Partners thoughts of you wearing womens footwear?

[johnieheel]

Me no comprende.

[guyinheels]

I am currently not in a relationship but my last girlfriend...some 7 years ago loved my shoes....she would get the exact same pair I got after seeing how I liked them in the house. I wish I could find a woman that would acept and understand my high heel enjoyment. To all of you guys that do have women that are accepting you are very lucky and I am very jelous!

[lotsofheels]

My wife originally didn't want me to wear high heels in public but she gradually grew to like me wearing them and now when we travel out of town, she almost always wants me to wear heels. I always wear boots with tapered stacked heels and depending on how much walking we will be doing, wear heels from 4 to 5 1/2 inches.

[johnieheel]

Guyinheels; Patients my friend and please, please don't make the mistake that I hear so often about how I really love her but she won't except my heels etc. Be right up front with her. From what I have already read of your posts, I believe that will not be a problem anyway lol.

[guyinheels]

HAHAHAHAHA I am really honest about my heels. I think of it like this.....if I didn't tell her and she saw my shoes then I would be worse off since she would think I was cheating on her with a tall woman. That would be funny in a way but not worth it in the long run. I find being honest is better even if the woman runs away screaming.....

[johnieheel]

Not to change the subject but you might find the shoes you are looking for at http://www.gothamcityauctions.com/steve_madden/

[guyinheels]

http://www.gothamcityauctions.com/product/index.cfm?brand=Steve%20Madden&styleid=&Style=&AID=&color=&dept=2&MID=30713&Size=&bid=64&Stock=982469

Those are very close to what I am looking for.....except the heel is higher and the shoe has no designs....i did look and there were no sizes above 11 though....wish I had a smaller foot

[Bubba136]

Mine won't let me anywhere near our hardwood flooring with my heels on. (Just spent a fortune refinishing them)

[lotsofheels]

My wife had the same issue with me wearing heels in public - fear of meeting someone we knew. We got around that by taking lots of trips on weekends to places we are certain we won't run into people we know. The more we do this, the more comfortable we become until now it is pure fun for both of us.

[Guest Loveshiheels]

My ex-girlfriend didn,t mind. I used to take her shoe shopping and buy her shoes.

[bluesman]

I know I'm coming in here a bit late, but a recent life event now finds me in a similar predicament as dressboots. A few weeks ago my wife of 16 years found a pair of my boots in the trunk of my car. Nothing outrageous, just black stretch knee highs with 2.5" block heels. These were a very comfortable pair that I've been wearing out in public (work, shopping, travel, etc.) since I got them last winter. We talked. I explained how I've liked women's shoes & boots for as long as I can remember, both wearing them and as a "fan". How I like how they look, fit, and feel. That when I wear them in public, I wear what's appropriate for the situation, which usually means block heeled boots, sneakers, or casual shoes. (I have some more fetish-type heels, but for private wear.) And lastly, how virtually nobody notices. She doesn't get it, doesn't understand why I would want to hear women's shoes. And very naturally, is quite hurt that I've kept this a secret for our 20 year relationship. And on that point, I've had to remind her of some subtle (and not so subtle) signals I've sent her over that time: -In the early 90's telling her I really liked the popular women's Reebok Freestyle high-tops and I had found a pair in 12, what would she think if I bought them. She said if I liked them then OK, so I bought them and wore them all the time for several years -When she worked in an office she'd come home and complain about her heels hurting her. I'd jokingly dismiss her, and she'd say "you try being in heels all day", so one Christmas I bought myself a pair of 4" pumps and let her unwrap the box. I told her this was so I'd know how it feels, and on a number of times after that she'd hand them to me and tell me to put them on because her feet hurt so mine should too. We even danced in our living room with each of us in heels, admittedly after coming in from a night in the bars! -All thru our relationship I've bought her shoes and boots -She accessed my eBay account once and found I was bidding on a pair of size 12 thigh high boots. Nothing ever was said, but I found the page printout in her dresser drawer -I've worn 4" block heel boots in the same room as her and she didn't notice So anyway, I'm working on convincing her there's nothing "wrong" with me or my interest in women's shoes. I think this just makes me a unique individual with a fashion sense a bit out of the mainstream. She's worried what our children, 4 & 9, would think, but it's not my intention to force this upon them, although I do try to instill in them a sense of individuality. Fortunately, she doesn't see this as something that needs therapy. She's pretty level headed and I think that as we talk thru it and she reflects on past events and current society we'll come to an understanding. As of now the pair of boots she found is still sitting in the corner of the bedroom, and I've made her aware I have others but she hasn't asked to see them. That she hasn't tossed them all I'm taking as a positive sign. My biggest mistake was not being totally, 100% up front with her way back when. Whew, sorry 'bout the loooong post, but had to finally get this out there. Dressboots, I wish you the best in coming to terms with things.

[JNR]

My biggest mistake was not being totally, 100% up front with her way back when.

You got that one figured out just right. First and biggest mistake -- not telling about your heels when it first became obvious that you were going to become more than "best friends...."

[RHTRick]

Bluesman, I think you dealt with the situation very well! I envy you that you go "Out"! I wear mine indoors and only dream of walking around town in my heels and heeled boots! Actually for me I would love to dress totally en femme and continue that way! Not likely going to happen though! My wife supports me to a degree however, I feel, since we only go around once and there is no "Later" to do this, I need to find the courage to be myself and represent myself as I really am even if it disgusts others or makes them feel uncomfortable! Good for you though!

[dressboots]

My wife has made it clear recently that acceptable footware for me is that which is marketed to men in men's sizes. Apparently this is not exactly hard a fast rule. Some "men's" shoes cross the line into women's style. Over dinner the other night I tell her that I am considering trying some Dansco clogs as they look comfortable and the heel is only a bit higher than the Merrel clogs I presently wear - which she approves of as "men's" shoes. She baulked at the Danskos idea reasoning that the heel is higher and narrower and I would likely have problems walking in them at risk of breaking my foot (sound familiar - an oft stated augument against wearing higher heels?) She said do not order them off line, that the local shoe shop would carry thenm but that I would not find them in the men's shoe section. They are considered unisex and would be found in the women's section of the store. She admitted lots of medical people wear them but was very retiscent about my trying them. I reasoned that with a narrow foot and having to use inserts in my present shoes to make them fit right that the Danskos come in men's narrow widths and from testimonials on a popular web shoe store they sounded right for me. She said they are not sized for men specifically - but as unisex shoes thus why they come narrow - for women. More story to come.

[WobbleWobble]

Ex-girlfriend was completely against the idea of me in heels, even though she painted my toenails a couple of times, did a set of acrylics on me once, and kept wanting to pluck my eyebrows. *shrugs* Current girlfriend knows I like to blur the gender line, and is neutral about it, but I have not yet told her about my heels. Those will be a "Christmas gift to myself" when I do tell her, soon.

[dressboots]

In reference to other posts on this thread I wonder that my wife may have always resented my liking womens shoe fashions. I did tell her about my passion well before we were married but well after we had been dating. I felt confident she would not reject me all together for the idea by that point. At the time she said she had a bit of trouble accepting it but seemed cool with it after talking to her mom about it. My premise is that she might have been "blinded by love" at that point and willing to accept most anything about me that was harmless. I need to have that discussion with her. I think it will need to be under the guidance of a detatched third party, it is to say a counselor. She has been to a couple's session with me so know I know she will go. We talked about so many things but women's footwear was low down on the list of issues to address at that point. I have not arrived at a great understanding for why I like womens boots so much but my counselor suggested that it could be a reaction to "ugly" orthopedic shoes I had to wear in my childhood. I had flat feet thus the shoes. I remember wanting so much to be able to wear "normal" shoes of my chosing and being so thrilled when I could wear regular boy's shoes. It was soon after that I started wanting to wear girl's boots. I was still in grade school (third grade or so) at the time so the appreciation for such goes way back. By the 7th and 8th grade it was a passion. My wife knows about the history. When visiting my folks recently I was looking at old family photos and came across pictures of me in the orthopedic shoes and thought to myself "My God, those are even more hideous than I remember. No wonder I hated them so much." Unrelated but also related to that my mother related to me and my sisters a story that when we were very young she was cleaning out her sock drawer and let my sisters and I pick any socks we wanted before she passed them onto Goodwill. I picked out a pair of purple knee socks which she thought "OH well, he has high top (orthopedic) shoes and wears long pants to kindergarten so no one will see them. She said the first thing she sees me doing when she drops me off at Kindergarten is me hiking up my pants to show my teacher my purple knee socks that I was obviously proud of! I just said to family at the moment, I was a very odd child. Everyone in my family knows about my tastes in footwear but we do not talk about it.

[BobHH]

It's all about conformity to someone's idea of proper, not about freedom and variety. Do you like being in prison your whole life? Not I.

[bluesman]

Dressboots, I think you've revealed a couple very interesting things in your most recent post. First, that in your youth you were TOLD what type of shoes you had to wear - orthopedics. Perhaps once you could make your own choices, choosing womens styles is a bit of rebellion? Second, you mention your whole family knows but doesn't talk about your choice of footwear. Perhaps your wife could take a queue from their position and let herself be a bit more flexible on the matter. Personally, I've ceased wondering why I like women's shoes. I guess I'm still curious, but I've come to terms with it and don't see it as something I need to spend a lot of energy on trying to understand and then change. Plenty of other things in life should have our full attention, like children, family, career, etc. If all the important things are being handled properly, then a minor kink like being fascinated by women's shoes really shouldn't rate, IMO. That's the perspective I'm trying to get my wife to come around to, and I think we're getting there. We've reached the point where we're joking about it (Her: Which top looks better with these pants? Me: you want fashion advice from a man who wears women's boots? Her: hey, I thought it might give you a better perspective!).

[Celso999]

A few weeks ago my wife of 16 years found a pair of my boots in the trunk of my car. Nothing outrageous, just black stretch knee highs with 2.5" block heels.

Hi my friend,

You're so lucky - my wife discovered, 12 years ago, a size 12 US pair of silver pointy stilettos with 3.5 inches heels and all hell broke loose!

After all those years, she still says she hates this "addiction" of mine. She knows I have a bag full of them and I know that sometimes she looks there to see if I still buy new ones.

Every time I try to bring the subject to question, she turns very upset and says stuff like: "I don't want to be remembered of this! I want to pretend it does not exist in my life! Please do not use any of them outside our home! I am your wife and I don't want to be ashamed by you!" and so on and so forth...

I have tried all the sugestions made by many here in this forum. Nothing has worked.

Since our last discussion, I gave up. I'll never talk about that anymore. I'll keep my desires to myself. Unfortunatelly, since I love her.

Best regards and good luck,

Celso.

[Majo]

In my case she is tolerant. We talked about it through the years and we have an unspoken agreement: She wants no exposure, specially with the kids. Period. Else where, it's up to me. When I travel -I do so frequently- I can do what ever I want.

[Bubba136]

bluesman wrote:

Personally, I've ceased wondering why I like women's shoes. I guess I'm still curious, but I've come to terms with it and don't see it as something I need to spend a lot of energy on trying to understand and then change.

I reached that decision while I was still a teenager. After going through several cycles of purging my womens shoes and trying to stop wearing heels, I decided, just before leaving home for college at the age of 17, I would never be able to stop and that I would never again try. If people couldn't accept me as I am, that was their problem.

However, I did make one promise that I've faithfully kept to this day. And that is that I would be honest, upfront and forthcoming about my love for high heels to any woman with whom I was developing a relationship that appeared was going to become more than boyfriend girlfriend.

I felt (and still feel) that to keep that aspect of my personality secret from my chosen mate would cause us both mortal grief down line when she discovered my heels -- and, there's no doubt that she would have ....total honesty before commitment would save broken hearts and provide a basis for discussion and opportunity to "back away" before children were involved.

[bluesman]

I think I tried to keep the secret because I hadn't accepted myself, and I thought it was something I'd grow out of. Now, I'm facing not only trying to gain acceptance or at least tolerance from the wife, but also regaining her trust after my years of deception. Quite the uphill challenge. Majo, if you wouldn't mind sharing, were you up front with your wife, or was it an after-the-fact discovery that has led to your present agreement?

[lorriette]

my s.o.h has still not completely accepted my heels, even though when we were courting, some 24 years ago!, I regularly wore either 4" taper block heel kneeboots, or, 5" strappy stiletto's out on our dates. I now wear heels in the 1" to 4" range on a daily basis, often with a skirt. The skirt IS a touchy subject with her, but we are achieving useful compromises.

[dressboots]

I am attempting to find some understanding as to my taste in women's boots - not so much to give up the liking of them but to be able to have more constructive conversation with my wife about the subject. Just saying it is an unexplainable taste is an inadequate explanation. As heterosexual men liking women's footwaer appears to be not that uncommon a taste in fashion (based on this forum) I am hoping that my counselor can help me shed some light on the subject. As I noted in another post some time ago my parents never said it was wrong but that I should use caution as people might make fun of me. The not talking about it in my family is more a policy of my choosing. My older sister years ago told me to stop wearing a pair of black stretch boots with 2" heels (what are called gogo boots nowadays). It was at that point I went underground with family. I loved those boots and wore them everytime I went out the previous winter. Some people made fun - thick headed idiots but some women I knew said they liked them. Most people were indifferrent. I'm getting off on a tangent. I am wondering if the point my mother was trying to make by bringing the subject back to surface with the knee socks was that they do know I have an ongoing taste for women's footwear. I do not have much of a relationship with my older sister anymore (she has drifted away - no feuds or anything like that) but am on pretty close terms with my younger sister. I was thinking recently that I might share with her the boot sense to see what she thinks. Like I said, she certainly knows but is likely making up things in her head to fill in the blanks I have imposed. I will let you know how that goes. She certainly knows I do like women's boots as there is not much one can keep form their siblings - not to mention I got permsisison from her occasionally to wear her tall side zip boots when we were teenagers. My older sister had stolen my guy's hiking boots and made them her regular wear by then. She did not like women's boots at all and did not own any. I did say to my wife the last time we were on the subject that I was trying to rid myself of the boot "demon" (a strong word that I don't believe but wanted to define how she felt on the subject) and she said it was nothing like that and she never opposed my wearing women's boots. She swings back and forth on acceptance and rejection. It does have a lot to do with what her female buddies say and think.

[HHfanatic]

Its good to see so many female partners accept the use of heels. I think its in a way understandable that some female dont like the idea of the male partner to wear heels. But I wonder why we let the female control us of what kind of footwear we shall use. They dont really give a darn if we say that we dont accept them to wear flats or other male style of clothes. Anyone here that have broken up a relationship mainly becouse the female does not accept the use of heels?

[johnieheel]

Its good to see so many female partners accept the use of heels.

I think its in a way understandable that some female dont like the idea of the male partner to wear heels.

But I wonder why we let the female control us of what kind of footwear we shall use. They dont really give a darn if we say that we dont accept them to wear flats or other male style of clothes.

Anyone here that have broken up a relationship mainly becouse the female does not accept the use of heels?

why don't you start a new thread with this question?

[Majo]

No problem, Bluesman.

When we decided to get married I went upfront with this issue. That was 19 years ago. She was very understanding about it and we managed it very well.

She isn't a shoe freak, though likes heels and is a heel wearer herself. The only point she has on them is: she is only 1 1/2" shorter than me, so heels over 3" make her slightly taller than me. I don't care, but she does; so she has very few 4" heels. Any way, as she is concerned of my taste she uses them when the occasion is appropriate

When kids came, as it usually happens, she reviewed the aspects of heels in my wardrobe and my in house wearing. We agreed that I was to keep these issues between our selves and not going public on/with them. So I did. This didn't mean the activity was prescript; only that the wearing would be out of sight of the kids.

So I did.

As time went by, I reserved these activities to my journeys and the in-house use was eventually suspended. This happened simply because time was scarce as the family activities were settled with other plans.

Any way, I enjoy the use of them; she is very tolerant on this if children –not so young by now- are out-of-sight.

I hope this answers your question.

[Bubba136]

Majo commented:

We agreed that I was to keep these issues between our selves and not going public on/with them. So I did. This didn't mean the activity was prescript; only that the wearing would be out of sight of the kids.

This is the precise arrangement/agreement my wife and I reached before we got married and still practice, albeit more relaxed now that our 3 children are educated, married and have children of their own. Wearing heels around our house and "less obvious" women's shoes in public is no longer a concern.

Two elements leading to my wife's more relaxed attitude are that wearing heels around our children is no longer a concern and her greater acceptance of my wearing heels (and other styles of women's shoes) in public. -- She has noticed that not many people notice and hardly anyone ever has a negative reaction.

[Majo]

Well Bubba, I believe trust is basic in a relationship. Hence, if there is no... everything is pending on a thread. Good for you and your partner!

[BlkKhb1]

My current female partner doesn't know a lick about it other than my attraction to women wearing boots... But also she and I have really only been "seeing" eachother for a week now and we haven't gotten to know each other that well yet... However, the last g/f I had, she knew about it before going into the relationship, which scared me a little as to how she might react, but she actually encouraged it! She ended up buying me a piar of black knee highs from Bakers, and a pair of red patent stretch thigh highs... so all was fine and dandy with girl b4 now, but she only wnated it to be in the bedroom, not anywhere else... so we will see how the new girl reacts when I tell her mainly because I ahve the desire to wear them out so much now... Jeff