Middle Age And The Miniskirt

[Cali]

One time many decades ago, 70 students needed to choice between somebody in a suit and tie, and me in a t-shirt and shorts. Those that picked the suit later told me they made a mistake.  It's what's in your head, not what clothes (shoes) you have on. I've seen many many men try to hide in a suit.

I wear suits for funerals and contract negotiations.

[CrushedVamp]

52 minutes ago, Cali said:

One time many decades ago, 70 students needed to choice between somebody in a suit and tie, and me in a t-shirt and shorts. Those that picked the suit later told me they made a mistake.  It's what's in your head, not what clothes (shoes) you have on. I've seen many many men try to hide in a suit.

I wear suits for funerals and contract negotiations.

Maybe, but I have seen the opposite as well.

I once worked at a powerplant and decided since we had a locker room I was going to dress nice to the place and back. While on shift I would be in blue collar clothes but not to and from the house. Not a suit and tie kind of look, but dressed nice like my wife and I typically do while we are out and about, or going to a doctors office or something, On the second day of dressing nice, management came and asked me if I would be part of management.... TWO DAYS! I turned them down because I have no interest in that as I like what I do, but it was an interesting social experience.

Granted it could be just a coincidence, but I don't think it was. When you dress nicely, you do feel better about yourself instead of feeling frumpy, but you also project a sharp image that resonates with people.

I am never about being fake. My wife and I get accused of it all the time, but we are actually the opposite, while we are dressed sharply, we don't dress for attention, we dress because of how it makes us feel. But I get it, someone sees us dressed sharp and they make assumptions. That is just human nature.

[pebblesf]

9 hours ago, Gige said:

Your MIL and my father are about the same age and based upon that which you have wrote here and my own experiences, it seems that "it's a generational thing" is the most appropriate way to explain it.  My father has always been about 'neat and tidy' appearance and what ever may have not fit in with his view of that was considered messy and not welcomed. 

Thanks so kindly - always appreciated!

Hmmm, seems like your Mom's mom, and my Mom were similar.  I don't want to say that the men/boys in my family could do no wrong in my Mom's eyes, but her daughters could surely do no right...My sisters are truly amazing people, and I will always be sad about my Mom's poor relationship with them.  I am thankful that my Mom seemed to soften a bit during her final days, and did spend a nice week with my oldest sister before passing, but there are still scars....

[CrushedVamp]

On 2/1/2025 at 7:57 AM, pebblesf said:

Hmmm, seems like your Mom's mom, and my Mom were similar.  I don't want to say that the men/boys in my family could do no wrong in my Mom's eyes, but her daughters could surely do no right...My sisters are truly amazing people, and I will always be sad about my Mom's poor relationship with them.  I am thankful that my Mom seemed to soften a bit during her final days, and did spend a nice week with my oldest sister before passing, but there are still scars....

That is too bad.

I saw this very same thing with my ex-wife and her mom. No matter how she tried it just was never good enough, yet my ex-wife kept trying for the impossible, hoping.

It has ruined her life. I brought her out of that saga for ten years, but then she got sucked right back into trying to please her mother. It was not just our marriage that got ruined, but several before ours, and she has a trainwreck of a life just because she tries to placate her mother. Deep down inside she knows she never will, but she keeps trying...

Sad.

[pebblesf]

7 hours ago, CrushedVamp said:

That is too bad.

I saw this very same thing with my ex-wife and her mom. No matter how she tried it just was never good enough, yet my ex-wife kept trying for the impossible, hoping.

It has ruined her life. I brought her out of that saga for ten years, but then she got sucked right back into trying to please her mother. It was not just our marriage that got ruined, but several before ours, and she has a trainwreck of a life just because she tries to placate her mother. Deep down inside she knows she never will, but she keeps trying...

Sad.

You have hit on the worst problem for sure:  "but she keeps trying".   My oldest sister selflessly took on the role of looking after my Mom when she relocated near my sister in Florida.  We were blessed that my Mom enjoyed at least ten years of independent living before serious decline at the age of 90.  Once that happened, my sister's role became important, doctors' visits, shopping, having Mom over for meals or visiting her in the assisted living place.  I am happy that my sister gave up on seeking affection or praise from my mother, just absorbed the criticisms and ignored them.  My sister's life became a fishbowl for my mother to criticize.  Toward the end, my sister expressed regrets about not having Mom live with her and her husband.  I shut that emotion down quickly reminding my sister that her life would be unbearable if Mom lived with her.  My mom is the one that should have regrets.   

Once my Mom decided to forgo any further blood transfusions, I think her "defenses" fell away, and she enjoyed a nice week with my sister before passing easily.  I was fortunate to be able to spend share Mom's final hours with her.  I wish I had known my Grandparents, would love to know just what happened in Mom's life to make her that way.  By all accounts, my maternal Grandmother was a delightful woman, who was very nurturing.  Often wonder about my Grandfather.  

In the end, I am thankful that my sister has benefitted from years of counseling to deal with all the negative emotions about my mother.  Just wish I understood what caused my Mom to act this way towards her amazing daughters....  Jealousy perhaps...  Who knows...  Our family is screwed up/dysfunctional for sure.  But, I always remember that phrase about "whatever doesn't kill you, actually makes your stronger"......

[Cali]

My sister has that position now with my mother in assisted liviing now and over100 y.o.  I've learner how mean my mother could be towards her daughter. One granddaughter wont visit her again.

My ex-wife was that way, I was never right, if I did A she would complain why I didn't do B, if I did B, she would complain why I didn't do A, if I did A and B, I was still wrong. The key word here is Ex.

[pebblesf]

1 hour ago, Cali said:

My sister has that position now with my mother in assisted liviing now and over100 y.o.  I've learner how mean my mother could be towards her daughter. One granddaughter wont visit her again.

My ex-wife was that way, I was never right, if I did A she would complain why I didn't do B, if I did B, she would complain why I didn't do A, if I did A and B, I was still wrong. The key word here is Ex.

Good for you indeed.  It is to no one's benefit to continue a relationship like that.  The "war department" needs to learn to "pick his battles" for sure.  After awhile I just tune him out, then I'm in trouble for ignoring him!   Aside from raising kids, keep a relationship going/healthy has got to be the hardest job there is.  Needless to say, my parents suffered the same constant bickering...  I know they really loved one another, they just did not now how to love one another...