flats, so that's success and you should recognise it as such. Are you putting yourself under pressure though? Did you venture out in your home area? That's a tough one, and I've only heeled or worn flats well away from home. I'm not too far from London so take a trek up there every so often and then have fun. My 1st time out I too was very nervous, but you can get over that, believe me. I've worn black suede ballet flats in Clapham's busy shopping centre, accompanied by black fishnet pop sox, uber-skintight purple skinny jeans and a black v-neck long-sleeve ladies top. Yes, I got some looks, none of them made nasty comments to me, or made rude gestures. What did people do or say after I'd gone? I don't know and I care even less.

So long as you stay away from know "rough" areas, you'll be ok. Nearly all of us have had nerves, worries and insecurities from time to time, but it's ok. You have as much right to wear what you like as anyone else. So, deep breath, and best foot forward, hopefully one witha flat pump on

[jwhite44]

Here's one post that has the men's shoes in them: http://www.hhplace.org/discuss/everybody/12022-thoughts_male_shoes_heels.html

I ended up getting the Black ones, which are that shiny (I would have preferred the duller Brown ones, but that was just an inaccurate picture). I'm hoping to wear them out this week for the first time. While I may get some attention for their style, I'm not sure anyone would mistake them for, or accuse me of, wearing "woman's" shoes.

In the 6th post is an image of the boots I just bought yesterday, the Julie Ankle boot. There's also more information about them in this post: http://www.hhplace.org/discuss/shoe_related_pay_websites/12150-19_3_chunk_heel_shoe_sale_avenue_up_13_ww.html

I'm of the opinion that they are pretty unisex, and with a long pair of bootcut jeans, in an appropriate environment, I think I'll feel okay wearing them. I think that's pretty good for an almost-3" heel shoe.

My next outing shoe after these are the ones in the first image in the first post (Payless Bootine). I'm still planning on wearing them discreetly (under some longer bootcut jeans, as I suggested to you), but they are definitely more feminine.

The men's shoes were bought from a major department store. The ankle boots were from a store that specializes in larger woman's clothing and shoes. Payless is an lower priced, buy off the rack shoe store, which happens to carry sizes up to 13W, great for us guys with larger size feet. All three stores have both local stores all across the US, as well as websites for online ordering.

I saw from your info that from England, so the stores I bought my stores are probably not that accessible to you. However, I'm guessing there are probably similar stores available to you on the other side of the pond.

I hope I was able to provide some information for you. My best advice for you would be to take it slow and conservative. You have plenty of time to move up to more attractive and interesting shoe styles.

[t-strap lover]

Don't be angry with yourself. Just because some wear in public doesn't mean you should. It may not be for you. Depending where you live could cause more harm than good. If your determend to go out then maybe start with driving in your heels, then maybe wear at night going to a store with no people shopping at that hour. Go slow and maybe someday it will happen for you if you deside thats what you want to do. Good luck.

[pumplover]

Pumplover, useless coward you ain't. You've been out in a pair of flats, so that's success and you should recognise it as such. Are you putting yourself under pressure though? Did you venture out in your home area? That's a tough one, and I've only heeled or worn flats well away from home. I'm not too far from London so take a trek up there every so often and then have fun. My 1st time out I too was very nervous, but you can get over that, believe me. I've worn black suede ballet flats in Clapham's busy shopping centre, accompanied by black fishnet pop sox, uber-skintight purple skinny jeans and a black v-neck long-sleeve ladies top. Yes, I got some looks, none of them made nasty comments to me, or made rude gestures. What did people do or say after I'd gone? I don't know and I care even less.

So long as you stay away from know "rough" areas, you'll be ok. Nearly all of us have had nerves, worries and insecurities from time to time, but it's ok. You have as much right to wear what you like as anyone else. So, deep breath, and best foot forward, hopefully one witha flat pump on

I was in my home area, in my own street at the time. I got as far as the next street, turned back and went home. I live an hour away from London, but there are a maybe a few areas near me where I could give it another go. Its just I get that paranoid feeling that someone will always be there.

@jwhite44 - thanks for the links. I will see what sort of footwear I can find online in the UK which may be suitable to try out.

@t-strap lover - I have been driving in heels for quite a while now. I have driven in flats to 5" heels. However, before any driving in new heels, I always test the shoes are ok to drive in with the car stationary.

I will give it another go though, for sure.

[euchrid]

Yesterday I visited a huge hopping mall and saw so many women walking around in various heels and so wished one of them was me.

I bet you were hopping mad!

Seriously, If your aim is to wear womans flat shoes, you should have no problem at all with that. Just wear a pair that are black or brown and not too pointy a toe and no one should even notice.

[Dawn HH]

What Euchrid says is true. Start with a pair of non-descript flats until you get comfortable with what you are doing out in public and keep practicing and please don't give up. We all started very much in a similiar way as you and have met our fears and found that it is a head game and once we control what is inside of our own head, the world suddenly seems right and we all wonder why we didn't do it sooner. When you are at that point, then you can consider various heel types and height to experiment with and you will suddenly find that the fun value will quickly rise. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[pumplover]

I bet you were hopping mad!

Seriously, If your aim is to wear womans flat shoes, you should have no problem at all with that. Just wear a pair that are black or brown and not too pointy a toe and no one should even notice.

I did not realise I missed out the 's' lol

My aim is to wear heels eventually. I opted for flats at the time to see what it would feel like going out in women shoes. Unfortunately, I could not even do that yet.

[sabotalot]

Start with something unisex; I've worn open-back Bastad clogs for years; first few ventures were a little ner:clap: vous. Today I wear pumps with no problem.

[Histiletto]

Like others have said, take your time. Go to the locations where you can walk without a lot of other people there, if that feels comfortable. For a time, I took walks on a college campus in the evenings during class sessions. The walk ways were fairly vacant. Those that I did pass were to warpped up in what they were doing to notice the 4" stiletto heels they were passing. Even walking around a familiar neighborhoods of past locations, could be a nice area to heel. Parks and open malls that are like parks with a lot of walk ways can also work. Just make sure where ever you go, the way is not so secluded that you find yourself subject to the greedy and less honorable. You could also prepare for your walk by thinking of possible encounters and the ways you could deal with them. One thing you might say should you become aware that they have notice you're heeling is "I have watched others wearing heels and I wanted to see what it is like". Then tell them how it's going and maybe ask them if they ever wanted to find out what it felt like, if they haven't said so all ready.

[jwhite44]

As an option to the last post, you might also consider carrying a small shopping bag with you, which you can carry your man's shoes in. To everyone else, it will look like you're carrying a package or item you just bought. However, if you venture out, and really get concerned walking back in your woman's shoes, you can find a discreet place to change. Another idea is to wear your men's shoes to your destination (a mall or a train station), then find a restroom there to change into your women's shoes.

[roniheels]

Pumplover... Everyone here is offering you some very good advice. For heaven's sake...take it easy and take your time. Don't even feel like you have to wear high heels or even women's flats in public. If you want to, just ease into it. Many have worn high heels late at night to mail a letter, return a library book, or go to an ATM. But do it at your own pace. If you are comfortable wearing high heels around the house, be happy with that and enjoy it. I will tell you first hand that I, like many others, were reluctant at first to wear high heels in public. We all took our time, approached it in different ways, and proceeded at our own pace. Don't feel you have to do this. But if you really want to, take your time so that you will enjoy every moment of it and all of the times after that.

[PatentHeel]

As I don't wear heels outside the only advice I can offer is to listen to roniheels. As he has said, there is a lot of good advice here, take it on board and go at your own pace. Good luck.

[pumplover]

Thank you all for the great advice you have all given me. I know I don't have to go out in heels, but I really do want to experience it myself. If I don't try it at least once, it will bug me forever. When that day comes, you will all be the first to know about it

[Stilettoscot]

My advice would be to not only wear long boot cut jeans (as mentioned), but to go with someone (a friend, SO, HH Place member, etc) who knows and supports you. You'd be surprised at how just having someone with you really helps. Saying this, a few glasses of a good shiraz beforehand also helps! Take your time, don't rush it. Some days you'll feel more adventurous, other days you won't. Today was an adventurous one for me, went into Dunkin Donuts about 20 minutes ago to pick up a coffee wearing long black men's jeans and 4" stiletto-heeled Carrini d'orsays. I was driving home from my ex's, saw the DD store not very busy (only 3 cars), had the shoes in my car, and said..."Why not??". Most days I'd have never done this without the girl I'm seeing or one of my friends who know and support me.

[latindancer]

Pumplover, Love the sandals in your avatar. Where are they from? Plus, take your time. Only you know when your ready to say "Screw it, I don't care what people say" LD

[fastfreddy2]

Thank you all for the great advice you have all given me. I know I don't have to go out in heels, but I really do want to experience it myself. If I don't try it at least once, it will bug me forever. When that day comes, you will all be the first to know about it

"An hour from London" covers a huge area.

Where are you? (Your County will suffice.)

Possibly I have an idea but it's dependant on your location.....

[johnieheel]

I just cannot conquer the fear of someone seeing me in womens shoes

How many times do I have to say, They ar not womens shoes if a man owns them. Nobody will tar and feather you or chain you to a stump in the middle of town square and whip you. JUST DO IT. If you don't, you will be missing out on the most important thing in your life. "Being You":wavey:

[mtnsofheels]

Hi Pumplover, I understand your fears and worries about getting to where you want to be. We all have been there, we all have suffered through the remorse of wearing heels in public. It will come to you, the more you try the more you will finally just do it. The other day I was wearing a pair of mid calf 4"wedge boots, i suddenly had to go to the hardware store to get a dryer duct and a few other items. I walked in and cruise all around the store found the items I needed then went to the checkout, well I started to think and realized I still had my wedge boots on. I looked around and a whole pile of red neck carpenters are all waiting in line, nobody noticed! I now wear them and other boots/shoes when I go out and it just what need to do. By not even thinking about what I was wearing I just went about my regular course of actions and did what I had been wanting to do all along in a very unaccepting city like Calgary. I is full of rednecks, oil workers and cowboys. Mind set is the biggest hold back for us to do what it is we want to. Another big mind frame I have adopted is " I feel much better now that I have given up hope", this means, i have finally given up and I am going to do it regardless what anyone thinks. Keep on trying it will come to you, when you finally arrive it will be the best day in a long time! Whatever we can do to help, just post a thread, we are hear for you! Mtnsofheels

[shorty82]

Don't be angry at yourself. It can take time to be brave enough to go out in things meant for the other gender. It took me a while to be brave enough to go out in heels, what happened is that I told myself "scr** it, chances are nobody will notice and if they do what do I care?" You know what? I was right. Nobody notices and I'm 6'5" in stocking feet and the heels are 3.5" and click when I walk. Nobody is going to notice that the flats you're wearing are actually ladies shoes. And if they do notice, who cares? I personally don't care to much what some stranger I'll most likely never see again thinks about me. I don't own in ladies' flats yet but I will get some sometime. Ladies' clothing is just so much more stylish than men's. As already been said, if it is owned by a man it is a man's shoe, just one meant for a lady.

[jmc]

...for being a useless coward.

. . .

I am never going to see the day of street heeling at this rate

Well, maybe you're just not ready yet.

Anger won't help .

Maybe you should keep close to home with your heels and build confidence wearing them. If you venture out, do so at night under cover of darkness (and a pair of long pants). It can take a long time to build confidence -- some of us never do.

None of this is cause for shame or anger at one's self, nor is it cause for ridicule by the rest of this community.

One (heeled) step at a time . . .

We are "pushing the envelope" here.

[pumplover]

Morning All, Thank you all for the replies, it is much appreciated. I am pretty sure with all the encouragement you all have given me, I can do this @latindancer - I bought those sandals a very long time ago from 'schuh' online. Unfortunately, they were pretty tight, so I gave them t charity. @fastfreddy2 - I am located in Camberley, Surrey.

[JeffB]

pumplover: Don't be angry or frustrated with yourself. What you're going through is a natural reaction, something we've all experienced when we first started out wearing heels. Yes, the fear can indeed be paralyzing and extremely frustrating, but don't give in, don't give up. You can't force this, you have to let it happen in its proper time, you just have to be patient and take things in small steps. As for a discreet woman's shoe, try this:

http://www.payless.com/Catalog/ProductDetail.aspx?&TLC=Womens&SLC=WomensDress&BLC=WomensDressClassic&Width=Wide&ItemCode=53543&LotNumber=045084&Type=Adult&Popularity=287&DescriptiveColor=Black&Size=13

A simplistic yet stylish shoe that won't attract any attention, especially when worn with long pants as you accclimate yourself to wearing women's shoes. Give them a try and let us know what happens. By all means, stay positive, don't surrender to your fears and frustrations.

[fastfreddy2]

@fastfreddy2 - I am located in Camberley, Surrey.

I don't know how you are fixed, but I will be at Lakeside this Sunday morning 2nd November (without heels while in the centre as I have a business meeting there). I'll be visiting TK Maxx afterward, possibly Matalan, and the Next outlet, all of which are away from the centre, and I'll be wearing heels in all these shops.

In the afternoon, I'll probably be at Bluewater, in heels. [i've practically bought shares in the House of Fraser/KG shop there.]

While I expect to be with my wife, I may not. I've also invited Euchrid along as he's been looking to get out somewhere with heels. (He's MILES away from both these venues, so I doubt he'll be able to attend.)

Anyway, my proposal is that you meet me (or me and wife) and you have a brief/not so brief stroll around the centre with me/us. With you wearing some low heeled (or flat) shoes?

Whatever I have on my feet will be discreet, or at least discreet-ish. I don't wear stilettoes out in daylight. So I'll be wearing silent wedges, practically invisible 4" block heels, or what (usually) pass as men's cowboy boots.

No pressure, but you might find it easier if you have company. Will PM you my mobile number if you are interested.

Bluewater is a great place to go heeling, especially if you are being discreet about it.

-FF2.

[Thighboots2]

Pumplover,

Don't be angry with yourself, you are just butting up against your programming. We have all been through it and to our various degrees found out where we are comfortable. You will find that place in time.

Your preferred shoe style does make it far more difficult of course, although it isn't impossible as Kneehighs and Stilettoscot have often demonstrated. It is my opinion that stiletto court shoes will never make it into the mans wardrobe as a general thing, but cuban heels are possible and as I type here are work, I am wearing a pair of 65cm cuban heeled mens boots from www.archieeyebrows.co.uk and this is probably the best place to start.

They are not cheap at £175 a pair, but designer stuff never has been, and that is the only avenue for heels on a mans shoe. So it may be worth you investing in a pair for the enjoyment of wearing heels far more of the time especially as you don;t have to play the mind game because they really are mens shoes. You will quickly progress to the more functional womens ankle boots with block heels and then you will find where your personal comfort level is.

Simon.

[pumplover]

I don't know how you are fixed, but I will be at Lakeside this Sunday morning 2nd November (without heels while in the centre as I have a business meeting there). I'll be visiting TK Maxx afterward, possibly Matalan, and the Next outlet, all of which are away from the centre, and I'll be wearing heels in all these shops.

In the afternoon, I'll probably be at Bluewater, in heels. [i've practically bought shares in the House of Fraser/KG shop there.]

While I expect to be with my wife, I may not. I've also invited Euchrid along as he's been looking to get out somewhere with heels. (He's MILES away from both these venues, so I doubt he'll be able to attend.)

Anyway, my proposal is that you meet me (or me and wife) and you have a brief/not so brief stroll around the centre with me/us. With you wearing some low heeled (or flat) shoes?

Whatever I have on my feet will be discreet, or at least discreet-ish. I don't wear stilettoes out in daylight. So I'll be wearing silent wedges, practically invisible 4" block heels, or what (usually) pass as men's cowboy boots.

No pressure, but you might find it easier if you have company. Will PM you my mobile number if you are interested.

Bluewater is a great place to go heeling, especially if you are being discreet about it.

-FF2.

Thanks for the offer and please do not take this the wrong way, but I feel this is something I want to try out on my own first

@Thighboots2 - thanks for the link. The shoes are a tad pricey for me i'm afraid

Speaking of shoes though, I have a pair of low heeled boots on order, which should be suitable to give street heeling another go. I will post up a pic when they arrive.

[loswabs]

Morning All,

Thank you all for the replies, it is much appreciated. I am pretty sure with all the encouragement you all have given me, I can do this

@latindancer - I bought those sandals a very long time ago from 'schuh' online. Unfortunately, they were pretty tight, so I gave them t charity.

@fastfreddy2 - I am located in Camberley, Surrey.

There are more us about than you think pumplover, I'm on the outskirts of Reading Have you tried Puss In Boots in Reading? I've bought boots, stiletto sandals and PVC clothes from there before, though ain't been for a while. Go along and try some shoes on in there - they're really nice people and have seen plenty of guys in heels before. Look at http://www.pussboots.co.uk/ for more info.

Also, it's easy to get to Camden Town, Covent Garden, London in general from where we are. Shops in Camden Town are so used to guys trying on Pleaser boots and shoes, no one bats an eyelid. I know, I've done it, and it's great!! I also hear Brighton is quite cosmopolitan in it's dress codes these days so maybe you can have a day there. I wouldn't do it this week though as the sprogs on on half term

Good luck