some teardrops ...

[shortskip]

Hallo everyone, and a very off topic theme. it's friday...as so many fridays in the past with teardrops in my eyes. if I remember my hole life there was no specific turn that I can called a lovely passenge. No one woman would take a little bit care of me. I think that I'm a man, the world don't need. It's equal what I think...no one knows about it. It's equal what I want... everybody wants also this or that. The more I think, the more it's crazy. I'm old and gray man and I'm shure I was this kind also, as I was a young boy. It's hard to take this fact as a hard fact, that is true. I know...many members of this forum are shure great casanovas...equal what the wear, equal what they spoke...equal what they drive a car, having a boot....and so on.. I wish everyone all the best...but I ask... where are my little bit of life to get some part of charm... MUST I die in stockings and high heel so that the people around me can see... I'm a fool? I realy don't know and I think these words are so crazy. I'm sorry that I've written these letters.... no one can follow my minds many Thanks to all who followed my words.. Shortskip happy heeling

[dblair]

shortskip, are you OK? Hang in there man...things can get better, but only if you are still around to experience it.

[Maximilian]

Cheer up buddy! Don't let a bad day make you feel so bad. We all have bad days. I'm not a professional shortskip and don't know you or your situation. I did get the impression that you're depressed right now though. All I can do is to try and give you some advice/my opinion. EVERY person has something they think might turn off a potential partner. For you, it might be your fashion taste. For others it might be a previous divorce, bad previous relationships, kids from a previous marriage, financial situation, low self esteem do to their physical look, a disease, religious beliefs etc... It can be ANYTHING. You're basically no different than anyone else who is single human who is looking for a partner. I suggest speaking to a female psychologist/psychiatrist (speaking to a woman will be better simply because you are interested in women and speaking to one will give you the feeling that there is at least one accepting woman out there, even though there are MANY more accepting women). You will be able to share any of your thoughts with her and she will best be able to guide on you how to improve your self esteem and increase your self confidence. I do recommend speaking to a professional, not because you like to wear heels, but because your post sounds like a cry for help after a long period of time where you felt bad about yourself. I had a really good friend who turned out to have manic depression. The "problem" he thought he had had was that he was ugly (he really wasn't) and that NO woman would ever want him. It was all in his head and even though I was a very close friend, I simply could not convince him that he looked normal. He also refused to seek professional help because he was convinced that it wouldn't help. In the end I simply could not be his friend anymore because when he was in a bad mood, he was angry at everyone and depressed. A few years later I learned from another mutual friend that he finally did go see a professional, a psychiatrist in his case, who diagnosed him with manic depression. He was given some medication and it helped him a lot. I'm NOT saying that you are manic depressive. I am saying that you should speak to someone who could have the knowledge/ability to help you with your self esteems and confidence. You should also read the posts of members here that are in relationships with accepting women and how they met them. Finding an accepting woman is the same as finding any woman that is right for you. You usually have to meet a few to find the right one for you unless you're really lucky. GO OUT on Friday night and don't stay at home feeling sorry for yourself. I don't know where you live in Germany but there are many clubs/bars where you can go, wear heels/whatever you want and get compliments from the people there. You might meet a woman there but what's important is to wear what you like in an accepting and public spot so that you can build your confidence. The bad mood that you're in WILL pass. There WILL be better days.

[Asa Valen]

~Huggles~ Shortskip I know we never met but please know you have friends here that care about you. Although we all age its important to keep this in mind. We all may be a chronological age, but inside of us all is that young boy, we need to keep him alive. He is there and he needs to know that you still care. Set that young boy inside of you free and let him come out and be happy again. We all are grown, but our foundations were set upon a young boy or gal. We forget the sweet, innocent, young person that we all were are still there and need to be nurtured. We hide this young heart in the depths of our age. We lie to our selves, saying am old , am too old for that, I cant be that, when we should say am going to let this young one inside out, even if in private, and only to please our self. After all we are still the people we grew from. The point is even though we are and old rose plant does not mean we can not set a fresh bloom. So do that thing that brings pleasure to you, and sets your soul to soar. No matter how small or foolish it may seem, it may be just what you needed and you may be pleasantly surprised. Best Wishes your friend Asa

[Histiletto]

shortskip, Yes, we are concerned about the attitude your have expressed. Certainly, we all have times of feeling down and these times seem to cloud over all the many encouraging, humorous, and uplifting moments that are so prevalent in our lives. Anything worth doing takes an equal amount of effort to the worth that is undertaken. Life has many stages of learning and prospects of achievements. As a young child, we are suppose to learn how to overcome difficulties and make them into stepping stones to greater opportunities. Each stage has its challenges/ difficulties. You are at a level that needs to be used for the growth opportunities you can get by its completion. We all know what we want our life to be like. Depending on our personality and desires, we can accomplish this by having plans/schedules/programs to make things happen. When we loose ourselves in learning and progressing, we radiate this attitude that we are outgoing and vibrant, which attracts others people, who are also wanting the same type of goals. We are never too old to learn and grow. Life ends when there is no hope of change and growth. Some people are existing till death, while others are enjoying life as they strive to make each moment count. These words mean nothing if the spirit they are trying to exude doesn't come through.

[crotchboots-m]

sounds like a classic case of clinical depression....go talk to your doctor before it gets any worse. they can actually help you dig your way back to the light....

[MisterN]

Hello Shortskip, You are feeling sad and lonely right now and you have the feeling that nobody understands you. Correct me if i'm wrong, but I have the distinct feeling that you are going trough a rough period in your life right now. Even though we have never met, I emphasize with your pain and problems. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Just looking at the responses you got from the wonderful people here proves that I am right. It is important to keep in mind that you are not alone. Please do talk about the feeling you are experiencing, let us know how you feel. You would be amazed how good it feels to get those feelings of your chest. You will get perspective and get a grasp on a situation that feels uncontrollable at first. Hang in there mate, we care.

[BobHH]

Shortskip- I, too am "old and gray" but I try to ignore it as much as possible in what I do and how I think. Still work some of the time, go to the gym and work out with weights, keep very active. I lost the love of my life 9 years ago - she was young and pretty and full of life, and I will never find her like again. It also spoiled me for women my age! What to do? In my case, learn to dance - go to a dance studio and take lessons, then go to studio dances or ballroom dances. If Germany is like the U.S., there are lots of women without partners who would love to dance with someone, anyone. Even when you are not very skilled starting out, they would rather dance with someone like that rather than just sit. It's meeting and talking to people and establishing yourself with the group, and going on from there. There are many more single women than single men looking to dance. Forget the heels until you get to know someone enough to hint at the subject. Times will come at costume parties or something. You can still wear them by yourself until you find someone to share with.

[bootylover]

Hey there shortskip, take it easy. We all feel the same way sometimes. My way was to turn to drink, that didn't work. It only makes the feeling worse. What I did after months of servere depression was to reach out to real friends. It helped me loads. It also made me realise how many people do actually care about you. In goog old English style, keep a stiff upper lip. You wil come through it ok, and be a better person on the other side. Keep smiling. And keep your dreams.

[morpho]

Hey buddy, ....all suggestions above are right, but i will be direct and to the poijnt for you to try to move quick from this mood, it can get worst if you keep digging into the wrong spot. Frist start to do something new, you never did in your life, go enroll on an activity, someone said dancing, is good idea, other may ask you to go to do some art painting sculpture etc, something you can eventually express your anxieties, emotions and feelings in a way that you will channelize that energy, it need to flow out from you, Second, if you wish dont look after your heel wearing as an exit as it looks it takes you to a loop in which you dont know how to think, axually by experience wearing the heels and hose etc, doesn't let us think straight, there are mixed emotions etc And last but not least try to look for a lady or a nice g/f in some other network, not necessary you will find the kind all high heel fans are looking for, those girls that can understand your connection to woman attire and shoes, are not many, i havent find one at all neither im looking for her as is looking for a dolphin in a lake. by the way dont drink much as that will make your feel eventually ok and then it will make you feel sad again, eat well and engage in other activities that can clear your mind, engaging in this context means committing for a time consuming activities for good. good luck

[Bubba136]

If, indeed, shortskip is as troubled as he seems to indicate, he's in dire need of far more advice than we can offer. He really needs professional intervention. And, I hear Germany has some very competent analysts available. I strongly suggest he seek out one and take advantage of their services.

[MisterN]

I do agree with you Bubba. But I also hope he let us know how he is doing. So Shortskip, if you are reading this. Please let us know how you are. I'm sure I am not the only one that wants to know.

[quidam]

Skip,

I've been there personally, and it's the worst place to be. I call it "The Lemon Tree Syndrome" (t'is in my head, up and down, I'm turnin', turnin', turnin', turnin' around, and all that I can see is just another Lemon Tree).

As Einstein stated, you can't do the same things once and over, and yet expect different results every time. So, if you want things to change, make them happen!. Go for what you want, because...

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind". Dr. Seuss.

[UpBy5]

Shortskip, I know about depression! First-hand experience. 18 - 24 months after quadruple heart bypass surgery, depression set in and grew like a very nasty weed. The "final solution" was beginning to look good! At the insistence of family (thankfully), I went to a psycharist for help. Fueudian analysis did not happen, but medical analysis did happen. After brief experiments with several Prozac-type drugs, we hit upon a medication called Welbutrin. It's usual purpose was for Attention Deficit Disorder people, but many users had expenienced an anti-depression effect. Some six HOURS after taking the first pill, I felt like someone had lifted a wet, suffocating blanket from around my entire world. That was 14 -15 years ago and everything is A-OK to this day. Bottom line, the cause of the problem was MEDICAL, not EMOTIONAL, or too old, or too fat, or too unattractive, or too boring. The depression was a clear (at least to me) side-effect of a medical disorder. The drugs that can help are "seratonin reuptake inhibitors" as the doctor called them. Shortskip, a strong suggestion: go visit a psycharist NOW. Don't let this thing get any more of a hold on you. I took dance classes after the drugs begun to work, as suggested below by your other friends and supporters. It was great. A whole new thing for me. But, for you, that is item number 2. Now is time to take advantage of Germany's first class medical system. Wishing you all the best, UpBy5

[kneehighs]

Hey man, for what it's worth, there was a time in college when I wanted to kill myself. I remember the feeling of layin on my couch during a hot summer day, with a steak knife on my neck. I had no energy, no desire, just a need to end it all. Then I learned how to argue against my inner negative dialogue like an defense attorney arguing his case against the plaintiff. Things can get better if you seek out different kinds of help until you find one that works for you.

[shortskip]

Hallo everyone, at first many thanks to all who have read my emotional words and also to those who answered and gave their own feeling a word. I was also surprised how many people have read it. Some details about me: For private use I'm a drummer (jazz , jazzrock- style like BrandX or/and The hamsters ) second I'm a freestyler in painting (acryl) and in that moments I feel also free as when I heel.. In my first language it's also a favorit thing to play with words and create some rhyme. So I can take many other things than heeling or gave a woman an eye...-) Some members want to inspire me to go to dance... that's absolut not my thing. I also don't want to take pills from the doc.. like psychofarmaca. But some days after my entry words in this thread I thought that there is nothing that s natural that everyone must have partner. So I will try not too much cry.. Days will be better or not...earth goes round Willing or heeling step for step or with a short skip to life in the life Happy heeling Shortskip

[HeelD]

After reading this thread, I switched on the radio and this song was on:

Fitting. Hang in there dude! There's help and friends out there.