How quickly did you come out of the closet?

[Bob]

Just wondering how long it took some of you guy's to come out of the closet? Although i'd fantasised about wearing hi heels for some years I never bought a pair. Once I did though it only took about a couple of weeks before I tried wearing them in public and what a feeling it was! Just about the entire heel was showing as well and nobody said anything.

[Joak]

Hello, well for me it took a few month between recogicing the first offers of heels in my size and ordering some of them. But it took over 2 years then until I've treid my first outdoor experiences - but well after I've tried that the first time I was unable to stop best wishes Joak

[Shaun]

I guess I'm only partially out of the closet. My gf knows but I don't buy heels in shops or wear them in public. I'm still a little shy when it comes to wearing heels outside.

[Francis]

The time between being into heels and obtaining my first pair was fairly short, a few weeks as I recall, but wearing outside didn't come to a few years later. Trips to the Rocky Horror don't really count as everyone expects you to dress the part. But once in the public domain, the problems and anxieties simply disappear. Now I don't give a monkeys what people say or think. More often than not I tell them to 'get a life' or 'go buy your own'

[Trolldeg]

I had been wearing some fetish styles indoors for a while. Then I was shopping with a female friend the same day as we were going to a club later at night. I ended up buing a pair of more 'normal' ankle boots and wore them to the club that same night. So it was pretty instant.

[Phil]

Way beck in the 70's guys wore platform shoes. I found a pair of cork sandals that I thought looked cool. The salesperson then said they only came in womens sizes and found me a pair. I think they were called corkies. Alas they bit the dust a few years ago, the straps just wore out. Here in the Northeast USA winter boots serve a better purpose. phil

[lion]

Well, it depends. Had very much interest in heels from about my teenage years, but never had my own heels. Until I joined the EuroHeel2001, where I kinda exploded. Started wearing heels right from there in public and haven't been off them since then. Nowadays I walk around in public everywhere (including work) on 4" kneehigh boots, even a pair with blade heels. Guess the next step is 5" thigh high boots...

[Firefox]

I started wearing them in public at university, but actually all students just wore trainers, even the girls so it was a bit more difficult to buck that trend, when noone was wearing anything different. However, in my early 20's I soon started wearing whatever shoes I wanted in public. That might include stilettos at parties and more casual blocks, wedges or even thinner heels for work/social. I still wear trainers and hiking boots too, so I'm not governed by any personal inhibition as to what I wear and when. I don't however wear unsuitable shoes like heels when doing structural surveys for work. I have about 50 pairs of shoes. Most of them are heels of some sort, but about 7 are trainers, hiking/safety boots, etc for when the occasion demands.

[terayon]

still in the closet =

[Highluc]

I also was lucky to be 18 when platforms and heels for men were fashion. That way it was not difficult to switch to real heels (lots of young guys wore even those around). The ice being broken it is not difficult to stay that way and intentionally not following the trend back to flats. All of my lifestory on feminine shoes can be found on my website in the about me section.

[pieman3141]

i still am

[5_Inch_Pumps]

I'm still in the closet. I've been into pantyhose and high heels for as long as I can remember. I use to try on my moms while she was at work. I started buying my own hosiery while I was still living with my partents and bought my first pair of heels not too long after I got my first apartment. That was 7 years ago. They were 2" pumps and not very long after that I graduated to 3", then 4" and now I'm wearing 5" pumps and even taller platforms. My fiance knows about the hose, but she doesn't know about my heels. Anytime I've even mentioned buying some in a joking manner, she gets weird about it. I guess I'll be keeping it a secret for now. I guess I have come out of the shoe closet in some ways. I don't really wear them in public but I always tell the sales lady, wherever I'm shopping, that the heels are for me and ask to try them on in the store. So far every store I've been to has been very cool about it. Miko's in RI comes to mind Anyway this is my first post. I'm glad I found this forum.

[Francis]

shaving your legs reduces friction

[Firefox]

It just depends in what circles you move in, what your peers wear, what country etc, I suppose. In my teens I went to a fairly posh strict school where we had to wear uniform and not even the 6 form girls wore heels so it would have been difficul for me to say the least. It didn't stop me being jealous of teenage girls from other schools though! When I moved to university, all the girls wore trainers, so again it wasn't that easy, though I did wear them to parties or out shopping a few times here and there. In the world of work, many women wear heels so that's a more receptive environment. Also socially, most of my friends tend to be graduate or thinker types of person who judge you on what you say/do rather than what you wear on your feet so again, socially that was OK. I'm not a person for casual girlfriends but of the girls I've been with, one was rather standoffish over it, about three just didn't care, and one absolutely loved them. In my current circles, I've got a few admirers and the rest of my mates (98%) of them just couldn't give a toss either way. It never even gets discussed, It's just something I do. Some of them might think it's funny, I'm sure most of them just don't notice any more. We get a false impression on this board. To the majority, especially guys, shoes are a bore. Something to be bought when they wear out like batteries.

[JeffB]

Well, I've been wearing heels since I was 13 (I'm 43 now), but I've only been out of the closet October of 2000 when I started wearing heels to work. I started slow with stack heeled loafers that a couple of folks mistook for MEN'S shoes, then worked my way up to ankle boots, then, a few months ago, the final frontier: pumps! And I haven't looked back since! In fact, as I've stated in another area, pumps are now all I wear at the office! Sure, there was more than plenty of anxiety in the beginning, worrying about what co-workers might think and all, but the reactions were incredibly positive, even complimentary in some cases. I think the main reason people are in the closet is fear, and that's understandable, I was plenty fearful too, but I decided that life was too damn short to be chained by fear and that I was gonna do what I wanted to do, and the rest was history. Once you overcome your fear, leaving the closet will be a snap!

[Bubba136]

5_Inch_Pumps wrote: "My fiance knows about the hose, but she doesn't know about my heels. Anytime I've even mentioned buying some in a joking manner, she gets weird about it. I guess I'll be keeping it a secret for now." A word of advice: Tell her up front before you get married. This is a part of your personality that you can't ever change. Don't start married life keeping this a secret. It can lead to all kinds of problems down stream -- particularly if she's unable to accept it. I've talked with to many men that were divorced because they revealed their fetish for wearing heels only after getting married. One of the main reasons for these split-ups was the wife's feeling of being deceived from the begining. Give her the choice up front -- otherwise it could be physically, emotionally and financially devistating for both of you. I told my wife as soon as it became obvious that we were going to be more than just girlfriend/boyfriend. It's 26 years and three children down stream. Although only "tolerant" in the begining, she's now totally supportive. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Bubba136 on 2002-05-03 18:23 ]</font> <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Bubba136 on 2002-05-03 18:26 ]</font>

[5_Inch_Pumps]

I know I need to tell her, we're getting married in two weeks. I'm afraid to though. The few time that I mentioned buying a pair of ladies shoes, even in jest, she was like "I don't think so!" I have worn a pair of womens knee boots in front of her before, the only thing she said was "I don't care for that much". When I asked her why she said "I just don't like the look". Even though I threw them out after she said that, she kind of knows that I have an interest in wearing heels. Those were the only heels I threw away Maybe I'll get enough drinks in me tonight to break it to her in a round about way. Maybe tell her that I've been seriously thinking about buying a pair of heels because they look so sexy on her and I want to try them for myself? Any ideas? Thanks

[Highluc]

I think you better be honest and tell her all. Don't think you will be able to suress your desires, it just gets worse. Telling and showing her everything will only help in confirming you are sincere and avoid escallation of problems due to still more showing up everytime and totally spoil the image of trust for her. No guts, no glory and los of frustrations and arguments later. Lots of courage courage guy and keep us informed.

_________________

Be youself, enjoy any footwear you like and don't care about what others think about it, it's your life, not theirs. Greetings from Highluc on http://walk.to/highluc

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Highluc on 2002-05-03 21:01 ]</font>

[5_Inch_Pumps]

Thanks highluc, we talked today a little about men wearing heels. I think she will be cool with it. I'm going to break her in easy though with a pair of 4" chunky heeled loafers and see how it goes from there.

[Arctic]

I agree with the rest, you really have to tell her ASAP. You will not get rid of the feeling, there will come no easier moment, you can't put it out of your mind and she will not accept it until you confront her with the fact. It may be easy, but it's likely to cause a clash between you and her. Then, a marriage is not something that you delay for a small reason, and the thing that you have to get to her is that it is a small thing for her (accepting that you wear heels) but a HUGE thing for you (being able to wear them). I tried the midway, before we got married I was fresh into this thing and I told her that I noticed that I like to wear high heels. She asked what the point was, and I answered that there was no point and she didn't make a fuss out of it. She said that it's ok, as long as I didn't want to wear _women's_ shoes. We went through the whole process, I told her that I have no transgenderal feelings, I didn't want to crossdress (with dresses and so on), I'm happy being who I am, I don't want to shock people for the sake of it, I am _NOT_ gay or bisexual or anything in that area, nor am I at all attracked by the drag queen scene and so on. I told her that I don't want to go any further than just wearing high heels. She said that "having bad taste" was not a problem and the case seemed closed. We got married and it was a great wedding. A few weeks/months later I realized that this high heel thing was "worse" than I expected. I had bought several pairs in a few weeks time, some defenitely feminine, others more of the conservative kind. I tried to break the ice with my wife with my most conservative 6cm pair (women's style no doubt, but still) and she freaked out. She said that I had told her that I wasn't going to wear women's shoes, and these were so feminine that there was absolutely no discussion possible. We went again through the whole gender identity thing from A to Ö (we have some letters beyond the Z in Finnish) and I was able to convince her again, albeit with a lot of effort, that it was only about the heels, nothing else. The reaction was so agressive that I decided to let it rest for a while. I realized that I painted myself in the corner by saying that I didn't want to wear women's shoes just for the fact that they are feminine, but I have to since there are no male shoes with high heels for sale. She repeated that it would be ok for her if I would wear high heeled men's shoes, no matter where I would get them from. She was not able to answer my question what a "male" high heel shoe then should look like. I tried the less offensive route by buying "high" heeled cowboy boots and work my way slowly upwards. I have had the 2" pair for a long time, bought a pair with 2 1/4 (she noticed the height increase!), wore those for a while, switched then to 2 1/2, and she's ok with me wearing 3" boots now. I modified the 2" boots to 3 3/4", but the difference is too big, I can't introduce it yet. My strategy is to go to a height of about 3 1/2" - 4" with the cowboys and then get the "female" ones in that range out of the closet and confront her with the fact that they don't look _that_ different. This shit takes time. It is frustrating. It eats you from inside out and you are now in a position that you don't have to put up with all this, if you act BEFORE you get married. You have to confront her with it. It is likely to cause a fight, so you may want to to overthink your approach a bit. If I would have to do it again, I would tell her: - you have known me for x years - you are very kind, attractive, [other things that you like in her] and that is why I am getting married with you - you have known me for the same length of time, you know my ups and downs [etc] but there is one thing that you have to know about that you seem to have difficulties with. I have had this interest for a long time, I have thought it over thousands of times and I know exactly what it is all about, so whatever you start imagining now and haven't heard out of my mouth is WRONG. It is nothing big, you may hate it in the beginning but you will know soon enough that there was no reason to make problem out of it. For some reason I like to wear shoes with high heels. It doesn't say ANYTHING about me, except that I like a particular kind of shoes. It doesn't change me as a person, it doesn't decrease my ability to be an excellent husband and eventually a father, it doesn't change anything at all if you react calmly and as an adult. There are many people with the same interests worldwide and I have been going through this with them thouroughfully. Nearly all of them are totally ordinary guys, married or in a similar relationship or even still too young for that, who are perfectly functioning in society. Most of them are even educated, have good jobs and make good money. Lots of them have kids and their wives think that they are performing well as partners. I am also one of those people. Everything that you are imagining now is not true. If this is a major problem for you, take into account that I will not be able to change this. I will wear high heel shoes for day to day things and perhaps also for other occasions. You may think this is ia problem, but I urge you to think very carefully what you do with this information. It took me a lot of energy and courage to confess this to you, but I think you have the right to know me as I am. I will not be able to change myself, as a matter of fact, it IS part of myself. I promise to be careful in what I wear to where, and I will not embarass you on purpose. However, you will see that the vast majority of people have nothing against this, and quite a lot even like the idea and the view. The minority that thinks that it's sick is very insignificant, and it is extremely rare to get mocked at. All this has been tested by various people, including me, in various places around the world. It may even be so that it's going to be the next fashion wave, but then maybe not. You are free not to marry me because of this. Like highlighted before, I strongly suggest you not to over-react and be wise. I demand a little flexibility from you now, and I am willing to give a lot of flexibility in return. If you point me the door now because of my interest in a particular kind of footwear, I think you will be making a mistake, but it's up to you. If you really do so, it is also an important sign for me that you may not be able to whitstand bigger bumps in our relationship that will inevitably occur. In that case it is perhaps better that we re-consider what we are about to commit ourselves to. All that being said, I don't think you have anything to worry about. All the reasons why you are sitting here beside me and not the guy next door, remain valid. Nothing in the equation except the shoes have changed. It has not been talked about because of the fact that I'm new into this and you have over-reacted in my previous attempts to make the message clear. I'm sure you will understand and react to this as a grown up." ----- That's what I would say. If you lack the courage, get yourself a bottle of Absolut but don't go too far with it since there is a strategy in here If you let this opportunity pass, you will be waiting and waiting for the next one to arrive, and it will not come. You will have to break the ice when you have no real reason to bring big news (you will never have a better reason than you are having now!!!). You of course shouldn't have any skeletons in the closet after this any more. If you don't do it now, you WILL regret. Believe me!! And you also owe it to her and to yourself. You have the right to wear what you want (wasn't that someones oneliner here...) and you should excercise it if you live in a free country. You really have to do it. By all means. Bring the total message, don't hide part of it. I have to be careful by saying this, but it is perhaps better to delay your marriage than agree with her that you will not wear high heels. You will die lonely and frustrated. If I would be in your shoes and she would freak out, I would with near certainty cancel the wedding. If it is as important to you as it is to me, it is absolutely essential for your happiness. But, we should assume that things go right. There are guys that confess crimes, adventures with other women or even men, debts, whatever before they get married. This is only about your interest for a certain shoestyle!! If she can't put this into perspective, it's perhaps not the right woman for you anyway. Go for it... Collect all the strenght you got and throw it on the table!! Good luck!! Bert

[5_Inch_Pumps]

Well guys (and gals), the truth is out! She took it very well. Her words were "if I didn't leave you for wearing pantyhose did you actually think I would leave you over heels?" She doesn't know that I already had pumps, but, when I asked if she would mind if I bought some she said "like you could walk in them" I said "is that a challenge?" she said "Yes". Woo Hoo! The challenge has been accepted! Okay, so I wasn't totally honest, but, she's cool with the 4" loafers I showed her and she's cool with me trying other styles. So that's good enough for me. Thanks for the support I will tell you more about the "challenge" when it happens

[Slim]

How did I break it to the wife? I was in my late 30’s--early 40’s and going thru that rebellion (anger) some men go thru at that age when my wife came home with a pair of high heeled boots. I went nuts, I had always wanted a pair of old high heel cowboy boots like in the “B” westerns of the 30’s and 40’s. I tried on her boots and although they were 8.5AA’s I could do it. I went and told her look, I can wear your boots. I always wanted a pair like these; I’m going to get me a pair. And that was that. I figured I could easily wear 9B’s so I got a pair with higher and narrower heels than hers and I’ve been wearing that style ever since. I’m in my 60’s now!

[shyguy]

I told my wife very soon after we started going out that I liked heels. She isn't comfortable with it still though, but oddly wants me only to wear any heels when she is here?? As she and I are similar in size, and almost the smae size in shoes, she always lets me try her new shoes on too. Only problem is she doesn't like anything over about 2 1/2 inch heels. I did get her to buy some 3" boots (block heels) but I have worn them more than her

[Dexter23]

That was a strange way for me. I wore pumps outside once about 5 years ago. never done that since. But just about 6 weeks ago I boucht a pair of 2.5" ankle boots and a matching pair of pants. Most of my friends where positif about them so when I go out to a bar or something I wear them. Dex

[azraelle]

Most everyone, sooner or later, reaches a certain age where they examine their life up to that point and realize that there are things that they haven't done that they wanted to do but were afraid to do it "because of what people might think". If you reach that point after being "humbled upon" by life's events, instead of on your deathbed, you realize that the only thing left that is still important is to be true to oneself; You ask yourself "do I want to go to my grave not having done (such and such) because I was afraid of what other people might think of me??" For me the answer was and is a resounding NO! After all, what more can "they" do to me that hasn't already been done? I hope YOU get to that point while you're still young enough to enjoy it.

[Gizmo]

I would like to come out but our society is so narrow minded that it is almost impossible. If you will start the trends then I will be HAPPY . I`ll try during vacation in italy or austria . who knows ??

[Nicole]

I'm not sure if I've really come out or not. Most of my friends do not know, and i'm not going to go out of my way to tell them. My wife knows and does not approve. Some of my other family know, and they are basically supportive as are most of my friends who do know. When I lived in LA, it had definitely gotten to the point where I had little problem going out fully dressed up. Santa Barbara is a bit harder, because its smaller and a little more conservative. Also there is less oppurtunity since I live with my wife. I guess when it comes right down to it, I am out of the closet with strangers and in the closet for daytoday life.

[AndyB]

Most everyone, sooner or later, reaches a certain age where they examine their life up to that point and realize that there are things that they haven't done that they wanted to do but were afraid to do it "because of what people might think". If you reach that point after being "humbled upon" by life's events, instead of on your deathbed, you realize that the only thing left that is still important is to be true to oneself; You ask yourself "do I want to go to my grave not having done (such and such) because I was afraid of what other people might think of me??" For me the answer was and is a resounding NO! After all, what more can "they" do to me that hasn't already been done? I hope YOU get to that point while you're still young enough to enjoy it.

Absolutely.

I'm the 'Andy' mentioned in the birmingham meet. That really did open my eyes to the fact that guys can wear heels in public without being hassled (Hats off to the guys I met that weekend -- you must've had it harder than me as you did it without this board & the internet as help/guidance)

I'm at a halfway stage -- Although I've been into heels for a few years, I've not taken it outside regularly yet. Two friends know, one is totally positive, and the other, I'd say that he's tolerant, but still a little freaked by the idea of a guy in heels, but not in drag. -- I'm using these reactions to judge the rest of the friendship groups to which we belong.

Although I don't yet have the strength of personality of someone like Francis to be able to just wear heels around my peers & family without telling them first. I will tell my folks before I move out permanently, for if I don't, then it will just be harder as I'll feel I can hide it easier & that'll just lead to paranoia whenever I see them.

I'm of the mindset that If I'm open and honest about it (when asked). But not push the issue when left alone, I should be ok.

I'm on the road to the outside... and it looks pretty nice out there

[Rockpup]

I went full bore and told my b/f about my ballet boots.. Not easy for him to accept since he's more into the macho type (he works as a firefighter/swat team medic).. But he's ok with it as a fetish. Amazing, I can wear my 9" heels around him but not 3" There is definatly a misconception that heels=CD, which is not totally true no matter which side of the fence you are on. Keep it up guys Jim

[Yamyam]

Amazing, I can wear my 9" heels around him but not 3"

No, actually I can see that. 9" is a fetish item, and it's kind of OK to have a fetish. 3" is 'everyday' wear (I wiiiiiiiish!) and that's odd. Why would someone want to wear heels every day? So, yeah, I can see the logic.

Keep it up guys

Jim

Excellent advice there!