Iwearheels Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Hi to all, new to this forum. First of all, Im a guy. I know that pretty heels and guys dont mix to most of the public, but I cant help myself. I know Im not gay, and Im only attracted to women. I have been torn with this since my childhood. I am a closet dresser and dont really wear heels in public that much. I have successfully on a few occasions. I do not want to live my life as a woman. Wearing heels and skirts are a big turn on for me and I cant help it. The heels more than the skirts. I am married to a woman whom I love very much and do not want to hurt her or our marriage. She does not know that I dress. If she ever found out, it would = instant divorce, so I keep it to myself and never consider coming out to her. After surfing on this forum for a while, guess theres alot more guys out there that suffer from this than one would realize. As a man, I have no feminine features. If anyone ever seen me dressed, they would see a man in a dress and heels. What an ugly sight. I only wear my skirts at home, and sometimes heels in public when I think I can go unnoticed. I have purged many times, but cant help but doing the same old thing again. Where I live, I will never be accepted as that men that crossdress are ridiculed and made fun of. Around here, its ok if women put on a pair of guy shoes, or guy jeans, or guy shirts, but better not be a man wearing anything fem. I wish I could take the desire to dress out of myself and be just like any other normal guy, but I cannot do that. I hope that someday, I will be able to find peace within myself. I am being very honest with everyone about myself and just trying to make sense of all this and do not intend to offend anyone, male or female.
Stilettoscot Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Thank you for telling us about yourself. Everything you've said in your post is so much like many of us it's amazing. You'll find peace. I have, and this place helped immensely. You'll get it... How old are you? Walking in ultra-highs because it's exciting...and it is!!
danielp6406 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Welcome to this forum, Iwearheels :-) You found a good place where do discuss without beeing judged. Just be yourself and don't let others judge you. About your wife, how long are you with her ? Maybe it is still time to slowly introduce your passion to her and see how she reacts. It is never to late to tell the truth. How long will you be able to hide this from her ? Does your wife wear high heels ? If she does, did you ever compliment her on her shoes and said to her how good she looks in them ? Depending on her answer, it may be a good starting point ... You decide, you are the judge. Is-it worthed ? I wish you good luck.
Iwearheels Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 33 Thank you for telling us about yourself. Everything you've said in your post is so much like many of us it's amazing. You'll find peace. I have, and this place helped immensely. You'll get it... How old are you?
crotchboots-m Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 congratulations...now that you know you are a non-conformist,what are you going to do about it?
Iwearheels Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 Impossible to ever get her to accept it. I have discretley hinted to her about the subject before. Will have to hide indefinitely. She does not wear heels and does not plan on starting. I have tried different times to get her to wear them with no luck. Im by myself on this one. Welcome to this forum, Iwearheels :-) You found a good place where do discuss without beeing judged. Just be yourself and don't let others judge you. About your wife, how long are you with her ? Maybe it is still time to slowly introduce your passion to her and see how she reacts. It is never to late to tell the truth. How long will you be able to hide this from her ? Does your wife wear high heels ? If she does, did you ever compliment her on her shoes and said to her how good she looks in them ? Depending on her answer, it may be a good starting point ... You decide, you are the judge. Is-it worthed ? I wish you good luck.
Stilettoscot Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 You seem to be at a point in your life that you are accepting who you are. I was also 33 when I found that I like this part of me, and I didn't want to surpress it anymore. Walking in ultra-highs because it's exciting...and it is!!
Bubba136 Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I don't envy the position in which you find yourself, Iwearheel! This is just the start of a long and, at times, difficult trip. Good luck and I sincerely hope your wife doesn't leave before she understands. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
bladerunner Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Iwearheels you seem to be leading a double life as do and have most of us that post here! you are certainly not alone on this matter and there is no shame in feeling how you do..but keep reading here on the forum especially some old posts for some insight and hopefully in time things may work out some guys have been lucky,some not so,some doomed! as i feel!!!...but life will take its twists and turns I have changed numerous things over the years so i do have at least some 'me' time or else i'd go nuts....the most important being self employed as an example and in the future some short breaks! and have confided in a close female friend who thinks its odd but cool! but most importantly and really only in the last couple of years i have accepted myself for who i am...and taking pigeon steps with those around me. I want to enjoy my life while i am still healthy and HEELING is healthy to me!!! I just love those suede heels!!!!!
Iwearheels Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 I guess I am leading some sort of double life. For now, I will keep trying to enjoy heeling when the opportunity arises. I really dont want to lose her though. I know she will never be a part of this side of me. It would be nice to have a female friend that understands and accepts.
mtnsofheels Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Greetings Iwearheels! Thanks for sharing your story with us. You like many of us have been there and suffered with the same issue as yourself. The purge and re-buy cycles come and go as we learn more about ourselves and our likes, turn ons/desires. It is not going away no matter how you want to look at it. I finally accepted it as a part of me, more like I adopted a saying "I feel much better now that I have given up hope" attitude and boy does it make a difference. The reality is we only have so much time here, to not enjoy what makes us happy is missing out on life. Be it in private or going to the length which only you know is your goal it is all about you and you feeling happy and content. I am also getting there, some work with new S.O. to see my goal, it all takes work. My late wife had a great saying as well, "nobody ever said life is fair nor easy". But to accept self and heeling is by far the best start! I will enjoy hearing more from you and your adventures. Best of the Season! Mtnsofheels:wave:
PatentHeel Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Hi and welcome to hhplace IWEARHEELS. You'll get a lot of good advice here, good to have you aboard.
Histiletto Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Iwearheels, Thanks for your post and welcome to this forum. As to when you began having the desire to wear high heels, doesn't really matter, but the fact it is a part of you now and you feel the need to persue your desire to wear high heels, it is very important to you and the relationship you want to cultivate in your marriage. Just like you want to trust your wife, she must be able to trust you. This secretive secondary life being discussed may bring you some pleasure, but it will only sow the seeds of deceit, disrespect, and sorrow should you try to hide it from your wife. You must disclose your desires for heeling to your wife, while also expressing your love and the importance she is in your life. Just because women presently have the social acceptance to wear high heels, doesn't mean that men have ever lost their desire to wear them.
Guest Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 but, the thing is this, Histiletto, men (most I'd say) are BRAINWASHED into thinking that they would NEVER want to wear heels (talk about insecurity) & never admit to anyone, but those that do are what I call open-minded & brave enough to do it, without really caring what others will think of them! (like myself I might add)
Jen J Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 You are not a mess, you are just like the rest of the world. For me, the easiest way to begin to deal with the issue was to realize that everyone has their skeletons. Once that became clear, then I focused on myself, not the rest of the world. Dealing with loved ones is difficult, compromise is a tough nut to crack, but with some hard work and dedication, you can reach middle ground. Keep the group here at the forum as a sounding board. There is alot of experience here and most everyone is more than happy to listen and help. Glad you found us and most of all remember you are not alone. Jen
Iwearheels Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 I just wanted to thank everyone for there advice, it is good to know that your not alone.
Bubba136 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I just wanted to thank everyone for there advice, it is good to know that your not alone. Just keep in mind that those of us that are married have had to face the identical situation at one time or another. The outcome isn't always as desired --but, it's worth disclosing for your own peace of mind if for nothing else. No more secrets! Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
yozz Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Just a little remark that has come up here in the past. If it is the fact that the shoes come from the ladies department that is causing problems for your wife, you might want to know that Yves Saint Laurent sells heels for men. They are about 3 inches. The price is however rather high. But if it solves your problems it might well be worth saving for. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels.
Dawn HH Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Welcome to the Forum IWearHeels. Most of us here DO wear heels and have gone through the same problems as you. Please don't think that you are alone here as we all have seen similar problems as you. This is a tough nut to crack at times, but it can be done. Hang in there as you are among friends here. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
PatentHeel Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I have purged many times, but cant help but doing the same old thing again. I have been down that road, getting rid of my heel collection a couple of times only to find that it was a costly and regrettable mistake. It takes ages to rebuild a collection and I miss some of the heels I got rid of because as I can no longer find them any more. I remember confessing my passion for heels to my wife after reading posts here at hhplace. I was dreading telling her because I didn't want to hurt her and was worried that it would ruin our marriage and also that she'd think I was a freak. When I sat down and told her, she had already kind of guessed that I had a thing for heels and was happy to accept it providing it was kept private and away from the children. During my chat with her I told her about hhplace and how it had helped me to realise that I needed to be open with her about my collection. We even sat and looked at a few posts on this forum and this was definitely helpful as it helped her to understand that I wasn't the only guy out there who had a thing for wearing heels. Telling the wife was a hard thing to do, but having read posts here, it helped me realise that by not telling her I was being deceitful and disloyal. I understand that for others telling your over half may not be an option, but for me I just couldn't carry on hiding it as I love my wife dearly and didn't want any secrets between us. Telling her was the best thing I ever did. As I have no desires to heel outside, this never needed to come up in conversation but for others who do have the desire, this may make telling your partner more difficult than it was for me understandably. However, I have found that the general consensus here at hhplace is to take things one step at a time. Hope this advice helps.
Iwearheels Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 Thanks for sharing. With my situation, opening up to her is not an option. I would love to be able to though. She is the type of person that could not and want accept this. I have been down that road, getting rid of my heel collection a couple of times only to find that it was a costly and regrettable mistake. It takes ages to rebuild a collection and I miss some of the heels I got rid of because as I can no longer find them any more. I remember confessing my passion for heels to my wife after reading posts here at hhplace. I was dreading telling her because I didn't want to hurt her and was worried that it would ruin our marriage and also that she'd think I was a freak. When I sat down and told her, she had already kind of guessed that I had a thing for heels and was happy to accept it providing it was kept private and away from the children. During my chat with her I told her about hhplace and how it had helped me to realise that I needed to be open with her about my collection. We even sat and looked at a few posts on this forum and this was definitely helpful as it helped her to understand that I wasn't the only guy out there who had a thing for wearing heels. Telling the wife was a hard thing to do, but having read posts here, it helped me realise that by not telling her I was being deceitful and disloyal. I understand that for others telling your over half may not be an option, but for me I just couldn't carry on hiding it as I love my wife dearly and didn't want any secrets between us. Telling her was the best thing I ever did. As I have no desires to heel outside, this never needed to come up in conversation but for others who do have the desire, this may make telling your partner more difficult than it was for me understandably. However, I have found that the general consensus here at hhplace is to take things one step at a time. Hope this advice helps.
Histiletto Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Iwearheels, We respect your decision and wish you the best. It is probably a harder path to follow, because you can't share all of who you are with the person who says she loves you for who you are. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and we look forward to hearing more as you continue to grow.
Stilettoscot Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 I am sorry to hear this. I guess the only thing to think about for you now is if it is worth it to continue to have to hide who you really are. Also, can you continue to indulge in who you really are in the very limited and secretive way you will no doubt have to?? It's a tough road for you and I wish you the very best! Walking in ultra-highs because it's exciting...and it is!!
jwhite44 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 If you want to keep your relationship, and you can't tell your partner, then one option might be to compromise on what you wear, particularly if you want to wear shoes out of the house. There are mens shoes with 1 1/2"+ heels. You could get a pair of them, under the premise of, "I wanted to try something different." From there, there are 2 1/2" womans ankle boots (look at the Payless Megan: http://payless.resultspage.com/search?w=megan) which are pretty passable. These may not be your first choice (especially if you'd love is say 4" pumps), but you might be able to walk around in these without the constant feel if being discovered, and your relationship collapsing. That's probably an acceptable compromise.
Iwearheels Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 She does not accept me wearing any kind of womens shoes. For this reason, I just keep it low key and only keep around a few pairs of heels that I like to enjoy when the occasion arises when she is not around for a while. My sitiuation is probably unhealthy, but I am not dishonest to her in anyother way. I have no other choice right now.
PatentHeel Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 She does not accept me wearing any kind of womens shoes. For this reason, I just keep it low key and only keep around a few pairs of heels that I like to enjoy when the occasion arises when she is not around for a while. My sitiuation is probably unhealthy, but I am not dishonest to her in anyother way. I have no other choice right now. There is no easy way to come clean, but if you keep it from her what would happen if she discovered your heels? If like me, your happy to only wear heels in the privacy of your own home, her reaction may surprise you when you tell her. When I told my wife about my heel wearing and my collection and explained that it is something I only ever do in private, she seemed quite happy to accept it because as far as she was concerned it wasn't hurting anyone else so there wasn't really a problem. However, she did make it very clear that she would never agree to me wearing heels in public. This was fine with me though as I don't have desires to wear them outside. For me, coming clean was a very embarrassing moment and I wasn't sure what the outcome would be but I'm so glad she knows now. She was happy that I had told her and said she'd have been hurt if I'd have kept it from her and she discovered my collection. Now we can look and make comments about heels together and that is a nice thing. Whatever you decide to do, I hope things work out for you.
Arctic Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I think it is a mistake to think that it is an unworkable situation you are in. I have explained it elsewhere elaborately how I do it, but in a nutshell we agreed with my wife that I will not expose her to me wearing heels. I'm only a little older than you are and have been married happily for the better part of a decade. I wear heels often, with no trouble, no self esteem issues. I'm aware of what she thinks of it, and I respect her request. I'm aware of what the world thinks of it, but I live it out and that is that. Are you in the Northeast? PM me for tips. What's all the fuss about?
Iwearheels Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 South East, US I think it is a mistake to think that it is an unworkable situation you are in. I have explained it elsewhere elaborately how I do it, but in a nutshell we agreed with my wife that I will not expose her to me wearing heels. I'm only a little older than you are and have been married happily for the better part of a decade. I wear heels often, with no trouble, no self esteem issues. I'm aware of what she thinks of it, and I respect her request. I'm aware of what the world thinks of it, but I live it out and that is that. Are you in the Northeast? PM me for tips.
xaphod Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Yup, life's a bitch. Here's a potted history of my relationship/heels conflict. Young man, career taking off, house, new Volvo, pretty and intelligent g/f, 4 parents all making the right noises. All that was necessary was to ask a particular question to induce hearty congratulations, slapping of backs and cracking open of Champagne. Unfortunately I prefixed the question with "Mary, there's something you need to know." Funnily enough, I never got around to asking the question. Big argument, g/f goes home to parents who filter phone calls. I can't remember the number of times I heard "she isn't in". We met some time later for a very strained encounter and I haven't seen her now in 23 years. ..... moral of the story. In some ways, my heely thing has totally f....ed my life, but if I hadn't told her, the split and recrimination would have been a hell of a lot worse. This isn't much help for you, IWH, but I would suggest that the only way for you to remain married and to have some of the heely life you need, is to do the latter in secret. It's a bummer, far from ideal, but the only practical solution. Xa
Bubba136 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Yup, life's a bitch. (Snip) In some ways, my heely thing has totally f....ed my life, but if I hadn't told her, the split and recrimination would have been a hell of a lot worse. This isn't much help for you, IWH, but I would suggest that the only way for you to remain married and to have some of the heely life you need, is to do the latter in secret. It's a bummer, far from ideal, but the only practical solution. Xa Ah to paraphrase an oft quoted sentence: "to tell or not to tell, that is the question." While Xa's advice is good, and might work over the short term, wives are bound to discover your heels at some point and it only remains how much "shit" will hit the fan" when she does. Along with Xa"s advice, since you are married to the woman, you should know her attitude towards deviant practices better than any other person on earth. If she is strongly opposed to "out of the ordinary" sexual practices, then, it would be a pretty good guess that she wouldn't look fondly upon your revelation. You have to gauge your action totally upon your "HONEST" assessment of the way you know she will react and not upon the way you "WISH" or would like her to react. (that way of thinking is like being sunk by your own torpedo.) The ramifications of remaining "into one's self" and wearing secretly, can be woefully heart breaking. Imagine if after being married about 10 years she finds out and if her reaction isn't favorable, there she goes -- out the door with both children in tow....leaving your happy home life in splinters around your heel shod feet and a lifetime of "regrets. There are quite a few members of this form that that has happened to. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
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