My mom knows...

[ChipsHH]

Well, everyone, I told my mom of my high heel fetish, and I'm only 15 and a male. But she can't bear the fact that I like the so freakin much! how can I possibly convince her to just let it be and get over it? This is a tough thing to answer, I know, and if it results in me having to give up high heels, then I don't think I could be here or even stand to be here today. I just couldn't do it. Help needed please

[Guy N. Heels]

Well, everyone, I told my mom of my high heel fetish, and I'm only 15 and a male. But she can't bear the fact that I like the so freakin much! how can I possibly convince her to just let it be and get over it?

This is a tough thing to answer, I know, and if it results in me having to give up high heels, then I don't think I could be here or even stand to be here today. I just couldn't do it. Help needed please

Ahh, 15. The joy, the wonderment - truly youth is wasted on the young!

Now back to the coffee... As long as you live under your mother's roof you need to obey and respect her. So you may dismiss all notions of rebellion and/or mutiny at once.

On the other hand, your desire for heels as a fashion accessory should not be misconstrued into something that it is not! I.E. sexual diviancy, personality disorders, moral degenerancy, etc.

If at all possible, negotiate, negotiate, negotiate! But insist upon one presupposing fact - what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. Then, if your mom wears heels, ask her why? If she doesn't wear heels, ask her why not? If she wears jeans or pants, ask her why? If your mom wears tee shirts, ask her why? Then ask how your desire to wear heels differs from her desire to wear men's clothing? In short, if it's okay for her to wear men's clothing, then why isn't it okay for you to wear heels (remember - what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander)?

One more thing - keep the voice down and the tone sweet. A soft answer turns away wrath. You must not challenge authority in any way. The way to win this battle is through principle. You must show, as gently as possible, that it is your mother who is applying double standards by denying you the ability to wear something unconventional while she's doing exactly the same thing herself.

On the other hand, if your mother is a Donna Reed clone and waltzes around in heels and flowing dresses at all times - you've already lost the battle. Get a dog.

[johnieheel]

Ahh, 15. The joy, the wonderment - truly youth is wasted on the young!

Now back to the coffee... As long as you live under your mother's roof you need to obey and respect her. So you may dismiss all notions of rebellion and/or mutiny at once.

On the other hand, your desire for heels as a fashion accessory should not be misconstrued into something that it is not! I.E. sexual diviancy, personality disorders, moral degenerancy, etc.

If at all possible, negotiate, negotiate, negotiate! But insist upon one presupposing fact - what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander. Then, if your mom wears heels, ask her why? If she doesn't wear heels, ask her why not? If she wears jeans or pants, ask her why? If your mom wears tee shirts, ask her why? Then ask how your desire to wear heels differs from her desire to wear men's clothing? In short, if it's okay for her to wear men's clothing, then why isn't it okay for you to wear heels (remember - what's sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander)?

One more thing - keep the voice down and the tone sweet. A soft answer turns away wrath. You must not challenge authority in any way. The way to win this battle is through principle. You must show, as gently as possible, that it is your mother who is applying double standards by denying you the ability to wear something unconventional while she's doing exactly the same thing herself.

On the other hand, if your mother is a Donna Reed clone and waltzes around in heels and flowing dresses at all times - you've already lost the battle. Get a dog.

Very well put Guy n heels. I have wandered so often what my mom would have done if I told her I wear girl shoes. I think she would have understood cause she liked to dress me as a girl for holloween and gave me a pair of red pumps to play with when I was little but also would have said something like "we won't tell your father" if you know what I mean.

[Alexis Hill]

Well, everyone, I told my mom of my high heel fetish, and I'm only 15 and a male. But she can't bear the fact that I like the so freakin much! how can I possibly convince her to just let it be and get over it?

This is a tough thing to answer, I know, and if it results in me having to give up high heels, then I don't think I could be here or even stand to be here today. I just couldn't do it. Help needed please

So what was your goal in telling her. Did you want to wear heels just in the house? around her? and/or in public?

Also what exactly did she tell you when she disapproved of you wearing them?

[crotchboots-m]

if worse comes to worse,you just wear them on the sly when she is not there. but dont be disrespectful of her wishes by flaunting them in front of her...thats not good for either one of you. i guess bill clinton would call it dont ask,dont tell...lol.

[ChipsHH]

So what was your goal in telling her. Did you want to wear heels just in the house? around her? and/or in public?

Also what exactly did she tell you when she disapproved of you wearing them?

I told her only in the house, but she thinks otherwise (but I won't EVER tell her that now). And her words...well, her words aren't done as of yet. I mean, when we get our mother-son moment again, she'll probably bring it right back up again, givin me another bad night. So yeah, her words Ive....yet to remember.

I'll post what she says the next time though (can't make promises though).

[Alexis Hill]

She might reconsider if she is giving time to think about it. If she is not the type to change her mind, I would give up talking to her and do it secretly in your room or when she not home. You probably could hide it for three years and when you move out you can wear them all you want. Her main concern is probably something like heels are for girls and if my son wear them he will probably be gay which isn't true but some people believe it.

[JNR]

Amongst traditional thinking parents (people), males wearing any item of female clothing isn't considered "manly." Therefore, your mother is perhaps concerned that you will not live up to currently accepted "societial norms" and become an object of disparagement within the family and neighborhood, reflecting, in her mind, her failure to teach you the "proper" mannerisms relating to to male behavior. What is totally not understood is that, in most of our cases, we can wear high heels and still be 100% male in all other aspects. Problem is that we either can't adequately explain our love of heels, in the context that will clearly point out this fact, or that the person (people) we're trying to tell about our our wearing women's shoes isn't prepared to accept our (any) explanation. I believe you did the right thing telling your mother about your high heels. And while you really wanted a different reaction, I suspect she reacted in precisely the way you thought she would. Now, the process of her understanding and acceptance can begin and, with time, she just might see that you are, after all is said and done, just another complete male that happens to wear high heels. You can wear your heels in secret, when ever the chance to occurs. Or, you can buy a pair of lower, chunky heel loafers and wear them openly around the house. The heels really don't have to be 4" or higher, they can be 2½" or 3" heels and not appear so femine. Perhaps, after a while, your mother will become acustom to seeing you wearing them and she will realize that her original "objections" are invalid because all other aspects of your behavior will be properly "male."

[ChipsHH]

What is totally not understood is that, in most of our cases, we can wear high heels and still be 100% male in all other aspects. Problem is that we either can't adequately explain our love of heels, in the context that will clearly point out this fact, or that the person (people) we're trying to tell about our our wearing women's shoes isn't prepared to accept our (any) explanation.

I believe you did the right thing telling your mother about your high heels. And while you really wanted a different reaction, I suspect she reacted in precisely the way you thought she would. Now, the process of her understanding and acceptance can begin and, with time, she just might see that you are, after all is said and done, just another complete male that happens to wear high heels.

You can wear your heels in secret, when ever the chance to occurs. Or, you can buy a pair of lower, chunky heel loafers and wear them openly around the house. The heels really don't have to be 4" or higher, they can be 2½" or 3" heels and not appear so femine.

Perhaps, after a while, your mother will become acustom to seeing you wearing them and she will realize that her original "objections" are invalid because all other aspects of your behavior will be properly "male."

My answer to each paragraph:

1. I'm trying so hard to tell her that. She just isn't gettin it though. I'm still the little, well, growing young man she's grown to love, but she thinks otherwise.

2.Yeah. I figured her reaction precisely, and honestly, I was waiting for a more later time to tell her of my liking, let's say, in the next 3 years, when I move out, but it's out now, so point (hopefully) proven. Time for her process to start, and I hope it comes to be good at the end.

3. How could I buy a pair? I gotta get the answer for this one

4. Yeah, Ima go with the idea. And yea, hopefully, she'll rid of her "objections"

Her main concern is probably something like heels are for girls and if my son wear them he will probably be gay which isn't true but some people believe it.

I told her I wasn't gay, and as much as I wanna think that she believes me in this saying, I can't because of the denial she's giving me.

As I said before, we'll have our talk again soon. I don't quite know when yet, so I'll keep updated.

[Alexis Hill]

3. How could I buy a pair? I gotta get the answer for this one

Use mother's day as the reason to have her take you to the malll. Say you need to split up so she won't see her present and you need keys to her car to hide it. Go to a shoe store first get your shoes. Put them in the car. Then shop for her present.

[Guy N. Heels]

Use mother's day as the reason to have her take you to the malll. Say you need to split up so she won't see her present and you need keys to her car to hide it. Go to a shoe store first get your shoes. Put them in the car. Then shop for her present.

Uhh, any form of deception will only serve to further strain an already tense relationship. If anything, now is exactly the time when you need to show your mom your affection and that you are completely honest, reliable, and trustworthy. Remember, this is not about the "quick fix" but rather, the long-haul.

[Alexis Hill]

Uhh, any form of deception will only serve to further strain an already tense relationship. If anything, now is exactly the time when you need to show your mom your affection and that you are completely honest, reliable, and trustworthy. Remember, this is not about the "quick fix" but rather, the long-haul.

Well complete honesty about the issue is another way you could go I guess. I just mention one of my old ways because it is a time sensitity plan which is best used around Mother's day, Birthdays, and Christmas.

[Skirted-UK]

I avoided all this grief when I was young by keeping it a secret and not telling anyone, after all these years I still think that it was the right thing to do. If you want to wear heels no one else needs to know about it!

[Guy N. Heels]

I avoided all this grief when I was young by keeping it a secret and not telling anyone, after all these years I still think that it was the right thing to do.

If you want to wear heels no one else needs to know about it!

Trouble is, High Heel Dude has already let the cat out of the bag. Now there's no way to "un-ring the bell" or "un-shoot the gun". He now must deal with affairs with his mom being fully aware of his tastes and choices - an altogether different prospect from her not knowing.

[Danielinheels]

Let's see, 15 was about eight years ago for me (I'll be 23 next month), and your mom had the exact reaction I did.

What I did right:

- had the support of my grandmother

- remained steadfast in telling her that I was otherwise "normal"

- said it had nothing to do with sex or sexuality, but fashion alone

- revealed that liking heels for myself would not easily go away, in the same way I will never not like hearing a Rhodes piano, watching the NO Saints, or eating Honey Nut Cheerios cereal.

What I did wrong:

- didn't use the support of my grandmother

- frequently wore her shoes (once this was revealed to me as being problematic, I stopped)

- bought those shoes to the left as my first purchase (should have went w/something more sensible)

- didn't otherwise show how incorporating heels into my wardrobe could have worked well. I basically accepted her disapproval, albeit in a passive-aggressive way; I should have spent a full day putting outfits together then showing her a few, followed by wearing others out and about.

What I'd have done if I were 15 again

- everything I did right, plus...

- PROMPTLY buy my own pair, if only one, to show I had some sense about it. Since I wasn't working at 15, I'd have been saving allowance -- proving that it was something I felt worthy enough of owning without being gaudy (like a big chain or something).

- put together reasonable styles for the shoes I chose, also to prove sensibility.

- sought her advice from a fashion standpoint, and turned it into something to bring us closer rather than push us away.

(and yes, I went from past tense to present tense in the above notes, but you get the point.)

If you're in the US, Payless is everywhere. The quality isn't ideal, but is affordable at your age and depending on your size, a reasonably acceptable shoe ranges from being your only option to having several styles available. If you can save or otherwise legally acquire roughly $22, your options are nearly endless:

Kami Dress Pump - $15 **doctor away that bow and you have a great basic black pump

Kathy Snip Pump - $15 **literally looks like a men's shoe with a 2" heel, but the idea here is to get her used to the fact that you like women's shoes first, flare et al will come later once she's soft to the idea.

Katie Loafer - $15 **same as above, this one is also a quieter shoe which can only help, really.

Janelle Stretch Mule - $18 **ShockQueen owns these, and I have a similar style made by a different company. I won't speak for SQ, but I know that with the right style of jeans, mine can look gender-neutral.

Do not do like I did, breaking mom into the idea of me buying heels by starting with a 5" leg-wrap micro stiletto sandal. If I could do that over, I'd have gone and bought more reasonable shoes as soon as I won the auction. If you already have, I do not think hope is lost, it will just take plenty of work and effort on your part to prove that you have good judgement about doing something that's generally considered taboo.

When I got my ears pierced, I almost went with the largish hoop earrings JUST like the girls wear. Instead, I went with a simple stud that we've all seen 100000 times. When mom saw (weeks after I'd gotten it done), she was shocked for roughly 0.7 seconds, then got so used to me having earrings in that it shocked her when I WASN'T wearing them. Pierced ears are more common than high heels but even that could have been messed up had I not made the right judgement. With something this risque, care must be taken to ensure smooth acceptance.

[ChipsHH]

Sorry for not updatin like I said I would. But to get caught up (somehow), we've been around the issue here and there, and just a couple of days ago, she once again brought it up. I forgot to tell of the negatives she told me for not wearing heels, since it's only a "girl" thing, she would say. 1. People get killed for this. 2. It's not natural. 3. SHE sees it as me "just liking it on other women's feet" These are just a few of what more she said, which I will post as soon as I can remember them all, but anyhow, a couple of days ago, she said she thought I was just liking it on women's feet, which is wayy not true. If you ask me, I don't think she's ever going to give in. I mean, I hope and want her to, but my mom is not one to take something like this lightly.

[Danielinheels]

We're all alive, aren't we? Granted people kill for stupid stuff, I highly doubt that wearing heels is one of them.

As far as being natural, heels arguably aren't natural for either gender. They're marketed to women, but nothing flatly denies you the right to wear them as a guy... unless you're cursed with feet that are too big, but that's genetics. This is a decision you've made after birth.

If she enjoys heels, turn them into something you can enjoy with her. Emphasize that. My mom was never keen on heels for much of my life which may have affected her opinions toward my liking them. If she continues to not waver on her stance, as mine did, you may be best served waiting for a bit, then finding a female confidant around your age... as I did. In my case, I was pretty lucky the first time but now I can handle my own.

[ShockQueen]

I spent my growing up years hiding my heels from my parents (my dad more than my mom), because I knew he'd never ever understand it. My mom knew some years later, but she's been fine with it. This is something that will never really go away, so it's just a matter of how supportive your mom is about the whole thing. I think perhaps showing her some pictures of guys who can really wear heels with class (like kneehighs and JeffB for starters - not that there aren't others here!), and then see what she thinks. It's an evolution in fashion, and it's high time that the guys had more fun with it. I really wish you good luck in your conversations with your mom. Now that the ball is in her court, she'll have to make up her mind just how supportive she's going to be.

[Guy N. Heels]

...This is something that will never really go away, so it's just a matter of how supportive your mom (family) is about the whole thing.

I think perhaps showing her some pictures of guys who can really wear heels with class..., and then see what she thinks. It's an evolution in fashion, and it's high time that the guys had more fun with it...

I'm inclined to agree with Shock Queen. There's another pirate movie out (which I haven't seen), which is usually good for some heeled jackboots. Find some telling shots and point them out to yer mom. Find some old John Wayne movies (like Red River) and point out the 3" heels he's wearing. Same thing goes for Gary Cooper (High Noon) and some of the other famous movie stars. Round-up some fashion magazines and show yer mom how they are now being worn by men with class these days. Above all, keep your cool:cat: and win your mom over:rose:. She may be a tough sell, but if you are brave enough to try wearing heels then I'm pretty sure you've got what it takes to bring her around.

[ChipsHH]

Hm, I see........... Don't know though. Like I said, she's one not to be taken lightly. She will personally find an excuse for everything, even if it means lying to herself, so I'm a try this, then I'll keep posted with results later

[Guy N. Heels]

Hm, I see...........

Don't know though. Like I said, she's one not to be taken lightly. She will personally find an excuse for everything, even if it means lying to herself, so I'm a try this, then I'll keep posted with results later

Well, a few things you might want to keep in mind: 1]Baseball bats and hammers tend to shatter things, but butter tends to soften things up. 2] You can often get people to eat some tasteless food if you first put in a spoonful of honey. 3]In my experience, a friendly card, a flower, or just a hug will often win the day - even with the hard-hearted-Hannas. Be smooth.

[JNR]

Hm, I see...........

Don't know though. Like I said, she's one not to be taken lightly. She will personally find an excuse for everything, even if it means lying to herself, so I'm a try this, then I'll keep posted with results later

It's apparent that there isn't much you can do to explain your wearing "girls shoes" to your mother. I was in a similar situation. The way I handled it was to just put my heels on and wear them normally and let my mother criticize me until she reached a point where she finally accepted that I was going to wear them regardless of what she thought of it.

While I she never did (still doesn't) fully approve.....she did get to a point where she would talk about shoes with me.

I believe it helped a lot to wear styles that weren't so obviously feminine...

like penny loafer styles with 2½" or 3" block or wedge style heels when out in public (I still do)...black or brown..and leave the stiletto heels and strappy sandals for wearing around the house.

[dingpat]

I've been considering telling my parents about my love of heels, any advice for me out there?

[Guy N. Heels]

I've been considering telling my parents about my love of heels, any advice for me out there?

You're hearing it! If this doesn't seem to fit your notions, just stay tuned for more. Around here we've generally got about 10 different notions for every topic.

[ChipsHH]

I actually wanted to try something, and before I say, lemme thank JNR, Guy N., Daniel, and ShockQueen for your contributions to this topic, especially to the help of a youngster like me. Appreciate it, but um... Mind if I show this to my mom? I want to see her reaction to this site, and her reaction to the advice I'm giving. Don't worry; if she argues about what you've all suggested, I'll cover you all, as I feel too in place here to let her snatch me outta here.

[Danielinheels]

Show her this and other topics, such as "Good responses from women" and "Share your best freestyle fashion pics" amongst others. We take care of our own around here.

[Guy N. Heels]

I actually wanted to try something, and before I say, lemme thank JNR, Guy N., Daniel, and ShockQueen for your contributions to this topic, especially to the help of a youngster like me. Appreciate it, but um...

Mind if I show this to my mom? I want to see her reaction to this site, and her reaction to the advice I'm giving. Don't worry; if she argues about what you've all suggested, I'll cover you all, as I feel too in place here to let her snatch me outta here.

YEAH, Dude! Show her the site and let her know that there are some perfectly "normal" guys out here who actually enjoy wearing heels. Hell, for years I thought I was some kind of "head-case" until I found out that yer head and your feet are at 2 different ends of yer body. And don't worry about covering for us, either. If she wants to talk to some old-fudd about this - have her PM me.

[johnieheel]

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o17/johnieheel_2006/hungryCustom.jpg

We're here for ya dude!

http://s116.photobucket.com/albums/o17/johnieheel_2006/?action=view&current=shoevid-01.flv

[ChipsHH]

Sweet! Thank you all!!!! Gonna show her tomorrow. Wish me luck(?). I don't know

[ChipsHH]

Meanin to get to showin her (cmon! Im a scared young teen boy. Loosen up on me!) Anyhow, we did talk again, but once again, she wants yo bring out the negative outcomes of wearing heels. If I can recall, this warning (actually, more like a thought) was that it was just a thing or phase I was going through, despite me telling her 'No' when she asked. She said it was just a fetish of looking at other women's shoes, which is true, but that's the only thing she wants true at this point. She wants me to drive to school (not from home, because we live very far from the school), like a 3-block drive to school to show off to my friends (who probably wouldn't pay me any mind), and I keep saying 'Until I get my license.' Now, she's blaming it on my fetish. o.o