How does your wife/SO view your shoe wearing?

[hoverfly]

In responce to firefox: Well that can be a mater of opinion. But what I am thinking is how people readjust after the rules have been rewritten. In this case finding that her man wears high heels, gender identity comes in question. Also this applies to adults not children with high IQ's. All children are quite capable of adjusting to their environments because they are developing their own sense of identities as well there own identify of them selves. Nothing at that point has been etched in stone. My wife has a high IQ but is not a genius. She has common sense but seems to be on the weak side. I my self fall into the average IQ percentile and I been told that I have a strong level of common sense. Many other average people I have interacted seems to have a reasonable/strong level of common sense as well. Of course there are your not so smart ones even if they have a head on. I also interacted with some people with high IQ's and I find some are no different than one's with an average IQ. But I have come across a lot of People who have high IQ's and something seems to be off center from a little to a lot. Some times I think some thing is reduced like common sense in order to have this level of intelligence. So in theory I believe that people with a higher IQ may be set in there own ways from what they have learned and are not easily capable of adjusting/relearning to something when rules are rewritten. For instance gender identity. Of course this is dealing with human nature not what they might do for a living. Like computer programming or something to do with sciences where rules are rewritten all the time. Bottom line is I think as with old age it is hard to change their ways, people with higher IQ's might even have a harder time no mater what age they are as adults. It is kind of hard to be tolerant when something total unexpected has happened and every thing about your self had been put in question. After all we are not perfect we are only human. I don't fully under stand it my self. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-03-10 02:02 ]</font>

[Firefox]

That's all getting pretty deep for me. IQ measures just that; IQ. The ability to manipulate certain abstract concepts, verbal, numeric, and spatial. I don't think it has much of a bearing on tolerance, ability to change, commmon sense or anything else like that. Unfortunately today's society of computers, science, litigation, and financial scrabble gives status to the skilled abstract manipulators. More status than they deserve in my opinion.

[hoverfly]

LoL... IQ has a lot more to do than you think.

[Jeff]

Well, we're getting a bit of topic here.. But I'll have to back Firefox here. IQ is nothing more then a number that tells you how you do on the matters mentioned by Firefox (abstract concepts, verbal, numeric, and spatial) compared to the average person (IQ=100). I think the reaction you get from your s/o (or anyone else for that matter) when you tell them you like to wear heels (or skirts or whatever is out of the ordinary) all depends on how the person stands in life. Probably a lot of factors come in the picture here. I think a popular term that sums these up and is used a lot these days is EQ (Emotional Quotient).

[Charlie]

We are just talking about shoes here, aren't we? Some of the wives/girlfriends reactions I'm reading here sound like they just realized they're married to the elephant man or something. Come on! Women regularly buy shoes/clothes from the men's department without being accused of trying to be men. Great! They like the styles and simply buy them. Fine by me. It's the same for us. To those wives/girlfriends that are all choked up over this: Get over it! Charlie

[hoverfly]

Chuckle....IQ (pinky) and the brain, brain, brain, brain. IQ is intertwined and complicated. What is common knowledge may be just the basics of it. Nuff said. Any way, the wife and I went out to night. We had drinks, dinner, a little dancing, more drinks, and played pool. There was a women wearing a pair of boots that had a small chunky 2,2.5" heel. The front of the boot was square toe. It had a seem running across the top around the foot. It looked like a typical man's shoe with the jeans this women was wearing. I asked my wife what did she think about the boot. She said "it looked like she had platypus feet and did not like them." Then I asked what did she think if they would be appropriate for a man to wear. She said, "yes it would." To bad I have to wait till next fall to find something like those. Also before that we were able to talk about me some time wearing a pair of high heel boots more or less in a controlled environment out in public. When and if it happens I let you know. Ouote from charlie: "Women regularly buy shoes/clothes from the men's department without being accused of trying to be men. Great! They like the styles and simply buy them. Fine by me. It's the same for us. To those wives/girlfriends that are all choked up over this: Get over it!" Sorry Charlie.... That does not work that way. Some of us has experienced that. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-03-10 08:25 ]</font>

[ShockQueen]

I think that if a wife/girlfriend is not comfortable with a man wearing heels, then either: The man did not tell her at the beginning - then he is to blame The woman just has some hang-up with guys in heels, and does not wish to accept the man for all that he is or wants to change him, which is not right, and the relationship is in trouble then. As long as the man has told the prospective SO what he prefers to cover his feet with, there should be no problems if she accepts it then.

[Charlie]

Whoops! Forgot to sign in...........Yep! That was me alright! Charlie

[Charlie]

Me again hoverfly, I think I misinterpreted what you were saying. When you where saying sorry Charlie, it doesn't work that way, I'm thinking now that you meant that men buying from the women's section doesn't fly when women buying from the men's section does? From your posts, I realize that your SO has a big problem with this. Change doesn't come easy. This is the same as freedom coming at a cost. The first women who wore pants were actually arrested in some cases. Now most women wear pants with no problem whatsoever. It's a tough life when someone feels strong enough to buck the trend. It always starts somewhere. Why not here/now? From your later post, it looks like you're onto something. Start basic with boots like you described at the pool hall and go forward from there. Best of luck! Charlie

[hoverfly]

Quote from Charlie: "I think I misinterpreted what you were saying. When you where saying sorry Charlie, it doesn't work that way, I'm thinking now that you meant that men buying from the women's section doesn't fly when women buying from the men's section does?" That's part of what I meant, but the get over part to, some of them seem to be unable to get over it. Funny is it that one can do one thing. The other can't? I don't know, I have never been shocked so bad in my life that I can't get over it. Including some one close, who has died. As for women getting arrested for wearing pants, here is one. There was a women lawyer who wore pants to court one day. Her pants went on trial not the case she was prosecuting or defending!! <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-03-12 04:52 ]</font>

[xaphod]

In Ruth's case, I would say 'studied indifference'. I went to see her to administer alcoholic and emotional support on Friday, after she had had the 5 hour personal interview at the end of an Inland Revenue (IRS) investigation at her business. I wore a pair of 4.5" blade knee-high boots during the evening and nothing was said about these. I told Ruth of the UK_heel_2002 weekend and she was pleased that I had enjoyed myself with a bunch of fellow afficianados. Actually, she was more interested in some of my descriptions of the characters, than what we wore or what we did. I can't make up my mind whether she thinks that what I wear is irrelevant to who I am, or whether she prefers to avoid my heel wearing topic by not talking about it. PS .... On my way I dropped in for a quick tour of Lakeside. Blisters has disappeared, and so has my hat shop. Oh hell, this place is becoming as anonymous as any UK high street, with all the big chain stores and nothing else !

[Highluc]

Hi Xaphod, maybe Blisters disappeared because we bought their whole stock of wedges during our last visit.

[JB]

I started wearing hh when with my first wife. When she saw the boots, 2 3/4", her face turned red in anger. She was the very jealous type and thought that I did this to attract attention from other women, which I didn't. There was no discussing it, from her part. I'm sure this was taken into account when she left me a few weeks later. The second woman is the one I now am with. I had never told her of my liking for hh when, last winter, I let her open up the shoe box which I had just received. She gaped in disbelief, mouth wide open, and stared for around 15 seconds, letting the sight sink in (I thought the reaction was good)...Then, she starts crying and says: "I think I'm having a nightmare, this is not possible!" all the while behaving exactly as if she was indeed having a nightmare. When she calms down a bit, I take her on the sofa, sit next to her and put my arms around her, and say "We must talk about it". Then she enumerates about a dozen objections that she has about my wearing heels, which objections I refute as unfounded "for this or that reason". I must say that I did have some help for ideas in some of these refutations because of my reading in hh forums; thanks to you guys. So, after about 1 1/2 hrs, we settle down on an arrangement, a compromise: it's ok for her that I wear them whenever and whereever I like, except when we go outside together. The reason she gives for that is that there would be too much of a difference in height between us, 9 ins. Quite a reversal of situation in an hour and a half! I was glad the way it turned out.

[azraelle]

From personal experience among a very conservative religion of which I am a devout member (LDS, Mormon), and among Christians in general, at least in America: The crux of the problem is this--What seems to be a logical conclusion, on their part, isn't supported by the facts--but since they are sure of their "knowledge of the facts" they never bother to look up the REAL FACTS. And if they are confronted with them, the usual reaction is "Don't confuse me with the facts, my mind is already made up!" Logic dictates to them that a man that wears ANYTHING feminine is gay. The facts are that somewhere between 50% and 67% of full transvestites are completely straight heterosexuals. I think it is a stereotype issue--no one who actually looks at the differences in making love between a man and a woman, as opposed to how it is typically done between a man and another man, could logically conclude that an otherwise straight man who wants to explore his feminine side could possibly want to be made love to by another man! But religious folks typically DON'T think about this because doing so is dirty, or a sin, etc. So they settle for stereotyping, and stereotypical logic, and that is why they can't see beyond their nose.

[Driver8]

What nightmare stories!

It's interesting how the media constantly pokes fun at the "weak male ego" when it comes to masculinity. But these tales show that sometimes, the women's ego about the male ego is even weaker.

If there is any lesson here, besides how bloody stupid plenty of women are, is to be completely up front about everything and don't wait several months to make any big revelations. Even if the woman can adjust to the idea of the fashion, her shock is compounded by the fact that a secret's been kept from her for months. And if that was hidden what else is being hidden? That is a reasonable fear. By the second or third date the discussion should have stumbled upon fashion and style (after all, it is a passion of yours, isn't it? And most women, too.) and your well-developed sense of style, far beyond the other oafs she's dated, should become clear! Before I've even gotten around to asking anyone out she's seen me in a skirt or something, and knows full well what she's getting herself in to. So I've managed to avoid these tearful scenes six months into the relationship. Fashion for me isn't a secret I keep in the closet, it's a part of my daily life. This is not just a matter of taste; there are very good reasons to avoid "closets".

[loveheel]

You are on to something. I believe some women really have a problem with the masculinity image problem when you tell them about HH wearing. But, there may also be the issue of "why did you not tell me this earlier". Many of us (including yours truly) keep our HH wearing secreat from our SO for a long time before we fess up. I remember when I told my wife, the fact that I kept it hidden for so long (I had the most ridiculous hiding places in the house) was a big part of it. She is pretty well OK with it now. Now she is probably more worried about the money I spend on shoes. She is no shoe fanatic at all

[shyguy]

My wife tries to accept it, and occasionally allows me to wear her heels, and always lets me try on her new shoes but would never let me buy my own. She also is set against me wearing stilettos EVER but she is aware of my love of heels.

[WarrenB]

My wife does not like it at all. I'm definitly screwed in that department. I wear HH loafers at the office and nylons as well. She's OK with that, so far, just as long as she doesn't know or see it.

[Dexter23]

she couldn't appreaceate it at all.. when I told her she broke up with me 3 day's after that. Dex

[stellah]

I dated my girlfriend 2 years before I told her about my HH fetish. She was pleasantly amazed and naturally asked why I hadn't told her earlier. But on the whole she was thrilled that I had this kinky side of me. She likes heels too and so we can now go shopping together. Too bad there are absolutely no fetish type shops where I live, but we go to regular shoestores and I watch her try out the coolest footwear. I just wish I could take pictures in the shop as well. Actually, like more regular women's shoes and boots in shoestores than fetish-type footwear because they are made for real wear and not only bedroom playing toys. I just wish I had a smaller foot or they would sell several numbers larger shoes She knows that she needn't be jealous of HHs and we can both enjoy them...

[PlatformJay]

My wife is very supportive. I told her of my shoe interest just 2 months into the relationship over the phone. It was very hard for me to come out and say it. After I finally spilled the beans, she said "That's it? That's all? I thought you were going to tell me you killed somebody or something along those lines, whew!" Speaking of all relationships, my previous GF could never get over the "fact" that they were "women's shoes", and was not very happy about it. My first GF was not smart enough to form an opinion about anything, and didnt care one way or the other.

[Bria]

Well My wife openly accepts and participates in my alter ego Brianne. and the Heels I love to wear actually seem to be a big turn on for her... She isnt much into wearing heels yet but she does make it known to me that she likes me in them.....

[Michou]

You are a very lucky individual, indeed!

[BobHH]

Jay's experience sounds exactly like my own, except I did it in person. Women like that are rare, probably. Hang on to them! BobHH

[alfheel]

So sometimes it's not such an issue to tell it, and the consequenes are not so terrible... I'm happy for you guys ! But my wife just pretends she never heard my desire for wearing heels, although I've tried to tell her... Anyway your positive experiences encourage me into making her understand this part of me much better

[stellah]

Why not encourage the women to look better and wear HH?

There are quite a few www-pages about wearing HH - it helps you with the wording to make your woman understand what the HH addiction is all about:wink:

Jenny says it ver well:

Frail females? Why me?

Every sexy feminine decor seems intended to make the wearer more physically vulnerable: Long hair is easy to pull; long nails are easily broken (so hands must move gingerly); pierced-ear jingles beg to be tugged. (I cringe!) A body teetering on tall heels seems easy to topple, and if the heels are thin, they could snap if she tries to run; if the shoes are ladies' slippers they could slip off entirely. Why does such decor make an already beautiful female even more attractive?

http://web.archive.org/web/20011030080424/193.251.60.36/Jenny/why.htm

[HarlowGold]

this is just my perspective as a female. as for the heels themselves, i suppose i could deal with a significant other wearing them privately or publicly depending on the actual situation. i wouldn't fancy him wearing 5" courts to dinner with my parents. as long as the heels (preferably chunky for men) were part of a total look and looked well, no biggie here. it would be a big plus to have a boyfriend who appreciated shoes and fashion in general, as so many males seem to be oblivious. i can't say i wouldn't mind recieving pairs of nice shoes as gifts, that's for sure. if i were to marry a man, and years later he professed a love for wearing heels, i would be upset. the reason for that would be that i'd have someone who pledged the rest of their life to me, and yet felt that he couldn't share a passion, something that is a big part of his life, with me. you have to expect that hurt, and hopefully, you can overcome it and gain acceptance from your SO. if not, well then maybe she wasn't the right one for you anyways. i'm open minded, i know relationships are compromises. i do urge the men who love heels secretly to come out. it's not fair to yourself or your SO for you to not truly be yourself.

[Nicole]

My wife does not like it at all. I was pretty upfront with her about my interests in the matter. I think I told her within two weeks of us starting to date. There are some things she doesn't mind too much, like painting my toenails but high heels and skirts are out of the question. She prefers to wear 'comfortable' clothes herself and I don't have a problem with that. The present arrangement is that I do not wear anything offensive to her when she's around, but if she leaves town i go ahead and do so if i'm in the mood. The present situation is not satisfying to either of us, but it's probably the best option and since we are doing very well otherwise, I think that this is how it is going to stay. My first girlfriend was supportive of it, but at the time I was much more shy about going out in public. Nicole

[Van]

My wife knows but doen't like it. At home, OK but she has never accepted to go outside of the house with me in heels. I tried to convince her that nobody cares or even notices when i wear my boots but to no avail. I wish she could accept it. Vanessa.

[regio_naldo]

She hates a lot my idea, so when she caught me in heels she is very angry and she cuts everything about sex for many days, but after a long space she returns to be normal. Now, after many years, I suspect she knows when I'm in my high heels walking, and she tells me nothing, but she trys for me, not to do this in every moment.