womenshoelover Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 While growing up, when I realized I had womens shoe fetish I've had to fight the feelings of whether I am straight or gay. I've come to understand that a shoe fetish has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, but even with that understanding there are still days I wonder. Any other guys have this conflict? Nothing beats a great pair of pumps!
Bubba136 Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 The "straight or Gay" conflict isn't so much with the guys wearing the heels as it is with others that are exposed to their wearing them. Most of us clearly know our sexual orientation and our precise reason(s) for wearing them. Others can only react based on their societal produced concept of normal- abnormal and supposed reasons for the difference (if a man wears heels, he must be gay). Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
aussieheels Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 I used to think about this a lot in my teens.... i have always loved women shoes and basically women clothes/fashion in general.. i probably notice what women wear more than some women and due to this i used to think that i was gay but was in denial... but like you guys over time, i realised that i'm clearly not gay even though i would love to dress up to look like a female......... i think Eddie Izzard's comment of himself fit best.... I'm a male lesbian.....
shyguy Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Yeah I guess I had that conflict inside too. If I wear heels am I gay. Married now definately straight but like womens shoes and heels in particular. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly
asdf174 Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 I use to think about this a lot. I don't think about it as much anymore though. Anymore I just consider myself a heterosexual guy who likes to wear womens shoes. It's all good. ~Arron.
genebujold Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 The vast majority of psychological research on this issue (of which I'm intimately aware as a certified counselor) is that the incidence of crossdressing among the heterosexual male public is statistically equal to the incidence of crossdressing among the homosexual male public. In short, I really don't think wearing heels matters, all things considered, other than as a fashion choice typically unusual to the societal norm. Does it mean it's wrong? Absolutely not! Just different than most.
Dr. Shoe Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Let's look at this logically. Gay men fancy men- the more macho the better in many cases. Some do like to have "husband and wife" relationships with an effeminate man playing the role of the "wife". If someone is gay or straight they are going to dress in a manner that is going to impress the kind of person they fancy. A gay man wanting a macho man who fancies macho men will dress in a macho way- often in uniforms or leather biker style clothes though that is a stereotype and no way applies to all gay men. Therefore, why would the wearing of heels mean that the wearer is gay? As Tara, I often fantasise about having a "relationship" with a man but as a "woman". However, I would rather take Eddie Izzard's point of view about being a male lesbian! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
dressboots Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 The sexual orientation question may have passed through my mind briefly at some point or another but cannot recall it ever being something of concern to me. Definitely do not like the label that I am gay for wearing women's boots. I am a heterosexual with a taste for women's boots. Don't know why, but that is what i like. Always have Always will. classic style high heel boots
new_look Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 ditto dressboots. i dont think that clothing has any direct link to sexuality. It is no reflection of the person underneath.
Skirted-UK Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Clothes and shoes have nothing to do with anyone's sexual orientation. Look how many women wear jeans and trousers now, are they all turning into lesbians? I don't think so! In fact I could say that I wear women's clothes most of the time now, jeans, trainers and tee shirts! When I was a teenager at school I became fascinated with straight black skirts, largely due to the school secretary who wore one. I used to wonder what they were like to wear and when I was 15 I eventually tried one on. I found that they were quite exciting to wear and I bought a skirt of my own which I hid from my parents. I then got a pair of 3" heel sling backs to wear with it. I have never fancied men and have had many affairs with women. I have been married now for over 30 years and have a daughter. In my teens I found my liking for straight skirts and high heels confusing, I feared that I might be going mad. I was terrified that someone might discover my secret and I would be sent to a mental institution. Over the years I have learnt to accept that I am a man who likes to wear a skirt and heels, just as women like to wear trousers and male style boots. Just except your love of heels and enjoy them, life's too short to worry about it and it changes nothing, you won't grow out of it. Think of it as a rare gift, and feel sorry for the poor sods who don't have it. They don't know what they are missing! "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave ! " The Eagles, "Hotel California"
womenshoelover Posted August 4, 2004 Author Posted August 4, 2004 Thanks everybody for all of the great input on this topic. It's a conflict that I've come to understand and accept. Thanks again!! Nothing beats a great pair of pumps!
Rockpup Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I also grew up with heel fetish, as well as others. I also grew up not sure where I stood sexualy. Unfortunatly combining being very shy, not sure where I was sexually, and nervousness that I'd find a great person who would be highly offended by my kinks put a serious crimp on my social life. Btw. I am gay, still have a thing for heels, and have a great boyfriend who loves me for who I am I'm not the best at expressing myself sometimes.. feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk. jim@balletboots.net This board is full of people from all sides of every fence imaginable. No-one is alone. You are among friends here. Jim Drshoe: Just wanted to mention.. Stereotypes may not even cover a small portion of a group in order to take hold. I do not know one gay couple where there is a 'wife' (formerly known as "JimC")
Nicole Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I also grew up with heel fetish, as well as others. I also grew up not sure where I stood sexualy. Unfortunatly combining being very shy, not sure where I was sexually, and nervousness that I'd find a great person who would be highly offended by my kinks put a serious crimp on my social life. Btw. I am gay, still have a thing for heels, and have a great boyfriend who loves me for who I am I'm not the best at expressing myself sometimes.. feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk. jim@balletboots.net This board is full of people from all sides of every fence imaginable. No-one is alone. You are among friends here. Jim Drshoe: Just wanted to mention.. Stereotypes may not even cover a small portion of a group in order to take hold. I do not know one gay couple where there is a 'wife' I know some gay couples in which there are two wives the truth shall make you fret
Dawn HH Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I am a heterosexual married man who likes to dress as a woman occassionally. I also wear panties and panty-hose every day and dress as a man and wear heels in public. I am definately not gay and I don't like to be pidgeon-holed with labels. Whether other people like it or don't like it is imaterial to me. That's their choice. I am satisfied and like the choices that I have made in life and I see no reason to change course and head in any other direction than I'm on now. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
Pam Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I think that sexual preference has nothing to do with fashion preference. This weekend, I had a heated discussion about a topic related to this subject. Long story short....the argument was about boys and earrings...the mom (conservative, close-minded) told her daughter that ALL jewerly was for girls, her daughter told her that as long as the person likes it, he/she can wear whatever they feel! I sided with the daughter (of course!), but despite the 1,000 examples...even showing her the huge picture of beckham in times square...we could not change her mind. My point that relates to the subject is that sometimes we get all certain of stereotypes and restrictions that can make us doubt our own convictions and beliefs, and the best thing we can do is make sure we don't spread them around!
larry Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Larry Here. Great topic Womenshoelover. I'm neither gay nor homophobic, Yup! I'm 100% hetero. When I see other men in heels I feel a great degree of comfort in knowing that theres others like me. The very thought of what the shape of my reinforced toe stocking feet look like in stilletos drives me nuts, toes bent back, curved arches ect. Another thing I love to do is slip my nyloned feet out of my high heels just enough to see toe cleavage. It works for me! About twice a week my wife and I have dinner while we're both wearing hose and heels and theres a lot of shoe play going on under the table. I love dipping and dangling and seeing my wife do it as well. I want to feel what the ladies feel as far as stocking foot shoe play is concerned. My wife and sister in law tease and torment me to no end about my nylons and heels, They really LOVE giving me the business. I love it too, Its all in good fun. During these (Larry & his heels) episodes the three of us have laughed so hard that we cried. Funny thing....In all of their joking and humorous antics they have never even come close to saying that it's a gay thing... I sincerely think that (If a man is wearing heels thing he must be gay) Is truly a bunch of macho crap, He Man thing..Sincerely...Larry Love those heels!
genebujold Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Beautiful! I think this thread has shown thee that men wearing heels is a fashion choice, not a hetero/homo choice. Thank God!
tiuliucci Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 I truly believe that fashion should be free for men as it is for women. While there are many people who like to try to tell us what we can and cannot wear, it is not up to any one but you as to what you wear. I love heels and I have not been able to wear them because my wife is not comfortable with that yet, but she is getting more comfortable every day. We now share sandals and if they had not been too small I would have gotten my first pair of two and half inch wedge heels. I am going to find a good pair of heels and get them, so that I can have my own heels. Your liking heels does not make you gay. You are only gay if you are a man who is attracted to other men. Choice of clothing does not determine sexual orientation. Enjoy your fashion freedom and get out in public in your heels. The more people see men in heels the quicker it will become the norm.
Dr. Shoe Posted August 4, 2004 Posted August 4, 2004 Drshoe: Just wanted to mention.. Stereotypes may not even cover a small portion of a group in order to take hold. I do not know one gay couple where there is a 'wife' I have some friends who have a husband and wife type of relationship though they rarely refer to each other as such. For example: "he" has a full-time job and pays the bills and "she" (and he refers to himself as a she too!) looks after the house and works a few hours part time. If you ever hear them arguing, it is just like listening to a heterosexual couple! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Dawn HH Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Genebujold:-) I agree with you 100% that wearing heels as a guy is a fashion choice and has nothing what-so-ever to do with sexual orientation. Tiullucci:-) Welcome to the Board and keep posting so we may learn your likes and dislikes. If you so desire, maybe you could tell us a little about yourself, (maybe in the appropriate thread). Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
chris100575 Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 I did very briefly wonder about my sexuality when I first started to cross dress, and what the fact that I wanted to wear womens' clothes and shoes might mean. The fact that I was in no way attracted to men soon buried that little anxiety. Like many others on here, it annoys me that the first conclusion closed-minded people leap to when faced with the idea of a man in heels is that he must be gay. Chris
Dawn HH Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Chris100575:-) People thinking that a man is gay because he likes to wear high heels "URKS" me to no end. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
dressboots Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Re. Being labeled "gay" for wearing heels. I sometimes have wondered if some of those people casting dispersions about how other people dress (men in heels) has instances more to do with denial. It is to say they think it is cool but are afraid that someone else (a peer perhaps) will not, so they overcompensate by vocally disapproving of the fact, to cover "and remove all doubt", that they are "true men" and would never want to do it too. It is easy for a weak mind to put a label to another's choices - without knowing anything about a person. Just a theory. classic style high heel boots
Dawn HH Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Dressboots:-) Your theory may be correct, but then there may be deep down inside some envy from some who would just LOVE to try wearing heels but are afraid of being cast out from the fold by peer pressure for doing something different. It's the safety in numbers thing and being one of the fellows. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
larry Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Dressboots - Dawn HH.. Larry again. You Guys have made another good point. (those people casting dispersions) Ect. We have many vendors and sales reps who frequent our business and some of them have the exagerated female mannerisms and theres no doubt that they are gay. I cant recall anyone commenting on any of them. One repair man inparticular (Jimmy), we ask for specifically for our service calls because he's an ace at office machine repair. Ok I wear nylons and Stilletos, I'm hard core, This is purely a sexual thing for me. I dont do it in front of anyone except for my wife, and my sister in law caught me wearing heels on one occasion. Now imagine what would happen if I went into work wearing a sports coat, slacks and my 5" spikes. I can only guess what the reaction would be....Larry. Love those heels!
Dawn HH Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Larry:-) I'll bet that there would be some extremely interesting remarks made if you would go into work dressed as you described. But, since you will never do it---we will never know, will we. Tee! Hee! Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
JeffB Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 It's truly sad that so many people, often horribly uniformed or just plain ignorant equate clothing with sexual orientation, which is totally ridiculous. That sort of thing indicates a sadly narrow mindset which, for some, is set in concrete and will never be changed. Early on in my public outings in heels, I'd been asked if I was gay, always polite and patient, I'd reply that I'm not, and when people ask why I'm wearing women's shoes, I'd reply that they're not women's shoes when I wear them, or, when I'm in a comical mood: "Sshhh! If you don't tell women, I won't either!" I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
JeffB Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Hot DAMN! I've graduated to the 4 inch sandal! What a happy day! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
genebujold Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 Re. Being labeled "gay" for wearing heels. I sometimes have wondered if some of those people casting dispersions about how other people dress (men in heels) has instances more to do with denial. It is to say they think it is cool but are afraid that someone else (a peer perhaps) will not, so they overcompensate by vocally disapproving of the fact, to cover "and remove all doubt", that they are "true men" and would never want to do it too. It is easy for a weak mind to put a label to another's choices - without knowing anything about a person. Just a theory. Very insightful! As a counselor, I would definately agree. I see this in some husband-wife relationships, when they go way overboard in the other direction on an issue simply because they believe their spouse will disapprove of them where they really stand on the issue. The solution requires training both of them, one to be more accepting, and the other to be more open and honest. It's generally a pattern of disapproval leading to dishonesty about one's opinion, followed by mistrust on the part of the disapprover who sees through it (usually the woman), followed by more dishonesty, etc. Not a healthy relationship, either in a marriage or any other relationship, including a chance meeting of total strangers.
genebujold Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 We have many vendors and sales reps who frequent our business and some of them have the exagerated female mannerisms and theres no doubt that they are gay. I cant recall anyone commenting on any of them. "No doubt?" Just as in there's "no doubt men who wear heels are gay?" I know several happy, healthy, married heterosexuals who have "exaggerated female mannerisms" which include the hand gestures, inverted hand on the hip, a thin high voice and the proverbial "gay" lisp. I also know several people who attend our church regularly who're most certainly not Christians - by their own admission (and actions). I even know a "black" man who's actually 3/4 Caucasion. His Mom is half-black, his Dad is pure Scottish! His biggest pet peeve is when people correct various applications and reports that require him to list his race. He always puts "caucasion," and the clerks keep changing it! I know a lady who's 3/4 Indian (her parents were born in India). She was born and raised in the U.S. and doesn't look Indian at all (and certainly doesn't sound like it). You really can't label anyone as anything based on outward appearances alone, including race. The old expression, "you can't judge a book by it's cover," holds true for mannerisms, skin color, and choice of clothing style, including heels.
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