So yesterday we went shopping.

[Confused]

On Saturday after lunch me and Girlfriend decided to do some Christmas shopping in the city with the secondary objective of buying me some heels. After getting a few bits and bobs for Christmas we hit the shoe shops. Alas the bravado I had built up over the week disappeared rather fast. It seems that for me the prospect of sitting down in a shoe shop and trying on heels is a little too much. We tried a couple of places but I lost my bottle each time (I was starting to think that instead of buying shoes I should have been skipping down a road with a Tinman, a Scarecrow and a girl named Dorothy). After 4 or 5 places we decided to have a coffee and a chat. After a little talk we came up with a cover story (not really what I wanted to do but I can get my head strait for next time while I practice) of going in fancy dress for a new years eve party (not exactly original I know). So armed with a plan off we went for the second attempt. As we were walking past a BHF charity shop she noticed some black fabric covered heels in the window. Upon closer inspection they turned out to be a size 7. So in we went we gave the young lady behind the desk our planned excuse and she seemed almost exited by the prospect of selling me some heels (I swear I have never seen a woman smile like that in my life). As she passed the shoes to me I made sure I took it by the heel as I had taken the advice of someone here and measured my own hand, and from my little finger to my index finger was exactly 3 inches. So as I took hold of this shoe I knew it was less than that. While I tried them on my girlfriend made a comment about the lack of heel. They did fit nice and I liked them but it almost felt like normal shoes. The sales girl then left us for a while she had a look in the back. She returned with silver sandals that I think saw better days in the war and a pair of black patent heels with an ankle strap. The sandals were an instant no and as I took the black ones the heel filled my hand so I knew they 3 inches. I tried them on and found them very easy to walk in compared to the dominas at home. After a brief chat with my girlfriend I took the first pair I tried on (turned to be 2 and half inch) and the black 3 inch heels. Although I ended up with charity shop shoes this time the girl in the shop did give me a bit of a confidence boost with how happy about the whole thing she seemed to be. This was not at all what we had planned on, but I now have something to practice in. Also if I damage them it does not matter as they cost next to nothing.

[sendra45]

It is never as bad as it seems it might be, my advice would be to do it again quickly and build up more confidence.

[poity_uk]

Hi, confused, I'vebeen reading your posts with interest....well, they are very readable! Much as I love heels, I don't have the urge to wear them myself, but this post reminded me a something from a fewyears ago. I was in a shoe shop with my wife having a look round and a fairly well built young man came in and asked the saleswoman if "someone" (didn't catch the name) was in that day. We continued our look round... some nice classic stilettos on the shelves.. then I noticed the young man hadn't left, but had his trousers rolled up to just below the knee and was trying on a pair of gold, pointed toe stilettos for size. It's the only time I've seen a guy trying on heels, and I admit to being mildly surprised, but it just goes to show.... you're not the firt, and you won't be the last. I'm glad it worked out for you :-)

[jwhite44]

...After a little talk we came up with a cover story (not really what I wanted to do but I can get my head strait for next time while I practice) of going in fancy dress for a new years eve party (not exactly original I know)....

Might be a translation issue: is "in fancy dress" mean dressed up (perhaps a little more eccentrically), or "in a fancy dress", ie. crossdressed? Either way, I think an alternative story might be, "My wife challenged me to try to walk in heels before she'll wear some new high heels I bought for her." While a little wordy, it provides a cover on why you might appear nervous.

While there are advantages to buying shoes in person, it can also be intimidating (even with your g/f present). Right now it sounds like your goal is to wear the shoes, not necessarily to have the confidence to try them on in public. It might be easier for you to go into a shoe store, and just say, "I'd like these in an {say 8 and 8 1/2}". Any questions from the sales agent, say "They're a gift for your g/f, and you're not sure what size will bit her better."

I've found that being able to have the privacy to try them on at home, see which pair fits better, is worth much more than the inconvenience of having to return a pair. Especially with the holidays upon us, I'm sure returns of "wrong size" or "she didn't like them" won't attract any attention at all for the next 4-6 weeks. Buying like has an extra advantage now, since when stores are often at their most crowded time of the year, it may not be when you want to be doing your first public heel trying.

However you get your shoes, I hope you have continued luck with both your heel purchasing and wearing.

[Confused]

Might be a translation issue: is "in fancy dress" mean dressed up (perhaps a little more eccentrically), or "in a fancy dress", ie. crossdressed? Either way, I think an alternative story might be, "My wife challenged me to try to walk in heels before she'll wear some new high heels I bought for her." While a little wordy, it provides a cover on

Fancy dress in the UK means to wear a costume like some people do at halloween.

[Snoots]

Especially with the holidays upon us, I'm sure returns of "wrong size" or "she didn't like them" won't attract any attention at all for the next 4-6 weeks. Buying like has an extra advantage now, since when stores are often at their most crowded time of the year, it may not be when you want to be doing your first public heel trying.

That's pretty much what I did a few days ago with a pair of heels... I knew my feet had shrunk (gone from size 10 to size 8.5 over the past few years) as most of my heels now need insoles for them to fit properly. Bought a pair of size 8's just to see if they fit, they did but a tad tight. Took them back the next day with the excuse 'they didn't fit her properly'. Got a 'no problem' response with a smile and got my money back straight away. Easy!

[carly]

On Thursday I went to Ross to see what they had in large, size 11-12, lady sizes. I found some boots in lady’s size 12M from Neutralizer. I wanted to try them on but the store was just too crowded. So I came back on Friday morning at opening time. I went to the lady’s shoe area and found “my” boots in the same place I had seen them the day before. So I try the boots on and store employees sow me trying on the boots. I greeted him “Good Morning”. He replies me. The boots fit perfectly. After trying the boots on I went to the check out. There were no long lines as the day before. This was fun trying the boots on in the store. I do this all the time at Payless. The only problem at Payless is the most sizes there are up to size 11. The seals lady’s know me and don’t have a problem trying on heels and boots. They even let me know that some styles are not “me”. And when I go to a new store and the sales lady ask me what I’m looking for, I tell them that I’m looking for lady’s heels or boots. At some stores they ask me if the heels where for me or the wife. I’m honest and tell them that they are for me. Never had a problem with that at any store and it even makes it more exciting and fun.

Carly

[The Shark]

That's the best part about the holidays - I can walk into any shoe store and comfortably walk through the entire ladies' section and shop for heels. And during any interaction with a salesperson or checkout person, I can always use the "I'm doing some Christmas shopping" excuse & no worries! I'll even get a gift receipt upon checkout.

[Confused]

The thing that annoyed me yesterday was the fact that I used an excuse at all. When you need to lie or use an excuse to do something you want to do, you are almost agreeing with the bigots. It is like you are saying "what I am doing is wrong and needs to be hidden away" and all that does is empower the stupid. After all, all I am doing is buying some shoes. Its not like I am drowning bags of kittens or making bombs for terrorists, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I just need to get my bloody head on strait and get on with it.

[poity_uk]

The truth is, Confused, you don't need an excuse. No one will actually ask you for one. The need for an excuse is inside our own heads. I used to go into shoe shops and buy shoes that I liked for my wife. At first I always had a rehearsed excuse, but then I got used to to idea (well, I did it quite a lot over the years). Besides YOU are the customer.. and the customer is always right. Or so they say :-)

[PatentHeel]

The truth is, Confused, you don't need an excuse. No one will actually ask you for one. The need for an excuse is inside our own heads. I used to go into shoe shops and buy shoes that I liked for my wife. At first I always had a rehearsed excuse, but then I got used to to idea (well, I did it quite a lot over the years). Besides YOU are the customer.. and the customer is always right. Or so they say :-)

Spot on poity_uk.

It's all about confidence.

Be confident when making your purchase and nobody will bat an eyelid.

At the end of the day, if you want a pair of heels or boots bad enough, you'll purchase them no matter what.

[jwhite44]

..The only problem at Payless is the most sizes there are up to size 11..

How times of changed. Payless used to be THE place to get size 13 shoes, sometimes now in wide. I haven't been in a Payless in about 2 years, since they basically stopped carrying larger sizes.

[Confused]

I know I do not need an excuse and just need to get the confidence to do what I want to do. That was a the point I attempted to make in my last post but I obviously managed to fluff it up somehow (I must have had a problem with the translation from my brain to the keyboard). Why I was angry with myself is because I needed the excuse for myself to feel secure. When I know that most of the population could not care less about what shoes I choose to purchase at the weekends. All of the barriers I saw on Saturday were my own creation and can only be broken by me. I guess I was also a little annoyed at myself for being so arrogant in thinking I could change the years of mental conditioning about gender roles I have received in my 28 years in under a week with no problems.

[jwhite44]

The thing that annoyed me yesterday was the fact that I used an excuse at all. When you need to lie or use an excuse to do something you want to do, you are almost agreeing with the bigots. It is like you are saying "what I am doing is wrong and needs to be hidden away" and all that does is empower the stupid...

I'm not in agreement that everyone has to "standup for the cause". There's usual some reason why people choose to hide personal items. There's nothing wrong for example in being Jewish. But publicly admitting that in Germany in the 30's and 40's probably wasn't in your best interest if you wanted to live a long life.

To a degree (and I realize compared to that, a LOT lesser degree), men wearing heels is similiar. There's nothing intrinisically wrong with it. But at least in most circles, it's non-standard behavior, and the reality is it's gonna attract some (often) unfavorable attention. Many of us don't even want to tell our SO's about it. Do you want your parents, family, neighbors, perhaps coworkers to find out any your heel-wearing habit, because you thought you needed to be "honest", and tell a sales agent that the heels you're trying on are for you? I don't think so.

If there's any cause that this website should help promote, it should be in wearing heels. I'd rather see someone who wants to wear heels order some online, or buy them 'blind' at a store, than to not have them because they feel uncomfortable trying them on in public. Similarly, I'd rather see someone wearing an ankle boot with a 2" heel in public, instead of them staying in their house because they won't wear their 4" pumps outside.

So Confused, I wouldn't feel angry at all. Right now, your 'excuse' might be that you need them for a costume. Next month, it might be that your g/f wants you to wear them. Who knows, maybe come this time next year, you might be comfortable stating that they're for yourself. But I wouldn't lose any sleep over it if you aren't there now.

[carly]

How times of changed. Payless used to be THE place to get size 13 shoes, sometimes now in wide.

You will not find many sizes 12 and not even size 13 in the stores. That is correct. At Payless you have to order the large sizes eg. Size 12 – 13 on line. I like to go to Payless and look at the different styles and even try them on in a size 11 to see how they fit. From that I decide what size I order them on line and then have the order ship to the Payless store.

[jwhite44]

I know back then, there used to be Payless's that only carried up to about size 11, and those that did regularly stock 12's and 13's (more 'urban' areas). I don't know if that's still the case now. Maybe if I'm out shopping I'll take a peak in a store that I knew had a full rack of 12's & 13's, and see what they have now.

[partyshoes]

After a little talk we came up with a cover story (not really what I wanted to do but I can get my head strait for next time while I practice) of going in fancy dress for a new years eve party (not exactly original I know).

Hey it may not be original - but it works as many of us here will vouch for . In fact, i think its been used so much that the SA's in half the shops must have cottoned on by now or they just think that there are a LOT of dress up parties going on

Also dont be so hard on yourself for making up the excuse - its baby steps. You seem very comfortable and understanding of your desire to wear heels AND you have a very supportive and undertsanding GF, so you are far ahead of many of us here, but the rest - being more open and public about it - takes time. You are not denying yourself (or the rest of the community) but are growing as a person. Be proud

Well done and best of luck in future. Look forward to hearing more about your adventures

[chris100575]

Don't be hard on yourself Confused, you tried a couple of pairs on which is something a lot of guys don't do. It'll get easier every time you go shopping and after a while you'll wonder what you were worrying for. It sounds like a successful trip to me!

[ilovetights]

I know I do not need an excuse and just need to get the confidence to do what I want to do. That was a the point I attempted to make in my last post but I obviously managed to fluff it up somehow (I must have had a problem with the translation from my brain to the keyboard).

Why I was angry with myself is because I needed the excuse for myself to feel secure. When I know that most of the population could not care less about what shoes I choose to purchase at the weekends. All of the barriers I saw on Saturday were my own creation and can only be broken by me. I guess I was also a little annoyed at myself for being so arrogant in thinking I could change the years of mental conditioning about gender roles I have received in my 28 years in under a week with no problems.

Everyone starts somewhere and excuse or no excuse you've done that! So congratulations for that! I'm sure there'll be plenty of HHP members who can relate to your situation, insecurities and feelings and that's the great thing about this place - there's plenty of support. I think you are lucky as you have the support of the forum AND the support of an encouraging girlfriend!

I know from experience that breaking the barriers is difficult and will take time. I figure if this is really what you want than go for it - whatever way you can.... as jwhite44 said it's better to have an excuse and have a beautiful pair of heels than to let the barriers get the better of you and have nothing. But don't forget the more times you go high heel shopping for yourself the better you will get. One week you'll need an excuse and then at some stage a shop assistant will ask "Are these for your girlfriend?" and you will say "No, these heels are for me!" and you will feel so much better about yourself.

So do take your time and it will come and there's always plenty of support from the forum.

For the record... I still get nervous and embarrassed even when I go to a shop even when I KNOW has friendly shop assistants!

[roniheels]

One of the most fun moments I can remember was the first time I went into a shoe store and tried on high heels. I also remember the first time a female sales clerk was so nice to me and helpful as I was trying on high heels. Don't worry what others think. Try them on, buy the, and then even wear them out of the store. And have fun doing it.

[JohnW]

I have found that in general the sales girls in the shops are very helpful. I have sometimes asked if there's a particular time which would be better for them - often they say either when the shop opens or just before it closes. But other shops are happy for me to try on shoes with other customers around. None of them have seemed fazed by my requests. In fact, last winter, when I went into one particular shop, one of the sales girls said she had put by a pair of boots she'd had in because she thought they were my style and I would want them! They were a gorgeous pair of black knee high ones with 5" heels, so she was quite right! How's that for service! Just be sensitive and enjoy the experience!

[RonC]

One easy way of gauging the response in a store is to call ahead. Ask if they carry large sizes (if that's what you need!) even if you know the answer. Then ask if they have a problem with a guy trying them on in the store. It is easy to tell by the reaction you get just how the store experience will be. And if you don't go, they'll never know who you are through the telly!

[bootmebaby]

Bro, take it easy. You will be ok. As others have said, it will take time. You even said you have to get past the 28 years of conditioning...spot on! As time goes by, it will get easier and easier. If it still troubles you, there is online shopping. But I think you, and your girl, will get more enjoyment shopping together. So no worries, take it slow and easy, and you'll be ok.

[Spikes]

I think my first shopping experience (and still the most exciting) was at least 30 years ago. I went into a closeout shoe store and told the two female sales clerks that I was looking for a pair of high heels to wear for a company sales meeting where I had to dress as a prostitute for a skit. Well they helped me find this great pair of strappy sandals with about a 4 inch heel. At the sales counter they said they would give me a 10% discount on the shoes if I would try them on and model for them. This being my first public venture into a shoe store, I chickened out and paid full price. Here were two attractive clerks prodding me to model the shoes for them and I blew it. Boy do I wish I had the chance to do that one over again. I'm still a bit nervous trying on shoes in stores, but have never been coaxed like that again in 30 years.

[Foxyheels]

I think my first shopping experience (and still the most exciting) was at least 30 years ago. I went into a closeout shoe store and told the two female sales clerks that I was looking for a pair of high heels to wear for a company sales meeting where I had to dress as a prostitute for a skit.

Well they helped me find this great pair of strappy sandals with about a 4 inch heel. At the sales counter they said they would give me a 10% discount on the shoes if I would try them on and model for them.

This being my first public venture into a shoe store, I chickened out and paid full price. Here were two attractive clerks prodding me to model the shoes for them and I blew it. Boy do I wish I had the chance to do that one over again. I'm still a bit nervous trying on shoes in stores, but have never been coaxed like that again in 30 years.

Why don't you try the same routine again and see if it has the same offer?

[Spikes]

Unfortunately the store was only there temporarily for closeout shoes. I've subsequently used the "company skit" story for other shoe shopping experiences, but have never had a sales clerk as playful and eager to see me in heels as these two did. Many in the group have said excuses for trying on shoes are unnecessary and in recent years I've tried to follow that advice.

[jwhite44]

...but have never had a sales clerk as playful and eager to see me in heels as these two did...

I wonder if men both buying heels and wearing heels isn't that unusual as maybe it was 30 years ago. If a store gave a discount to every man who bought shoes, they'd be hurting.

Also, now a days, you should be able to get 10% discount just for saying, "hello". Maybe for a pair of Louboutin's I'd model them for a 10% discount, but any other store, I'd expect a larger discount. I have a $20 off $49 (almost 40%) coupon for DSW in my inbox, and Payless used to have a $3 discount (about 10%) on the back of every receipt (gotten for free if you just asked for a item lookup).

[JoshDilley]

Hi everybody, Im a newbie here but not out there! I have been wearing womens shoes for years and of a different mind set I think than most. I see them as a fashion option, not so much a fetish. Anyway, when im shopping I just look for them and try them on no different than if I were looking at mens shoes, I mean they are just shoes right? I think they are, yes I get looks, so what. They are just looks.