Perspective. Should I get surgery to wear heels the way I want to? Mobility issue.

[Impala]

Hi. Long time no see.
I need to decide if heels are important enough for me to undergo a surgery. I could use some perspective. It’s quite a long post, I’ll post a short summary at the bottom. Thanks for the time.

I have a lifelong high heel obsession, like most guys here. So wearing them is/was/will always be important to me.

I’m technically able to wear heels, but the range of motion in my big toes is limited. So:
-I can’t wear heels as high as I’d like to
-The heels that I can get my feet in, I can’t wear properly because you need to be able to move your toes more with every step you take, in order to have a functional step. I can stand in a 3 inch heel, for example, but I can’t bend the toe further.
-Those joints often hurt, even when I haven’t worn heels in a long time. 

In 2016 I had a foot doctor look at my feet. They diagnosed me with “the early stages of hallux rigidus” which is a degenerative problem with the joints. Most people with hallux rigidus have low mobility, because of the damage they acquired (through overuse, injury, or underlying problems).

For the last 7 years I’ve lived with the notion that the limited range of motion I have is caused by such damage. That in only a couple years of wearing heels, and not even that much (still closeted at the time), I had damaged my toes so much that they had lost half of the normal mobility.

That’s why I haven’t been active here all this time. I had to let heels go, because I thought there would never be a way for them to be in my life. I would never be able to wear them without causing my feet to rapidly get even worse. Being on this forum would only make it harder to deal with.

I got a new second opinion recently, and this other specialist brought a radical new pespective. Apparently my big toe joints are fundamentally limited in range of motion, due to how they are shaped. It’s a structural issue (growth), not a functional issue (caused by events).

So, my range of motion was always limited but I never fully realised that before 2016. The pain I have in the joints is real, but the underlying cause is different than what I thought. The limited mobility makes me hurt the joints more (with flat shoes and heels) and makes heels more damaging to me than they already are.

SURGERY: There’s the option to have an osteotomy done on both my big toes, where they could cut away a part of the bones and give the joint the space it needs to get the range of motion it never had. 

I assume I still have enough cartilage left for the joint to be a healthy joint afterwards, so in an ideal world, after a lengthy recovery, I could have joints with the mobility necessary to wear the heels I want to wear, without worrying anymore about the rapid damaging I might be doing to my toes.

Now here begin the doubts. The emotional part of my brain is 100% convinced, but I have learned that I need to listen to the rational part too.
-There’s risks to this kind of surgery, like stiffer joints, a misaligned toe, etc.
-The recovery will be long (that’s not such a big worry, my country has a decent social security system)
-The big doubt, is my situation actually bad enough to warrant this BIG undertaking? 

For the past 6 years, I was forced to find a way to enjoy heels, while knowing how unfortunate my feet are. It’s sad to say I’ve lost much of the love I once had. It’s become bitter and filled with negativity, due to the situation. Still an obsession, but not as happy and hopeful anymore.

What if I get the surgeries done, and my feet are marginally better suited to heels, but it doesn’t make me happy?

I’ve tried for years to find a place for heels in my life, without being the one wearing them. It sort of worked, I’m not depressed as I was in 2016-2017, but this demon is still in my hear every day. More quiet, but always there, reminding me of the unfairness of it all. 

I know the situation is complex. I don’t expect anybody to be able to give me a breakthrough answer. But I would like some perspective, what others think about the situation. I hope it can help.

Perhaps worth mentioning, in 2018 I started to look further than heels, and started enjoying other forms of crossdressing, but it’s not the same without heels. If heels could return to my life, I would also enjoy this part more.

Thank you very much for reading. I hope to one day be back to posting here, if my situation turns out well.

SHORT SUMMARY: Heels are very important to me, but my toes are fundamentally lacking in mobility to wear heels well. Surgery could help me get “normal” joint mobility, but at a risk of failure, and a long recovery. I don’t know if my situation is ‘bad enough’ for me to take the surgery option. I want to be fully convinced before deciding to go for it.
 

[pebblesf]

tough decision indeed.  Let's just forget about heels for the moment (impossible, I know).  Does your condition cause discomfort while wearing flat shoes/sneaks?  If so, does it affect your walking performance/gait?  Is there pain associated with this discomfort?  

If so, then I would definitely lean towards getting the surgery done, the condition is affecting your daily life and health.  I would do a little research, and meet again with the surgeon/doctor to ask questions and get as much clarification as possible.  

If your daily (flat shoe) life is unaffected by this condition, the decision becomes more difficult.  I guess I would meet with the surgeon again with questions, but ask reveal that you wear heels occasionally.  Get the surgeon's opinion on whether or not this procedure will help with heel wearing and comfort.  Tough, I know, but worth it...  Let us know...

[Jkrenzer]

Please don't rely on us for advice. 

That said. When you ran sprint, if you did, did your toes hurt? Running at full speed is similar to wearing heels as you run on your toes and balls of your feet. Your heels never contacts the ground. A good exercise may be to run full speed in trainers to aide in stretching your joints.

No matter what, good luck.

One other comment. What does cross dressing have to do with heels? I never have, yet I wear very high heels regularly. 

Edited May 6, 2023 by Jkrenzer

[Shyheels]

I would be very leery of surgery - it’s something to avoid unless it is really necessary. I’ve a bone spur in my hip with gives me a bit of trouble. A few years ago I had an MRI done and spoke with a specialist surgeon. He said he could operate and there would be a 70% chance he could fix it completely, a 20% chance it would make no difference and a 10% chance it would be worse, possibly much worse. He refused to take that risk, although he said I’d have no trouble finding surgeons who would if I wanted to insist. I took his advice and just learned to get on with the discomfort with my hip. Obviously I don’t know what your level of impairment is, but I would simply say think very, very carefully.

I would also second the point @Jkrenzer makes. I do not understand or see the connection between wearing heels and crossdressing. I like wearing heels and tall boots, but have no interest whatever in anything else and really don’t believe that one follows the other 

[roundy]

I agree with what @pebblesf said. It is a different decision if you are in discomfort day to day whilst not wearing heels. Then the ability to potentially be comfortable in heels after surgery would be a bonus - obviously you still have to take in to account the success rate. If not then it is a different call to make, not out of the question, but certainly have to make sure your decision is justified.

[at9]

What @Shyheelssaid. You need a very good reason to have a surgeon wield the knife. If I needed a hip replacement or something else fixed that badly impacted everyday life then I wouldn't hesitate. If it was just to allow me to wear heels then absolutely no way.

[Cali]

If you have a weak stomach you may want to skip this post.

Here's two examples. 

My ex-wife had a bunion fixed about 15 to 20+ years ago.  It worked, but was very painful and she decided not to do the other foot. After she retired she decided to get the other foot fixed. Too late, the surgeon retired and the new doctors didn't know how to do that specific operation.  She wished she had done it back then. Too late.

One night I kicked a 4 by 4 by 8 foot in the dark and my baby toe got bent upward. Wouldn't go back down. Couldn't get my foot into any closed toed shoes, including ski boots. I also had "hammer" toe that didn't help the situation. I had toe surgery. The doctor took my number 4 toe and removed the hammer toe joint, then move the tendon in the baby toe. Finally they put pins (metal wire) in each toe to hold them in the correct position for 3 weeks.  I had a cast with the pins sticking out. Couldn't drive with the pins in my foot.  One day I was on my knee scooter at a farmers market and a woman bumped into my pins and I screamed so loud that I scared many people at the market. When they took out the pins after 3 weeks, it was also very painful.  Pain level in the 1 to 10 scale was a 12 and taking out the pins was a 15.  But my scale goes to 36 (this is on the 1 to 10 scale).

I reconmend you ask the surgeon if the operation would allow you wear heels, and if not having the surgery would result in the immobility and pain increasing.

BTW, I wear heels because I have a bone spur in my hip between the hip and the femur. Heels makes it much less painful.

Edited May 6, 2023 by Cali

[roundy]

2 hours ago, Cali said:

If you have a weak stomach you may want to skip this post.

Here's two examples. 

My ex-wife had a bunion fixed about 15 to 20+ years ago.  It worked, but was very painful and she decided not to do the other foot. After she retired she decided to get the other foot fixed. Too late, the surgeon retired and the new doctors didn't know how to do that specific operation.  She wished she had done it back then. Too late.

One night I kicked a 4 by 4 by 8 foot in the dark and my baby toe got bent upward. Wouldn't go back down. Couldn't get my foot into any closed toed shoes, including ski boots. I also had "hammer" toe that didn't help the situation. I had toe surgery. The doctor took my number 4 toe and removed the hammer toe joint, then move the tendon in the baby toe. Finally they put pins (metal wire) in each toe to hold them in the correct position for 3 weeks.  I had a cast with the pins sticking out. Couldn't drive with the pins in my foot.  One day I was on my knee scooter at a farmers market and a woman bumped into my pins and I screamed so loud that I scared many people at the market. When they took out the pins after 3 weeks, it was also very painful.  Pain level in the 1 to 10 scale was a 12 and taking out the pins was a 15.  But my scale goes to 36 (this is on the 1 to 10 scale).

I reconmend you ask the surgeon if the operation would allow you wear heels, and if not having the surgery would result in the immobility and pain increasing.

BTW, I wear heels because I have a bone spur in my hip between the hip and the femur. Heels makes it much less painful.

Just had to google a knee scooter as I’ve never come across one before haha. Better half is more than likely going to be having some foot surgery in the near future so wondering if they are better than crutches? Just as another option really 

[Impala]

Thank you all for the replies. Busy day, but I read them all.

Yes, I do have an amount of daily discomfort. I only wear heels on average once a month, and not long, so the pain is definitely due to my way of walking in flat shoes. My right big toe clicks (something with the tendon position) and that can really hurt at times.

Surprisingly, despite the limited mobility, I enjoy walking barefoot more than in shoes, which is not the case for advanced Hallux rigidus (the condition I'm trying to avoid). 

I'm glad to see points being made for and against surgery, cautionary tales, etc. It helps build a stronger case in either direction. Of course, at my next appointment the doctor and I will definitively decide if the odds are stacked well enough for success.

For those confused by the crossdressing: I met a fellow male lover of heels, but he wears fully feminine outfits in public. I was intrigued and tried it too, and I liked it. Actually, the fact I could still do that WITHOUT necessarily including heels meant it was a bit of a positive compromise. I could still do something with (female presenting) fashion even if it wasn't with heels, my primary love. 

I know most guys here like their pants with their heels, but I've seen some skirts in the past (JeffB anyone?) so is it such a new idea to bring up? Anyways, I still enjoy crossdressing sometimes, for fun, and it would be better if I can properly include the heels, the whole reason I experimented with crossdressing in the first place

When I reach a decision, or I have some interesting/positive news to share, I'll definitely post it on this thread.

Have a great rest of the weekend, all!

 

[Cali]

1 hour ago, roundy said:

Just had to google a knee scooter as I’ve never come across one before haha. Better half is more than likely going to be having some foot surgery in the near future so wondering if they are better than crutches? Just as another option really 

I have used a knee scooter 5 times.  For me, it was much better than crutches.  I even have been out on a 5 mile runs while on a knee scooter.  Look for them used.

[pebblesf]

12 hours ago, Impala said:

Thank you all for the replies. Busy day, but I read them all.

Yes, I do have an amount of daily discomfort. I only wear heels on average once a month, and not long, so the pain is definitely due to my way of walking in flat shoes. My right big toe clicks (something with the tendon position) and that can really hurt at times.

Surprisingly, despite the limited mobility, I enjoy walking barefoot more than in shoes, which is not the case for advanced Hallux rigidus (the condition I'm trying to avoid). 

I'm glad to see points being made for and against surgery, cautionary tales, etc. It helps build a stronger case in either direction. Of course, at my next appointment the doctor and I will definitively decide if the odds are stacked well enough for success.

For those confused by the crossdressing: I met a fellow male lover of heels, but he wears fully feminine outfits in public. I was intrigued and tried it too, and I liked it. Actually, the fact I could still do that WITHOUT necessarily including heels meant it was a bit of a positive compromise. I could still do something with (female presenting) fashion even if it wasn't with heels, my primary love. 

I know most guys here like their pants with their heels, but I've seen some skirts in the past (JeffB anyone?) so is it such a new idea to bring up? Anyways, I still enjoy crossdressing sometimes, for fun, and it would be better if I can properly include the heels, the whole reason I experimented with crossdressing in the first place

When I reach a decision, or I have some interesting/positive news to share, I'll definitely post it on this thread.

Have a great rest of the weekend, all!

 

I hear ya, and some guys look amazing in fem gear.  The most important thing is to have fun and be happy, although I understand that it is tough to complete "the look" without some sort of heels.  So, it seems like you are is discomfort in flat shoes as well, not just heels, which would warrant further investigation/education and discussions with docs/health professionals about the surgery.  By all means get a second/third opinion.