What should be my next step

[FantasiArt]

Alright before I start I just wanted to say that this is the second time that I have posted here on this site, I just want to let everyone here know that since I last posted which was almost a year ago a lot has happened since then. I first came out to my older sister that I am transgender back in July and I was so happy that I did because she seemed to be all cool about it and did not laugh or get mad at all. I then came out to my younger sister back in October of last year and she also was cool with it as she did not laugh or get upset with me. I then came out to my parents back in November of last year and this was when things started to go really bad for me.

After I had told my parents that I am transgender both my parents freaked out and got really upset with me. My mom does not believe that I am transgender at all. I am still trying to get her to understand that there is nothing that she can do to make it go away. My dad on the other had at first got so mad at me that he almost did not want to have anything to do with me until I started talking more to my counselor about everything that has been going on with me in my life. My mom seems to be taking it harder than my dad as it bothers her a lot that I want to dress really bad in women's clothing not just at home but out in public as well but I haven't been able to really dress at all. For my dad it does bother him a lot but he seems to be trying to be understanding at the fact that this is who I am and that there is nothing he can do to make it go away even though he got really upset and kind of laughed at me in the beginning when I told both my parents back in November of last year.

My dad is quiet about it all as he tries his best to not laugh at me or get really upset because he knows that my Grandmother which is his mother is a lesbian and he does not want to let it really bother him too much as it feels like he wants to keep a good relationship with me. I am really battling my mom on this issue more than my dad, which is really surprising to me that it bother my mom more than my dad. My mom always tells me that there is no way that I will ever be able to look like a girl no matter what I do and it hurts me inside. I also found at that my sisters are kind of nervous about it all as I am their only brother and they are a bit scared but they still love me for who I am no matter what.

I am am at the point right now that I don't know what to do. I just found out the other day when I had my session with my female counselor that my mom does not really want to talk about me being transgender but at the same time she still loves me no matter what. The biggest thing she said to me that she won't take me shopping for clothes at all as it will really bother and make her really uncomfortable. I am at the point now that I have to either have to buy my clothes online or go to a store and by women's clothes by myself or if I had someone who is willing to go with me but I really do have any friends at all so that won't work. The biggest problem I have with buying my clothes by myself is that I am really nervous about do it a lone. The only thing I have done so far is buy women's shoes online which at the time I did it before I came out to my parents that I am transgender so I was sneaking my shoes and only wearing them in my room.

I could continue to buy online but I really don't want to because buying shoes for me was a little easy as I did not have trouble with buying shoes in my size I mostly fit in a size 8 shoe I did buy a couple of shoes in a 7 1/2 because a couple of shoes I did buy felt a little big but still they are OK to wear. Now when it comes to clothes and underwear it is way harder to know my size as women's sizing is way different than men's clothing sizes so I am afraid to get the wrong size for me buying online. There are just certain things that are better to buy at a store than online and the same thing goes the other way around. I really only like shopping online for things that you can't find in store.

I just really want advice on how do I go about going to a clothing store alone without fear getting in the way for me. I also want advice on how do I go about wearing the shoes I have so far in public as I really want to wear them really bad even if I still look like a guy. I just don't feel right on the inside wearing male clothing anymore even if I still look like a guy. My mom just told me that if I want to wear my shoes then it is up to me even if it does bother her she said that I have to accept it if people laugh at me or look at me funny or even say something. I need to know how to not let fear get in my way and I also need to know to not let what people might thing get in the way as well. Anything to show that I feel like a girl on the inside would make me happy even if I can't be 100 percent female right now as I know that there is a lot that goes into before I can start transiting.

I have a lot of shoes most of them women's flip flops, 3 pairs of open toe heels and 2 pairs of open toe high heels wedges that are just sitting in my closet collecting dust and I want to wear them really bad. So far all I have worn is the jeans that my mom was nice enough to give me a few months ago. So it does bother my parents a lot but they are still trying to let me know they still love me. At first I thought they really hated me but my mom told me that if she did then she would not want to have nothing to do with me. Right now all it is that they are really nervous and don't want people to make fun of me when the days comes that I start cross dressing which I hope is very soon as I don't want to hide it any more and only wear what I have at home. so where should I go is really the question I am asking here as I don't know how to get myself to do this on my own I know I am 27 but I also want to let everyone know that I have Aspergers Syndrome which is a problem that causes a lot of anxiety for me when being around other people or doing things by myself that I should be doing as an adult and it causes a problem for me where I get stuck on certain things. Once I am able to do certain things by myself I am OK but not knowing how makes it really hard for me but part of it is my parents fault they do a lot of things for me anyway then being guy who is transgender does not make thing any easier for me it just makes it even more harder.

If anyone here would like to see pictures of me wearing my shoes I would be happy to do so after all this site is called high heel place which for me I am into more than just high heels I actually like any kind of women's shoe that is really girly looking like I am really into women's shoes that are really sparkly but that isn't all I like as long as it looks like a shoe that only girls would wear. I actually like playing the Sims games where you can mod the game and add whatever you want to the game, I like playing as a female and adding custom clothes that people have made for the game a lot of stuff I have on my characters in the game are stuff that I wish I could wear in real life I also like doing the same thing in the Skyrim game as well, some of the mods people have made for the game look really cool.

Anyway thanks for reading my post and feel free to comment if you like with advice or support would be nice. 

I am on Youtube and Twitch if you guys want to see what I do online I mostly play video games and sometimes I do tutorial videos on Youtube.

My Gaming Channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWoTJWqA6GSXuEqX2ywWsog

My Tutorial Channel

https://www.youtube.com/user/Mastersun88

My Twitch Channel

https://www.twitch.tv/mastersungaming

 

[Steve63130]

Since your sisters have accepted your coming out much better than your parents, have you asked them to go shopping with you for women's clothes? Start at a thrift shop, so if you buy something you later regret, you won't be out much money. Good luck in your quest for self-identity.

Steve

[Histiletto]

Hey FantasiArt,

Welcome Back! Your efforts of honesty have brought you some solace in knowing that your family loves you and doesn't want you to experience the cruelties our present social environment seems to offer those who show they don't necessarily identify with their stereotyping. Please don't blame your drive to wear items that females are known to wear on levels or degrees of femininity. You are you with the reproductive equipment of maledom and your taste for the items of adornment that have been assigned to females at this time is from who you are. 

[Thighbootguy]

It sounds like your parents have your best interests at heart and not wanting you to draw undo attention to yourself.  Society today is much more understanding about gender issues today that it was a few years ago when your parents probably formed their opinions.  Sometimes it just takes folks a while to get used to a new idea.

I second Steve's advice about going to a thrift store and trying on stuff there.  Most have a fitting room and they are quite used to guys buying female clothing.  Also, wearing a size 8 shoe, and judging by your avatar picture,  you wont have any problems finding something that will fit you.

TBG

[robbiehhw]

Welcome back. As a transgender woman, i can identify with many of your feelings here and fears. Before when i identified as what most would call genderfluid now, i had some of the same issues about buying clothes. It does get better and better. Smile and be kind to the store personnel and i would estimate that 90% of them are very happy to help a transgender person. Some store chains are getting specific directions and training on this even.

Size 8 shoe is an awesome bonus. I'm a size 10 and i also feel blessed that i can find shoes in stock in most stores. 

As others have said, give your parents time and love. Keep seeing your counselor 

[shiva]

I may suggest you to look for LGBT friendly stores ......

[freestyle75]

You might wanna check out the tsroadmap website, which I found quite helpful. I was around your age when I felt the need to transition - I managed not to (went to therapy for over a year, was diagnosed officially as being TS and started hormone therapy - when I told my parents, things went downhill for my transition. Today, I am glad that I didn't transition, as I managed to incorporate lots of traditionally female things to my daily life).

But also be sure, and with "sure" I mean freakingly absolutely sure that you need to transition. If you long to wear women's clothing, it might feel uncomfortable at first for you and your parents, but it is something you can live with. This article is worthwhile reading, here's an excerpt:

 

<< Don't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say.

That's advice I wish someone had given me. [...] nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others. >>

 

You are 27 now - you are past the time where you can stop certain things from happening (deeper voice, beard growth, bone structure, etc.), so PLEASE take enough time to figure out whether you really need to go all the way.

Just imagine you would live in a society where you could style and dress yourself however you would like (makeup, long hair, dresses, heels, etc.) - would you still feel the need to transition? If not, it's better and safer to continue crossdressing and not undergo risky surgeries.

 

[robbiehhw]

I don't want to be debate centered in this thread and i can appreciate that some people explore transitioning and decide it is not for them, but that excerpt is not representative of 99% of what you read in the community.

You really need to make sure you have gender dysphoria or the hormones etc, may indeed make things worse for you, but if you do indeed have GD (and many of the things that go with it like depression and anxiety) then some of level of treatment and transition can save your life. It did mine. The vast majority of people you see in forums etc have said their lives got better after transition.  It is not an easy road for sure but the alternatives are often non-existent. 

Having said that though, there are many people that are gender fluid, non-binary, and somewhere on the transgender spectrum that do not have GD and do not need to transition. Also, transition can happen without a single surgery. Many of us started with bodies that in some ways match our real gender fairly well. The big expensive surgery is done by less than half of transgender people (way less than half at present), but it is still possible to feminize yourself very well without it. Some people of course have to in order to fully put their GD to rest.

Get the best support network around you that you can and get the best therapy you can afford. Make sure of what you really need. You will know before too long. This is why that people start out on low doses of HRT etc. There is very little that is not reversible. Be brave and be as loving to your parents as you can be.

Edited May 26, 2016 by robbiehhw

[freestyle75]

@robbiehhw: I agree on all that you said, and trust me, if my parents hadn't done what they did, I would have transitioned (had sent a CT scan of my skull to Dr Ousterhout's office who was quite famous in the TS community, had booked my flights to San Francisco). I felt great on HRT, and I felt numb once I discontinued. There is a large spectrum of people with GD - for some, transition is the only way out, some can live without transitioning and do cope with it somehow.

What I wanted to remind FantasiArt of was that it is a decision not taken lightly, and that there are many ways to cope with GD. If today's society would accept more non-binary people, some might not even feel the need to transition fully. For me, being able to dress how I like and recognizing that I can do this even while still staying a (maybe not so regular) guy was a major pressure relief.

Regarding "very little that is not reversible": After 4 months of HRT, everything that I got to that point stayed - and the growth was kind of amazing for the short period of time (dosage was administered by a physician, and I guess he didn't start "low"). I cannot go topless. Narrow-fit shirts at work only with a compression vest underneath; no swimming pool during vacations (it's a love/hate relationship that I have with what HRT caused). I would have wished that the result of my 80+ hours of painful facial electrolysis had stayed with me, but the beard came back to a certain extent. As they say: Your miles may vary.

[robbiehhw]

2 hours ago, freestyle75 said:

@robbiehhw: After 4 months of HRT, everything that I got to that point stayed - and the growth was kind of amazing for the short period of time (dosage was administered by a physician, and I guess he didn't start "low"). I cannot go topless. Narrow-fit shirts at work only with a compression vest underneath; no swimming pool during vacations (it's a love/hate relationship that I have with what HRT caused). I would have wished that the result of my 80+ hours of painful facial electrolysis had stayed with me, but the beard came back to a certain extent. As they say: Your miles may vary.

Thanks! Yep these are important life decisions and yes you are right there is at least on thing that is not easily reversible and those are breasts. Like you, i was very receptive to those hormonal signals and will never being going topless again. (unless the venue is topless)

So many people i have known online and off, HRT has been a lifesaver. Like you say hopefully the growing acceptance of gender variance will also provide more and more options. (and more and more options/place to wear heels

 

[Gudulitooo]

FantasiArt,

I have a young kid. I am very aware of his having friends. I hope he continues to find support and happyness in life, hopefully through having real friends.

Not just "likes" on a facebook account.

So were I in your mother's place, that would be my #1 concern. Plus you seem to spend a lot of time in front of your computer. Thus I would be more supportive than worried if you saw friends, have fun, go to parties, etc. in guy or girl mode whichever suits you, meaning you have also found supprotive friends.

My 2 cents

G.

Edited June 3, 2016 by Gudulitooo