Chorlini

On 8-1-2015 13:54:52, jorisken123 said:

Yesterday, for the first time ever in my life, I saw a man wearing heels in public. And they were HIGH. At least 5 inches.

 

I spoke to him, mentioned I had never seen a man in heels before.

Unfortunately, he was in a hurry so I couldn't talk very much. I don't know who he is and whether I'll ever see him again, but now I know I am not alone in my city (the lovely Ghent)! Things suddenly look brighter.

 

If that man happens to read this post, please tell me 

 

I'll keep my eyes open even more now, looking for more fellow heelers. I would love to talk to them.

Was there a mariachi band or Ennio Morricone music being played in the background during your 'stand off'?

With a title like that I couldn't resist.

Depends on if you have wide feet. I've got a pair in size13US, said to be 44EU and I think its too big for me in length, but in width it pinches my feet at the instep (?). I only have that problem at their models like the one you posted. No such problems with courts or boots.

Methinks you probably have Louboutin and his ilk to thank for that. They pretty much popularized that style. And since everybody wants shoes from them all the other brands started making shoes like them.

Too bad 1969 only goes up to size 43. One size bigger and I might actually be able to wear one of their courts. Oddly enough I can fit into their size 41 sandals quite easily. Go figure!

I've been searching through my collection and unfortunately no luck. I know I had a pair like that in black. I just can't remember whether or not its in some box somewhere or if I sold them. Chances of them still turning are probably slim. I do have a different pair from Fredericks. There is no size on them but they're quite recent and I bought them from eBay UK, whilst looking for size 8UK sandals. If you want them I'm willing to sell them.

I think I may have a pair exactly like that. Not sure about the size. Might be bigger. I'll check.

Well done! A well deserved internet bro-fist for you!

Wise men have said that you shouldn't only listen to what a woman says but especially to what a woman does. She hasn't stormed out of your life, which is good. Take comfort in that, you did something right at least. But I do suspect she's still in denial. The dam may still burst in the future. I think it would be best to assume she's not going to be one of those women who will be comfortable with you wearing heels and encourage you. She may surprise you but lets expect the worst, hope for the best instead. She may be one of those people who deals with it by not talking about it. I know that my (late) mother and grandmother knew about my heels, they found my collection. My brother knows. But they all deal (or dealt) with it by not talking about it. I'm fine with that. Guess I'm like that too. Thing is, denying is not yet acceptance. On the contrary, remember the 5 stages of grief.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model

This seems silly for something as seemingly normal as men wearing heels, but culture is as it is and to the vast majority of women learning that their boyfriend or husband is into wearing heels is quite an outside context problem.

My advice for now is to ride out the mellow, continue your heeling when she's gone and abstain from doing it in front of her. But try to think of what your long term strategy is. Are you content with your own personal stash and private heeling, don't rock the boat. If you want more, you will have to risk more, including the risk of failure. In which case you might be in luck though as chances are she will walk into you one day by accident. Murphy's law basically cannot be subverted. It's bound to happen. In which case you better be prepared. My advice for that case is to act like nothing is going on. Like you would if she were to come home from work. Act calm and confident. How she will react then will probably tell you what to really expect.

- She looks funny for a moment but says nothing. You have a denier on your hands. Chances are she's not happy with it but she can live with it as long as you are discrete.

- She becomes interested. Jackpot! Chances for acceptance are high. Chances of it happening, probably not that great.

- She becomes angry. You busted her bubble of denial, now the floodwaters will flow freely. Can lead to a breakup but anger is also the necessary stage 2 of grief acceptance, remember? If she does become angry, remember to keep calm and stay confident. Let the waters of her emotions flow and break on your rock of steadiness. Do not engage in emotional discourse, do not try to counter emotions with logic, it will not serve you. NEVER give in to ultimatums, they will only make you look weak. And remember that after anger comes bargaining. And first rule of bargaining is to know perfectly what you want then aim higher. And not give in too soon.

Sometimes I think the only rule is that there is no rule and that every manufacturer has its own sizing. Which makes buying shoes a trial and error. Which makes it a true nightmare when it comes to really expensive shoes that you can only buy online. Like 6IHF

Gorgeous heels indeed. Sadly though nothing above size 40EU.

Well, there has to be a considerable market considering how many large size fetish heels there are on offer. Now if only the Louboutins and regular shoe chains would get the hint.....

That being said I do have my doubts as to what constitutes heels to those men who got polled. Considering that greater confidence in the workplace was being cited I suspect what most of those men want is not female footwear but male shoes with some heels to look taller.

Mistake one: Not telling her soon enough. Obviously not at the first day, but most certainly not after she has moved in. Methinks the ideal moment would have been after she had made some investment into the relationship but before you guys had any plans to move in together. Now telling her is hard. Probably one of the hardest things you have to do, but this is not something that will get easier by the longer you wait for the right time.

Mistake two: All this wishy washy waiting for the right moment Halloween dress up fishing for her opinion stuff. Women like confident men. They respond well to guys like JeffB because he doesn't give a crap about what other people think negatively of him. All that this wishy washy fishing for her opinion stuff has done is to negatively form her opinion. Best to have never asked her for her opinion about men in heels but to just flatly say that you like wearing heels. That this is how the f*** you roll in life and if she can live with that she's welcome to tag along with you. And then answer and allay her questions. Above all be confident about it. Which you have made nigh impossible by this long wait and wishy washy stuff. Now you're into damage control mode. And as Freestyle75 said, you now have only limited options.

1. You go vanilla. Give up all heels. Either you will learn to live with it and find some happiness or you will become miserable in time. In which case see 2.

2. You keep on hiding it. Which may work for a while until she inevitably finds it. In which case divorce rape will follow. Be sure to get iron clad marriage nuptials just for that case. Then again, she may surprise you. In which case see 3.

3. You may hit the jackpot that through sheer luck she changes her mind or is far more liberal then she let you to believe. The chances of that are slim.

4. Breakup now. Be miserable for a while, learn from your mistakes and move on. Maybe next time if you play your cards right and in the right time you will find happiness and heels.

I'd say drop the wishy washy waiting for the right moment conversation time and go full disclosure. There will NEVER be the right moment! Man up and above all be confident in your delivery. Tell her that you love her, that you want to grow old with her, but that this is how the f*** you roll in life and if she can live with that she's welcome to tag along with you (not in those exact words of course). If not, then better you break up now then after having followed option 2. Chances are you probably ruined your chances to have both a relationship and wearing heels, but she might surprise you. If she gives you an ultimatum, her or the heels, do NOT give in though. It will only make you look even weaker in her eyes, which will doom the relationship anyway.. Confidence is the only thing that can save you at this point in time. And with confidenceof course I don't mean being an asshole.

I wish you the best of luck, that you may find the wisdom and courage to make the right decision and I do hope it works out for the best for you! Now place your fist against your screen so I may bro fist you through the internet for good luck.

You want size 14US designer heels style heels? Really? Why not ask for something realistic as well. Like an end to world hunger? Or world peace.

Seriously though, what you want is virtually non-existent. Even the Chinese copy cats who copy EVERYTHING only do so in smaller sizes. 12US is already asking for the impossible. Believe me, I'm a size US13, occasionally a size US12 if they're roomy. I hate stripper heels as well and while its easy to find fetish heels in my sizes, anything more normal looking, that's like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. Of all the things that look interesting that I click on, maybe one in a 100, if not more, yields anything interesting in my size. And the worst thing is that when you look for stuff all over the world you will run into the fun that is size conversions. Almost every store seems to have its own system. And only god knows what kind of conversion system those Chines ebay sellers are using.

On the plus side, don't be too quick to dismiss Pleaser. They do offer more then just stripper and fetish heels. Recently they seem to be branching out into more normal styles that might appeal to you as well.

Seems like such a complicated way to find out if she's okay with you wearing heels or not. It seems like all approaches/ideas come down to the same thing, summoning the courage to ask her if she's okay with it. The rest seems just complicated scenarios to help you find the right moment/time. Might as well skip the whole complicated nonsense and go straight to the question as there usually never is a right moment/time. Either she's okay with it or not. If she says no it might save you the whole complicated hassle. And if you go through all the complicated hassle and you find out she's still not okay with it then all of that would have been for nothing anyway. 

It might have been better if you had asked her this before she quit her previous job and moved in with you. There was already some investment into the relationship on her part and it would have made any potential breakup a whole lot less messy. Besides, how would you feel if at this point in the relationship she came up with a revelation that might have you sit up and reconsider everything?

But you won't see those designer heels in the regular shops. You're barely seeing their copies and knock offs. Let alone any heels in regular daily life.

I'm not sure if women in general take action on these matters. Sure, they have feminist groups, but there are feminists ranging from feminists in name only to militant man haters. But at least they have some groups working in their interests. We have none working in ours and any emerging group that tries gets tarnished as mysogist. It doesn't help that we men can't seem to agree on what constitutes good healthy masculinity. There has to be more then Schwartzenegger style action hero tough guys or a bitterly complaining Al 'what the hell happened to the world I live in' Bundy.

I wonder how the sizing will work out. Trying out a new brand always opens up a can of sizing worms, not made easier by having to converse into EU sizes. Made even worse with made in China stuff. 

Here's to hoping it works out for you, Rockpup!

18cm heels? Did you by any chance happen to buy them in Germany? For some strange reason 18cm heels seem very popular based upon German webshops. As for sizing its seems to be all over the place. 14 US is sometimes anywhere between EU44 to 46. Although more often then not it seems to be UK12.

Personally I've tried walking in shoes like that but like with ballet heels I can't straighten my ankles no matter what I try. It would seem that depending on the shoe type/brand 16cm (no platforms) is my maximum.

Men are being ridiculed and told we are bad throughout Western society. And then they wonder about our masculinity? They reap what they sow. Where are our positive role models? In the media men are always portrayed as stupid little children. Women on the other hand are portrayed as wise. The wise wife and her stupid manchild husband. Violence against men is considered fun, a woman slapping a man in the face seems quite accepted, a comedy trope even.. A man slaps a woman in the face, spousal abuse. The media glorifies that more women then men attend university and that girls do better in school then boys. If it were the other way around it would be cause for widespread alarm and a clarion call to enact social reforms to rectify it.

I therefore am not surprised that it drives some men to cling to almost cavemen like notions of masculinity. After all, we see the same with many minorities who have been marginalized, clinging to what they think is their own culture is the one thing that gives them meaning and self identity in a hostile culture.

At just a little over US$68 including shipping why not chance it? And then tell us?

Hmm, a hidden platform and straight heels. I don't think that was what he was looking for. Quite the opposite in fact.

I like sandals. I'm usually too big to wear boots and pumps on offer in almost every store, but I can fit in smaller sized sandals. Especially the front laced variety.

Platforms and wedge however I abhor with a fiery passion.

Chorlini you're right. When I bid the prices are a lot higher and when I don't they are a lot lower. I don't get it.

It's simple, the universe doesn't like us. That's why our bids always end up costing more then the ones we don't participate in.

So high heels are misogyny now?    When did that happen?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the world of 1984. We already have the constant surveillance and lack of privacy, now we have the Powers that Be deciding what was once good is now bad and vice versa.

While I understand the question I would think that logically it makes no sense. Gays are attracted to their own sex. Why therefore would they want to dress up as members of the opposite sex? The odd drag queen aside who's probably the exception to the rule. Oddly enough the reverse seems to be more true for lesbians. I know quite a few of them from dance classes and the dresscode for the greater majority of them seems to be as masculine as possible.

I can also understand the connection between thinking wearing heels leads to transsexuality, but methinks this is not something that comes easy to them, just like gays don't discover their own sexuality on the flip of a dime either. I also think a person struggling with their own sexuality generally don't start by wearing heels. Dresses, make-up, those seem far more likely.

Like in France?

I'd like to find Pleaser Domina to test...

I see plenty of them for around €65 on the German and British Ebay.

have you ever tried Italia Boutique 1969 in eBay?  They have great shoes with really high heels.  You can find really good quality with prices that are a lot more comfortable than Louboutins.

Those are auctions though. Getting a good price in his price range can be a crapshoot. It usually always is for me. Every auction I participate in seems to go up more then the ones I don't. Plus their shoes tend to have a lot more of the heel type that he dislikes.

Wile E, if you are looking for budget shoes with heels you should also try here: 

 

http://www.newlook.com/shop/shoe-gallery/view-all-shoes/high-heel/size-8/_/N-9pzZ1z141vnZdaa?extcam=UK_PPC_KW_new+look+heels_MT_e_CR_74704403936_NTW_g_DV_c_ACE__TID_kwd-2755509817_FID__GEO_9047009&gclid=CMbs7OGbvMcCFSMcwwodc94Nvg&tmad=c&tmcampid=152&tmplaceref=CR_74704403936_KW_new+look+heels#results

New Look is awesome, as they do have shoes going up to size 42 and even 43. But next to nothing over 4 inches, not without a platform that is.