Amanda Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Why don't you all have a coming out day?. An international day of heel confession to your wives and partners. What about the 18th of September?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heelma Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Quote: Originally Posted by Bubba136 TELL THEM UP FRONT AND DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. Capital advice. Especially if you ever expect to be more than a 'closet' HH wearer? With a "closet HH wearer", are you referring to only-in-house HH wearers? If so, then this is again wrong - in fact, the opposite is the case. You don't want to wear heels in the house in such a situation; you (nearly) always want to wear them outside on the streets or somewhere else (someone mentioned a casino, for example) in an area where you can be 95+%, better higher, positive that nobody who knows you will ever be. And then, if you like to, kill the remaining probabilty to get discovered by wearing sun glasses, hats, clothes you never wear except for this purpose, etc. So even if any acquaintance sees you and may ask you weeks later "Could it be that I saw you in xyz?", then you can simply say that she/he must have mixed it up with someone else. In addition, if you're not wearing heels totally obvious, it may even happen the person who thinks it's you doesn't notice. And as far as your sign other finding "evidence" - again, you don't want to store anything in the house. Use your brain, find a way to store them somewhere else; and have a plan in mind, where you can simply toss everything into a big dumpster somewhere if really needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heelma Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 However, once the trust has been lost, it's like trying to put the air back into a baloon after you stuck it with a pin. Almost impossible. It will take years to re-establish the former level of trust....if you ever can. Yes, I agree. There are several really big mistakes heel wearing men make. Two of the biggest. One) That they can stop wearing heels and never put on a pair again, anytime they want to. (They're wrong. The desire won't ever go away) In my case, I didn't have a desire at all for more than 8 years. Then it came back for about 1 year, with interruptions, and it got less and less interesting. Same will happen now, I can tell. I am already less interested than 1 month ago, when I started again. They believe they can keep it a secret or hide it from them for as long as they're together. Wives are a "sneaky sort." Their homes are their nests and they know everything about them, what is in them and where everything is kept, stored, stashed, etc. They will eventually find them. You can bet the farm on that. Either: don't store anything at your house. BEST! OR: find a place where she never ever will go to. I gave an example with an unused and unfinished attic. Do you really think that if you have an attic with nothing else than insulation material up there, and you even need to step on the studs in order not to break through the ceiling of the room below, that if you crawl on said studs into a corner of this attic, lift up the insulation and store some heels there, that your wife will go right up there and find it? Can't you tell by simply watching where she goes if she was ever up there before? Obviously, this implies that you know when maintenance comes up and someone may go there. But even if anyone finds out, couldn't it be that the previous owner of the house left that stuff up there? I really don't understand why this is so hard to figure out and nobody seems to be willing to believe me that this is safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan J Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Bubba & FF2: Excellent comments from you both, but you're both making the assumption that the person in question became aware of their inclination towards heels before marrying. That raises a different situation: What if a man has been married for a while and discovers / realizes his interest after he's tied the knot? That's not such a far-fetched idea; I imagine many a man would try to ignore or deny his own feelings. True: Honesty is still the best policy, but in this case, "coming clean" prior to marriage would not have been an option. Comments? Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhboots Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 In my case, I didn't have a desire at all for more than 8 years. Then it came back for about 1 year, with interruptions, and it got less and less interesting. Same will happen now, I can tell. I am already less interested than 1 month ago, when I started again. I read this and one other person on this forum say the same, that the desire comes and goes for long periods of time. I find that interesting, as my desire never seems to go away in fact as I get older I think it keeps getting stronger. So perhaps we wear them for different reasons, I like the way they make me feel, I like that they are way more interesting looking than men's shoes, and in many cases I think they are even more comfortable to walk in than my "normal men's" shoes. So just wondering, why do you feel the switch goes off and on for you? What are your reasons for doing it anyway? Just want to understand how some here seem to have an on and off mode and for some of us it never seems to go away ever (and for some others here on the other extreme who want the full package). I guess I consider myself middle of the road on the spectrum of guys here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heelma Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 So just wondering, why do you feel the switch goes off and on for you? What are your reasons for doing it anyway? For me, I learned within the last couple of weeks through discussion with various other uses here, it's a mixture of impersonating a sexy imagination (=girl wearing sexy HH) and curiosity. But when I finally step out and impersonate the sexy imagination, it doesn't really give me any sexual pleasure at all. There's other thrill about it, but I would put that into the curiosity drawer. So, after a while, without sexual pleasure and nothing new anymore, it gets old, particularly in conjunction with the whole playing it safe thing. And I am not toooooo said about that ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhboots Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Folks, you just have to be careful enough and smart enough, and it can be kept secret. In my case, I kept it secret from my parents for more than 10 years, and now I am doing the same from my wife <...> Btw, what's next if I told my wife and she would magically understand it? She still wouldn't want me to wear it outside b/c she would think I would ridicule myself. And then ... should I always hear from then on "did you do it again?" when I come home? Heeling in the house gets old very soon ... Ahh sorry, disregard my last posted question to you heelma, after reading this other post from you, I think I can understand your situation better, without the support of your significant other, I think perhaps it would get rather old/boring to only do this in secret after many years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatentHeel Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Some interesting reading here. To add.. I guess I blew my chance to be really open with my wife about my fetish for heels when we got married. At one stage before marriage I did tell her that I used to collect heels and that my mother and sister knew about it too. I think I told her that I'd outgrown the fetish and no longer needed to collect them. I got rid of my collection and tried to move on, but as we all know, it stays with you for life... Once again after marriage I began to gather a collection of sexy heels, but this time the collection included skirts, stockings and tights. They were carefully hidden and I would only ever get them out when I was on my own. Again, I went through a stage when I again tried to break the fetish by binning my collection (YES BINNING), a very regrettable move as I have since bought more off ebay! It is very true, yes, that it is dishonest given that the woman I love knows nothing about the collection or just how much I enjoy wearing heels. I live in constant fear that she will find my collection and fly off the handle. Finding this forum, as brought me very close to coming clean to her. I have almost told her everything in the last week and reading this thread today, I think it will be even sooner now. I think she will be hurt understandably, but given that no-one else is involved and that it isn't harming anyone, I think we'll be okay. I have no desire to wear heels in public and don't think i'd wear them in her presence either. For me, there is just something about wearing them and looking at them in the mirror that excites and she'll not understand that at all. I guess when I come clean, she'll not be happy about the whole heel thing but will accept me for who I am and tolerate my addiction like so many others who have learnt of their partners' fetish. Fingers crossed Actually I might just let her read this post. It is an honest and accurate account. Wish me luck. PatentHeel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhboots Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I definitely wish you the best, I really hope she supports you. You might mention that you have tried and tried to get over this habit, but it is something you will have for life, and you have gone through many ups and downs, including disposing of the collection I think she will understand that you have done your best to try to shake this. It is difficult, I have never been happier since telling my wife. I know not all wifes are as open minded as mine, but I think if they truly love you, they should understand. You are not a bad person, its just a part of you, and because society doesn't agree that its "normal", you get labeled as such. We are in a difficult position, there is no denying that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan J Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 PatentHeel: Yes, best of luck. As has been said on this thread by others, you and you alone know more about your partner than anyone else, including anyone here, and therefore, you'll know the right way and the right time for discussing it, or as you suggest, show her the thread. I thought the idea suggesting to make it a type a game was particularly imaginative, since it might give you a glimpse of her impression, rather than simply blurting it out. You're the best judge of this. If/when you decide to discuss, let us know how it went. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Dan J wrote: What if a man has been married for a while and discovers / realizes his interest after he's tied the knot? That's not such a far-fetched idea; I imagine many a man would try to ignore or deny his own feelings. You're right, it isn'f far fetched in assuming that a man can acquire the desire to wear heels after marriage. Although I've only herd about men acting on these desires after marriage because their access to heels and women's shoes is greater with a "wife" and all that goes with her, under his roof. It's not like they haven't thought of wearing heels, or have "repressed' their desired to wear them. I'm sure the "idea" was there somewhere only to be acted upon when the opportunity came available. Now, that being said, in my opinion the person should immediately discuss his desire with his wife. Although he can very convincingly claim that the desire has come-on in just the short time they've been married. After a thorough discussion of his desires and the timing of their emergence, chances of his escaping the "trust" issue without harm, are greatly increased. It might also take the "edge" off discussing his desire and what to do about it. Which is not all bad. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatentHeel Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Tonight, I sat down with my wife and told her about my fetish for High Heels and about my private collection. Phew, what a weight off the shoulders! Slightly embarrassed, I told her everything. How it started, how I have tried to give it up, about finding this forum, how it has helped and why I like wearing the heels. She has been very understanding and says she doesn't have a problem with it providing I keep it to myself. She has no desires to see me in heels, but I explained that I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing them in front of her anyway. She did however say she'd be more than happy to wear them in the bedroom if it made me happy. She says she'd like to see my collection though out of curiosity lol. I said that's okay, but she's not having any of them. I showed her my posting here too, she even liked my avatar! I would like to thank HHPlace and those who post good advice here, you have been very supportive! Thank you PatentHeel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billyb Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 PatentHeel Way to go! and good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhboots Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Awesome to hear, Patent Heel! Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Wow. Great job, Patentheel. I wish you and your wife the best of luck from here on out. I hope it becomes even more positive for the both of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan J Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Impressive. Your're the man!! Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootking Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I know that was very hard to do but look at how well it all turned out! It's all about the heel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnieheel Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 I know it can be very embarrassing for some to fess up to their better half and I, and I'm sure many others here have great respect for what you did PatentHeel. It was the right thing and as time goes on, trust me when i say , it will get easier and much more comfortable around your wife and also as time goes as you share a little more each day, she will probably come to enjoy it and then who knows, maybe you two will take your heels to the streets together someday soon. real men wear heels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Good job Patentheels, and to your wife too, it's not easy for her to hear what you had to say either. I'm glad she listened and is understanding. Sounds like the same deal I came to with my wife, she doesn't want to see me in heels, but will accept that I do so in private. Lifting that burden of guilt and deceit feels good too. The only other thing I'd say is don't try to push things along too quickly after this initial acceptance. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Loveshiheels Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Well done for telling your wife. Things can only get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Bubba & FF2: Excellent comments from you both, but you're both making the assumption that the person in question became aware of their inclination towards heels before marrying. That raises a different situation: What if a man has been married for a while and discovers / realizes his interest after he's tied the knot? That's not such a far-fetched idea; I imagine many a man would try to ignore or deny his own feelings. True: Honesty is still the best policy, but in this case, "coming clean" prior to marriage would not have been an option. Comments? Dan Happened to me... Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatentHeel Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Good job Patentheels, and to your wife too, it's not easy for her to hear what you had to say either. I'm glad she listened and is understanding. Sounds like the same deal I came to with my wife, she doesn't want to see me in heels, but will accept that I do so in private. Lifting that burden of guilt and deceit feels good too. The only other thing I'd say is don't try to push things along too quickly after this initial acceptance. It certainly does feel good now that she knows about it and is okay with it. I certainly wont be pushing things for sure, I'm happy with the outcome, nothing will really change, just she knows about it now thats all. Obviously she was curious about the whole thing, asking things like how often do you wear them etc, but she says that it isn't impacting on our normal everyday lives so theres no harm being done. She understands that it'll never go away, especially given the fact that i've tried a couple of times to stop, and she is okay with it. We woke this morning, it was just like any other Saturday morning, but yet, it felt different for me somehow. I think its the relief of knowing that now I don't have any secrets from the woman I love and she geniunely loves me for the person I am. PatentHeel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymond.nl Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 and have a plan in mind, where you can simply toss everything into a big dumpster somewhere if really needed. I'm sure you really wanted to say: where you can simply toss all size 10s in a mail bag and send it to Raymond, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Loveshiheels Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Happened to me... Do please tell us more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heelma Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 PatentHeel - I am glad to hear that everything turned out wonderful for you. Congrats! That would never ever in this world work for me and my wife though ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatentHeel Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Tonight will be funny, going to show the wife my Heel collection. I'll let you know the outcome tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Do please tell us more. Not much to say really. We were neighbours and she had seen me coming and going in Tara mode a few times before we became an item... Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Loveshiheels Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 So your neighbour saw you coming and going as Tara, but she never knew it was you. You only told her that you were Tara when you got caught. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoyLegs Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Bubba & FF2: Excellent comments from you both, but you're both making the assumption that the person in question became aware of their inclination towards heels before marrying. That raises a different situation: What if a man has been married for a while and discovers / realizes his interest after he's tied the knot? That's not such a far-fetched idea; I imagine many a man would try to ignore or deny his own feelings. True: Honesty is still the best policy, but in this case, "coming clean" prior to marriage would not have been an option. Comments? Dan People change. There is this idea out there that you do a whole bunch of due diligence to find the right person, get married and you're done. In reality, either partner may find themselves having to explain, "I went into the marriage agreeing in good faith to live a certain way, but I can't go another ten or twenty years like this and I really need these changes." Happens a lot over the question of whether or not she works outside the home. It's messy, but everything about living with other people is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatentHeel Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Tonight will be funny, going to show the wife my Heel collection. I'll let you know the outcome tomorrow. Its only when you lay your collection on the bed that you realise just how many you have aquired over the years. The wife couldn't believe her eyes, she thought she'd entered a shoe shop. It was a little embarrassing again. Telling her was one thing, actually showing her was another. It was good fun in the end though, she tried the ones she liked on and even claimed two pairs! I said she could have them provided I could wear them every now and then lol. Anyway wasn't that bad in the end, took me ages putting them all away again though. PatentHeel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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