Anxiety venturing out

[mlroseplant]

Yes, I think it is a combination of factors, not only people in my community being used to seeing me, because sometimes I do go to Des Moines, where of course people don't know me. Except, evidently, at Costco. I think people just don't care as much as they used to. I mean, what exactly are you going to do with a badly shot video of a guy walking around the grocery store? You're not going to get the traffic on social media with something like that as you would have 10 years ago. Nobody cares.

[RonC]

that is a good point.  Though I'd view that video! 

[CAT]

I always keep my head up and always make eye contact.  I have never been the one to look away first.  
I will never forget staying in Chicago over.a weekend. Had the outfit in the pictures on and was complimented 3 times on the way out of the hotel.  I women in her 60’s in am guessing stopped me in the lobby and could not say anything more positive,  those are the moments you remember.  Not the 3-4 bad comments or shoutouts over the past 7-8 years. 

[mlroseplant]

36 minutes ago, CAT said:

I always keep my head up and always make eye contact.  I have never been the one to look away first.  
I will never forget staying in Chicago over.a weekend. Had the outfit in the pictures on and was complimented 3 times on the way out of the hotel.  I women in her 60’s in am guessing stopped me in the lobby and could not say anything more positive,  those are the moments you remember.  Not the 3-4 bad comments or shoutouts over the past 7-8 years.

Absolutely! And having a booming voice and a broad smile doesn't hurt a thing either! Thank goodness I haven't been harassed in years, but I could handle it a lot better now.

[pebblesf]

6 hours ago, CAT said:

I always keep my head up and always make eye contact.  I have never been the one to look away first.  
I will never forget staying in Chicago over.a weekend. Had the outfit in the pictures on and was complimented 3 times on the way out of the hotel.  I women in her 60’s in am guessing stopped me in the lobby and could not say anything more positive,  those are the moments you remember.  Not the 3-4 bad comments or shoutouts over the past 7-8 years. 

Looking sharp!

[hiddenheels]

On 12/22/2020 at 7:08 AM, LuvsStiletto said:

I remember the first time that I went out wearing 4” stiletto heels, vs. the 4” chunky/block heels that I had been wearing out, up to that point. The only real “difference”, was that of which was in my own mind. I was wearing lengthy boot cut jeans, which covered much of the tall, thin heel, however, whenever I walked past a shop window, I could see that a portion of the stiletto heel was still very much visible. In other words, the jeans helped cover them to an extent, but the combination of movement, the high heel “clicking sound” on the pavement, and the obviously pointed toes, clearly gave it away, that I was wearing stilettos. Despite all of that, aside from a few individuals quickly glancing at my choice of footwear, then carrying on, with whatever they were doing, it was basically a non-event. I find most people truly don’t care what type of shoes a stranger is wearing. At least for me, once I got over the “hurdle” imposed in my own mind, the experience itself is definitely exhilarating, but also somewhat disappointing, in that, the reactions you expect from passers by, often don’t match the expectations you set before you head out. It’s a good thing, in a way, but it also “robs” you of some of the “attention” you may or not have been expecting. When you experience enough of these instances, you begin to realize that most of society is more concerned with what they have going on, at the moment, than with some random guy they’ve never met, who happens to be wearing heels. Go at your own pace, but realize it’s only footwear. To those of us, who love heels, it’s obviously more, but most people who may notice, simply have too much else going on in their routines, to afford it much more, than that passing “glance”. Good luck!

So very true. I don't think I'm doing it for the attention, as otherwise I tend to be a very introvert person, and don't like to be in the spotlight. If we want to take into account the unconscious, then I would need to go see a psychologist to figure that out. I don't do it for the attention, but definitely understand what you mean. In my head, over the years and years, it was a big thing. Now when I go out in obviously high heels, and there is no reaction, I'm of two minds: 1) I'm very happy to be able to do what I want and not be hassled, and 2) somewhat disappointed that I made it out to be such a big thing in my head when it wasn't. All those years lost, when I could have been exploring this and I didn't, or tried to do it in secret when it was dark.

 

I realize it's only footwear. I've had no chances over the holidays to even look at my shoes, much less wear them. Yesterday I was cleaning up, and got a hold of one in my hands, and realized that I'm just looking at some comfy shoes, nothing special. Not women's shoes, just shoes. This is a very different viewpoint than what I had even a year or two back.

On 12/23/2020 at 5:21 AM, mlroseplant said:

I do find that things have changed in the last 10 years. I don't get nearly the attention I did when I first started wearing heels in public, even though my heels today are far more daring than they were back then. Before 2015, phones were out when I walked by! I'm very surprised I have never found myself on the internet somewhere. Today, I might get a few glances, I might even get a few grimaces, but nobody bothers to whip their phone out anymore.

Just curious, is that a complaint or a relief for you? It's a relief for me. Have thought a lot about what I would say if I ran into someone I know... Which is one thing. Being plastered on the 'net is another. At the moment though, I mainly care about my family's viewpoint.

On 12/23/2020 at 10:22 AM, Cali said:

I stopped for some my (coffee) beans for a month. I get a special blend I make.  The woman putting the beans in the bag asked if I wanted them blend and before I could answer, the one taking the money answered, "no, he the one that does it himself."   

I said "I thought you might know me by my heels" to which the she said, "heels?" and the woman getting the beans said "yeah, he always has nice heels on, what do you have on today?"

But the bug-eyed stare I got at Costco just before was classic. The older guy shopping with his wife couldn't keep his eyes off my heels, mouth ajar.  

Jealousy?

[Gige]

Man oh man - very, very late comer here to comment on a "resolved" issue, so my points may be utterly moot.

My transition from wearing almost entirely covered heels to openly wearing them public was a challenge. Taking inspiration from others in this group, I eventually realized that "if they can do it, so can I," and I did.  And since that time, I have not looked back or ever regretted my decision to wear heels out if public. This is not to say that it has always been a smooth road as it hasn't. There have been times of doubt and lacking confidence in new and uncertain circumstances. I have come to learn that the best way to approach this is as other have wrote - having confidence. These are some points I have learned:

1. Select footwear for comfort and occasion. Speaking only for myself, I wear very low heels to work and never, never, never "club heels" to the office. OTK boots will be paired with an appropriate length and styled skirt.

2. Pay attention to grooming. When I am out in heels, I am always well groomed - clean shaven, hair combed, fingernails "cleaned-up," etc. Keep your feet in good shape! Some heels are only designed to be worn for very brief periods of time. Thus, I always have a pair of flats or "street style" trainers nearby should my feet start to scream, "Get us out of here!" When I wear capris, the lower part of my legs are shaved. 

3. If this anyone's "Thing," wear clothing and accessories that makes you comfortable as comfort exudes confidence. There are days/times/places where wearing a pair of heels just does not "feel right" for whatever reason. When those occur, as much as I may want to wear heels, I don't. Likewise, some days it might be all feminine clothing but other days it will be a mixture. 

4. Be yourself! When you should find a style you like, go with it. I have found both heels and clothing that I love and have started to put my own style together. It took some work to get there such as quite a bit of weight loss, but I am there and I love how it looks. 

5. Work towards an event for which you want to wear heels. My wedding anniversary is the most important day of the year, and my wife and I always celebrate it in high style. This year I have a leather skirt for the day (at the very end of October) and although it fits fairly well, I have to lose a few more pounds to make it fit "just right." I have idea of the boots I want to wear with the skirt thus, this gives an incentive to make sure I get there. 

So there you have it!