Shopping for heels: try them on?

[Danielinheels]

I wonder how many of the 23 "no" respondants have since tried on heels in-store before buying them.

[loswabs]

I love trying on high heels in shops, especially when I get a female assistant to help out. I've never meet with any adverse reaction and all have helped me to the best of their ability, making it a pleasureable experience. I love going into Dune, they have some really sexy shoes, and that's where I bought my first shop pair. Too late in the day to tell you the story now, but I'll be back soon to spill the beans. Have fun:wave:

[DandyDude]

You have to try them on!

Otherwise, how do you know if they will fit properly? There are many different kinds of last and toebox styles. It's impossible to know what size you need until you try them.

The best ever tip I know is to shop for heels wearing heels. The fact that you walk into the shop in heels shows without saying anything that this is what you wear and thus you are serious about making a purchase.

I know you may be serious about buying, but not want to wear them outside. There is a small price to pay for that in that you won't have the benefit of giving that unspoken signal.

FFox: When you have feet like mine, you can't always find your size in stores. An added irony for me is that my feet are shaped more like a woman's than a man's in the sense of having a narrow heel and high instep. That alone makes the "fetish" shoes that are usually the only things available in my length with heels unwearable for me as those shoes tend to be built for men who wear D/E widths. I take a man's B or C. I wore a man's A as a young teen, which is equivalent to a woman's B, stock size in women's shoes, but I wore women's 14 in length at age 11/12!

Those Lumiani boots I mentioned on another thread, I'd like to try them on. Thing is, I don't think any shop that would carry them would have my size in stock, EURO46. You small footers are lucky!

[metalspikes]

Yes I have tried on many pairs of shoes & boots in various stores, both in the UK & US, only once had a bad reaction , and that was very recently where a small independant shop had a "no men" policy--they were extremely uncomfortable about me even browsing, only allowing it because no-one else was in the store,

I've encountered that only twice. One was a consignment shop that sold designer dresses-- the sort that get worn to a party only once. Incredibly, the front door was locked, they had an intercom outside of it, and clearly posted signs stating that unaccompanied men were not welcome.

On another occasion, I was shopping for a waist cincher. I found a woman who was operating a mail-order foundation garment business from her home, and she was local to me. When I asked her if I might come to try her recommendations on for fit, she became very uncomfortable, even though I offered to come after hours so as not to disturb her other local customers. As I correctly surmised, she had had trouble with someone who she permitted to do that in the past. That one turned out for the best, as I went on to find a local corset shop (highly unusual in my area!) where I was able to get the real thing-- a heavy-duty, lace-up waist cincher in the old style, not one of these elasticized affairs.

When I think about it for a moment, it occurs to me that the extreme security measures at the consignment dress shop may well have been in response to a similar incident. In the same way that we are no longer welcome to post on the "For the Girls" forum, it seems that there are those of us who just must go about spoiling things for the rest of us.

technically I'm sure they were breaking the law by operating a discriminatory policy.

I had one experience in a shoe shop where the staff went out of their way to discomfit me-- one of them looked at my feet in trainers and quiped "size 11?" He then hung about everywhere in the shop I went, breathing down my collar constantly. Today I would have some fun turning the situation about on such a fool, but at the time I just shrugged my shoulders and left. My viewpoint is that, if their prejudices are worth more to them than is my money, they certainly have the right to make that choice, and I'll simply go elsewhere. In this case, it was a chain store, so I just went to visit another branch!

for various unknown reasons, very exciting.

Forbidden fruits, and all that.

I absolutely hate that... I've heard those comments come from both male and female employees. Most of the time I tell them they are for me as I find it so irritating that they assume it's for someone else.

I get that too, from time to time, and it has never bothered me. They are not a part of my life, and more than likely I will never see them again. If they need to make such assumptions in order to feel comfortable, or because the idea that I might want them for myself is too much out of their experience, I see no point at all in disabusing them. Of course, if they see me try them on in the store, it never comes up in the first place.

Molly

[metalspikes]

I bought only one pair at Macy's, my Jessica Simpson "Niva" pumps, and the lady didn't seem all that pre-occupied that i was buying women's shoes. It could be for a gift for someone. Plus, she actually asked me if i wanna try them on. Then she laughed and caught herself, and said, "well, you're a guy. I guess it wouldn't be your thing, eh?" I laughed and agreed with her, but when i got them home, they were on my feet in 5 seconds flat!

I must share one of my two best shopping experiences. I found a really cool belly dancer's belt and matching earrings that were imported from India. The sales rep who was helping me was friendly and talkative, so we wound up in an interesting and fun discussion of fashion after she had completed the sale. Our conversation proceeded absolutely naturally until she offered "Well, enjoy your outfit!" as her parting comment. I was heading for the door and busting a gut before her face had even finished assuming a puzzled "waitaminute..." expression...

I've gone into thrift stores, and gotten strange looks from people. One cashier at one store asked me "what are you doing with these shoes?

I've had some of my most painful and peculiar experiences at the thrift shops. The very first time I went shopping for a dress, one of the other customers challenged me, and demanded an accounting in a very loud voice. I don't know where my courage came from, but instead of running out the door in embarrassment, I stood up to her, demanded to know what concern of hers it was, and suggested that she would do well to mind her own business. By the time I was done, everyone in the shop who had been listening looked very ashamed.

On another occasion, I found some gorgeous stretch thigh boots at a tiny thrift-- they were in the style of lace tights with shoes attached. It may have been the first time I had tried on some heels in such a public setting. When I discovered how perfectly they fit (wish I still had them), on impulse I scooped up my trainers and walked up to the cashier to pay for the boots. She was immobilized in shock and doing the goldfish thing at me, so I simply placed the exact change on her counter and walked out to my car in my new boots. I was totally dissociated the whole time; I had this incredible sense of unreality about it all.

The owner of another small thrift totally accepted that I was shopping heels for myself, as though they were ordinary every-day wear for guys. I talked to her about a pair or two, then continued browsing. Another customer then came in, and she got into a conversation with the shopkeeper over the shoes I had just been browsing. She pointed out a pair in which I had been interested to her new customer, and said something to the effect that "this young man" (me) was interested in them for myself. When her customer responded with a shocked "Who?", I immediately on impulse dropped into a squat and disappeared from their field of view. As the puzzled shopkeeper was remarking "I don't know, he was here a minute ago..." and they were both looking around for me, I made a mad dash for the door when their backs were turned. That one was just a bit too embarrassing for me to brass it out.

Molly

Whoops, the questions I raised in this post were already answered a few posts later. In my best Gilda Radnor voice, "Nev-ver mind!!"

Last night, I went to a local Macy's and bought the Nine West "Freda" pump. The male cashier asked me "is this a gift for someone?"

I would most certainly answer with "Yes, it is!" but I would have difficulty in doing so with a straight face while I am thinking about whom the gift is for.

The best ever tip I know is to shop for heels wearing heels. The fact that you walk into the shop in heels shows without saying anything that this is what you wear and thus you are serious about making a purchase.

That is interesting advice. Even in the one shop where the sales staff made it clear that I was not welcome, I cannot ever recall feeling that I was not taken seriously. Though sales staff seldom approach me, this too may well be a result of the signals I send. It takes me only a few minutes to browse the displays, and I usually know instantly when a certain style takes my fancy (it often "leaps out") and will work for me. The only thing I really need the salesperson to do is retrieve a pair in my size from the stockroom (I am totally comfortable in a self-service store), and the way I usually make my request is to bring a shoe up to the counter, show it to them, and ask for my size. If they do not have my size in stock and I really want them, I will frequently ask the salesperson to call other nearby stores in their chain for me. I have never had anyone refuse such a request. I may not always find anything of interest when I walk through a shop, but staff usually gets it quickly that I am not "just looking."

Molly

I agree with Fog, last time I went shopping for heels I was wearing a pair and I felt a lot more at ease. No worrying if people would think they were for me, and no reason why not to try on the new ones.

<scratches head> I still don't get this sort of thinking. As long as the other customers do not harass me (and that has happened only once, in a thrift shop), what do I care about who they think I'm buying for? The same applies to the sales staff. If they get it that the shoes are for me (which they usually do since I usually try them on in the shop), that's fine by me. If they ask me if I'm buying for someone else, I usually just shrug my shoulders (mentally, at least), answer "yeah," and let it go. I don't do that because I'm embarrassed, I do it because I just don't care. Maybe this is because I've been buying my own heels since childhood...

That's not to say that I'm not interested in being social, I just save my time and energy for the people who can both see and accept what I'm about. I have no interest in doing missionary work when I'm out shopping, no desire to convert the heathens. I just don't have the energy to spend on it any more-- I've spent it all on attempting to convince angry women that men are not all a pack of rotters.

Molly

When it comes to wearing heels in public, I have something of a "split personality": I perceive the society around me to be neither peaceful nor tolerant, so that the risk of harassment or assault that my heeling in public may provoke leaves me feeling very unsafe. But, when it comes to shopping in a store where the staff are mainly interested in my money and trouble from fellow customers in front of so many witnesses seems very unlikely, I am just as bold as brass!

My passion for heels began when I was a small enough child to wear my mum's heels; when I outgrew those, I saved up my allowance and bought my own. I was fortunate enough to find a sympathetic salesperson at a local store who allowed me to try shoes on in the stockroom, so that I could avoid embarrassment. When I started shopping at the big chains of the times (anyone remember Kinney's and Thom McCann's?), I did the embarrassed "they're for my..." thing, but I soon found that most of the sales staff and clerks couldn't possibly care less, so I soon dropped it. It was not until much later, though, that I began to try them on in the stores for real.

In the late 1970's, I discovered stores which carried "new old stock"-- vintage shoes from the 1950's and 60's, unworn and still in their original boxes. I stumbled across my first because it was located in the tiny shopping district where I lived, but soon began seeking out others. In each case, I managed to eventually persuade the shopkeepers to allow me to search through their stock on my own, after which time I had an absolute ball climbing about among the rafters and into the small places where they had stock tucked away that hadn't seen the light of day in goodness knows how long (it was quite literally a hunt for buried treasure), and trying on the shoes I found there. None of the shopkeepers minded in the least, and one of them looked as though he might wet his pants in his excitement when he saw how many pair I was looking to buy.

Boots: no problem.

Shoes and sandals only when in Tara mode.

I didn't begin to crossdress until college, but I have done so in public only on a few special occasions. Likewise, I have never gone shopping in heels. Only once has my right to be there been challenged-- it was in a thrift/charity shop, by another customer, when I was shopping for dresses. Otherwise, I've had only the occasional odd look, but...who cares? I have had the occasional fun and interesting experience...

Once, while trying on some ankle boots with gold metal spike heels, the sales girl (she couldn't've been more than 20 years old) on duty at the time was inspired to remark, "Those boots are definitely you." I thought it was ridicule at first. When I could not see the least hint of judgment in her posture or attitude, I realized that she was sincere. It turned out that guys were already wearing heels to the clubs she frequented (this was at least 10 years ago) so regularly that she had totally accepted it as "normal." This was the first I'd heard of what was later to be called "fashion freestyling," and it gave me a great deal of hope.

On two separate occasions, women became interested in the shoes I was trying on, or in the fact that I was trying them on. In both cases, they were impressed with the fact that I had no trouble walking in them.

One occasion was in the Frederick's of Hollywood main store. I was trying on some metal spike heels that had just come in. I wanted black, but they were waiting for another shipment to arrive, and had only a few pair-- one that was fortunately in my size. Nevertheless, I wanted to try them on for fit and stability. As I was walking around the sales area, two dancers arrived, looking for work shoes. They were both impressed with the metal spikes, and my ability to walk in them. One of them took the same size as me, so I took the shoes off and gave them to her to try on. She was surprised, so I explained that I was waiting for black ones. She remarked that I probably had a beautiful collection that she would love to borrow from. Were it not for that, I might've attempted to parley the contact into a friendship, and possibly could've succeeded. So, you never know, you may meet your future spouse or girlfriend while out shopping for heels!

The other occasion was in the Wild Pair outlet that was conveniently located right in my home town. A fellow customer who saw me trying on shoes and became impressed and intrigued, struck up a fashion conversation with me. She remarked on her skepticism about platforms, thinking that they are clumsy, awkward, and difficult to walk in. I pointed out that, quite to the contrary, modest platforms are easier to walk in than single sole shoes because the platforms increase their stability. I demonstrated by taking long strides up and down the isle in a pair, with obvious ease. She was much impressed, and conceded my point.

These are only three of the many fun experiences I've had while out shopping for dresses and heels.

Skirts, female trousers and jeans are no problem either but I cannot try on any kind of dress unless I'm in female mode.

I had not realized it until I read this comment, but I have become just as brazen about trying on skirts, dresses, and the occasional foundation garment. I have been shopping lately at a discount chain that carries closeouts, overstocks, and quite possibly factory seconds. They are strictly self service, with a minimal staff. They always have one person, though, to monitor the fitting rooms. I've never even thought twice as she counted my selections and then sent me off to an empty room with a card to indicate how many garments I was trying on.

On two occasions while I was there, I asked other (female) customers for help and suggestions about color coordination and style. I did not stutter with lame explanations, but simply started with "Excuse me, I wonder if you can help me figure out..." or "Excuse me, could you please tell me how to..." Both women responded in kind to this direct and open approach, and were very generous with their time and help.

Besides the usual reasons, I love to shop because I feel free and safe to do some of the things that feel too risky otherwise.

Molly

[BobHH]

I bought many of my platform stilettos in Fredericks, with the wife, and they always asked if I wanted to try them on. They were the 6.5 in. heels with the 2 in. platforms, which I have now gotten tired of fighting the stability problems on rough ground or with tired ankles, so have largely abandoned.

[chris100575]

My thinking for going shopping in heels was because for some reason I always feel uncomfortable being a lone guy browsing the women's shoes. I get nervous wondering what others will think, and if I'll dare to try them on. By wearing heels from the outset, it negates both worries. Anyone who cares to look knows that I'm likely buying for myself, and the fact that I'm already in a public place wearing women's boots means that I'm more inclined to try on any that I fancy because I'm already wearing a pair of heels anyway. It's for my benefit not anyone else's, but I did feel much more confident. Chris

[BobHH]

Been there, done that. Met my first wife in one of those groups. Supposed to be good, but it didn't work out in the long run. The second wife was the dream girl for life.

[Katrina]

I've actually been on a shoe shopping binge recently. Two days ago I went to a store and tried on several pairs while other customers were around and the staff working there. BTW, it was a warehouse like place where you serve yourself. I would put the shoes on and march up and down the aisle to the nearest mirror to check them out. Some women gave me a second look, but most just ignored me and did their own shopping. Yesterday, I went shopping again at a different store. I've been to this store several times now and I think I had the same young guy at the checkout a few times now. I used to be really intimidated when I have to checkout with a guy doing it, but its starting to bother me less and less. He even came around the aisles to ask me if I needed any help. I'm pretty sure he saw me trying them on and didn't give me the hairy eyeball or anything. The truth is, most people don't care.

[BB_in_heels]

Thanks to reading all the posts on here, yes I know try heels on in the shop, it's great fun. Knowone seems to care and staff have been very helpful. It's even meant I've brought some heels I would have not considered before as I did not expect them to fit.

[Magickman]

The only reason for shoe stores and shoe departments to exist, is to sell shoes. It would be a foolish merchant indeed, who discouraged any buyers from making purchases. Never have I found a shoe seller who did not want to sell me any shoes that I fancied. To the shy heelers among us, my message is: browse, examine and try on shoes to your heart's content. The merchants are eager to sell to you, and the other customers will not care what you buy.

[dingpat]

I usually shop at payless. My last trip there I was looking at shoes with my friend who goes shopping with me usually. Well we spent quite a bit of time discussing each shoe and whether or not they would fit or look good with the outfit we were putting together on this trip. So it came down to deciding whether to try them on in the store or not and for several moments we just looked around, but decided not to do it. Next time I'm just going to try them on! and do the Frederick's stores carry their shoes in large sizes? there's a lovely pair of mary janes I would love to purchase from them!

[canadianbeaver17]

The one Frederick's store here only carries some of the bedroom-type shoes, but in all sizes. I have a few of their pairs (my fave 'cause they are cheap and comfy). They are true to their sizes.

[BobHH]

My shopping was done at the Frederick's main store on Hollywood Blvd. They have a better selection in that store than in their mail order catalogs, or did the last time I was there (a year or two).

[dingpat]

what about DSW? do they carry lots of selections in large sizes?

[rxrenesis]

The largest size I've seen in DSW has been size 10. Very few shoes above that size. If you go check the sale rack in the very back of the store. There you may find shoes size 11 and up.

[Danielinheels]

Yeah, DSW ahd Shoe Carnival aren't hotbeds for large sized shoes.

[rxrenesis]

Getting tired of being limited to Payless. However discovered that Bass has sz11 just bought a pair of Espadrills from there. Tried them on in the store.

[Danielinheels]

Any AVENUE retailers near you? Their Cloudwalkers line is great

[dingpat]

yeah, I've heard great things about cloudwalkers. not sure if there are any avenues close by, though.

[rxrenesis]

Yea there are 2 stores not far. I guess I gotta check them out.

[pumpedup]

DSW is excellent! I got some pumps from there that i couldn't find anywhere else! They were the Nina pump called "Bonnie". I have to pay that store another visit soon!

[dingpat]

yeah, I found an avenue pretty close to me, so I'm headed over there tonight! if their service is like I've heard, it'll be a great experience!

[metalspikes]

DSW is excellent! I got some pumps from there that i couldn't find anywhere else! They were the Nina pump called "Bonnie". I have to pay that store another visit soon!

I saw one pair of boots at DSW that I would've liked to have had (they were out of my size), but otherwise have not seen anything I particularly wanted. This just goes to show how spoiled I've become-- I've found better quality and more interesting styles at better prices on the 'net.

[pumpedup]

Well that goes without saying. There is tons of shopping to do on the net. The retail stores don't cut it, because most of the time, they don't have my size, or the style i want, especially if it's a popular shoe. So i have to go on the net. This particular time, i chose to go local to buy those Nina pumps, but most of the time, i am either doing eBay or some other net shopping.

[metalspikes]

Well that goes without saying.

That has not always been my experience. I've been able to do better than DSW locally as well as on the net.

The retail stores don't cut it, because most of the time, they don't have my size, or the style i want, especially if it's a popular shoe. So i have to go on the net.

Size is probably the biggest problem with shopping locally, if your feet are size US 11 or larger. Whenever I feel the need to count my blessings, I usually include my size US 9 feet.

This particular time, i chose to go local to buy those Nina pumps, but most of the time, i am either doing eBay or some other net shopping.

I've done fairly well both locally and on the net. Shopping on the net brings its own challenges and problems. It can get expensive when shoes have to be sent back for exchange or refund because they do not properly fit. Depending upon the carrier they choose, receiving shipments has occasionally been a problem. I've been disappointed several times when a product did not quite resemble the photograph, or when the photos are too small and/or blurry to see details. And eBay is a whole can of worms all on it's own-- I know some people do well and find fabulous things at serious discounts there (or so I've heard), but I've been disappointed and/or scammed there so many times (a merchant's feedback record from the past is no guarantee of what they will do in the future) that I just will not take the risk, any more-- not to mention that I am very non-competitive, so auctions do not work well for me anyway.

[greybagred]

It seems like with most people here, i tend to buy off the net. Most of mine come from ebay or from america. i can usually get the shoes including postage cheaper from the US than here in england just for the shoes. However i have bought many pairs that are just too tight. i buy a US 11 because i have a pair of boots in a 12 and my feet move about in them but an 11 is too small. I have promised myself to try some on in store this year and i get so excited and nervous that all i do is pick up the shoe, see if they are high enough and then when approached by a salesperson i just put the shoe down and walk away. This will change this year.

[metalspikes]

I have promised myself to try some on in store this year and i get so excited and nervous that all i do is pick up the shoe, see if they are high enough and then when approached by a salesperson i just put the shoe down and walk away. This will change this year.

Go for it! I'd go with you if we lived nearby each other...

[BB_in_heels]

It seems like with most people here, i tend to buy off the net. Most of mine come from ebay or from america. i can usually get the shoes including postage cheaper from the US than here in england just for the shoes. However i have bought many pairs that are just too tight. i buy a US 11 because i have a pair of boots in a 12 and my feet move about in them but an 11 is too small.

I have promised myself to try some on in store this year and i get so excited and nervous that all i do is pick up the shoe, see if they are high enough and then when approached by a salesperson i just put the shoe down and walk away. This will change this year.

Go for it, you'll enjoy it & in my experience the sales people are very helpful.

Only problem - the credit card bill when you keep going back to buy more shoes

[metalspikes]

Only problem - the credit card bill when you keep going back to buy more shoes

Ouch, your comment is very timely indeed... It'll all be worth it, though, when I get it paid off.